Here it goes... I never get approach by men is it because of

flatbellybella
flatbellybella Posts: 303 Member
edited September 2024 in Chit-Chat
my weight...
...serious question. I'm also a member of bodybuilding.com... and I learnt my lesson when I asked this on their forum. LOL wow did they try to tear me apart. C'est la vie

So, I hardly ever get approached by guys... I carry myself well, hair done... nails, etc and believe I'm approachable... I'm super friendly and I smile. (I'm not trying to come off cocky.. I don't think I'm any Victoria Secret's Model... I'm just working towards being the best I can be)
I'm also 5'10 and heavier but I think I carry my weight somewhat well... who knows
I feel like guys will stare but never do they approach me...

I don't live in the greatest city... but even if I go to a bigger city or the States (I'm Canadian) ... it's the same deal...
they'll just stare me down but won't come up to me.
When I asked this on the bodybuilding.com forum one loser said "they're staring to try to figure if you outweigh them" low blow....

and I guess maybe I have to put myself out there more... but a lot of my friends are in serious relationships/engaged/married and aren't really into doing things that "put themseleves out there"

...I don't want to do online dating :( but I'm sort of at the point where I'm trying not to let my relationship status bother me... but I'm honestly sick of being single (lol)
I guess women can always approach men... but that's not really how I want to go about it... I feel it would be sort of chasing them... and I feel like if you have to chase something it's not meant for you. meh.........


Anyways, I'm just curious about this and if anyone else is going through or has gone through this?
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Replies

  • Andee08
    Andee08 Posts: 147 Member
    bump...I feel the same way....kind of. I am 5'1" and I carry my weight pretty well. I was told by my guy friends its because I am intimidating. Good career, intelligent, outdoorsy (hunting, camping, shooting competitions, hiking), and I have opinions. The only guys that I get approached by are loud mouth type A personalities that are *kitten* holes. I would love to see a guys take on it.
  • HaleyAlli
    HaleyAlli Posts: 911 Member
    You're a beautiful lady, don't listen to losers :smile: Men are probably just intimidated by you. I would try doing things that show off your more down-to-earth, fun-loving side and then maybe you'd get some attention :smile:
  • flatbellybella
    flatbellybella Posts: 303 Member
    Yeahh! I asked my guy friends and I've even asked an Ex (lmao) they said the same intimidating thing...
    but I think that whole intimidating line is just an excuse
  • rrsuthy
    rrsuthy Posts: 236 Member
    I don't know you so I can't say for sure. However, I would venture to guess that your looks aren't the reason they are not approaching you. Based on your avatar, I think you are pretty and I'm sure men do to. Are you giving off a weird vibe (meaning a "look but don't approach" vibe, or a "desperate to be in a relationship vibe", etc.)? Please note that I'm not asking to judge you, I'm asking you to look at yourself to see if you can find the reason.
  • Cindy311
    Cindy311 Posts: 780 Member
    Well, firstly, as women we choose our mate...not the other way around. So starting you down is a way to get attention. Do you ever call over any of them that stare you down? I bet if you did they would approach. The loud mouth ones are usually the ones to watch because they have a high opinion of themselves, lol.
  • Hernandezedw
    Hernandezedw Posts: 284
    I guess women can always approach men... but that's not really how I want to go about it... I feel it would be sort of chasing them... and I feel like if you have to chase something it's not meant for you. meh.........

    So, what is it when they have to approach you? Anyway, I'd lose the flower print shirt. Just my opinion.
  • jasonweinberg
    jasonweinberg Posts: 270
    i can never figure any of this out. i have been single forever and thought after losing weight things might change. i do notice women flirt with me a lot more and when i go out dancing i always wind up attracting woman to dance with me (i am a pretty good dancer) but as far as that whole asking out/getting asked out thing...nothing. a lot of woman come in where i work and i flirt flirt flirt away but still....nothing. i've got no answer.
  • JDMPWR
    JDMPWR Posts: 1,863 Member
    Excuse. From a mans point of view if he wants to talk to you he will. If he doesn't he wont, maybe they have confidence issues but out of every group there is an alpha male that will talk to you no matter what so considering that I just dont think they are into you. They may look and think about it but they are just window shopping or seeing whats out there.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    Just a thought...approach them.
    Imagine being a guy that is expected to be the one to "make a move" all the while knowing the chances of being shot down and feeling like crap over it far exceed the chances of success.
    I think a lot of guys just think a nice looking lady (which you are btw) won`t be interested so they don`t try.
  • Cindy311
    Cindy311 Posts: 780 Member
    I read an article that said if a woman is with more than one other female that a man usually won't approach because he's afraid of rejection.
  • CoachMaritova
    CoachMaritova Posts: 409 Member
    bump
  • flatbellybella
    flatbellybella Posts: 303 Member
    I guess women can always approach men... but that's not really how I want to go about it... I feel it would be sort of chasing them... and I feel like if you have to chase something it's not meant for you. meh.........

    So, what is it when they have to approach you? Anyway, I'd lose the flower print shirt. Just my opinion.

    Haa
    I love that shirt :)
    I'd most definitely lose those sunglasses.
  • katheern
    katheern Posts: 213 Member
    ...I don't want to do online dating :( but I'm sort of at the point where I'm trying not to let my relationship status bother me... but I'm honestly sick of being single (lol)
    I guess women can always approach men... but that's not really how I want to go about it... I feel it would be sort of chasing them... and I feel like if you have to chase something it's not meant for you. meh.........

    I met my current boyfriend through online dating and had a lot of success getting dates (although there were a lot of misses along the way) that way. I would highly recommend it :)
  • myukniewicz
    myukniewicz Posts: 906 Member
    n/m
  • FTIM2015
    FTIM2015 Posts: 460 Member
    I used to be in fantastic shape, confident, tall, always doing something active (usually horse related) and t took until last year when I was at the biggest that I had ever been and all but given up for someone to actually bother to put the effort in and to have a proper relationship.

    Sure there had been others before who never lasted long, and when I asked male friends why do I always attract the sh1t and the nice guys are always scared of me they told me the same thing, intimidating. I'm taller than a lot of guys, used to look happy or be smiling a lot and I was a lot more outgoing (still had a huge rack:grumble:). Don't give up hope, there is someone out there who doesn't talk out of their ar$e, has the confience to approach you and to make you happy... it jus means weading out all the idiots first!
  • AtticusFinch
    AtticusFinch Posts: 1,262 Member

    So, I hardly ever get approached by guys... I carry myself well, hair done... nails, etc and believe I'm approachable... I'm super friendly and I smile. (I'm not trying to come off cocky.. I don't think I'm any Victoria Secret's Model... I'm just working towards being the best I can be)

    Oh, I think I know this one. Is the answer personal hygiene? Yes, that's my final answer (crossing my fingers)
  • MrsSki
    MrsSki Posts: 196
    Next time some cute guy is looking at you, go talk to him. I was definitely the "approacher" with my husband. Mostly because guys do find me intimidating, so I learned to use that to my advantage. It doesn't mean I wear the pants in my relationship, or that I'm the boss, it just means that I thought my husband was cute, so I approached him. He did ask me to marry him, so you could say he took on the traditional "man's" role.
  • gbbhey
    gbbhey Posts: 188
    Just a thought...approach them.
    Imagine being a guy that is expected to be the one to "make a move" all the while knowing the chances of being shot down and feeling like crap over it far exceed the chances of success.
    I think a lot of guys just think a nice looking lady (which you are btw) won`t be interested so they don`t try.

    nail on the head!

    I was asked this question by another one of my friends earlier this week and we got into a discussion about it. Maybe it's because I used to be over weight, but I'm not overly confident when it comes to approaching girls either. It bothers me a little bit, so I've been trying to do it more and more often, but no luck. So, I would suggest maybe taking a friend with you to talk to him and his friend. If it's not a match, then move on. Happy Hunting!

    Cheers,
    Jared
  • flatbellybella
    flatbellybella Posts: 303 Member

    So, I hardly ever get approached by guys... I carry myself well, hair done... nails, etc and believe I'm approachable... I'm super friendly and I smile. (I'm not trying to come off cocky.. I don't think I'm any Victoria Secret's Model... I'm just working towards being the best I can be)

    Oh, I think I know this one. Is the answer personal hygiene? Yes, that's my final answer (crossing my fingers)

    um, would you like to use a lifeline?
    because that's obviously wrong lol
  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member
    I guess women can always approach men... but that's not really how I want to go about it... I feel it would be sort of chasing them... and I feel like if you have to chase something it's not meant for you. meh.........

    So, what is it when they have to approach you?

    I was thinking the same thing. Maybe they feel the same way?
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    I don't live in the greatest city... but even if I go to a bigger city or the States (I'm Canadian) ... it's the same deal...
    they'll just stare me down but won't come up to me.

    Really? I'm surprised as I would have guessed it was your environment rather than you. If you lived here in London I would say 5, 10 minute tops before you got approached.

    You don't look particularly intimidating to me. Having said that there are literally thousands of beautiful women here but you might be in a different league where you live. Some guys have a real fear of approaching women though I have no idea why.

    Have you tried dating women instead ;)
  • Hernandezedw
    Hernandezedw Posts: 284

    So, what is it when they have to approach you? Anyway, I'd lose the flower print shirt. Just my opinion.

    Haa
    I love that shirt :)
    I'd most definitely lose those sunglasses.

    agreed. i love the shirt. you are beautiful :)

    (and way to be a d0uche-bag, guy. didn't you see bambi, if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say it at all).

    1. She asked opinions.
    2. I'm a guy, I think mine counts.
    3. Guys aren't attracted to flower print shirts. If I saw her, I'd think motherly type. Not really what a guy is looking for on a first meeting.
  • lukeleia4
    lukeleia4 Posts: 20 Member
    Here's my take. I am married (17 years) and still get approached by men several times a week. I'm a frumpy middle-aged mom, I smile a lot, am incredibly clumsy and completely NON-THREATENING. I have far more male friends than female friends and can tell you that my single male friends often complain about how lonesome they are, but they're too shy to approach a woman or even call one if the woman hands him their phone number. If you're looking for someone, approach THEM. Don't wait for them to approach you. Create the life you want. Don't just hope that it happens.
  • flatbellybella
    flatbellybella Posts: 303 Member

    So, what is it when they have to approach you? Anyway, I'd lose the flower print shirt. Just my opinion.

    Haa
    I love that shirt :)
    I'd most definitely lose those sunglasses.

    agreed. i love the shirt. you are beautiful :)

    (and way to be a d0uche-bag, guy. didn't you see bambi, if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say it at all).

    1. She asked opinions.
    2. I'm a guy, I think mine counts.
    3. Guys aren't attracted to flower print shirts. If I saw her, I'd think motherly type. Not really what a guy is looking for on a first meeting.

    LOL
    fair enough.
    but I like it and it looks better in person. so I guess end of that discussion
  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member
    If you're looking for someone, approach THEM. Don't wait for them to approach you. Create the life you want. Don't just hope that it happens.

    *like*
  • Hernandezedw
    Hernandezedw Posts: 284
    So starting you down is a way to get attention. Do you ever call over any of them that stare you down? I bet if you did they would approach.

    This is the best advice.
  • red01angel
    red01angel Posts: 806 Member
    If you're looking for someone, approach THEM. Don't wait for them to approach you. Create the life you want. Don't just hope that it happens.

    *like*

    I have to agree with this...

    And for the record, I think you're *kitten* gorgeous.
  • bellinachuchina
    bellinachuchina Posts: 498 Member
    Here's my take. I am married (17 years) and still get approached by men several times a week. I'm a frumpy middle-aged mom, I smile a lot, am incredibly clumsy and completely NON-THREATENING. I have far more male friends than female friends and can tell you that my single male friends often complain about how lonesome they are, but they're too shy to approach a woman or even call one if the woman hands him their phone number. If you're looking for someone, approach THEM. Don't wait for them to approach you. Create the life you want. Don't just hope that it happens.

    Agreed :) Celebrating my 5 year wedding anniversary this coming Sunday!

    I approached my Husband. Maybe it's just my personality, but I liked what I saw and claimed it lol. He likes how assertive I am, one of the reasons he married me, according to him.

    If a man can't handle a strong woman, than that is a reflection of his own confidence! You look beautiful IMO, I'm shocked you don't get hit on. Maybe it's the type of men you are around or partial to? I live in N.Y., and here, you wouldn't go out w/ out getting talked to!!
  • flatbellybella
    flatbellybella Posts: 303 Member
    If you're looking for someone, approach THEM. Don't wait for them to approach you. Create the life you want. Don't just hope that it happens.

    *like*

    I have to agree with this...

    And for the record, I think you're *kitten* gorgeous.

    Thanks, so are you.
    and I guess I could suck it up and approach someone ...and see what will happen lol
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    Online dating is awesome. It's like window-shopping for men. Best thing ever!

    I got approached a lot when my friends and I went out (still do), but they weren't quality guys. They mostly just wanted to hook up or were just not that interesting to me.

    I never liked approaching men, at least not aggressively. It rarely worked.
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