Is that THE ONLY thing he wants from me?

spicy618
spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
edited September 28 in Chit-Chat
Hi Pals,

I need the opinions/advice from men and this is the only place I can think of I can get the ear of a few men in a short period of time. :flowerforyou: Ladies your opinions are also welcomed. :flowerforyou:

First alittle background. I'll try to make it as short as possible.

I'm not much of a party girl. I average a "club night" about once every 3 months or so. Usually when a friend comes into town or celebrating a Birthday. Anyhoo, this past weekend was one of those rare occasions. I'm in the club, having a good time. This FINE *kitten* man approaches me very politely and tells me his name and asks if he can buy me a drink. I accept and we end up chatting for awhile and then he invites me up to the VIP section where the rest of his friends are. I met some of them and they were really nice.

I have to leave the party early. He had already given me his number because I refused mine ;). The next day I call him and he asks if he can take my friend and I to dinner (he knows I'm entertaining my out of town friend). We accept and he came all by himself and we all had a great time. The next day he invites us to his home to watch the Playoffs... said he's grilling burgers and some friends are coming over. We accept and true to his word, some of his friends and family are over and he is a perfect host. Well now I'm so smitten with this guy I can't wait to see him again.

I have a crazy work schedule lately and don't have much time for socializing on weekdays, however, we are chatting alittle here and there. But everytime we talk somehow he turns everything to sex... how he can imagine how good it will be with me, what he will do to me, how much i will enjoy him, etc. Everytime. Today, he comes all the way across town to take me to lunch. He asks me if i want to come to his house tonight (I don't work on Fridays). I say, "i don't want to be alone in your house". He then reminds me that he has family staying with him because of some remodeling being done at there house. That there will be a bunch of people there. I tell him that he will be dissappointed if he thinks "That" will happen. Perfect gentleman, until he walks me to my car and there go the hands all over me. Now, I'm not hollyier (sp) than thow type of woman, I can get down and dirty but i like taking my time and more often than not wait till we're exclusive. I met this guy on Friday, yes less than 1 week.

My question to the guys. Does it seem like this guy just wants a "Hit and Run"? I'm thinking this mostly because I met him in a club. BTW, We are both the same age.

Thanks for your attention :)
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Replies

  • ladybug1620
    ladybug1620 Posts: 1,136 Member
    I'm gonna go ahead and say steer clear of this guy. If he turns every conversation into sex, then yes that is the only thing he wants from you. A male friend once told me those exact words after one of his own best friends did the same thing to me.
  • monkeysmum
    monkeysmum Posts: 522 Member
    from a ladies point of view he seems a little keen but it isnt always a bad thing i met my hubby 20minutes later he proposed ( i thought he was totally nuts) but being young at the time i wa slike ok we`ve now been married almost 14yrs so fast isnt always bad but it is if its not what you want

    me personally id tell him straight look you seem nice and all but frankly i dont know u well enough if he sticks around great if he doesnt its his loss
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
    I'm gonna go ahead and say steer clear of this guy. If he turns every conversation into sex, then yes that is the only thing he wants from you. A male friend once told me those exact words after one of his own best friends did the same thing to me.

    I agree; take care of yourself, girl!
  • outwiththeoldinwiththenew
    outwiththeoldinwiththenew Posts: 65 Member
    Sounds like a pig to me! Sorry girl, but you deserve better than a guy who can't even get through the first week without disrespecting your boundaries. Don't settle.
  • Setof2Keys
    Setof2Keys Posts: 681 Member
    Agreed, if he's worth it and feels you're worth it, he'll wait. He may be testing your ho-ism. don't let it out until you 2 are exclusive and you feel comfortable. Set good boundaries and if he skips then it's not the kind of guy you want anyway. GUYS?????
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
    WOW Girls Thanks for your speedy responses :flowerforyou:

    Great points!

    That's why I love my MFPer's they give it to me straight. :smile:
  • tzBIGWORM
    tzBIGWORM Posts: 11 Member
    From my experience, you don't want to date someone you meet at a club. I don't go to clubs myself, but my female friends do, and end up disappointed when they find out the reason why most "relationships" aren't long term if they meet someone in the club. Clubs are pretty much the breeding ground for one-night stands.
  • Jellyphant
    Jellyphant Posts: 1,400 Member
    Agreed, if he's worth it and feels you're worth it, he'll wait. He may be testing your ho-ism. don't let it out until you 2 are exclusive and you feel comfortable. Set good boundaries and if he skips then it's not the kind of guy you want anyway. GUYS?????
    Agreed!
  • DianaPowerUp
    DianaPowerUp Posts: 518 Member
    Wow. I think your gut instinct is probably right, unfortunately. He doesn't know you well enough to really know if he likes YOU. What he knows is what he sees, and that, he definately likes. I think it's pretty obvious he wants to get into your pants.

    But does he want a relationship? Who knows. If he does, he sure isn't going about it the right way. I would be very very careful and tread lightly on this. If he really cares about YOU (which it's way too early for that), he'll want to be with you, and will want you to be ready and comfortable before getting more involved.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    I think you already know the answer to this and it'd be nice to see a man's point of view, but if the only thing he's talking about is sex, then that's really all he's looking for. If you really think he's a nice guy and might be worth being with over time then lay it on the line that you're not interested in sex until you've given the relationship time and know him a bit better. Either he respects you for it or he doesn't.
  • jraps17
    jraps17 Posts: 179 Member
    Am i the only MAN to answer this, i might be breaking some sort of Bro-code but i think you already know the answer. It might las for about 3 months tops. Good luck
  • mackemshazza
    mackemshazza Posts: 87 Member
    Run for the hills, I think you've answered your own question there! Someone who talks like that to you and gets all handsy on you is NOT a gent and does not respect you. You are worth more than that.

    On the other hand, if you want a bit of dirty sex and excitement then go for it! But be careful, be sure to tell someone where you are going and have an "out" if you start feeling uncomfortable with him.

    Good luck
  • VSgirl2010
    VSgirl2010 Posts: 145 Member
    YES! I have been out with a guy like this once or twice. He's a *kitten*!!! STAY away from him! it is his intention to USE you. Honestly, you will most likely NOT hear from him again afterwards if you give him what he wants. Also- he sounds aggressive- best to NEVER be alone with him.

    I hope you turn and run......I really do.

    BTW- I didn't listen to the turn and run advice I got and I regret it to this day =(
  • ritaadkins2002
    ritaadkins2002 Posts: 371 Member
    well i think u are better off staying away from this guy unless u want a one night stand. i feel this is what he wants; if he trulely wanted u ; he would be acting with respect. u need to get to know someone and they need to have respect for u to get to know u in a friendship and boyfriend way. don't take less than what he is offering u. you deserve better than that. there are wonderful men out there; and he isnt one.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    Wow. I think I see your point. I think there are really two types of guys. The first, this guys wants to score. If he sticks around or not is more than likely not going to have to do with anything going on in the bedroom. Sex first, that's what it seems about.

    The second kind of guy the "perfect gentleman" they hide it better. They want to score. In both cases. Yes this is the ONLY thing they want from you.

    its pretty much a no win situation. I say find a guy, maybe this one that is acceptable. I'm not saying to give in and sleep with him. Work on molding and crafting him into the guy you want. You got to make him want more than just the bedroom.

    See a guy with his girl out at a antique store looking at tea cups? I bet that girl spent a lot of hard work to get him to do that.
  • foxxybrown
    foxxybrown Posts: 838 Member
    If a man wants to be with you, it doesn't matter if you give it up to him in 1 week or 1 month, he's gonna stay around. That being said, this dude sounds real lame for always talking about s3x. If you like him, tell him the constant s3x talk is a turn off.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    Where are the boys when you need them?

    He seems to be into you. Who invites a booty call (or potential booty call) over to meet friends and family?
    He also sounds like a horn dog and if you give it up then of course he'd take it and might lose interest.

    I wouldn't assume that's all he wants. Now if none of the above had happened (like visits, date out with friends) then I'd definately say to ditch him. But I'd give it more time, keep my pants on and see where it'd go. I wouldn't let myself get too serious about him because *if* he is just wanting that then he might end up meeting another pretty girl and do the same with her and throw you aside for an easy piece of booty, then move on to the next one.

    But he might be really into you AND want a piece but since you won't give it to him, he will stay around because he realizes just how into you he is.
  • BEERRUNNER
    BEERRUNNER Posts: 3,046 Member
    And you just met him this past weekend!?!?! ..........Ha! dude just want to hit it (asap) and quit it!.............
  • tross0924
    tross0924 Posts: 909 Member
    Guys like sex. No really, like a lot. And we have an uncanny ability o turn anything into sex, so don't condem him for that especially if you haven't said anything about not liking it.

    Talk to him and tell him that you'd appreciate a slower approach. If he backs off and keeps taking you out like the gentelman he was before, then no, he didn't just want sex. But if he doesn't back off, or call, then yes, that's all he wanted. If he's a halfway decent guy when you talk to him he should tell you all he wants right now is someone to have sex with if that's where he's at. So talk to him, and then don't wait for his call, but if it comes be open to it.
  • iAMaPhoenix
    iAMaPhoenix Posts: 1,038 Member
    Am i the only MAN to answer this, i might be breaking some sort of Bro-code but i think you already know the answer. It might las for about 3 months tops. Good luck

    A whole 3 months...you must be on drugs. I give it three minutes after he hit it, he is done with you. If it walks, sound, acts like a duck, it ain't no ****ing chicken. Run away, and forget breaking the Bro-code. He sounds desperate to me.
  • rubyrenga
    rubyrenga Posts: 402 Member
    I agree that he may be over the top with being sexual all the time, or trying to be, but I disagree with the others who say to write him off. My biggest piece of advice would be not to give it up to him anytime soon. I think that it could work if you hold out. I know, holding out for the sake of the game alone is game playing, but the fact is that we all know it won't last if you jump into sex quickly, at least 90% of the time. So, my point is that he doesn't sound like a bad guy, just horny. Stick to your guns and make him wait, and see where things go. Worst case scenario, you may end up a little hurt, but you'll have had a great time going on dates with this guy. No harm, no foul.
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
    Thanks to you all for your honest opinions :flowerforyou:

    Judging by these responses alone.... Majority rules. :laugh:

    I guess I already knew the answer but was wishing it wasn't the truth. I really do like his style, but a few minutes of comfort isn't worth the months of "beating myself up" if he doesn't want the same thing I do. I'm going to let him know once again in a more direct way that I want more than sex and am not giving in until I have taken the time to Know him much better.

    Thanks Guys and Gals :flowerforyou:
  • JDMPWR
    JDMPWR Posts: 1,863 Member
    From a dude, about a dude.

    He is about one thing, not saying that is the ONLY thing he is about but he is a sexual creature/being, that we can tell. A player he is not because a player builds comfort with all women and he is not doing so otherwise you would not even be asking this question so with that action it makes me thikg he is just out their to get into your pants and then move on.

    Secondly any woman or man should know that this dude spells it out on big words, and those words are NEEDY, for what who knows.

    IMO drop the dude as he is on a mission.

    I can tell you how I know this if you want....
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
    OMG! You guys are hilarious with some of your responses.... LOL!!!!


    Love it!
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Just because you meet someone in a club, does NOT mean the relationship's not going to last... I met my husband in a club and we've been together for nearly 14 years now. One of my friends also met her guy in a club and they've been together for about 10 years. Granted, most of the time it's a hook-up spot but as long as you set boundaries and the guy's willing to stick around, it can work...

    Which brings me to my next point. Yes, it seems like he's all about getting into bed with you but at the same time he sounds like he may have some potential. Give him one more chance, be really honest and straightforward (guys don't get subtleties) about your wanting to wait. If he gets it and thinks you're worth it, he'll back off. If he doesn't, it's time to say buh-bye.
  • Danthewatcher
    Danthewatcher Posts: 101
    Am i the only MAN to answer this, i might be breaking some sort of Bro-code

    :laugh:
    I was thinking the same thing...

    Spicy is it?
    If he's talking about sex constantly, groping you after a week, the percentage rate is pretty high that he's thinking "hit" (your words)...
    As far as the "run" goes, it's impossible to know unless you're him....and much of that depends on your respective goals within this.
    Who knows, maybe as you get to know him, you run...

    Here's a question for you to ponder...what are you looking for out of this?
    The FINE *kitten* man strikes you as potential?
    Potential for what? (It's rhetorical...)

    Good luck.
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
    From a dude, about a dude.

    He is about one thing, not saying that is the ONLY thing he is about but he is a sexual creature/being, that we can tell. A player he is not because a player builds comfort with all women and he is not doing so otherwise you would not even be asking this question so with that action it makes me thikg he is just out their to get into your pants and then move on.

    Secondly any woman or man should know that this dude spells it out on big words, and those words are NEEDY, for what who knows.

    IMO drop the dude as he is on a mission.

    I can tell you how I know this if you want....

    Do tell... :smile:
  • bouldert
    bouldert Posts: 225 Member
    walk away ,you already have different views and desires ,i can only see arguments in the future
  • SoFLYFireman
    SoFLYFireman Posts: 170 Member
    Drop him quick.. Guys sometimes know what to say and do to get to that point (or think so anyways) theyll be anybody and everyone that you want them to be. Its not hard to act like a sweetheart, Ive seen so many *kitten* make girls believe that theyre amazing.

    Most importantly though, its your body and your emotions, youre not a *kitten* and thats a really attractive thing that you dont just put out. If he cant respect that, he doesnt deserve you. A sincere guy wont push limits, je'll know you mean it and respect you and just get to know you

    This guy wants a hit it and quit it.. Imo
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
    Am i the only MAN to answer this, i might be breaking some sort of Bro-code

    :laugh:
    I was thinking the same thing...

    Spicy is it?
    If he's talking about sex constantly, groping you after a week, the percentage rate is pretty high that he's thinking "hit" (your words)...
    As far as the "run" goes, it's impossible to know unless you're him....and much of that depends on your respective goals within this.
    Who knows, maybe as you get to know him, you run...

    Here's a question for you to ponder...what are you looking for out of this?
    The FINE *kitten* man strikes you as potential?
    Potential for what? (It's rhetorical...)

    Good luck.

    Thanks Dan for you kind response.

    I'm looking to meet someone who, like me, wants to find their Best Friend.... Corny I know, but it's the simplest way to say it.
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