Here it goes... I never get approach by men is it because of

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  • april522
    april522 Posts: 388 Member
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    Just a thought...approach them.
    Imagine being a guy that is expected to be the one to "make a move" all the while knowing the chances of being shot down and feeling like crap over it far exceed the chances of success.
    I think a lot of guys just think a nice looking lady (which you are btw) won`t be interested so they don`t try.
    I have to agree with this . . . I never resort to the standards of what a man and woman are expected to do traditionally in a relationship. Try smiling or waving at the least to show that you are interested if they're staring you down. What's the worse they'll do? Turn and walk away from a distance. Go for it!
    I met my current boyfriend through online dating and had a lot of success getting dates (although there were a lot of misses along the way) that way. I would highly recommend it :)
    I met my current boyfriend of 7 years online as well. I don't see anything wrong with it so long as you meet them in a very public place the first few times. This way, you can find people that have the same interests as you because I personally could never go to a club or bar to meet guys . . . I can't stand cigarette smoke, and drinks equal tons of calories. Not to mention, the chances of hooking up with someone who drinks too much is a lot higher in that environment. With online dating places, you can hopefully avoid that and meet someone you really hit it off with.
    If you're looking for someone, approach THEM. Don't wait for them to approach you. Create the life you want. Don't just hope that it happens.
    TOTALLY agree!
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
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    They could feel threatened by you. I don't know how confident you come across to them, but you sound confident in how you carry yourself, etc. Alot of guys will not approach something they feel threatened by. They want to be dominant.
  • almondbliss
    almondbliss Posts: 115
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    There are plenty of guys out there that like bigger girls. I think what guys are drawn to is confidence and how you carry yourself.

    This!!!
    I know without a doubt guys are attracted to my walk and confidence.
  • MrBrown72
    MrBrown72 Posts: 407 Member
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    my weight...
    ...serious question. I'm also a member of bodybuilding.com... and I learnt my lesson when I asked this on their forum. LOL wow did they try to tear me apart. C'est la vie

    So, I hardly ever get approached by guys... I carry myself well, hair done... nails, etc and believe I'm approachable... I'm super friendly and I smile. (I'm not trying to come off cocky.. I don't think I'm any Victoria Secret's Model... I'm just working towards being the best I can be)
    I'm also 5'10 and heavier but I think I carry my weight somewhat well... who knows
    I feel like guys will stare but never do they approach me...

    I don't live in the greatest city... but even if I go to a bigger city or the States (I'm Canadian) ... it's the same deal...
    they'll just stare me down but won't come up to me.
    When I asked this on the bodybuilding.com forum one loser said "they're staring to try to figure if you outweigh them" low blow....

    and I guess maybe I have to put myself out there more... but a lot of my friends are in serious relationships/engaged/married and aren't really into doing things that "put themseleves out there"

    ...I don't want to do online dating :( but I'm sort of at the point where I'm trying not to let my relationship status bother me... but I'm honestly sick of being single (lol)
    I guess women can always approach men... but that's not really how I want to go about it... I feel it would be sort of chasing them... and I feel like if you have to chase something it's not meant for you. meh.........


    Anyways, I'm just curious about this and if anyone else is going through or has gone through this?

    I'll likely be stripped of my man club card for this but let me let you in on a little secret. Men are all a bunch of Pu**ys
    The more attracted to you we are the less likely we are to approach you because your positive reaction has become too valuable to risk. We also can't imagine that a women we find to be painfully attractive has not already been snapped up by some luckier guy.

    All those little things like rejection and judgement are devastating to us just like they may be to you. Don't be sad that we don't approach you, be proud that you are now too hot to approach, and go introduce yourself.
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
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    I've been told I don't give off the "single" or "available" vibe... maybe give flirty eyes as you pass guys to give them the impression you'd like for them to approach you.
  • kathy1117
    kathy1117 Posts: 27
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    dont feel 2 badly bout it....ive been single for 3 yrs. i dont go out much at all, but whn i do.....not even one guy talks 2 me. even if i make an inviting smile or whatever....nothing. idk, my time will come. i cant approach them bcz of self esteem, i feel like...what guy would even b interested ya knw? but if i were u and had the confidence u have, id def go 4 it.
  • Marlinedorcinvil
    Marlinedorcinvil Posts: 115 Member
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    I am a big girl too and gave delt with those same issues. I have a large personality, and I know that is sometimes hard foe people to approach me. I do tend to be the intiator of most conversations with guys but that's just for flirting and free drinks at the bar. I don't believe that I would ever start a relationship with anyone I had to ask out. But I do believe that women should sometimes help a guy out. Let them know that your interested; a look, a wink, anything. Just don't be the first to approach. This is all my opinion so it's not in stone.
  • supertracylynn
    supertracylynn Posts: 1,338 Member
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    Perhaps the over-use of (...)?

    Just joking.

    On the serious side; being open, not overly eager, relaxed, etc is super attractive.

    Please let the record show that making random small talk is not deemed as "chasing". Though the game of cat-and-mouse ("I see you, you see me, let's wait to see who makes the first move") can be viewed as manipulative.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
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    So starting you down is a way to get attention. Do you ever call over any of them that stare you down? I bet if you did they would approach.

    This is the best advice.

    For some reason, cat calling, was the mental image I got when I read this.
    Anyways, excusing myself from the thread. /bows out

    OP: You are pretty, don't know what the problem is!
  • flatbellybella
    flatbellybella Posts: 303 Member
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    Hey, thanks everyone for the kind words and encouragement.
    I meant to gear my question more towards weight and getting approached by the opposite sex... but I guess somehow it turned more about me and my shirt (lol) ;P
    Thanks again.
  • srp2011
    srp2011 Posts: 1,829 Member
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    The shirt situation reminded me about one of Katt William's jokes:

    You have to watch it on youtube for the full effect -> skip to middle (06:55min) & the joke below @ (07:50min)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQj80kd0x3w

    "Never has a ___ been getting ready to have sex with a woman and changed his mind because her fingernails and toenails didn’t match. Not never. Not never! Never has a ____ been putting on a condom and said: “B***h, is that plum and red? I can’t even do it, b***h. I’m outta here. I can’t even do it.”- Katt Williams

    Lmao, exactly :laugh:

    LOL - I went out with a guy once and over lunch, he asked me whether my toenails matched my fingernails, because he had a fetish and only went out with women who were color coordinated... Needless to say, that was our last date...
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
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    Perhaps the over-use of (...)?

    Just joking.

    On the serious side; being open, not overly eager, relaxed, etc is super attractive.

    Please let the record show that making random small talk is not deemed as "chasing". Though the game of cat-and-mouse ("I see you, you see me, let's wait to see who makes the first move") can be viewed as manipulative.
    I use the ... a lot, mainly to imply a pause. Please...do...not...read...my...posts...your...head...will...explode.
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
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    Twice in the last year guys have said that I intimidate them. I think it is because I have a pretty caustic tongue and at least one of those guys lacks a bit of confidence.

    Because of this, I did a little experiment at a singles night. I decided to concentrate on smiling and being inviting and you know someone just came up out of the blue and asked me what I was smiling about, it works. Work on being approachable, and be open to being the initiator. I know you said you don't want to, but if things remain the same, things don't change.

    GG
  • Cornock
    Cornock Posts: 254
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    Yeahh! I asked my guy friends and I've even asked an Ex (lmao) they said the same intimidating thing...
    but I think that whole intimidating line is just an excuse

    OK I havn't read thru the whole post but yes intimidation is key or rather Fear.... Most guys get scared when they see a beautiful woman. It's the whole if I don't ask then I wont get rejected thing, on the flip side the thought pattern becomes well if she's that beautiful she's gotta be attached!

    I can see how that works in your case. :blushing:
  • Cornock
    Cornock Posts: 254
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    Hey, thanks everyone for the kind words and encouragement.
    I meant to gear my question more towards weight and getting approached by the opposite sex... but I guess somehow it turned more about me and my shirt (lol) ;P
    Thanks again.

    I really don't think it has anything to do with your weight.... There is nothing wrong with the way you look at all...
  • OElleBelleO
    OElleBelleO Posts: 54 Member
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    Check out Mathew Hussey's youtube channel. He gives a lot of great advice for women.
    His channel is called MHLifestyle.
  • laceylovespink
    laceylovespink Posts: 138
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    this is just my experience, take it or leave it.

    There are different guys that are attracted to a different type.

    I can honestly say when I was frumpy, overweight and miserable that no one hit on me. Each time I have been fit, thin, and self-confident, I have been able to get any guy that I wanted. I am not insinuating that you change in any way, the guy of your dreams IS out there, it just might take a while to find him...try to relax, not worry about what ANYONE thinks...be who you are and your confidence will attract the man you are supposed to be with.

    Also, I'm not sure I agree with the whole high-maintenance thing...my husband said that me being high maintenance is one of the things he was most attracted to...so be YOU...whatever that may be :)

    And while I'm throwing my opinion out there, be SO CAREFUL with the online dating thing....Swear to God I was dating this guy I met online for about three months before I found out that HE HAD AN IMAGINARY CLOWN THAT HE TALKED TO...then I met and was with a guy for a year and a half (we were engaged) and I found out that he was trying to find other 'women in his area' online....so be careful, there are some crazy ones out there!!
  • Triquetra
    Triquetra Posts: 270 Member
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    I have the same problem, I have NEVER been approached, I even has to initiate asking my ex husband out for the first time, and even asked him to marry me (after 2 years dating)....after 15 years together now I have been divorced for 3 years and again have NEVER been approached, I do ask guys out but am usually turned down as well. Yes I take care of hygiene, dress nice, fun, etc, etc....so who knows.....but if it is meant to be I will find (or be found) by someone :happy:
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    In my limited experience, men aren't attracted to over groomed women. I have yet to meet a man who cares about a woman's fingernails, or whether their hair is straight, or if they have perfectly neat eyebrows. Most men want a woman they can laugh with, drink with, and get dirty with. I think the obsession women have for grooming is for other women. It's not what any man I have ever met is looking for. Also, men don't care if your shoes and handbag match. In fact they probably don't care if you have shoes or a handbag or not.


    I do have LIMITED experience, though.
  • rubyrenga
    rubyrenga Posts: 402 Member
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    Maybe this has already been said--I haven't read through every response, but I would say to join some type of group for a hobby type thing that you are interested in. I had the same problem before I met my guy, that I didn't have a lot of girlfriends to get out there with because they were married or whatever, and when I did, I realized it was not the type of environment in which I'd want to meet someone (bar, club, etc.). It may sound cliche, but if you get involved in something you're genuinely interested in or volunteer, you will maybe meet someone else with similar interests, and you will be so involved in the activity at hand that there would less of a chance of giving off that "vibe" that you are out there looking. Besides, even if you meet someone who is not a match, not many bad guys would be volunteering, so that may be a good start! Good luck. You'll find him.

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