Here it goes... I never get approach by men is it because of

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Replies

  • Actavella
    Actavella Posts: 39 Member
    Yeahh! I asked my guy friends and I've even asked an Ex (lmao) they said the same intimidating thing...
    but I think that whole intimidating line is just an excuse

    I agree! I think the intimidating line is an excuse and a cop out. Not every man is intimidated for crying out loud, what are you gonna do beat him up and keep him tyed up in the closet!?? I get the same thing too and I will tell you the truth!

    It's the Weight!! There are even some people who have left their spouse over their weight! Not everyone is like this but a lot seem to be!
  • mfreeby
    mfreeby Posts: 199 Member
    Two words: "sticky eyes". If a guy is staring at you, and you don't want to be overt and give him a wave or approach him just do sticky eyes - make eye contact, look down (coy), look back up, smile. It may be the slight bit of encouragement he needs.
  • yanicka
    yanicka Posts: 1,004 Member
    Why not try Eharmony? It's where I found my curent boyfriend (men friend lol) and there is many quality men on that site. Don't do the free site....they suck. I do not know what is the deal with canadian men......it's a wonder we are not extinct!!!!
  • Schwiggity
    Schwiggity Posts: 1,449 Member
    Throw out the old gender standards, and approach them.
  • norcalbowler
    norcalbowler Posts: 49 Member
    I honestly don't see why you would have issues... You are a beautiful woman... Just sayin...
  • AnaNotBanana
    AnaNotBanana Posts: 963 Member

    It's the Weight!! There are even some people who have left their spouse over their weight! Not everyone is like this but a lot seem to be!

    I can't agree with this. I got hit on as much when I was 222 lbs as I do now at 169 lbs. My boyfriend met me when I was 200 lbs. He told me that when he was younger he would hang out at the mall in front of Torrid and Lane Bryant to look for girls. There are plenty of guys out there that like bigger girls. I think what guys are drawn to is confidence and how you carry yourself.
  • grimnir
    grimnir Posts: 61 Member
    If you're not giving a properly fun and flirty smile to the guys you catch checking you out, you're not going to get approached very often, because you're not telling them that they'll have an enjoyable interaction with you before they approach. And it's not chasing someone to approach them, it's just being confident and outgoing, which is definitely attractive to men, same as to women. Lots of guys these days feel the same way you do about 'if you have to chase something it's not meant for you', and most guys are generally unwilling to go down in flames right off the bat like a chump. Most of the time, guys only approach women because many times the only other option is loneliness. So if you want more conversations with decent men, at least cut us some slack and let us know we're welcome to come join you with your body language. If you don't look like a model and you wait for guys to come to you and pursue you out of the blue, you're probably only ever going to meet *kitten*. And if you DO look like a model, you'll have too much attention even when you don't want it, and you won't have any idea which guys are decent and which are *kitten*. So get your flirt on and enjoy it!

    Also, if you're not comfortable hanging with strangers or bars and parties and such, there are lots of opportunities to meet people at different social or interest groups and volunteer organizations, where you can meet people without much pressure and with plenty of stuff to talk about.

    When it's right, there is a push and pull. You chase each other at turns, in little ways throughout your interactions. It's a dance more than a chase-- meaningful emotional connections are impossible on a one-way street. Nobody worth your while will magically fall for you and pursue you on and on if you're not putting yourself within reach, and showing what it is about you that's so worthwhile.

    But hey, I could just be projecting my own experiences. YMMV.

    I don't live in the greatest city... but even if I go to a bigger city or the States (I'm Canadian) ... it's the same deal...
    they'll just stare me down but won't come up to me.

    and I guess maybe I have to put myself out there more... but a lot of my friends are in serious relationships/engaged/married and aren't really into doing things that "put themseleves out there"

    I guess women can always approach men... but that's not really how I want to go about it... I feel it would be sort of chasing them... and I feel like if you have to chase something it's not meant for you. meh.........
  • GaveUp
    GaveUp Posts: 308
    You know what my husband told me.... He said when he first seen me 17 years ago, that I was to pretty for him. I think guys think that when they see a beautiful woman. Of course for me it has been 17 years, not as young and pretty as I was LOL
  • grimnir
    grimnir Posts: 61 Member
    THIS
    Two words: "sticky eyes". If a guy is staring at you, and you don't want to be overt and give him a wave or approach him just do sticky eyes - make eye contact, look down (coy), look back up, smile. It may be the slight bit of encouragement he needs.
  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member
    THIS
    Two words: "sticky eyes". If a guy is staring at you, and you don't want to be overt and give him a wave or approach him just do sticky eyes - make eye contact, look down (coy), look back up, smile. It may be the slight bit of encouragement he needs.

    That really works. Hmmm...* :devil: as she thinks about the bar she was already planning on going to tonight.*
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    Two words: "sticky eyes". If a guy is staring at you, and you don't want to be overt and give him a wave or approach him just do sticky eyes - make eye contact, look down (coy), look back up, smile. It may be the slight bit of encouragement he needs.

    This totally works too. Cute and approachable. Men don't want to be rejected, so just make sure you are approachable.
  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
    honestly, guys only approached me when i was 10-15 lbs lighter and 5 years+ younger. i think they just really like young girls that they think they can take advantage of. if i do get approached by a guy, it isn't sleezy, he is doing it to chat me up more than to hit on me, and it is still seldom.

    but seriously, when i was 21 and younger, allllll of the time. at the bus stop a guy would say to me "well let me just take you out for dinner...you can let your boyfriend come", on the bus "i really like the shape of your nose...you're beautiful...etc", walking down the street cars would role down their window asking me to get in! at the amusement park a guy asked if he could touch my shirt RIGHT in front of my bf.

    it never happens anymore, im 5'10 and 145 lbs and even they make me feel too fat lol

    you are gorgeous, don't let men approach you, you should approach them!
  • Actavella
    Actavella Posts: 39 Member

    It's the Weight!! There are even some people who have left their spouse over their weight! Not everyone is like this but a lot seem to be!

    I can't agree with this. I got hit on as much when I was 222 lbs as I do now at 169 lbs. My boyfriend met me when I was 200 lbs. He told me that when he was younger he would hang out at the mall in front of Torrid and Lane Bryant to look for girls. There are plenty of guys out there that like bigger girls. I think what guys are drawn to is confidence and how you carry yourself.

    Oh I agree for sure! But there are those who admit to leaving thier spouse because they are overweight and aren't attracted to them. To each their own, and there are just different kinds of people out there who just want different things or are just shallow jerks. We should love who we are and accept no less from the one you spend your life with.
  • sister_bear
    sister_bear Posts: 529 Member
    I've been in a committed relationship for 10 years, but...

    I'm totally and approacher and it's rare that I was the approachee. If I was way too nervous/smitten to approach someone it was TOTALLY a game. I would stare til they noticed I was staring, I'm sure I turned beat red, look away and then would look back as if to say "yes, I'm staring".. smiling the whole time. It definitely took the pressure off because they knew I was interested if I was too nervous to approach.

    And weight never mattered... mine nor theirs...
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
    I know exactly what you mean. There is no good answer as to why they don't talk to you. I have the same issue, and like you, most of my friends are married and aren't into "putting themselves out there," much less being very social period. Even when I've tried talking to men, nothing ever comes of it. I am told that I am too intimidating, then I am told that men are attracted to confidence and independence; success and intelligence. Uhh....... okay then. And I gave up on the online dating scene. I did it for over 10 years and had my profiles checked out by several people to make sure I wasn't coming across as something undateable.

    I really do believe it could be a myriad of reasons. The men that see you 1) lack enough confidence to say anything, 2) may be attracted to you but assume you already have a boyfriend, 3) simply aren't attracted to you for any number of reasons which may or may not involve your weight. As each of us women are unique, so is each guy out there. Some guys prefer blondes, redheads, Asians, rail-thin girls; you may be too tall, too short, too dark or too light for their liking. You may resemble their mother or ex-girlfriend/ex-wife, neither of whom they have a good relationship with (hypothetically).

    In the meantime, think of all the reasons it is cool to be single. There are A LOT of married women out there right now who would love to trade places with you. I understand the frustration 100% and when it gets bad, those are the kinds of things I remind myself of.

    Good luck. :flowerforyou:
  • BethanieK
    BethanieK Posts: 201
    You just gotta suck it up and be open to approaching someone if you see something you like.

    If you're overly worried about your weight in social situations, it can come across as lack of confidence, and that is not an attractive quality in anyone.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    Two words: "sticky eyes". If a guy is staring at you, and you don't want to be overt and give him a wave or approach him just do sticky eyes - make eye contact, look down (coy), look back up, smile. It may be the slight bit of encouragement he needs.

    This does work! :)

    Also, consider on-line dating, I met my current fiancee through craigslist - it was totally random. That was in 2007 and have been inseparable ever since! :) And guys can be such chickens! LOL I made the first move on my fiancee, he was too dang scared to kiss me! If I hadn't pounced on him and gave him that kiss he wouldn't have kissed me.

    Although if you decide to do on-line dating create an email address JUST for that - don't meet anywhere near your house and always tell someone when you are going to meet someone new. You can never be too safe. :)

    p.s. you are VERY pretty! :)
  • jewelzz
    jewelzz Posts: 326 Member
    It was the same for me at one time,after I lost a lot of weight my friends and I were hitting the dance clubs every weekend,my girlfriend would always get talked to and asked to dance and. Let's just say I couldn't understand why.then some guy after about four months of visting the same club,some guy came up to and said.I see you here every weekend but never see you talk to or dance wth anyone however I am going to take the risk and ask you ,you can't be that intimidating .we dated for 3 yrs after that night.I think on some level like women men are afraid of rejection and they will take the sure thing rather than risk getting shut down.
  • eeeekie
    eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
    I guess women can always approach men... but that's not really how I want to go about it... I feel it would be sort of chasing them... and I feel like if you have to chase something it's not meant for you. meh.........

    So, what is it when they have to approach you? Anyway, I'd lose the flower print shirt. Just my opinion.

    Haa
    I love that shirt :)
    I'd most definitely lose those sunglasses.

    Ugh, I think you're shirt is cute (very summery) and what man cares about a shirt anyway? If a man won't approach you because he doesn't like your shirt, he's shallow and...possibly gay? lol

    BTW, I think you're gorgeous. It's not your looks if that's what you're worried about.
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    you are really pretty, and seem nice, so I am going to guess it is your height. Men typically prefer women who are shorter than them, and that means that the men who will approach you are most likely taller -- basically, most shorter men see you as off limits.

    Trust me, you are nowhere near ugly (quite the opposite actually!), so don't even put that thought in your head :smile:
  • iluminadaonix
    iluminadaonix Posts: 79 Member
    Definitely, try online dating. I was never approach either. When I put my profile online, Christian mingles, I was. I'm happily married to my my husband 3 years now. Our path would have never crossed
  • bellinachuchina
    bellinachuchina Posts: 498 Member

    Ugh, I think you're shirt is cute (very summery) and what man cares about a shirt anyway? If a man won't approach you because he doesn't like your shirt, he's shallow and...possibly gay? lol

    BTW, I think you're gorgeous. It's not your looks if that's what you're worried about.

    The shirt situation reminded me about one of Katt William's jokes:

    You have to watch it on youtube for the full effect -> skip to middle (06:55min) & the joke below @ (07:50min)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQj80kd0x3w

    "Never has a ___ been getting ready to have sex with a woman and changed his mind because her fingernails and toenails didn’t match. Not never. Not never! Never has a ____ been putting on a condom and said: “B***h, is that plum and red? I can’t even do it, b***h. I’m outta here. I can’t even do it.”- Katt Williams

    Lmao, exactly :laugh:
  • mrman44445
    mrman44445 Posts: 20
    i think your hot i would throw a line at you but i think alot of guys now adays are too shy if they stare its prob because they like what they see.. why dont you approach them?
  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
    you are really pretty, and seem nice, so I am going to guess it is your height. Men typically prefer women who are shorter than them, and that means that the men who will approach you are most likely taller -- basically, most shorter men see you as off limits.

    Trust me, you are nowhere near ugly (quite the opposite actually!), so don't even put that thought in your head :smile:

    most men, even the shorter ones, LOVE tall women. but you're right, they could see her as off limits. in which case you don't want a guy that has zero confidence anyway right?
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
    If you're looking for someone, approach THEM. Don't wait for them to approach you. Create the life you want. Don't just hope that it happens.

    *like*

    I have to agree with this...

    And for the record, I think you're *kitten* gorgeous.

    Thanks, so are you.
    and I guess I could suck it up and approach someone ...and see what will happen lol
    Buy a guy a drink. If he comes over SCORE. He nods his head and thanks you, it makes it much easier.
  • AKosky585
    AKosky585 Posts: 607 Member
    I was never approached either ( I was so shy) , and then I met my husband on an online dating site. There is nothing wrong with it. Yes, you have to be careful, but you can usually get little red flags if something is not right about somebody. You just have to make sure you talk and get to know them a bit beforehand :) You are really pretty, so I definitely don't think it is your looks or your weight.
  • DarkAngel864
    DarkAngel864 Posts: 229 Member
    I've been told by a few guys that my weight was a factor. That I was smart, funny, with a gorgeous face. Everything that they were looking for, but about 30lbs too heavy. You would think that wouldn't stop them from walking away from something they want, but everyone has their own preferences.

    I approach guys alot, but I know now to not take it personally if they don't find me or my body type attractive. Good luck!
  • Swimgoddess
    Swimgoddess Posts: 711 Member
    There's "taking care of yourself"/"being dolled up" and there's "overdone"/"high maintenance", which can translate to "intimidating".

    I bet you are just as, if not MORE beautiful with a little less make-up and a little less going on with the hair. Yes, I'm a chick but I used to work around TONS of guys and was privy to each and every uncensored thought. They like being able to run their fingers through a girl's hair without them getting snarled, or walk by a candle without having to assess how flammable you are. They like the idea of kissing your face without getting foundation or powder on them. I think you have a bit of wiggle room here. I rock mascara, a very natural lip-liner (berry?) smudged like lip stain (lasts longer) and a dot of concealer when called for. I'm married, go out with my single friends (who overdo it sometimes) and get approached 2-3 times before one of them gets approached once... AND that's wearing my rings!

    As for the weight... my hubby is a sexist pig and thinks all men assess that if a woman looks young enough to not have kids yet, it's only going to go downhill once she does, so you want to start off with a woman who is fairly fit. He also believes that when assessing how a female investment will turn out in the long run, check out the mom. Like I said, he's a pig about some things. Probably not the kind you want to attract, so you can leave it, but keep it in mind.

    The author Violet Blue has a decent book with a rundown on flirting techniques for the socially awkward. Maybe you should check it out... that way if you're sending subconscious negative body language, you'll be able to catch it and correct it.
  • Valtishia
    Valtishia Posts: 811 Member
    I totally doubt its your look. I think you are gorgeous!!

    The one thing that most men fear from a woman is rejection. And they do sense alot coming from a woman. when my husband met me, he didn't approach me at all because he said he saw a big "F OFF" sign on my forehead lol. He was shy and scared of rejection. He said I gave off a whole lot of red light/green light with him at first. He didn't know what to do, just that he liked me. You might be giving off some type of vibe that you aren't even aware of.
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
    It's funny, I have a few friends who's single status is starting to bug them, as well. I'm rather baffled, because I don't get it. I was single for several years, and it never bothered me, and some of them have been single for just a few months, and they're already starting to get down about it. I had off-and-on guy interactions, but I chose to remain decidedly single, and actually enjoyed it more, because I could do my own thing, and not having to worry about stepping on someone's toes. But I'm weird..

    If you really are bothered by your status, then approach guys and make your own move. You might not feel comfortable doing it, but sitting on the sidelines waiting for it to happen isn't going to change the situation. Besides, guys like confidence. Couldn't hurt to go for it when you think one of 'em is interested.
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