I'm losing weight and my husband is putting me down
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williamsbantonio wrote: »I'm going threw the same thing but with my girlfriend!
Doesn't make it right but your girl is probably just afraid to lose you because other girls may start to give you more attention now. Let her knowthat you only want her but that you intend to stick with what you are doing such as diet and exercise. :-) Good luck. Relationships are hard.tracymn925 wrote: »And I wholeheartedly disagree with you guys who are making excuses for hubby's behavior. Saying those things is NEVER excusable, especially when we live in a society where losing weight is so difficult and women are often especially scrutinized in the media and everyday life. Not okay whatsoever...
So agree!!! The husband is welcome to change his diet and increase his exercise level instead of making his wife feel bad. He is the person, of all people, should be encouraging her in nice and polite ways!
Interesting how the responses differ for the same situation, only roles reversed.
Also, I don't think Op's husband is welcome to increase his exercise level.0 -
Life's too short to put up with name calling. Having a disability is no excuse to be offensively rude, especially to your wife.
DTMFA.0 -
Okay okay. First of all you look GREAT. You should be so proud of yourself. It must be so hurtful to have your husband who is supposed to be your biggest support put you down. I would be honest with him about how his comments make you feel. He may be doing it without realizing how much it actually hurts you. I hope you guys work it out. Don't let it discourage you from your journey to health!! All the best to you.
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rchlthompson wrote: »I think he's projecting his own insecurities. With that being said,absolutely NOBODY should EVER talk to you that way, especially your husband. It's time to sit him down and have a very frank conversation with him. If he's going to continue to speak to you like this, you may need to consider what your options are. feel free to add me as a friend for support if you'd like.
Exactly this. Here if you need me
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this makes me sad!!:( He should be encouraging you have you tried being open and honest with him? telling him how you are feeling?0
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Sounds to me like he's sabotaging because he's not ready to change. He's pprobably resenting you because you're way more hot than he is tight now.0
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He could be insecure, threatened and possibly a little jealous with your success. I too would drop the term healthy and just cook that way. One day he might decide he's tired of his current weight and health and join you.0
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Although all the changes you made are positive ones and great for both of you, you decided to make the change(s) and he did not. I agree that he seems to be a bit mouthy with you and a husband should never talk to his wife that way. The problem as I see it is that your routine and everything that he has come to be normal between the two of you (eating-wise) has been completely scrapped and changed and that's not what he wants. We all usually do not do well with change, even changes that we decide we need to make............he does not want to change (even though it sounds like he needs to lose weight).........you changing means that he is affected and it is obvious that that is not what he wants. I think you guys have a tough road ahead of you and need to square some things away, he will eventually sabotage your efforts and it may cause you to quit. Good luck.0
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Proud of you for making the change and trying to be a good example for your hubby. I think you're right about his insecurities. Losing that kind of weight without support at home is very hard...and you did it!! Keep on keeping on!! Revel in that good feeling whenever you try on clothes that keep getting bigger.0
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soniamemms wrote: »Hi everyone
My husband is the heaviest he has ever been. He's wearing 4X tops and 54 waist pants. I started this journey with his weight issues in mind, hoping that he would be inspired to do the same. The 1st few months he seemed bothered by our new diet. He hated it when I would use the word "healthy" when it came to our food.
See, here's the thing. Sounds like when *you* decided to lose weight, you kind of insisted that he does so as well by changing what you prepare and what you both eat. You even say that you "started this journey with his weight issues in mind, hoping that he would be inspired to do the same." And honestly, although well-intentioned, it's backfired on you, because he's just not ready for it. He doesn't want to hear how healthy the meal is, because he's not ready to actually give a damn about that. Just like you weren't before you decided to do things differently.
Not saying you're wrong to be concerned about him, but he is, I assume, a capable adult and just because you're ready for a change doesn't mean that he is. Or has to be just because that's what *you* decided to do. Why do you get to decide this for him? The comments you're getting for him aren't really meant to hurt you but they scream "I'm not ready for change!" to me.
So my advice it to stfu about how healthy everything is, make the foods that *he* enjoys too and you just eat less of them.
When he's ready to make a change for himself, he will. But until he does, your newfound healthy zeal will just piss him off and make him even more resistant to change.
tl;dr? You do you and let him do him. When and if he becomes ready to change his eating habits, he will. Lead by example and then let it go.0 -
As the phrase goes, "you can't get someone to do your push ups for you." One issue is you can't force other adults to change their habits, it is going to lead to argument. The other issue is the choice of language feels close to unacceptable, although it seems you have a history of hiking like this, so it is hard to say about it being retold one sided.0
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I can't even with this. Let's just put women back in the dark ages, shall we?I think since he is your husband kill him with kindness. Compliment him, explain to him you are doing this for the both of you. Stroke his ego play this song for him. It's called look good for you by Selena Gomez. Tell him you are just trying to be his trophy wife that you realize that you represent him in public & you just don't want to represent him and your family in the best way.0 -
He sounds very immature, and completely insecure. That's not an excuse to be a jerk, though. I suggest giving as good as your taking. If he says something stupid/hurtful, you throw one back at him...I'm not saying be a big meanie....but after one or two times, he's bound to see the connection, and possibly that could make him realize how hurtful he is being. Good luck, I understand completely. Feel free to add if you need a friend xo0
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snickerscharlie wrote: »
I can't even with this. Let's just put women back in the dark ages, shall we?I think since he is your husband kill him with kindness. Compliment him, explain to him you are doing this for the both of you. Stroke his ego play this song for him. It's called look good for you by Selena Gomez. Tell him you are just trying to be his trophy wife that you realize that you represent him in public & you just don't want to represent him and your family in the best way.
I agree . the word trophy wife alone makes me cringe.0 -
tracymn925 wrote: »And I wholeheartedly disagree with you guys who are making excuses for hubby's behavior. Saying those things is NEVER excusable, especially when we live in a society where losing weight is so difficult and women are often especially scrutinized in the media and everyday life. Not okay whatsoever...
So agree!!! The husband is welcome to change his diet and increase his exercise level instead of making his wife feel bad. He is the person, of all people, should be encouraging her in nice and polite ways!
Reread this thread @bvff35
The op has mentioned ( later in the thread and not in her original statement) that her husband is a quadriplegic.0 -
Deflection is usually the best way to counter a guys comment. Walk like a penguin to humor him. Like other people who try to get a rise out of someone with a mean comment, they are looking for a confrontational reaction, not one that basically ignores what they've said.
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tracymn925 wrote: »And I wholeheartedly disagree with you guys who are making excuses for hubby's behavior. Saying those things is NEVER excusable, especially when we live in a society where losing weight is so difficult and women are often especially scrutinized in the media and everyday life. Not okay whatsoever...
So agree!!! The husband is welcome to change his diet and increase his exercise level instead of making his wife feel bad. He is the person, of all people, should be encouraging her in nice and polite ways!
I don't think anyone is making excuses for the husband. The fact is we all act crappy sometimes, we're just trying to help her understand some of the reasons that he's doing that. Nobody's saying it's ok, but it isn't grounds for divorce, either.0 -
Misery loves company.0
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YES, THIS!!!!As the phrase goes, "you can't get someone to do your push ups for you." One issue is you can't force other adults to change their habits, it is going to lead to argument. The other issue is the choice of language feels close to unacceptable, although it seems you have a history of hiking like this, so it is hard to say about it being retold one sided.
So piglet is okay but penguin is not? I suggest you talk to your husband and verify that he truly meant to be hostile. Many of the people who say your husband is being extremely inappropriate would likely not want to be called piggy or piglet either. It's confusing to me. Only one person can give you the answer here, IMO
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snickerscharlie wrote: »soniamemms wrote: »Hi everyone
My husband is the heaviest he has ever been. He's wearing 4X tops and 54 waist pants. I started this journey with his weight issues in mind, hoping that he would be inspired to do the same. The 1st few months he seemed bothered by our new diet. He hated it when I would use the word "healthy" when it came to our food.
See, here's the thing. Sounds like when *you* decided to lose weight, you kind of insisted that he does so as well by changing what you prepare and what you both eat. You even say that you "started this journey with his weight issues in mind, hoping that he would be inspired to do the same." And honestly, although well-intentioned, it's backfired on you, because he's just not ready for it. He doesn't want to hear how healthy the meal is, because he's not ready to actually give a damn about that. Just like you weren't before you decided to do things differently.
Not saying you're wrong to be concerned about him, but he is, I assume, a capable adult and just because you're ready for a change doesn't mean that he is. Or has to be just because that's what *you* decided to do. Why do you get to decide this for him? The comments you're getting for him aren't really meant to hurt you but they scream "I'm not ready for change!" to me.
So my advice it to stfu about how healthy everything is, make the foods that *he* enjoys too and you just eat less of them.
When he's ready to make a change for himself, he will. But until he does, your newfound healthy zeal will just piss him off and make him even more resistant to change.
tl;dr? You do you and let him do him. When and if he becomes ready to change his eating habits, he will. Lead by example and then let it go.
She said he loves the food, actually... And it is no excuse for him to be acting like that to her. :l
OP, your post last page worries me. You shouldn't have to worry about him FINDING NEW WAYS to insult you. That's a bad sign.0 -
thorsmom01 wrote: »tracymn925 wrote: »And I wholeheartedly disagree with you guys who are making excuses for hubby's behavior. Saying those things is NEVER excusable, especially when we live in a society where losing weight is so difficult and women are often especially scrutinized in the media and everyday life. Not okay whatsoever...
So agree!!! The husband is welcome to change his diet and increase his exercise level instead of making his wife feel bad. He is the person, of all people, should be encouraging her in nice and polite ways!
Reread this thread @bvff35
The op has mentioned ( later in the thread and not in her original statement) that her husband is a quadriplegic.
My biggest apologies. I did not see that. :-(0 -
You look AMAZING! Thanks for posting your beautiful, motivating photo!
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Hell yeah! I'm with Tracy, any human that has to verbally assault others are jerks, plain and simple. Whatever his issues are, definitely talk to him, you may find out that you love yourself enough to walk out the door and find someone who appreciates and loves you whatever size you are and be your best cheerleader.sheermomentum wrote: »I think he's probably insecure, and I think he's probably jealous. Everybody has to find their own way to handle these things, but I'd look him straight in the eye and say "my @$$ look fabulous, and you know it." And such true things. Without heat or malice, and with a smile.
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He's is probably feeling insecure and projecting that on you. So you need to sit him down and talk. Hear how he is feeling about things, but also let him know those things he says to you are hurtful. You are trying to better yourself and your life, and he can either get on board with it or not. I hate being that person to say "if he can't support you, leave him" but if the other areas of your relationships are this bad as well, something dramatic needs to happen. A partner that doesn't support you is no partner to keep in your life.0
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-Austin Blood0 -
It's unfortunate that most of the people commenting didn't see your second post and are reacting entirely to the first one. Maybe you could update the original post?
I think your husband is definitely hurting, feeling threatened and insecure, and probably to some degree is having his own perceived inadequacies magnified. He's largely incapable of improving his own health and fitness, and is stuck in that position watching you do exactly what he no doubt wishes that he could do but gave up on a long time ago.
Probably drop the "healthy" talk and just go on with cooking the way you like to. He's not complaining about the food, just the feeling of being judged for his failure to be a healthy partner for you. (I am making an assumption here about his feelings that may or may not be valid.) Keep up your own pursuit of health, because frankly you both need you to be healthy and to have the mental health benefits from feeling good about yourself and gaining strength.
When you are able to, it would be a good idea to have an honest heart-to-heart, where you open up and ask him to do the same. Maybe some couple's counseling would be in order, if he is willing. You have a heavy load to carry, and seeking support in that role would be a good thing.
Best to you.0 -
Your husband sounds like he's very cruel. Don't let his demeaning statements affect you it's not worth it just put him on ignore. What you're doing is very beautiful for yourself and congratulations good job keep up the great work you're doing great!!!0
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Uhhh... I'm kind of mindblown that you didn't mention in your first post that he is quadriplegic. Disability in no way excuses cruelty, but you want to know why he might be lashing out and forget to mention that??
He has had a life living with severe limitations, with you as a caregiver, and now things are changing. Disability overwhelmingly comes with mental health challenges, and now you're losing weight, and more to the point, working out, getting fit, and working on his one biggest challenge and obstacle - physical outlook. There is no excuse for being a rudeass jerk, but dear lord, you really need to ask what the reason behind it is??
If he already has a disability counselor, he needs to bring this up with them. If you group session, you can. If it's been long enough that he's past having the support from professionals, he may need to reconnect to help with the change.
I am in no way excusing him being bloody rude and nasty. But I can completely see why a person with severe physical limitations is lashing out when their closes human starts down a path which represents the very pinnacle of the unreachable for them. It's not right at all. But it can, and needs to be addressed.0 -
Wow! I didn't think that I would get such a response. Didn't expect it. I guess weight is a very sensitive subject to a lot of people. It's such a struggle and society ostracizes our children for being overweight and many hold onto those hurts for most of their adult life.
I did FINALLY talk to him. He took it better than I thought. He said "we always joke around like that. I call you piglet and you call me ChunkMunka" our pet names for each other. Maybe we were both wrong. He says "well YOU asked me how you looked, so I told you" I guess guys can be so clueless that when a woman asks if they look fat in a pair of jeans, a woman really doesn't want to hear the truth. Lol
He said he was sorry, and didn't think it would hurt me and that he wouldn't do it again. He really is a wonderful guy, just stuck his foot in his mouth. I have always been insecure about me butt. Growing up that's all people would tell me. You don't have a butt or your butt is flat. I'm doing a 30 day butt exercise challenge. He's going to be surprised, and very happy when I'm done.0 -
Well, this IS a weight management website, after all.soniamemms wrote: »Wow! I didn't think that I would get such a response. Didn't expect it. I guess weight is a very sensitive subject to a lot of people.
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