PLEASE DO NOT DIVORCE ME BCOZ I'M FAT RIGHT NOW!

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  • Babydollnikki
    Babydollnikki Posts: 14
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    NO LONGER BEING "IN A BOX", WHICH SOCIETY CONSTANTLY ATTEMPTS TO DRIVE US WOMEN TO LIVE IN IS EXACTLY WHY I DID PRECISELY THAT. THE POSTING OF A RANT. NOT THE TYPICAL INTRODUCTION KIND OF GAL ANY LONGER. BECAUSE I AM FREE TO BE ME NOW. FREEDOM TO EXPRESS MYSELF AFTER EATING INSTEAD OF SPEAKING UP. AN EXCHANGE FOR MY BOX OF DOUGHNUTS FOR MY FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION. ALL ___ AND ___LBS OF ME. ITS TIME TO SPEAK UP AND SPEAK OUT AS MY STRESS RIDDEN POUNDS FALL FROM ME-- AND ONTO THE FLOOR! THE LAST STRAW MISTER! YOU'VE FINALLY CROSSED THE LINE! KNOWING THAT YOU SEE THE PROGRESS IN MY WEIGHT LOSS YOU ATTEMPT TO SELFISHLY AND SELF CENTERDLY TRY TO SABOTAGE IT BY STATING TO ME..."I HOPE YOU GET THE BODY OF A 27 YEAR OLD AND LEAVE ME AND FIND A MAN WHO WILL TREAT YOU JUST THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. AND YOU CAN LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK"! BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR MISTER SPOUSE...
  • Gary1977
    Gary1977 Posts: 804 Member
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    I feel for ya, but I had to come to a hard realization. I AM THE REASON I'M FAT! I don't agree the way your husband treated you. However, if you don't care enough about yourself to make improvements why should others care. I'll offer you the same advise I gave myself: Quit feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. Also don't do it for others, do it for yourself. If you don't, you'll never see it through to the end. Good luck with your journey and I'm sure you'll achieve your goals.
  • Noctuary
    Noctuary Posts: 255
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    men are pigs ::hug::
    I take it you are a lesbian then? Or do you partake of the swine?
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    men are pigs ::hug::
    I take it you are a lesbian then? Or do you partake of the swine?
    :laugh: <~~this was in agreement of your comment, it struck me as funny at first but you make a good point!
  • kr3851
    kr3851 Posts: 994 Member
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    Wow, um...

    This might be just me... but if he doesn't love you through thick and/or thin... then he probably never truly loved you.

    Ya know, I have a huge problem with this statement.

    If a woman no longer cares enough about HERSELF to stay healthy and in shape, why should she expect her man to forever love her, as she continues to be lazy about exercise and eat junk?

    If you want others to love you, you need to show that you deserve that love. We are human - we don't love unconditionally, no matter how much that we want to or should.

    If you aren't the same woman that a man married, and refuse to compromise on it, why should he be stuck and unhappy with it?

    You need to change for YOU. Because YOU care about YOURSELF enough to want to. Not for anyone else. When you show that you care enough, and have confidence in yourself, others will see and respect and love that.

    I see too many women (and men) making excuses for being left, when if they would respect themselves it maybe wouldn't have happened. I don't think its a huge secret of life that men are visually centered and attracted to a womans looks. If a woman refuses to work at looking good, ANY man will stop caring eventually.

    I'm not trying to be a troll. I'm not saying that if you don't lose the weight in 6 months he should leave. I'm not sayin he would have stayed even if you had done all that. I'm saying maybe all you people need to realize men leave women for a REASON, not just because.

    And no, I never left a woman because she was fat.

    I almost ranted when I read this first sentence... but then I read the rest. It's true.. I'm fat because I didn't respect myself enough to take care of myself. At the same time though, if I'm TRYING to improve myself I would expect my significant other to support me in that endeavour. I'm lucky enough to have a partner who met me at my biggest, loves me at my biggest, and is supporting me in my effort to improve myself. I AM ONLY DOING IT FOR ME, NOT FOR HIM. He just gets to enjoy it!
  • ditzee
    ditzee Posts: 49
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    just tell him he's not wired for 2--20 and get on with your life. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
  • oldfastguy
    oldfastguy Posts: 3
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    Me likey your counsel.... The thing to remember is Men marry women hoping the don't change and they usally do... Women marry men hopeing to change them and they seldom do.... If men and women don't relieze that they'll likely bounce around from marrage to marrage until they do.
  • Noctuary
    Noctuary Posts: 255
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    I say let that be the very last post about him. THIS is about YOU now. Get out there and do your thing! Being positive will do you alot better than thinking about the negative. Good luck!
  • TiniTurtle
    TiniTurtle Posts: 595 Member
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    men are pigs ::hug::
    I take it you are a lesbian then? Or do you partake of the swine?

    not a lesbian, i enjoy my well trained pig ;o) baha
  • Carey2011
    Carey2011 Posts: 15
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    Let's just hope he remains perfect! He isn't off the face of this planet yet! After having my two children I gained a lot of weight and my husband never criticised me once. All he ever said was that he still thought that I was still beautiful and that it was entirely up to me whether I decided to lose the weight or not. For better or worse !!
  • RiverInTheRoad
    RiverInTheRoad Posts: 77
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    Wow, um...

    This might be just me... but if he doesn't love you through thick and/or thin... then he probably never truly loved you.

    Ya know, I have a huge problem with this statement.

    If a woman no longer cares enough about HERSELF to stay healthy and in shape, why should she expect her man to forever love her, as she continues to be lazy about exercise and eat junk?

    If you want others to love you, you need to show that you deserve that love. We are human - we don't love unconditionally, no matter how much that we want to or should.

    If you aren't the same woman that a man married, and refuse to compromise on it, why should he be stuck and unhappy with it?

    You need to change for YOU. Because YOU care about YOURSELF enough to want to. Not for anyone else. When you show that you care enough, and have confidence in yourself, others will see and respect and love that.

    I see too many women (and men) making excuses for being left, when if they would respect themselves it maybe wouldn't have happened. I don't think its a huge secret of life that men are visually centered and attracted to a womans looks. If a woman refuses to work at looking good, ANY man will stop caring eventually.

    I'm not trying to be a troll. I'm not saying that if you don't lose the weight in 6 months he should leave. I'm not sayin he would have stayed even if you had done all that. I'm saying maybe all you people need to realize men leave women for a REASON, not just because.

    And no, I never left a woman because she was fat.

    I totally agree with you on this. I'm sort of going through this as of late actually. The boyfriend has lost interest physically (and I seriously don't blame them because I don't like what I see either) but he still loves me emotionally and is giving me time to get my *kitten* together. I let myself go because I got too comfortable in the relationship and got extermely lazy and uninterested in taking care of myself like I should. I would eat everything bad in the book, laze about and not care about my general apperance. I think both men and women need a wake up call sometimes to break them out of said lazy state and get their a$$es in gear. I'm just glad that my bf is flexible enough to let me get back to the reins of good health and taking care of myself that I have neglected for so long; a neglect that has landed me around 45-50 lbs overweight.

    TL;DR You're totally right and I agree with everything you said.
  • MyBeautyIsSkinDeep
    MyBeautyIsSkinDeep Posts: 112
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    Let's just hope he remains perfect! He isn't off the face of this planet yet! After having my two children I gained a lot of weight and my husband never criticised me once. All he ever said was that he still thought that I was still beautiful and that it was entirely up to me whether I decided to lose the weight or not. For better or worse !!
    Now that is what Iam talking about !!! LOVE ME !!! LOVE ME !!!! LOVE ME!!!! The was your promise when I became your wife!!! and Yes I LOVE ME ALL THE WAY AND MAKING THE CHANGES FOR ME RIGHT NOW!!! But know when I said i dont was because I wanted you in my life not I NEEDED you my life !! there is a difference!! You are there to build each other up when one has falling hold my hand and say BABY I GOT YOU!!! DONT CALL ME FAT AND PUT ME DOWN!!! HOW CAN A PERSON REMAIN IN LOVE WITH ABUSIVE SPEECH !!! :huh:
  • Eviesmum
    Eviesmum Posts: 270 Member
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    I say let that be the very last post about him. THIS is about YOU now. Get out there and do your thing! Being positive will do you alot better than thinking about the negative. Good luck!

    Well said :drinker:
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
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    i LOVE YOU! BUT DO YOU "LOVE" ME? Good question. Well all I can say is the same old thing that you have viewed as an "EXCUSE" for remaining a porker for the last 5 years..."CHILDBIRTH and STRESS". Why is it that we woman gain the weight to bear the children, but after pregnancy if we don't get that weight back off we loose your interest because of the bulge. Why is it that your negative comments about being "FAT NOW" cause us so much stress that we tend to adapt a lifestyle of emotional eating but you get to remain thin and sexy for the next 23 year old replacement wife. Its not fair!!! Be Supportive Please if you want me "THIN" again>

    Because some guys (and girls) are insensitive *kitten*. Not all men are like that, and it is wrong for them to treat you like that. Keep your chin up!!!

    I 2nd this. If your relationship is this superficial I am so sorry that you have to go through this. But hey forget about his selfishness. Its time for you to take charge of you. Get selfish in your own right. Forget his words and start to reflect on your own. If you want to lose weight do it for you and for your child. Work on your emotional well being while working on your health and physical appearance. You have positive support here.
  • Caribbean_Soul
    Caribbean_Soul Posts: 127 Member
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    I had the same experience in 1996 when my husband of 15 years left me for a younger, thinner woman. They are married now and guess what? She's fat and ugly! Ha-ha!

    I could have said your opening statement myself. But there is a lot more there than the fat. You have some YOU to work on. I highly recommend "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth. Oprah says it changed her life. I think it could change yours too.

    Focus on yourself. Live in the present. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. And then do what's best for you and your children. Good luck.
  • tanyaelise
    tanyaelise Posts: 28
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    OMG - I love this post. I seriously need to send it to my... well, the man I married (:wink: ). If you think the grass is greener on the other side, try taking care of your own and see how pretty it can be...

    Your post made me smile - Thank you!!

    Love it...you are so right. I know exactly what she's talking about. It was never verbalized but I sure did feel it!
  • mikeyrp
    mikeyrp Posts: 1,616 Member
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    There is a lot of good advice here.

    If your partner doesn't support you or want you to be 'the best you can be' then they are not a good partner.

    By the same token, a person should aim to be the best they can be - and not hold anyone to account but themselves for their success or failure. This is how we earn respect - for ourselves and from others.

    ...edit... - to be clear - I do not consider the way you have been treated to be supportive any any way shape or form - your partner was being a ****!

    There is also some some really funny comments here. This:
    Not a lesbian, i enjoy my well trained pig ;o) baha)

    made me loose my coffee and almost destroy my new laptop... THANKS :)
  • stephr2014
    stephr2014 Posts: 311 Member
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    men are pigs ::hug::
    I take it you are a lesbian then? Or do you partake of the swine?

    not a lesbian, i enjoy my well trained pig ;o) baha



    :laugh:
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
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    Wow, um...

    This might be just me... but if he doesn't love you through thick and/or thin... then he probably never truly loved you.

    Ya know, I have a huge problem with this statement.

    If a woman no longer cares enough about HERSELF to stay healthy and in shape, why should she expect her man to forever love her, as she continues to be lazy about exercise and eat junk?

    If you want others to love you, you need to show that you deserve that love. We are human - we don't love unconditionally, no matter how much that we want to or should.

    If you aren't the same woman that a man married, and refuse to compromise on it, why should he be stuck and unhappy with it?

    You need to change for YOU. Because YOU care about YOURSELF enough to want to. Not for anyone else. When you show that you care enough, and have confidence in yourself, others will see and respect and love that.

    I see too many women (and men) making excuses for being left, when if they would respect themselves it maybe wouldn't have happened. I don't think its a huge secret of life that men are visually centered and attracted to a womans looks. If a woman refuses to work at looking good, ANY man will stop caring eventually.

    I'm not trying to be a troll. I'm not saying that if you don't lose the weight in 6 months he should leave. I'm not sayin he would have stayed even if you had done all that. I'm saying maybe all you people need to realize men leave women for a REASON, not just because.

    And no, I never left a woman because she was fat.

    I totally agree with you on this. I'm sort of going through this as of late actually. The boyfriend has lost interest physically (and I seriously don't blame them because I don't like what I see either) but he still loves me emotionally and is giving me time to get my *kitten* together. I let myself go because I got too comfortable in the relationship and got extermely lazy and uninterested in taking care of myself like I should. I would eat everything bad in the book, laze about and not care about my general apperance. I think both men and women need a wake up call sometimes to break them out of said lazy state and get their a$$es in gear. I'm just glad that my bf is flexible enough to let me get back to the reins of good health and taking care of myself that I have neglected for so long; a neglect that has landed me around 45-50 lbs overweight.

    TL;DR You're totally right and I agree with everything you said.


    Thank goodness my husband isn't this type of man you all are referring to. See at 324 lbs my husband still loved me like I was the 6' 190 lbs athletic woman he fell in love with. I still got the respect I deserved as his wife because he didn't base our marriage on looks alone. I was told every single day that I was beautiful because he was in love with me. So when I hear people say there is no such thing as unconditional love I have to chuckle because I know what I got. And he is a physically fit military man with 11% body fat. I use to laugh at the looks we would get because I was so over weight and he is walking around looking like a running back. We've been together since 1996 and for 10 of those years I was obese.

    Ladies don't allow a man to determine whether you lose weight or not based on him leaving or staying. If looks is the real foundation of your relationship it will not be a lasting one. He would have to kick rocks. Seriously. I decided to lose weight for me and my children. There was no pressure from hubby ever. I wish my husband would have "given me time to get myself together"....pfffts! naw bro you can go now. I don't do time limits.
  • mrscjwilson
    mrscjwilson Posts: 252
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    Love is not a feeling..it is a decision.
    Now that's some truth right there!
    love is simply a principal. I love you because I choose to love you....the feelings/emotions come from standing by that principal. If you have no principals then your feelings waiver. A persons body does not define the principal of love.
    Only mature grown ups can love as a principal/choice, maybe he need to mature in that way before he can learn to stop loving with his eyes.

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