Fat and Jealious new year

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artzy1989
artzy1989 Posts: 17 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I am going to start by saying I am posting here because... Well... I don't think I have been as hurt as I am today, the first of the year. And Facebook isn't the place to get the emotions out.

I looked and felt great. I haven't been sticking to a diet as well as I should have but I am working out in a way that makes me want to come back for more. I had a cute dress, a little red belt and even bought these little booty heels that I never thought I would wear because of, well, cankles. I felt great and attractive and happy and cute and all of those other words that mean "man, what a gal"

So I ignored when I was never directly talked to. When my much thinner friend introduced me to someone she was talking to out of kindness. I don't play the game. I can flirt, but I don't see the point in getting a man to spend money on me for drinks when all I am doing is using him. I think it is cruel. So I don't. But then I start to think that maybe it's not me not playing the game, but that the game doesn't want me. I know, your own thoughts are sometimes your worst enemy.

But honestly? Despite a few (okay, 50+) pounds, I love me. I think I can be a great friend, I think I am funny and smart and kind and snarky sometimes to a fault... But mostly just sassy. And when I hurt? When something gets to me? It hurts big.

There was this guy that would not leave my friend alone. So when he made another unwanted advance on her I looked at him and made a shooing motion and said she is not interested. Maybe not the best move. And his rebuttal? He looked at me and said "you are just fat and jealous" so, I slapped him. Landed a nice little open palmed hello to the right side of his face. And so he shoved me. God I wished I had punched him. Or that he had landed one on me so we could brawl. But that is when my girlfriends got involved and some guys in the bar. His words? They tore into me faster than a flame to gasoline and even as I write this I cry. Because even when I like myself I can't help but wonder if others do. If men do. And it makes me feel weak and when I walk down the street am I labeled the fat girl? The nice friend that men talk to only to get their hot friends name? Am I now reduced to what I look like because no one will see ME? Because let me tell you. I am fiesty and loyal and witty and smart and beautiful and creative and loving and kind. I am pretty awesome. I have climbed mountains that some refuse to summit and have seen things that would make a person cry. I am strong.

My head is saying one thing but currently my heart hurts. Maybe it is the alcohol, but the tears are having a hard time stopping.

Anyways. Thanks guys and happy new year.
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Replies

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    2 things that stand out are:
    that you don't flirt or speak to men but then expect them to flirt and talk to you anyway even if you blank them...?

    You seem to be proud of hitting someone.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    Your response was over the top. You intervened in a situation wasn't your business, shooed a man away like he was a dog, and when he said a few rude words you physically assaulted him. I think you need some sort of counseling to develop better social skills.
  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
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    Wow, Happy new year! Your lucky he didn't have you arrested.
  • flyingcarbaccio
    flyingcarbaccio Posts: 92 Member
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    I completely understand why you felt the need to slap him. What a dick. The only advice I can offer is to avoid the bar scene if possible. Alcohol brings out the nastiness in people.
  • CurlyCockney
    CurlyCockney Posts: 1,394 Member
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    All those things you say you are may be true, but they are negated by the fact that you are physically violent when something doesn't go your way. Get help.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    I don't think it was right or smart to hit a stranger in the face at the bar. What if he pulled a weapon on you? He shouldn't have said that but when there is drinking involved, explosive situations like this get created and it's best to walk away. If you cannot handle being out in public with alcohol then stay home. It's time to take a step back and reflect on what you want for your life and a few rude words from a stranger shouldn't derail you.
  • britishbeau
    britishbeau Posts: 60 Member
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    You may be all those amazing things but what you did was pretty ugly. A man should never hit a woman, but a woman equally should never hit a man. it works both ways
    jemhh wrote: »
    Your response was over the top. You intervened in a situation wasn't your business, shooed a man away like he was a dog, and when he said a few rude words you physically assaulted him. I think you need some sort of counseling to develop better social skills.

    plus i agree with this
  • mbarmuta
    mbarmuta Posts: 165 Member
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    Wow guys you are really not helping here. Alcohol really doesn't help the situation! I know you were only trying to be a good friend but next time maybe let her fend for herself a bit. He really was a dick to call you names. I hope you feel better soon. Happy New year xxx
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    Take a deep breath and listen to the words you don't want to hear

    You were in the wrong

    He lashed out because you hurt him ...some people do that this has no relationship to whether you should absorb his insults and take them to heart

    You could have been arrested, you were certainly extremely unpleasant and totally out of order

    Get your head in the right place, promise yourself you will never do anything like that again and move on
  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
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    Although what he said to you may have been rude, you had no right to hit him. I think you should count your blessings he didn't have you arrested for assault and you should use this experience to reflect and learn from. Put yourself in his shoes. You were pretty rude yourself to begin with and he countered that with an insult. You shouldn't have escalated that with physical violence. He may have been having a fantastic new year until it was ruined by your actions.

    I understand your feelings of insult. Really, I do. But you need to stop the pity party and move on.
  • BarbaraRoseB
    BarbaraRoseB Posts: 9 Member
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    You are a sensitive person and I can see from your postings that your emotions are very close to the surface. Mine are, too, so I can empathize with you. What the guy said was disgusting, and he sounds like a terrible person, but I agree that you shouldn't have hit him. If someone says something like that in the future, remind yourself mentally that you are better than that, and you don't have to feed into their ugliness of spirit. Freeze them out and walk away. If it is someone you know who says something hurtful, let them know how it made you feel. Use your intelligence and words, rather than hitting someone. You didn't say what your friends said or did after this happened, just that they "tore into you." If it had been me, I'd have expressed empathy for you concerning what he said to you, but I also could not have supported your hitting him.

    I also have 40+ pounds to lose and even though I realize I am not my weight, that I am much more than that, the physical and emotional burden of the extra baggage does weigh on me and is never far from my mind. It leads me to feel more defensive than I did when I was thinner, and it makes it harder for me to engage people socially, even though I know it shouldn't and work to keep a mental balance on the subject.

    I am going to work hard this year to stay focused, lose the extra weight, and get my body back so I can really feel good about myself again. I'd be happy to be your FitPal friend and we can support each other on this journey. Thinking good and loving thoughts to speed you on your way!
  • CurlyCockney
    CurlyCockney Posts: 1,394 Member
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    mbarmuta wrote: »
    Wow guys you are really not helping here. Alcohol really doesn't help the situation! I know you were only trying to be a good friend but next time maybe let her fend for herself a bit. He really was a dick to call you names. I hope you feel better soon. Happy New year xxx

    Had the OP shown any remorse for her actions now she's sober, I'd agree with you. Instead, she now wishes she'd punched him.
  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,171 Member
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    rabbitjb wrote: »
    He lashed out because you hurt him ...some people do that this has no relationship to whether you should absorb his insults and take them to heart

    He did not know you or your history. Unfortunately, calling a woman fat is the most common insult because society tells us it is the most insulting thing you can say to a woman. He did not mean anything personal by it.

    Regarding your behavior: you felt and looked good, but still refused to engage in flirting. Social engagement is a two way street, you need to give a little in order to get a little. Flirting in a bar does not mean getting someone to buy you drinks, it means getting them to converse and/or dance with you. If they offer to buy a drink, say "Thanks, I'll get my own when I am ready for another". Hitting him was unconscionable.

  • PeachyCarol
    PeachyCarol Posts: 8,029 Member
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    You hit a stranger in a bar because you didn't like what he said and you were ready to brawl?

    I think you really need to focus on becoming a better person as well as a lighter one.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,840 Member
    edited January 2016
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    Sounds like an alcohol-induced situation to me.
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
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    If he was making your friend uncomfortable then you should have either let her speak up for herself or given her an excuse to leave that part of the bar (go to the bathroom or ask her to dance, something like that). If it comes down to it, get a bouncer or a bartender to get him to leave her alone, which should have been your friend's call, not yours (you never said if she was complaining about him or not).

    You can't control what others say to you but you can control how you respond and in this situation you responded poorly. Some random drunk dude shouldn't be getting to you like that. It sounds like what he said validated how you see yourself compared to your 'thin friend' and it really hit a nerve. No excuse to put your hands on someone.
  • dutchandkiwi
    dutchandkiwi Posts: 1,389 Member
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    OP; While I do not condone the slapping in the face I can see this scenario unfolding. Most certainly when acolhol is involved.
    Firstly the man in question was wrong in so many ways; He contiued to come on to your your friend when she made clear she was not intrested. From what I read in your message to the point it could be construed as harrassment and if you stepped in it could be seen as your friend really not being comfortable with the situation. You then did what any good friend should do You steppped in and asked him to stop. Up to that point I think you should be really really proud of what you did.

    His then response to you was out of line, he probably had his male ego stepped onto now by two women. He possibly feels (under the influence of alcohol) he was the beesknees and really with an attitude like that he isn't.
    Your response; slapping him was a step too far and I think you know that. I also think it is part of the guilt you feel. You allowed him to get under your skin, and to hurt you verbally when you had felt very good up to that point.

    So really I think you need to think Why did this rude and probably drunk individual and stranger manage to hurt you? Was it a tinge of jealousy or weren't you feeling as well as you thought you did. He managed to get to your response button and only you can answer as to the why this happened.

    As said I do not condionce the violence you resported to, but I can see the scenario unfolding when a friend is being compromised and your wish to help.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
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    I agree that you stepped over the line. A better option would have been to allow your friend to handle the situation.

    Never allow someone's words to have power over you, and violence solves nothing. You're lucky he did not hit you back.

    I suggest some counseling for you. Happy New Year.

  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
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    mbarmuta wrote: »
    Wow guys you are really not helping here. Alcohol really doesn't help the situation! I know you were only trying to be a good friend but next time maybe let her fend for herself a bit. He really was a dick to call you names. I hope you feel better soon. Happy New year xxx

    We are helping by honestly answering the question...just like you. ;)
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
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    I think you probably should've let your friend handle this herself. It wasn't your place to say anything to him.
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