I'm trying to eat healthy but my Spouse isn't??
Replies
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »
Edit got my quotes mixed up. I meant to say I agree with what @acheben said. Money doesn't grow on trees, and I work hard for the money that I make. If my husband threw away something that I bought for myself, whether it were makeup, clothes, or soda, I'd consider that extremely disrespectful.
Yes, that. I would seriously reconsider my fiance if he were the sort of person to throw away my things, especially in a passive aggressive, "My stuff is more deserving of the space," way. *kitten* that noise.
(We talked about this thread last night, and he was like, "Hey, please don't throw my food in the yard. If I bought it, it's because I want to eat it. Or I got it for you." My response was, "Of course, that'd be a horrible waste of food." Conversation over.)0 -
I just tell my wife her soda went flat ^_^0
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perhaps your wife is insecure with herself and isn't mentally prepared for you to lose weight and be healthier so she's not going along with what you're doing.0
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »
Edit got my quotes mixed up. I meant to say I agree with what @acheben said. Money doesn't grow on trees, and I work hard for the money that I make. If my husband threw away something that I bought for myself, whether it were makeup, clothes, or soda, I'd consider that extremely disrespectful.
Yes, that. I would seriously reconsider my fiance if he were the sort of person to throw away my things, especially in a passive aggressive, "My stuff is more deserving of the space," way. *kitten* that noise.
(We talked about this thread last night, and he was like, "Hey, please don't throw my food in the yard. If I bought it, it's because I want to eat it. Or I got it for you." My response was, "Of course, that'd be a horrible waste of food." Conversation over.)
That's awesome.
I don't know what I'd do if I married someone self-serving enough to think that I should hide food from him or that his stuff was more deserving of fridge space than mine. But luckily I don't have to worry about that because my OH is awesome. Coincidentally, so am I, so it's a win-win.
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If you dont want to get healthy WITH me then I ask two things of the person who loves me:
#1- Understand its important to me and respect that.
#2- Dont sabotage my efforts
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SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »
And you missed the point, it was about being compassionate to another human being........
I must have, yes. If being compassionate means that the inability to resist a cookie should be treated as the same problem as an alcoholic resisting alcohol, I have definitely missed the point entirely. Clearly I am a heartless cow.
I apologize for derailing the thread. Back to the OP's point, if you chat with your spouse about your wish to remove or hide things that tempt you, and she's okay with that, everyone wins. But for the sake of keeping peace in your house, please do not make an issue of it. This whole weight loss thing is a mental game and people are sometimes weird about it. All you can do is set a good example and hope that eventually she will follow suit, but she has to be ready in her own time.0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »
Edit got my quotes mixed up. I meant to say I agree with what @acheben said. Money doesn't grow on trees, and I work hard for the money that I make. If my husband threw away something that I bought for myself, whether it were makeup, clothes, or soda, I'd consider that extremely disrespectful.
Yes, that. I would seriously reconsider my fiance if he were the sort of person to throw away my things, especially in a passive aggressive, "My stuff is more deserving of the space," way. *kitten* that noise.
(We talked about this thread last night, and he was like, "Hey, please don't throw my food in the yard. If I bought it, it's because I want to eat it. Or I got it for you." My response was, "Of course, that'd be a horrible waste of food." Conversation over.)
That's awesome.
I don't know what I'd do if I married someone self-serving enough to think that I should hide food from him or that his stuff was more deserving of fridge space than mine. But luckily I don't have to worry about that because my OH is awesome. Coincidentally, so am I, so it's a win-win.
It's pretty rad being with an awesome person who respects both your effort and your person. Well done to both of us.
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MommyMeggo wrote: »If you dont want to get healthy WITH me then I ask two things of the person who loves me:
#1- Understand its important to me and respect that.
#2- Dont sabotage my efforts
Define "sabotage", though. For example, when I was working on losing weight but my husband was not, he would bring home ice cream every once in a while and have some after the kids went to bed. Even though I wasn't eating ice cream at the time, I don't consider this sabotage. Had he somehow force-fed me ice cream, I would consider that sabotage (at the very least). I think it's my responsibility to decide what I eat and what I don't.0 -
ClosetBayesian wrote: »MommyMeggo wrote: »If you dont want to get healthy WITH me then I ask two things of the person who loves me:
#1- Understand its important to me and respect that.
#2- Dont sabotage my efforts
Define "sabotage", though. For example, when I was working on losing weight but my husband was not, he would bring home ice cream every once in a while and have some after the kids went to bed. Even though I wasn't eating ice cream at the time, I don't consider this sabotage. Had he somehow force-fed me ice cream, I would consider that sabotage (at the very least). I think it's my responsibility to decide what I eat and what I don't.
Uhm, ok. Sure.
"Babe, I bought you some cookies n cream"
"Babe, I see you're tired tonight, want to order chinese food?"
At the movies- "here got you some sour patch kids."
Obviously sabotage does not equate to force feeding, thats silly. And of COURSE im responsible for what I eat. But offering me things to derail my efforts is what im talking about.
Between a couple its not true sabotage as in "here is this low fat yogurt" when knowing damn well its full fat. That is not the sabotage Im referencing. More like, dont temp me.
It would be different if both were making an effort as my husband and I do. We motivate and encourage. When he has 1200 cals left for dinner and says "Chinese?" - I jokingly call him a saboteur.
PS- "sabotage" can mean X to me-and Y to you- and the sun will still rise tomorrow. My hub is amazing so when Megan says dont sabotage me- it means dont temp me. If there is ill-will intended the problem is bigger than semantics. 0 -
cross2bear wrote: »DearestWinter wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »DearestWinter wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »Out in the real world, a person can walk away from the tempting food, or not purchase it. At home, they can walk away from it, but it is there when they get back. All I am saying is that it seems sad to me that if a small adjustment on the part of one person's behaviour or habit would have a positive impact on another person, that one would not do it. If you knew that you could positively affect someones life, give them some peace of mind and relieve some anxiety by doing one small thing, nothing that is dramatically inconvenient or difficult, doesnt cost you anything, doesnt require a large physical effort - what reasons could you offer for not doing it?
You suggest that it's easier for someone to change a habit of leaving tempting food out than it is for someone to change a habit of (over)eating tempting food. That's where I take issue. Our habits get pretty ingrained and many of us have trouble changing them. It has nothing to do with not caring about the other person or prioritizing our happiness over theirs. It's actually easier for those of us who are trying to watch our diet to make changes to our habits because we have a constant reminder to do so. Most of us probably think about how we want to be healthier on a daily basis and that motivates us to log our food in MFP and make better choices. Your spouse thinks about you on a daily basis but they're not likely to think "and @cross2bear is too fat so I better put the donuts into the special cupboard". (At least, I hope not.)
If your spouse offers to make changes to their behavior and they successfully start storing these foods elsewhere (or are okay with not buying them at all) then that's fine. But there shouldn't be an expectation of someone else making changes, even seemingly small ones, to support our personal goals.
That is SO not what I said, but if thats how you want to interpret it, be my guest.
You said "All I am saying is that it seems sad to me that if a small adjustment on the part of one person's behaviour or habit would have a positive impact on another person, that one would not do it."
Let's use the example of putting donuts in a cupboard versus the counter. If I am interpreting that correctly you think it's sad for a spouse to not make a small adjustment (putting donuts into a cupboard) to their habit (of putting donuts on the counter). I am saying that if their habit is to put donuts on the counter and your habit is to eat donuts on the counter then why is it sad for your spouse not to break their habit before you break yours? (If you broke your habit then none of this would be an issue.)
I think you are being disingenuous - I read on the boards here every day about people who express body image concerns, guilt, shame, self loathing and various degrees of depression because they are unable to control their reactions to tempting food. Are you suggesting that simply changing a habit from putting food on the counter to putting food in the cupboard is more stressful than that? Of even that it is equally stressful? Because thats what your saying - why should one person change a habit when another person isnt required to. How one habit is equal to another. When changing where I store my Reeses Pieces can reduce me to tears, I will have more time for your position.
Maybe this is semantics. When I talk about habits I think about something we do instinctively. We don't think about it, it's something we just do. I'm not talking about behavior we're conscious of doing.
When I go grocery shopping and put groceries away then some of my decisions are conscious and some are habits. Cheese gets tossed into the cheese drawer without a second thought. I would have a hard time not putting cheese into the cheese drawer. It's just a habit. I've been frustrated when cheese doesn't fit into the cheese drawer (because I have too much cheese) and spent a moment trying to figure out where I could put the cheese so it wouldn't spoil when I actually had an ENTIRE fridge where it could go. (Silly, right? But that's a habit.)
Maybe your spouse has a habit of putting donuts on the counter or maybe it's a decision. If it's a decision then I agree it can be more easily changed. (Whether it should or not has already been debated to death.) If it's a habit then it's trickier.
I agree with you that some habits have much more stressful consequences than others. I also agree that changing the habit of where to keep the donuts is probably less stressful than changing the habit of eating donuts. The issue is that changing a habit is just hard. It's not emotional effort or physical effort, it's mental effort. You have to become aware of something that you previously were not aware of at all. (Or perhaps were only tangentially aware of doing.) That's difficult.
Changing a habit becomes easier when you have clear and strong personal motivation to do so. That's why we change more easily for ourselves than for someone else. And that's also why it's unfair to expect someone else to change any habit (small or large) because we want them too.0 -
MommyMeggo wrote: »ClosetBayesian wrote: »MommyMeggo wrote: »If you dont want to get healthy WITH me then I ask two things of the person who loves me:
#1- Understand its important to me and respect that.
#2- Dont sabotage my efforts
Define "sabotage", though. For example, when I was working on losing weight but my husband was not, he would bring home ice cream every once in a while and have some after the kids went to bed. Even though I wasn't eating ice cream at the time, I don't consider this sabotage. Had he somehow force-fed me ice cream, I would consider that sabotage (at the very least). I think it's my responsibility to decide what I eat and what I don't.
Uhm, ok. Sure.
"Babe, I bought you some cookies n cream"
"Babe, I see you're tired tonight, want to order chinese food?"
At the movies- "here got you some sour patch kids."
Obviously sabotage does not equate to force feeding, thats silly. And of COURSE im responsible for what I eat. But offering me things to derail my efforts is what im talking about.
Between a couple its not true sabotage as in "here is this low fat yogurt" when knowing damn well its full fat. That is not the sabotage Im referencing. More like, dont temp me.
It would be different if both were making an effort as my husband and I do. We motivate and encourage. When he has 1200 cals left for dinner and says "chinese?" - I jokingly call him a saboteur.
I just don't see that as sabotage. Why not just either fit those into your calories for the day or say no thanks?0 -
ClosetBayesian wrote: »MommyMeggo wrote: »ClosetBayesian wrote: »MommyMeggo wrote: »If you dont want to get healthy WITH me then I ask two things of the person who loves me:
#1- Understand its important to me and respect that.
#2- Dont sabotage my efforts
Define "sabotage", though. For example, when I was working on losing weight but my husband was not, he would bring home ice cream every once in a while and have some after the kids went to bed. Even though I wasn't eating ice cream at the time, I don't consider this sabotage. Had he somehow force-fed me ice cream, I would consider that sabotage (at the very least). I think it's my responsibility to decide what I eat and what I don't.
Uhm, ok. Sure.
"Babe, I bought you some cookies n cream"
"Babe, I see you're tired tonight, want to order chinese food?"
At the movies- "here got you some sour patch kids."
Obviously sabotage does not equate to force feeding, thats silly. And of COURSE im responsible for what I eat. But offering me things to derail my efforts is what im talking about.
Between a couple its not true sabotage as in "here is this low fat yogurt" when knowing damn well its full fat. That is not the sabotage Im referencing. More like, dont temp me.
It would be different if both were making an effort as my husband and I do. We motivate and encourage. When he has 1200 cals left for dinner and says "chinese?" - I jokingly call him a saboteur.
I just don't see that as sabotage. Why not just either fit those into your calories for the day or say no thanks?
No need to pick apart my response to OP to argue what sabotage means to you vs what I mean when I use the term.
<this is hypothetical and not personal to me>
Re: Ice Cream
Why buy someone ice cream who does not buy it for themselves and is watching calories? Why even offer?
Why not say I got you some low fat frozen yogurt ? I even checked the calories for you.
Like me asking my overweight coworker who just ate a Healthy Choice frozen lunch and walked the rest of her lunch break if she wants some thin mints? I just wouldnt, but thats me personally0 -
ClosetBayesian wrote: »
I just don't see that as sabotage. Why not just either fit those into your calories for the day or say no thanks?
If it were that easy MFP would be a ghost town.
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ClosetBayesian wrote: »MommyMeggo wrote: »ClosetBayesian wrote: »MommyMeggo wrote: »If you dont want to get healthy WITH me then I ask two things of the person who loves me:
#1- Understand its important to me and respect that.
#2- Dont sabotage my efforts
Define "sabotage", though. For example, when I was working on losing weight but my husband was not, he would bring home ice cream every once in a while and have some after the kids went to bed. Even though I wasn't eating ice cream at the time, I don't consider this sabotage. Had he somehow force-fed me ice cream, I would consider that sabotage (at the very least). I think it's my responsibility to decide what I eat and what I don't.
Uhm, ok. Sure.
"Babe, I bought you some cookies n cream"
"Babe, I see you're tired tonight, want to order chinese food?"
At the movies- "here got you some sour patch kids."
Obviously sabotage does not equate to force feeding, thats silly. And of COURSE im responsible for what I eat. But offering me things to derail my efforts is what im talking about.
Between a couple its not true sabotage as in "here is this low fat yogurt" when knowing damn well its full fat. That is not the sabotage Im referencing. More like, dont temp me.
It would be different if both were making an effort as my husband and I do. We motivate and encourage. When he has 1200 cals left for dinner and says "chinese?" - I jokingly call him a saboteur.
I just don't see that as sabotage. Why not just either fit those into your calories for the day or say no thanks?
Buying ice cream for someone who is trying to avoid it is sabotaging them. Of course, the response is "no thanks." But I see the offer as passive aggressive.2 -
ClosetBayesian wrote: »
I just don't see that as sabotage. Why not just either fit those into your calories for the day or say no thanks?
If it were that easy MFP would be a ghost town.
I never said it was easy. It's definitely learned. But it's also something that a lot of people don't consider - that they can have ice cream, or Chinese food, or sour patch kids, and they can still lose weight.0 -
If your spouse was trying to give up smoking would you leave packs of cigarettes laying around?
Sorry, I had to comment on this because my husband smokes and I quit, and he didn't stop smoking around me at all. I wanted to quit, so I did. When or if he ever wants to quit he will but because I wanted to wasn't a reason for him to be all sneaky with it. Same with food. If he wants to eat it, he shouldn't have to lock it away somewhere so I don't see it. If I am not strong enough to handle my own food decisions, that's not his fault. We are partners in life but that doesn't mean we are the same person or that everything we do has to be a mutual thing.0 -
My husband used to bring a bag of crunchy chips to bed sometimes, and chips are my absolute favorite. I feel your pain, OP.
One thing that really helped me succeed was PLANNING. I used to plan out my meals to fit my goals the night prior. If I wanted a treat, I planned it ahead of time. That was really half the battle. It takes a lot less energy and willpower to stick to a plan you've already committed to. Sheer stubbornness will carry you through until the healthy changes become habit. Best of luck to you!0 -
ClosetBayesian wrote: »ClosetBayesian wrote: »
I just don't see that as sabotage. Why not just either fit those into your calories for the day or say no thanks?
If it were that easy MFP would be a ghost town.
I never said it was easy. It's definitely learned. But it's also something that a lot of people don't consider - that they can have ice cream, or Chinese food, or sour patch kids, and they can still lose weight.
Restricting is not the same as eliminating. Just because people dont want someone buying and offering them ice cream doesn't mean they think they cant lose weight *and eat those things. Or that they cant ever have them again* Moderation and portion control is the most difficult part of changing ones lifestyle. So if they buy the ice cream or chinese food its because they are making the room for it. There is a difference. It may be negligible to you but it is not one size fits all.
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?0 -
endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.0 -
My fiancé eats nothing but junk food. Sometimes I want to indulge but I have gotten myself healthy alternatives. Instead of a candy bar I'll have a protein bar, sweet enough to calm the craving and helping me get my protein for the day which I always fall short on. If it's something special and I want to partake I do in moderation. And I try to get him to partake by making smoothies instead of getting ice cream. It's all about choosing what's best for you.0
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endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.
Well the OP never came back to grace us with his presence again so I'm guessing OP probably really doesn't care.0 -
endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
Because this is a public forum and I'm allowed to post my opinions? I'm also allowed to challenge other people's opinions? Because maybe something that I say will cause someone to open their potentially closed mind a bit and consider changing their views on a topic? Because my views may be challenged by the experiences and opinions of others and help shape my views moving forward?
I could go on.0 -
SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »
And you missed the point, it was about being compassionate to another human being........
I must have, yes. If being compassionate means that the inability to resist a cookie should be treated as the same problem as an alcoholic resisting alcohol, I have definitely missed the point entirely. Clearly I am a heartless cow.
I apologize for derailing the thread. Back to the OP's point, if you chat with your spouse about your wish to remove or hide things that tempt you, and she's okay with that, everyone wins. But for the sake of keeping peace in your house, please do not make an issue of it. This whole weight loss thing is a mental game and people are sometimes weird about it. All you can do is set a good example and hope that eventually she will follow suit, but she has to be ready in her own time.
The problem with the compassion argument is that it assumes the only person who deserves compassion is the person trying to avoid certain foods. If the OP's wife is waving it in front of him and laughing, they have an issue with compassion. If enjoying a treat at the end of a hard day (or whatever) is something she feels she has to hide or not do in her own home when she wants to, it's not fair to put that expectation on her rather than learning to be strong and resist the things the OP doesn't want to eat.
My husband has been bringing gummy candy home lately for some reason. I had no idea that gummy candy was so hard for me to resist, but apparently it is. I just can't imagine telling him he can't bring gummies into his own home because I have a problem with them. Yes, it's harder to resist things when they're in front of our faces. But I think that's part of the growth. The first couple of times, I ate them (he offered). After that, I realized it wasn't part of my daily plan, and I resisted.0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.
Well the OP never came back to grace us with his presence again so I'm guessing OP probably really doesn't care.
I'm sure he does care. He posted because he cared. Your post seems to be chip bearing. Grace us with his presence? Did op do something wrong?
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.
Well the OP never came back to grace us with his presence again so I'm guessing OP probably really doesn't care.
I'm guessing he has read all these helpful comments and decided there was no benefit to engaging further. But that is just a guess.
I would add that most of us who have responded, including me, posted things not of much help to anyone.....0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.
Well the OP never came back to grace us with his presence again so I'm guessing OP probably really doesn't care.
I'm guessing he has read all these helpful comments and decided there was no benefit to engaging further. But that is just a guess.
I would add that most of us who have responded, including me, posted things not of much help to anyone.....
He got tons of helpful responses on the first page. This is a discussion board and there are topics that tend to spark more "discussion" than other topics. There is nothing wrong with that.0 -
MommyMeggo wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »endlessfall16 wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
Ignore those people. Reality is there are more divorces than otherwise.
Yes, just ignore the people with different opinions and outlooks because they clearly don't matter and are not helpful at all.
Of course many times other people's opinions and outlooks absolutely DON'T matter and aren't helpful at all to a person. For instance all this thread does is highlight individuals' values and behaviors. Nobody knows the relationship of other people. When does imposing one's values, judgments on others ever make sense?
I suspect the OP is regretting ever posting given the ratio of help to hostility.
Well the OP never came back to grace us with his presence again so I'm guessing OP probably really doesn't care.
I'm sure he does care. He posted because he cared. Your post seems to be chip bearing. Grace us with his presence? Did op do something wrong?
That was said tongue-in-cheek.
He posted a controversial topic with basically no information with which to help him. He got responses on the first page that were helpful and never came back to offer more information or join in the discourse.
I'm sorry, but I have been on the forums for a long time and I just find it funny when people post a vague "question" about an inflammatory topic and then sit back to watch the madness.0 -
How about helping them to deal with it directly, rather than have it hidden to so they don't have to deal with it? Isn't it like the ostrich head in the sand scenario?cross2bear wrote: »Out in the real world, a person can walk away from the tempting food, or not purchase it. At home, they can walk away from it, but it is there when they get back. All I am saying is that it seems sad to me that if a small adjustment on the part of one person's behaviour or habit would have a positive impact on another person, that one would not do it. If you knew that you could positively affect someones life, give them some peace of mind and relieve some anxiety by doing one small thing, nothing that is dramatically inconvenient or difficult, doesnt cost you anything, doesnt require a large physical effort - what reasons could you offer for not doing it?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
0 -
How about helping them to deal with it directly, rather than have it hidden to so they don't have to deal with it? Isn't it like the ostrich head in the sand scenario?cross2bear wrote: »Out in the real world, a person can walk away from the tempting food, or not purchase it. At home, they can walk away from it, but it is there when they get back. All I am saying is that it seems sad to me that if a small adjustment on the part of one person's behaviour or habit would have a positive impact on another person, that one would not do it. If you knew that you could positively affect someones life, give them some peace of mind and relieve some anxiety by doing one small thing, nothing that is dramatically inconvenient or difficult, doesnt cost you anything, doesnt require a large physical effort - what reasons could you offer for not doing it?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Exactly.
0
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