Dealing with people that don't get it.
Replies
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You don't owe them anything. Carry on.4
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I just say.." I packed a lunch today..." Or thank you for asking.3
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you dont have to say a word. they will soon get fed up1
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Part of it is the amount of time you've been at it, after months of losing weight I started getting more questions and less food pushing, after 1 1/2 years they just don't even offer, they know i'm doing my thing and it's not just a fad or faze i'm going through.2
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You don't owe anyone an explanation. That being said, if someone is being persistent, rude or snarky to you sometimes a snappy comeback will work but a "dr"s orders" will shut them up without further explanation.2
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This is very true, the longer you stick with it, the more it just becomes your accepted behaviour. It was my birthday yesterday and, as per office tradition, I brought in a few mini cookies and mini brownie bites for everyone else to enjoy today. I'm not going to behave like a food nazi, and dictate what everyone else eats, I'm just not going to have any of them myself. After all, I had a piece of chocolate sponge cake yesterday, enjoyed it immensely and fit it in my calorie count for the day. Without judging, perhaps there are people in the office who can also fit in a little square of brownie into their normal eating. I could bring in the fruit platter that I would happily consider a treat, but it would simply annoy the people who don't want their food intake policed. By being considerate towards others and keeping up the normal traditions, I think it goes quite some way to them understanding that my personal food intake isn't going to impact on them!sashayoung72 wrote: »Part of it is the amount of time you've been at it, after months of losing weight I started getting more questions and less food pushing, after 1 1/2 years they just don't even offer, they know i'm doing my thing and it's not just a fad or faze i'm going through.
The unwanted comments, I've had them in the past, but it really is best to ignore them entirely, and not even engage in discussions or (mildly) snarky comments back, even if you desperately want to. I rather suspect those people are looking to get a reaction from you, so don't give them the satisfaction!9 -
duckforceone wrote: »tell them : Because unlike you, i refuse to help this country descend into a fat epidemic.
If you can't respect me saying no, then i have no respect for you at all.
seriously, stop being a douche and offering me unhealthy food. If you want to be a good person, start bringing in healthy alternatives instead.
Well OP said he wasn't sanctimonious so these replies wouldn't work for a non sanctimonious person, nor would they stop niggling or comments or eye rolling.
I would roll my eyes at anyone saying such 'on your high horse' comments too.
I am firmly with the others who say respond with a friendly No thanks, or I might have some later or I've brought my lunch from home or something equally short and mild.
That has always worked for me, along with occaisonally haveing a small amount of something or talking it home to ' have later' ( may or may not actually take any or eat it at home if I do)
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I hear you OP, it's very frustrating. Seriously there's a friend I don't even really want to visit again because she's always pushing food on me when I go! But yeah, all you can do is just say no and try not to be around those people too much when there is food there. I get very annoyed when someone tries to push food on me that I don't even want (if I do, I make room for it anyway!).
Usually I say that I'm just not hungry. Or if they annoy me I tell them that I had a donut yesterday already so I'm trying to be good today (bonus is that it's a passive aggressive criticism of their eating habits too, so maybe they'll leave you alone next time). Or that I didn't want to spike my blood sugar (which is the truth sometimes).1 -
I am known for my host of food allergies and have a couple of coworkers who know where my epipens are stashed. Usually, when I say "No, thank you." I get at least one, "Oh, yeah, she can't eat anything good."
On one hand, I am the office weirdo, on the other, they don't give me a hard time.2 -
I lie.
Someone comes by and says "hey there are donuts in admin" and I'll reply enthusiastically "Wow that's awesome, I'll grab one in a minute!" ...and that minute never arrives.14 -
Tell them that God told you to adopt your new diet. That will shut them up.
Give up stuff for Lent or fast for Ramadan - "right on!"
Give up stuff or fast for health reasons "What are you - some kind of freak?"
People are odd you know?13 -
I have never been bloody sanctimonious about my efforts to watch my calories and I used to have a co-worker would make a huge show every. single. time I would turn down a cookie or a donut or whatever. And when I say a huge show, I mean it. She was loud, broadcasting it to everyone. "OH YOU'RE SO GOOD!! LOOK AT YOU, YOU CAN HAVE JUST ONE!!" It was freaking embarrassing and not the least bit funny to me at all.2
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my $0.02: i think people generally have no frigging clue how many calories foods have, nor do they have any clue how many calories they should be eating UNTIL they actually try and watch them. thus, your office coworkers probably do think you're being a prude, over the edge, etc., but that's because of their own ignorance and has little to nothing to do with you. i have to be GF or else i get sick, so i am able to get out of those situations easily, but i have rarely been in those types of situations. i do like some people posted above and say 'gee thanks, i'll go get one when i have a second!'...and that second just never arrives.4
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Don't!
'Never complain, never explain.'
Wisest words ever in terms of weight loss.
I just smile and say 'oh no thanks. That doesn't appeal right now. Maybe next time.'6 -
NOTHING is worse than self righteous soap box posturing. You're not the fat sheriff of anybody else.
Kill 'em with kindness and courtesy in your tiny new jeans!!9 -
I don't have issues at work, but since I recommitted to the weight loss wagon, we haven't had a full-scale "office is ordering lunch" day, just the "pastries are in the breakroom" day. At this point I honestly don't have a taste for processed sugar (I'm eating something akin to paleo and my taste buds seem to be changing). No one has said anything yet, just the comments on how great my lunches look (usually spinach and either tuna or grilled chicken, quite filling).
Relatives are a different story. My mom means well - she has expressed in the past that she really wants me to lose weight and is worried about it. At the same time, my family has never been good with moderation and portions, so my mom feels the need to cook big meals with lots of foods. When I visited my family a couple of weeks ago, she offered candy, breakfast pastries, etc., and I had to reassure her that I wasn't starving myself just because I didn't want to partake - "yes Mom, I'm really full - thank you though."
*edited to add - this isn't food my mom has already cooked. This is extra food that she wants to offer to cook/take out of the fridge on top of what she might already be serving. I get that she wants me to be comfortable, so I am very respectful. It's just that I would need to tell her I'm not depriving myself.5 -
Really the only trouble I had was logging. I always logged before I ate so it made a trip to the restaurant look bad (like I was texting friends). It also drove my wife crazy "how many calories are in that". Once I hit maintenance I quit logging. I then cut back on exercise and started gaining weight so I am back to more exercise. If that doesn't work I will be back to logging.0
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The longer you stick to nutrition and fitness, the more "normalized" the behaviors will be for those around you. A few years ago, it was weird to my colleagues that I wasn't going to lunch with them but working out instead...it's totally normal now.1
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Sarcasm doesn't work. "I'm good. Don't need it" and get back to work.3
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I just smile and laugh and "agree," then change the topic. "Yep, that's me, the prude who won't eat a donut. So did you see last night's Game of Thrones?" Agreeing with them usually throws them (because they expect you to either challenge them or give in), then the change of topic shows them that This Is Not Up For Discussion.5
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I just smile and laugh and "agree," then change the topic. "Yep, that's me, the prude who won't eat a donut. So did you see last night's Game of Thrones?" Agreeing with them usually throws them (because they expect you to either challenge them or give in), then the change of topic shows them that This Is Not Up For Discussion.
Haha this is my approach as well. ANything like "What kind of freak turns down a free donut" is met with "I know right?! Im weird! I kind of like it that way
" while laughing. I have always liked being "different" so I embrace it when someone tells me I am weird - like validation that my efforts at not being normal are succeeding 2 -
Honestly, most people won't GAF if you just do your own thing. Being sanctimonious about it is what tends to trigger comments and eyerolls.
+1
Even if I didn't like to eat, I would try to be far sight and be polite, strategic with my "no". Who knows in the future I may be in the fat people's land again, craving and may not get any more offers.
But *sigh* I must be with the wrong crowd because there's no one pushing foods on me
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I think that is one good thing about getting older, you could care less. I have a skinny lady I work with and she doesn't get it. I say I know I have to do this or I would weigh 400 lbs.3
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Whenever someone comments on what/how I'm eating, I just remind them that it's my choice. I'm happy with it, that's all that really matters. If they offer something and I say "No thanks" yet they continue to push, I continue with "No thank you". If they keep pushing, I get snarky and ask what part of "No" they don't understand. That's when the mood turns and I become the jerk. If they don't treat me with respect (accept No when I say it), they won't get any in return.
It's your body, your food, your choice. Don't let them make you feel bad for taking care of yourself.1 -
Exactly. Like thanks "kitten". Because I love all that attention on me!I have never been bloody sanctimonious about my efforts to watch my calories and I used to have a co-worker would make a huge show every. single. time I would turn down a cookie or a donut or whatever. And when I say a huge show, I mean it. She was loud, broadcasting it to everyone. "OH YOU'RE SO GOOD!! LOOK AT YOU, YOU CAN HAVE JUST ONE!!" It was freaking embarrassing and not the least bit funny to me at all.
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paperpudding wrote: »duckforceone wrote: »tell them : Because unlike you, i refuse to help this country descend into a fat epidemic.
If you can't respect me saying no, then i have no respect for you at all.
seriously, stop being a douche and offering me unhealthy food. If you want to be a good person, start bringing in healthy alternatives instead.
Well OP said he wasn't sanctimonious so these replies wouldn't work for a non sanctimonious person, nor would they stop niggling or comments or eye rolling.
I would roll my eyes at anyone saying such 'on your high horse' comments too.
I am firmly with the others who say respond with a friendly No thanks, or I might have some later or I've brought my lunch from home or something equally short and mild.
That has always worked for me, along with occaisonally haveing a small amount of something or talking it home to ' have later' ( may or may not actually take any or eat it at home if I do)
THIS, OP. Is your objection about what people think of your diet, or is it really what you think of their diet?
Other people are not being douches for making different choices for themselves.
Other people are not being douches for eating food you don't want to eat yourself, or for offering you a piece of whatever they're eating.
You can say no. It doesn't have to be a big, hurtful sarcastic production where you're trying to make some sort of point that you're more VIRTUOUS than other people.
Your choices are your choices. Their choices are their choices. Everyone can make different choices and you can talk about it with each other respectfully without it having to be Diet Thunderdome. Or alternatively, you can not engage in a conversation about your diet, which for many of us is preferable than silly judgement in the first place.4 -
I don't even acknowledge or comment anything about anyone elses' choices. Not my monkeys and not my circus. That doesn't stop people from commenting on my choices is what I was getting at. I was wondering if my "issue" was unique.paperpudding wrote: »duckforceone wrote: »tell them : Because unlike you, i refuse to help this country descend into a fat epidemic.
If you can't respect me saying no, then i have no respect for you at all.
seriously, stop being a douche and offering me unhealthy food. If you want to be a good person, start bringing in healthy alternatives instead.
Well OP said he wasn't sanctimonious so these replies wouldn't work for a non sanctimonious person, nor would they stop niggling or comments or eye rolling.
I would roll my eyes at anyone saying such 'on your high horse' comments too.
I am firmly with the others who say respond with a friendly No thanks, or I might have some later or I've brought my lunch from home or something equally short and mild.
That has always worked for me, along with occaisonally haveing a small amount of something or talking it home to ' have later' ( may or may not actually take any or eat it at home if I do)
THIS, OP. Is your objection about what people think of your diet, or is it really what you think of their diet?
Other people are not being douches for making different choices for themselves.
Other people are not being douches for eating food you don't want to eat yourself, or for offering you a piece of whatever they're eating.
You can say no. It doesn't have to be a big, hurtful sarcastic production where you're trying to make some sort of point that you're more VIRTUOUS than other people.
Your choices are your choices. Their choices are their choices. Everyone can make different choices and you can talk about it with each other respectfully without it having to be Diet Thunderdome. Or alternatively, you can not engage in a conversation about your diet, which for many of us is preferable than silly judgement in the first place.
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First offer: "No, thank you."
Repeated offer: (pause, look confused, make sure you look the person in the eye, speak clearly): "No, thank you."
Third offer: (raise voice a little, lean toward the person, make sure you look them in the eye, speak slowly and clearly): "No, thank you."
Fourth offer: (approach them, gesture, guide, or ask them to step away from the group, draw them to a quiet corner, speak slightly loudly, slowly, clearly, looking them in the eye with all the concern you can muster): "I didn't want to embarrass you in front of everyone, [insert name here], but you might want to get your hearing checked. I've told you no, thank you, three times, and you don't seem to hear me."
If there's a fifth offer, which is unlikely, repeat the approach of drawing the person aside and say, with concern, "[insert name here], I don't want to embarrass you, but I'm really concerned. Do you remember that we had this conversation just a few minutes ago after you kept asking me the same question? I thought maybe you needed your hearing checked, but maybe ... well, are you having other memory issues?"
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marinabreeze wrote: »I don't have issues at work, but since I recommitted to the weight loss wagon, we haven't had a full-scale "office is ordering lunch" day, just the "pastries are in the breakroom" day. At this point I honestly don't have a taste for processed sugar (I'm eating something akin to paleo and my taste buds seem to be changing). No one has said anything yet, just the comments on how great my lunches look (usually spinach and either tuna or grilled chicken, quite filling).
Relatives are a different story. My mom means well - she has expressed in the past that she really wants me to lose weight and is worried about it. At the same time, my family has never been good with moderation and portions, so my mom feels the need to cook big meals with lots of foods. When I visited my family a couple of weeks ago, she offered candy, breakfast pastries, etc., and I had to reassure her that I wasn't starving myself just because I didn't want to partake - "yes Mom, I'm really full - thank you though."
*edited to add - this isn't food my mom has already cooked. This is extra food that she wants to offer to cook/take out of the fridge on top of what she might already be serving. I get that she wants me to be comfortable, so I am very respectful. It's just that I would need to tell her I'm not depriving myself.
My mom does this too. It's actually kind of funny. Sometimes it's like she's offering everything in the frig.0
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