I'm trying to eat healthy but my Spouse isn't??
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Why shouldnt she buy what she likes?0
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My husband and kids are not in the same place I am. They eat what they want. All I asked of my husband when I began this fitness journey was to let me do the dinner cooking. That way I can make a healthy meal for everyone that fits in with my macros. They can eat whatever they want the rest of the time.
As far as the temptation....I am a HUGE junk food lover. It's all I consisted on previously. But my goal has been to eat 6 low fat/high protein/moderate carb meals a day and drink 10 glasses of water. If you are doing that, you have no room to be hungry for anything else. Or even to be tempted. Most days, I'm forcing myself to eat/drink enough. I have a free day once a week and I've found that rather than wanting to eat all the goodies I've denied myself throughout the week, I just want to NOT eat. LOL0 -
I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
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What if that food is what makes her happy? Why does only one person's happiness matter?cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
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cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
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cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
I see your point, but on the other end, a spouse can be compassionate and supportive without the expectation of sacrificing their own happiness. It can be done.
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cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
It goes both ways though. I mean, if the foods she likes makes her happy, shouldn't he support her and her choices.
My husband and I are both adults, so there has never been a problem with food. He eats what he likes and I eat what I like and everybody is happy. We also believe strongly in personal responsibility.0 -
What if that food is what makes her happy? Why does only one person's happiness matter?cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Just throwing this out there...
There are short term and long term happiness.0 -
I didnt say she had to give up any food - just modify her habit about when or where she kept it or ate it. i dont think that significantly infringes on her personal rights!0
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cross2bear wrote: »I didnt say she had to give up any food - just modify her habit about when or where she kept it or ate it. i dont think that significantly infringes on her personal rights!
Personal rights? That's a bit dramatic, no? I don't see how a spouse hiding food or refraining from eating it in front of someone helps the situation. What does this person do when they're out in the real world? Ask the gas station to move the snacks out of sight? Ask grocery stores to move the chocolate bars away from the checkout line?0 -
So she has to hide her food and eat it in secret? That doesn't sound healthy in the slightest.cross2bear wrote: »I didnt say she had to give up any food - just modify her habit about when or where she kept it or ate it. i dont think that significantly infringes on her personal rights!
You can definitely support someone without having to modify your eating habits or diet. My husband supported me through my weightloss and he still enjoyed the food that he wanted to. Shockingly enough, I even bought it for him! I was the one who wanted to lose weight to improve my health and happiness. In my experience, trying to push changes on someone else usually doesn't work and it usually causes a lot of friction in a relationship.
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Out in the real world, a person can walk away from the tempting food, or not purchase it. At home, they can walk away from it, but it is there when they get back. All I am saying is that it seems sad to me that if a small adjustment on the part of one person's behaviour or habit would have a positive impact on another person, that one would not do it. If you knew that you could positively affect someones life, give them some peace of mind and relieve some anxiety by doing one small thing, nothing that is dramatically inconvenient or difficult, doesnt cost you anything, doesnt require a large physical effort - what reasons could you offer for not doing it?0
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SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »Personal rights? That's a bit dramatic, no? I don't see how a spouse hiding food or refraining from eating it in front of someone helps the situation. What does this person do when they're out in the real world? Ask the gas station to move the snacks out of sight? Ask grocery stores to move the chocolate bars away from the checkout line?
I don't think that's really fair - everyone has to start somewhere and it's not unreasonable to say "I'm not at a stage where I can avoid these things if they're right there and easy to grab". For some people, the barrier of buying the food might be enough in public, but there's no barrier like that in the home. For others, they can avoid it if it's just sitting there but smelling/hearing/seeing someone else eating it who would happily share with them if they only asked is too much for them at that point.
People aren't perfect, and I don't think it's fair to expect that of the person trying to eat better. Sometimes you have to rely on the support of other people to get through it, and there's no shame in that, even if people may think you're "weak" or just need more willpower or you're not good enough in all the ways everyone else is.0 -
SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »Personal rights? That's a bit dramatic, no? I don't see how a spouse hiding food or refraining from eating it in front of someone helps the situation. What does this person do when they're out in the real world? Ask the gas station to move the snacks out of sight? Ask grocery stores to move the chocolate bars away from the checkout line?
I don't think that's really fair - everyone has to start somewhere and it's not unreasonable to say "I'm not at a stage where I can avoid these things if they're right there and easy to grab". For some people, the barrier of buying the food might be enough in public, but there's no barrier like that in the home. For others, they can avoid it if it's just sitting there but smelling/hearing/seeing someone else eating it who would happily share with them if they only asked is too much for them at that point.
People aren't perfect, and I don't think it's fair to expect that of the person trying to eat better. Sometimes you have to rely on the support of other people to get through it, and there's no shame in that, even if people may think you're "weak" or just need more willpower or you're not good enough in all the ways everyone else is.
I get it. I do. And if someone makes that request and the spouse is fine with it, good for them. But I don't think it should be an expectation. If the other person does not wish to eat their chocolate bar in a closet, they shouldn't have to either. It's give and take on both sides.
For the record, I don't think someone asking for a bit of support is "weak".0 -
SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »Personal rights? That's a bit dramatic, no? I don't see how a spouse hiding food or refraining from eating it in front of someone helps the situation. What does this person do when they're out in the real world? Ask the gas station to move the snacks out of sight? Ask grocery stores to move the chocolate bars away from the checkout line?
I don't think that's really fair - everyone has to start somewhere and it's not unreasonable to say "I'm not at a stage where I can avoid these things if they're right there and easy to grab". For some people, the barrier of buying the food might be enough in public, but there's no barrier like that in the home. For others, they can avoid it if it's just sitting there but smelling/hearing/seeing someone else eating it who would happily share with them if they only asked is too much for them at that point.
People aren't perfect, and I don't think it's fair to expect that of the person trying to eat better. Sometimes you have to rely on the support of other people to get through it, and there's no shame in that, even if people may think you're "weak" or just need more willpower or you're not good enough in all the ways everyone else is.
I get it. I do. And if someone makes that request and the spouse is fine with it, good for them. But I don't think it should be an expectation. If the other person does not wish to eat their chocolate bar in a closet, they shouldn't have to either. It's give and take on both sides.
For the record, I don't think someone asking for a bit of support is "weak".
Who is saying that it's an expectation? A LOT of people are saying there's nothing to be done, and a lot of people are saying that while a spouse has a right to eat however, it would be nice if they were compassionate and supportive. I don't see anyone arguing anything about what a spouse is "expected" to do as support, just people saying it's respectful/compassionate/kind to help a loving partner on a weight loss journey and that they should talk about it.0 -
SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »Personal rights? That's a bit dramatic, no? I don't see how a spouse hiding food or refraining from eating it in front of someone helps the situation. What does this person do when they're out in the real world? Ask the gas station to move the snacks out of sight? Ask grocery stores to move the chocolate bars away from the checkout line?
I don't think that's really fair - everyone has to start somewhere and it's not unreasonable to say "I'm not at a stage where I can avoid these things if they're right there and easy to grab". For some people, the barrier of buying the food might be enough in public, but there's no barrier like that in the home. For others, they can avoid it if it's just sitting there but smelling/hearing/seeing someone else eating it who would happily share with them if they only asked is too much for them at that point.
People aren't perfect, and I don't think it's fair to expect that of the person trying to eat better. Sometimes you have to rely on the support of other people to get through it, and there's no shame in that, even if people may think you're "weak" or just need more willpower or you're not good enough in all the ways everyone else is.
I get it. I do. And if someone makes that request and the spouse is fine with it, good for them. But I don't think it should be an expectation. If the other person does not wish to eat their chocolate bar in a closet, they shouldn't have to either. It's give and take on both sides.
For the record, I don't think someone asking for a bit of support is "weak".
Who is saying that it's an expectation? A LOT of people are saying there's nothing to be done, and a lot of people are saying that while a spouse has a right to eat however, it would be nice if they were compassionate and supportive. I don't see anyone arguing anything about what a spouse is "expected" to do as support, just people saying it's respectful/compassionate/kind to help a loving partner on a weight loss journey and that they should talk about it.
I'm presenting another perspective. It's a discussion here on an MFP board, not an argument. Or at least I didn't think it was an argument....0 -
cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
I think this is excellent. Think about it in other terms than food. If your spouse was trying to give up smoking would you leave packs of cigarettes laying around? I don't have a problem with the spouse not wanting to jump on the healthy food bandwagon, but lock it up, out of sight is out of mind for me. I think its truly about respecting someone's decision and giving them the opportunity to succeed. I must be old fashioned too...........
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cross2bear wrote: »Out in the real world, a person can walk away from the tempting food, or not purchase it. At home, they can walk away from it, but it is there when they get back. All I am saying is that it seems sad to me that if a small adjustment on the part of one person's behaviour or habit would have a positive impact on another person, that one would not do it. If you knew that you could positively affect someones life, give them some peace of mind and relieve some anxiety by doing one small thing, nothing that is dramatically inconvenient or difficult, doesnt cost you anything, doesnt require a large physical effort - what reasons could you offer for not doing it?
You suggest that it's easier for someone to change a habit of leaving tempting food out than it is for someone to change a habit of (over)eating tempting food. That's where I take issue. Our habits get pretty ingrained and many of us have trouble changing them. It has nothing to do with not caring about the other person or prioritizing our happiness over theirs. It's actually easier for those of us who are trying to watch our diet to make changes to our habits because we have a constant reminder to do so. Most of us probably think about how we want to be healthier on a daily basis and that motivates us to log our food in MFP and make better choices. Your spouse thinks about you on a daily basis but they're not likely to think "and @cross2bear is too fat so I better put the donuts into the special cupboard". (At least, I hope not.)
If your spouse offers to make changes to their behavior and they successfully start storing these foods elsewhere (or are okay with not buying them at all) then that's fine. But there shouldn't be an expectation of someone else making changes, even seemingly small ones, to support our personal goals.0 -
cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
I think this is excellent. Think about it in other terms than food. If your spouse was trying to give up smoking would you leave packs of cigarettes laying around? I don't have a problem with the spouse not wanting to jump on the healthy food bandwagon, but lock it up, out of sight is out of mind for me. I think its truly about respecting someone's decision and giving them the opportunity to succeed. I must be old fashioned too...........
Eh, I quit smoking a year before my husband did. He cut back drastically when I quit, and eventually quit on his own a year later, but I never once asked him to not smoke around me, not leave cigarettes out, etc. I did not ask him to modify his behavior because of my decision.0 -
There are 7 people in my house. And they definitely do not all eat healthy. You know what we do? We compromise on dinners and my roommate and I often buy our own "healthy" foods for snacks. (bags of baby carrots, apples, celery, cheapish veggies and fruits)
Just cause its there, doesnt mean you have to eat it. I've passed up 3 cakes and several batches of cookies and brownies since I've started this. Do i have them once in a while? yes, i'm not into torture.
Self control man. I mean you're wife isnt tying you to a chair and shoving tastycakes down your throat is she?
ETA: Also if it fits in my calories for the day and i want it, i'm going to eat it.0
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