Any good jokes?

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13

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  • 5150nick562
    5150nick562 Posts: 190 Member
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    My friend asked me, "Why are you getting a divorce?" I responded, "My wife wasn't home the entire night and in the morning she said she spent the night at her sister's house." He said, "So?" And I responded, "She's lying. I spent the night at her sister's house!"

    Hahahaha have a great day YOUR WELCOME
  • 5150nick562
    5150nick562 Posts: 190 Member
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    I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
  • hdatres
    hdatres Posts: 635 Member
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    Do you know what my grandpa said before you kick the can?

    I wonder how far I can kick this can
  • Amanda_0707
    Amanda_0707 Posts: 103 Member
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    5150nick562 wrote: »
    I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

    Oh my gahd nick im rollin hahaha thank you
  • hdatres
    hdatres Posts: 635 Member
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    Did you hear about the corduroy pillows?
    It really made headlines!
  • junodog1
    junodog1 Posts: 4,792 Member
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    _A_Real_Mouthful wrote: »
    A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini.
    The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar but quickly becomes aware he is actually just dreaming.
    He wakes shortly after and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he just had.
    His wife ignores him.
    The man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.

    I really like jokes. I'm a great person to tell jokes to because I usually cannot remember a punchline. I get the punchline, but I just forget it. I can hear a joke more than once and sincerely laugh all over again.

    But I don't get this. I even checked out the urban dictionaty to see if all ya'll smart *kitten* youngsters had changed the meaning of shambles. Is there an actual joke here? If so would someone explain it to me.
  • Jeffrey300050
    Jeffrey300050 Posts: 93 Member
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    How do you make a girl's toes curl when you "make love" to her?
    Keep her pantyhose on!
  • hdatres
    hdatres Posts: 635 Member
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    What did the one ocean say to the other ocean???

    Nothing, they just waved
  • aan98
    aan98 Posts: 5 Member
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    My life
  • Amanda_0707
    Amanda_0707 Posts: 103 Member
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    aan98 wrote: »
    My life

  • _incogNEATo_
    _incogNEATo_ Posts: 4,543 Member
    edited April 2016
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    _A_Real_Mouthful wrote: »
    junodog1 wrote: »
    _A_Real_Mouthful wrote: »
    A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini.
    The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar but quickly becomes aware he is actually just dreaming.
    He wakes shortly after and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he just had.
    His wife ignores him.
    The man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.

    I really like jokes. I'm a great person to tell jokes to because I usually cannot remember a punchline. I get the punchline, but I just forget it. I can hear a joke more than once and sincerely laugh all over again.

    But I don't get this. I even checked out the urban dictionaty to see if all ya'll smart *kitten* youngsters had changed the meaning of shambles. Is there an actual joke here? If so would someone explain it to me.

    its an "anti-joke" (my personal favorite)- you basically start it off like any other and then bomb the punchline, usually with something depressing or sad.

    https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Anti-Joke

    Speaking of sad: I hate this had to be explained. It takes so much away from the beauty of it.
  • Matty_Bowman
    Matty_Bowman Posts: 39 Member
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    A vegan surfer walks into a health food store. The employee behind the counter says "Oh hey dude! We just got in a new protein powder that's totally all pea protein." And the surfer says "Sweet! No whey man!"
  • 5150nick562
    5150nick562 Posts: 190 Member
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    Mattkbowman wrote: »
    A vegan surfer walks into a health food store. The employee behind the counter says "Oh hey dude! We just got in a new protein powder that's totally all pea protein." And the surfer says "Sweet! No whey man!"

    Nice!!!
  • 5150nick562
    5150nick562 Posts: 190 Member
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    Why is Santa Claus so jolly?
    Because he knows where all the naughty girls live

    Hahaha I hohohope yall like it !
  • 5150nick562
    5150nick562 Posts: 190 Member
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    Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?

    A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"
  • 5150nick562
    5150nick562 Posts: 190 Member
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    Q: what did the mama bucket say to the baby buck=t when it was sick?
    A: you look alittle pale ?
  • _HunterKiller_
    _HunterKiller_ Posts: 545 Member
    edited April 2016
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    Whats the odd one out?

    A Washing Machine
    B Toaster
    C Woman
    D Freezer

    B Toaster - It's the only one that doesn't drip when it's f*cked


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