Any good jokes?
Replies
-
I was lying in bed with my wife last Sunday morning when she called me by a special pet name, a loving and endearing term. ‘Hey Shorty,’ she said. ‘Would you like to hear the patter of little feet?’
Taken aback, I replied: ‘Yes, I would.’
She said: ‘Good. Run down to the kitchen and get me a glass of water.’
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1335573/Warm-cockles-Ronnie-Corbetts-best-gags.html#ixzz46LWhgynL
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
2 -
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."4 -
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."2
-
huntersvonnegut wrote: »A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."
Omgahd so stupid its great0 -
Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, "Whatcha doin' Daddy?" Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. "Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he says. Little Johnny asks, "Whatcha gonna do, f**k it?"3
-
The psychology teacher had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the students. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the teacher asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"1 -
the nuns rode their bikes from the convent to the church every morning. One day Mother Superior decided to take them on a different route. As they were riding along, one of the new sisters took in the surrounding scenery. She rode up to Mother Superior and said "Mother, I've never come this way before." Mother Superior replied, "It's the cobblestones, honey."3
-
A duck walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "got any raisins?" Bartender says no.
Next day, duck comes back, asks the same question. Bartender says no again.
The third day, the duck comes back, asks the same question. Bartender yells "I told you we don't have any *kitten* raisins, and if you ask again, I swear I will nail your bill to the wall!"
The day after that, the duck comes back. He says "got a hammer?" The bartender says no.
Duck says, "got any raisins?"2 -
What happened to the frog when he got stuck on the side of the road?
He got Toad.3 -
Hear about the flasher who was thinking about retiring? He decided to stick it out one more year.
2 -
Two parrots on a perch. One says to the other "Something smells fishy!"2
-
michaelguzzo wrote: »the nuns rode their bikes from the convent to the church every morning. One day Mother Superior decided to take them on a different route. As they were riding along, one of the new sisters took in the surrounding scenery. She rode up to Mother Superior and said "Mother, I've never come this way before." Mother Superior replied, "It's the cobblestones, honey."
Hahahha ewwww2 -
Skeeterbug13 wrote: »What happened to the frog when he got stuck on the side of the road?
He got Toad.
Simple jokes are my favorite1 -
Why did Adele cross the road?
She wanted to say "hello" from the other side.1 -
What do you call an alien with 3 balls?
An Extra Testicle2 -
Did you know it is impossible to run through a campsite?
You can only ran, because it's past tents.4 -
shadowfax_c11 wrote: »Did you know it is impossible to run through a campsite?
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
Oh my gosh i get it hahahhaha0 -
My friend asked me, "Why are you getting a divorce?" I responded, "My wife wasn't home the entire night and in the morning she said she spent the night at her sister's house." He said, "So?" And I responded, "She's lying. I spent the night at her sister's house!"
Hahahaha have a great day YOUR WELCOME1 -
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.3
-
Do you know what my grandpa said before you kick the can?
I wonder how far I can kick this can1
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392.9K Introduce Yourself
- 43.7K Getting Started
- 260.1K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.8K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 415 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.9K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.6K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.5K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions