Here it goes... I never get approach by men is it because of

Just a thought...approach them.
Imagine being a guy that is expected to be the one to "make a move" all the while knowing the chances of being shot down and feeling like crap over it far exceed the chances of success.
I think a lot of guys just think a nice looking lady (which you are btw) won`t be interested so they don`t try.

I have to agree with this . . . I never resort to the standards of what a man and woman are expected to do traditionally in a relationship. Try smiling or waving at the least to show that you are interested if they're staring you down. What's the worse they'll do? Turn and walk away from a distance. Go for it!

I met my current boyfriend through online dating and had a lot of success getting dates (although there were a lot of misses along the way) that way. I would highly recommend it

I met my current boyfriend of 7 years online as well. I don't see anything wrong with it so long as you meet them in a very public place the first few times. This way, you can find people that have the same interests as you because I personally could never go to a club or bar to meet guys . . . I can't stand cigarette smoke, and drinks equal tons of calories. Not to mention, the chances of hooking up with someone who drinks too much is a lot higher in that environment. With online dating places, you can hopefully avoid that and meet someone you really hit it off with.

If you're looking for someone, approach THEM. Don't wait for them to approach you. Create the life you want. Don't just hope that it happens.

TOTALLY agree!

There are plenty of guys out there that like bigger girls. I think what guys are drawn to is confidence and how you carry yourself.

This!!!
I know without a doubt guys are attracted to my walk and confidence.

I've been told I don't give off the "single" or "available" vibe... maybe give flirty eyes as you pass guys to give them the impression you'd like for them to approach you.

I am a big girl too and gave delt with those same issues. I have a large personality, and I know that is sometimes hard foe people to approach me. I do tend to be the intiator of most conversations with guys but that's just for flirting and free drinks at the bar. I don't believe that I would ever start a relationship with anyone I had to ask out. But I do believe that women should sometimes help a guy out. Let them know that your interested; a look, a wink, anything. Just don't be the first to approach. This is all my opinion so it's not in stone.

So starting you down is a way to get attention. Do you ever call over any of them that stare you down? I bet if you did they would approach.

This is the best advice.

For some reason, cat calling, was the mental image I got when I read this.
Anyways, excusing myself from the thread. /bows out

OP: You are pretty, don't know what the problem is!

The shirt situation reminded me about one of Katt William's jokes:

You have to watch it on youtube for the full effect -> skip to middle (06:55min) & the joke below @ (07:50min)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQj80kd0x3w

"Never has a ___ been getting ready to have sex with a woman and changed his mind because her fingernails and toenails didn’t match. Not never. Not never! Never has a ____ been putting on a condom and said: “B***h, is that plum and red? I can’t even do it, b***h. I’m outta here. I can’t even do it.”- Katt Williams

Lmao, exactly :laugh:

LOL - I went out with a guy once and over lunch, he asked me whether my toenails matched my fingernails, because he had a fetish and only went out with women who were color coordinated... Needless to say, that was our last date...

Twice in the last year guys have said that I intimidate them. I think it is because I have a pretty caustic tongue and at least one of those guys lacks a bit of confidence.

Because of this, I did a little experiment at a singles night. I decided to concentrate on smiling and being inviting and you know someone just came up out of the blue and asked me what I was smiling about, it works. Work on being approachable, and be open to being the initiator. I know you said you don't want to, but if things remain the same, things don't change.

GG

Hey, thanks everyone for the kind words and encouragement.
I meant to gear my question more towards weight and getting approached by the opposite sex... but I guess somehow it turned more about me and my shirt (lol) ;P
Thanks again.

I really don't think it has anything to do with your weight.... There is nothing wrong with the way you look at all...

this is just my experience, take it or leave it.

There are different guys that are attracted to a different type.

I can honestly say when I was frumpy, overweight and miserable that no one hit on me. Each time I have been fit, thin, and self-confident, I have been able to get any guy that I wanted. I am not insinuating that you change in any way, the guy of your dreams IS out there, it just might take a while to find him...try to relax, not worry about what ANYONE thinks...be who you are and your confidence will attract the man you are supposed to be with.

Also, I'm not sure I agree with the whole high-maintenance thing...my husband said that me being high maintenance is one of the things he was most attracted to...so be YOU...whatever that may be

And while I'm throwing my opinion out there, be SO CAREFUL with the online dating thing....Swear to God I was dating this guy I met online for about three months before I found out that HE HAD AN IMAGINARY CLOWN THAT HE TALKED TO...then I met and was with a guy for a year and a half (we were engaged) and I found out that he was trying to find other 'women in his area' online....so be careful, there are some crazy ones out there!!

In my limited experience, men aren't attracted to over groomed women. I have yet to meet a man who cares about a woman's fingernails, or whether their hair is straight, or if they have perfectly neat eyebrows. Most men want a woman they can laugh with, drink with, and get dirty with. I think the obsession women have for grooming is for other women. It's not what any man I have ever met is looking for. Also, men don't care if your shoes and handbag match. In fact they probably don't care if you have shoes or a handbag or not.


I do have LIMITED experience, though.

I never approach men because I want to know how much of a man he really is and how much he really wants me.

I'm not into guys who are more motivated by their fear of rejection than they are by their desire to get to know me. I'm into men who think "I want her, and whatever I have to do to get her, I'll do it."

The last man who approached me (an incredibly tall, incredibly ripped, incredibly fine specimen of a man who happens to be my neighbor) ... I think about him all the time. Sure, some of it is because he's really hot and it feels good to have someone like that expressing interest in me, but it's mostly because he had the balls to come over when he saw me outside one day (about a month ago), introduce himself, and ask questions about me. Now, every time he sees me, he makes a concerted effort to strike up a conversation and learn more about me. We're slowly getting to know each other better and may take it to the next level, but the dynamic is a bit different when it's your neighbor and not a guy you met at some random place. You don't want to make things awkward with someone you literally can't escape from (at least not without a major life change such as finding another place to live).

But I guess my point is that if he's not interested enough to come to you, then he's not interested. He may think you're hot. And if he bothered to get to know you, he'd probably think you're a great person. But if he's not willing to be the hunter, then he's not worth it. Approaching him would set the tone for any relationship you might have with him; he'd always expect you to be the one to do all the hard work.

If you see a guy you just have to have but it's clear that he's not going to come to you and you think you want to make the first move, then do something like walk past his table and tell him you like his shirt or whatever. That makes you approachable. If he doesn't pick up your scent at that point, move on because he's obviously not going to chase you.

Most of what you are feeling about yourself is picked up on by men - they sense your vibe. So, if you are there stressed, insecure, or are listening to your mind chatter on with negative messages or worse having a mental one-on-one with your critical/complaining evil twin, (a problem for many of us with weight issues) you are 100% unapproachable.

My suggestion is to be the best you that you can be at this point looks-wise, and then go out with a warm, open attitude.

1-- RELAX, FOCUS ON OTHERS & YOUR ENVIRONMENT, not yourself
2--SMILE...at everyone...other women, married guys..just SMILE.
3--MAKE, RETURN and HOLD EYE CONTACT

Attracting men just never happened for me...ever....I felt like I was always blending into the wallpaper. Then I realized I had perfected the "leave me alone" vibe to avoid rejection and started observing my behavior and working on it. Then one day I started smiling more and it rocked my world. Now, it's raining men. It can happen for anyone on here, especially you -- you're a cutie. It's about looks to a limited degree -- men are visual-- but looks are about taste and eveyone's taste is different.

Just SMILE!

I'm afraid I would be instantly put off by a man approaching me. I have always brushed off men who try to chat me up uninvited.

I'd be put off by a man approaching me just to hit on me. When that happens, I get nauseated. And I'm not being facetious. I really get a queasy feeling when a guy comes over and spouts off some ridiculous pick-up line or is obviously staring at my chest or checking me out or trying to stand way too close to me when he didn't even know I was alive 30 seconds before.

But I love when guys come over just to talk and try to actually learn something about me. Even if we only end up being friends, I like guys who have the confidence to do that, rather than just staring at me from across the room and never bothering to say a word.

I'm afraid I would be instantly put off by a man approaching me. I have always brushed off men who try to chat me up uninvited.

I'd be put off by a man approaching me just to hit on me. When that happens, I get nauseated. And I'm not being facetious. I really get a queasy feeling when a guy comes over and spouts off some ridiculous pick-up line or is obviously staring at my chest or checking me out or trying to stand way too close to me when he didn't even know I was alive 30 seconds before.

But I love when guys come over just to talk and try to actually learn something about me. Even if we only end up being friends, I like guys who have the confidence to do that, rather than just staring at me from across the room and never bothering to say a word.

That is annoying. When that happens to me (only every once in a while) I turn into a smart @ss and engage in some form of verbal challenge with them ala Kelly McGillis in Top Gun. They aren't serious about getting to know me, why should I take their advance seriously? Best them verbally and send them back to their corner, I say....all in fun, of course.

A nice genuine smile always works, and I believe when you are not looking to meet someone, thats when you are most likely to meet someone. one cause you are not trying to hard to find someone. Two you will not settle for the next thing just cause it came along.
be you when you are out, just go there to enjoy yourself, that to me is the best way to meet a person that would like you for you and vise versa.
My story: when I was in the military, in my second station we were playing volleyball after work, I knew some people there from my previous base so I was playing as well, and I am outgoing. I had finished playing and sat down at a picnic table, I said "I have a crunchy booty from playing in the sand" apparently my husband now, at the time I did not know him, said that when I said that it made him laugh so hard, he thought I was cute when he saw me, but that incident really attracted him to me. I was being me and not worrying about looking cute, and I was not looking to meet anyone. On the contrary I was trying to live the single life for a long time.
I have been married for four years
good luck and be patient, you want to meet the right guy for you.