Dealing with people that don't get it.
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It should be, but they don't "hear" it, it's simple manners, I think. I'd bring in baked goods from home and offer to my co-workers. Some were thrilled and took one or two, some would say no thanks, others would ask that I not offer because it's too tempting. I respected their wishes, didn't offer to those who were not interested, went back to the ones who took the first time around. One guy was allergic to nuts, so I'd not offer to him if I made something with nuts, but anything nut-free, he'd take a couple at a time.dragon_girl26 wrote: »I think there are a few people in this thread that have never had to deal with family or co-workers who REALLY ARE giving other people a hard time about their diet.
I'm constantly hearing this "sanctimonious" thing and the truth is, that is not always the case.
Like I stated before, I had a co-worker who made an enormous very loud show every time someone would turn down a cookie or a piece of birthday cake. This was not just with me, she would do this for everyone. It's almost like she was out to embarrass anyone who varied from the script. No matter how many times I tried to downplay it or make excuses, she would just ramp up her efforts. If I tried to simply explain it to her, she would remind me YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT LOOK AT YOU! No amount of logic or excuses got through to her.
And then there's family. My mother has always been overweight and has tried so many diets out there (the grapefruit diet, Adkins, apple cider vinegar diet, etc.) and has never been successful. And whenever I'm around her and turn down a piece of pie or cake or cookie or brownie, she goes into this martyr mode and starts her guilt trip on me, then expresses her "concern" about how much weight I've lost and how thin I'm getting and how she thinks I'm obsessed with this and she'll try to recruit any other female family member in the room to agree with her.
It's exhausting and I really do wish people would acknowledge that we are not always being sanctimonious about what we eat. There really are some toxic people out there who have this crabs in a bucket mentality towards anyone who has any moderate amount of success at anything.
Your story about the coworker reminds me of a story another coworker told me. She is diabetic and also, unfortunately, highly allergic to artificial sweeteners. At a previous job, she had a coworker who would constantly bring in sweets made with aspartame, etc...and push them on everyone. My coworker would tell this girl she couldn't have it and the girl would always tell her, "oh, come on! A little bit won't hurt you!"
Except in my coworker's case..uhm, yeah, it would.
Stuff like this is why I have little patience for people who push food at work. You never know what someone's story is. A "no thanks" should be good enough.
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My SO, though well meaning, will constantly get on my case about how I don't need to lose any weight. I've tried every approach "my doctor would say otherwise," "my bmi says I'm obese!!" Etc. the only thing that works, believe it or not, is time. Just keep doing your thing & all of a sudden you'll notice the positive comments will vastly outweigh the words of discouragement.2
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WinoGelato wrote: »Either:
1. Dance around the office loudly singing Taylor Swift's Shake It Off "cause the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate..."
Or
2. Say "no thanks"
Both have worked well for me.
Ah, but are you still employed there?
<runsawayquickly>2 -
They probably just want to make sure everyone is offered some:) Some people show love with food...that's why family can get offended when you turn down their casserole or dessert etc. I appreciate when my coworkers invite me to lunch even tho I say no every time because I bring my lunch. It still makes me feel good that they think to include me:) That's possibly what yours are doing as well...trying to make sure you're included;)6
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I think there are a few people in this thread that have never had to deal with family or co-workers who REALLY ARE giving other people a hard time about their diet.
I'm constantly hearing this "sanctimonious" thing and the truth is, that is not always the case.
Like I stated before, I had a co-worker who made an enormous very loud show every time someone would turn down a cookie or a piece of birthday cake. This was not just with me, she would do this for everyone. It's almost like she was out to embarrass anyone who varied from the script. No matter how many times I tried to downplay it or make excuses, she would just ramp up her efforts. If I tried to simply explain it to her, she would remind me YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT LOOK AT YOU! No amount of logic or excuses got through to her.
And then there's family. My mother has always been overweight and has tried so many diets out there (the grapefruit diet, Adkins, apple cider vinegar diet, etc.) and has never been successful. And whenever I'm around her and turn down a piece of pie or cake or cookie or brownie, she goes into this martyr mode and starts her guilt trip on me, then expresses her "concern" about how much weight I've lost and how thin I'm getting and how she thinks I'm obsessed with this and she'll try to recruit any other female family member in the room to agree with her.
It's exhausting and I really do wish people would acknowledge that we are not always being sanctimonious about what we eat. There really are some toxic people out there who have this crabs in a bucket mentality towards anyone who has any moderate amount of success at anything.
Wrt the coworker - if this is something she does to everyone and it makes others uncomfortable, and you've tried talking to her directly to no avail, file a complaint with HR, or talk to your/her supervisor about it. That's bordering on harassment. If she won't listen to you or any other coworkers, maybe she'll listen to her boss. At least if enough people complain about her behavior, she'll eventually suffer consequences.
As for family... That's trickier, but the good news is you don't have to see family as often as coworkers. And you also don't need to be as diplomatic
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Prude? What exactly do you guys do with your doughnuts???
Maybe they are eating some of these? http://voodoodoughnut.com/voodoo-doughnut-doughnuts.php2 -
Wrt the coworker - if this is something she does to everyone and it makes others uncomfortable, and you've tried talking to her directly to no avail, file a complaint with HR, or talk to your/her supervisor about it. That's bordering on harassment. If she won't listen to you or any other coworkers, maybe she'll listen to her boss. At least if enough people complain about her behavior, she'll eventually suffer consequences.
As for family... That's trickier, but the good news is you don't have to see family as often as coworkers. And you also don't need to be as diplomatic
At one point, she embarrassed one woman so badly (who had celiac) and the other woman retaliated by matching her volume and saying I'VE GOT CELIAC AND YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. I don't know what was up with my old co-worker but thankfully I no longer work there.
With my mother, well, she's unhappy and resentful. When she actually asked me what I had done to lose weight, and I told her and showed her how I had done it, she got angry again and said she didn't have time to do all that. (But she's got time to watch 3 hours of TV a night - I didn't say that to her, but I thought it) And I just dropped it.
Ugh.
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Wrt the coworker - if this is something she does to everyone and it makes others uncomfortable, and you've tried talking to her directly to no avail, file a complaint with HR, or talk to your/her supervisor about it. That's bordering on harassment. If she won't listen to you or any other coworkers, maybe she'll listen to her boss. At least if enough people complain about her behavior, she'll eventually suffer consequences.
As for family... That's trickier, but the good news is you don't have to see family as often as coworkers. And you also don't need to be as diplomatic
At one point, she embarrassed one woman so badly (who had celiac) and the other woman retaliated by matching her volume and saying I'VE GOT CELIAC AND YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. I don't know what was up with my old co-worker but thankfully I no longer work there.
With my mother, well, she's unhappy and resentful. When she actually asked me what I had done to lose weight, and I told her and showed her how I had done it, she got angry again and said she didn't have time to do all that. (But she's got time to watch 3 hours of TV a night - I didn't say that to her, but I thought it) And I just dropped it.
Ugh.
Wow! I can't believe she pushed someone into revealing a medical condition. If your old employer hasn't dealt with this person, they may very well end up with a legal problem because of this woman <smh>
Some people just aren't ready to make the necessary changes. And that's okay. I think we've all been there (I know I have, lol). I think you did the right thing with your mom - show her what you did when asked, plant the seeds, and then drop it... What else can ya do?
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Exactly what I deal with! Just finished a sandwich at work and someone said "oh wow... That's different for you". All I was doing was on my phone eating my lunch in a common area.I think there are a few people in this thread that have never had to deal with family or co-workers who REALLY ARE giving other people a hard time about their diet.
I'm constantly hearing this "sanctimonious" thing and the truth is, that is not always the case.
Like I stated before, I had a co-worker who made an enormous very loud show every time someone would turn down a cookie or a piece of birthday cake. This was not just with me, she would do this for everyone. It's almost like she was out to embarrass anyone who varied from the script. No matter how many times I tried to downplay it or make excuses, she would just ramp up her efforts. If I tried to simply explain it to her, she would remind me YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT LOOK AT YOU! No amount of logic or excuses got through to her.
And then there's family. My mother has always been overweight and has tried so many diets out there (the grapefruit diet, Adkins, apple cider vinegar diet, etc.) and has never been successful. And whenever I'm around her and turn down a piece of pie or cake or cookie or brownie, she goes into this martyr mode and starts her guilt trip on me, then expresses her "concern" about how much weight I've lost and how thin I'm getting and how she thinks I'm obsessed with this and she'll try to recruit any other female family member in the room to agree with her.
It's exhausting and I really do wish people would acknowledge that we are not always being sanctimonious about what we eat. There really are some toxic people out there who have this crabs in a bucket mentality towards anyone who has any moderate amount of success at anything.
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Exactly what I deal with! Just finished a sandwich at work and someone said "oh wow... That's different for you". All I was doing was on my phone eating my lunch in a common area.I think there are a few people in this thread that have never had to deal with family or co-workers who REALLY ARE giving other people a hard time about their diet.
I'm constantly hearing this "sanctimonious" thing and the truth is, that is not always the case.
Like I stated before, I had a co-worker who made an enormous very loud show every time someone would turn down a cookie or a piece of birthday cake. This was not just with me, she would do this for everyone. It's almost like she was out to embarrass anyone who varied from the script. No matter how many times I tried to downplay it or make excuses, she would just ramp up her efforts. If I tried to simply explain it to her, she would remind me YOU DON'T NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT LOOK AT YOU! No amount of logic or excuses got through to her.
And then there's family. My mother has always been overweight and has tried so many diets out there (the grapefruit diet, Adkins, apple cider vinegar diet, etc.) and has never been successful. And whenever I'm around her and turn down a piece of pie or cake or cookie or brownie, she goes into this martyr mode and starts her guilt trip on me, then expresses her "concern" about how much weight I've lost and how thin I'm getting and how she thinks I'm obsessed with this and she'll try to recruit any other female family member in the room to agree with her.
It's exhausting and I really do wish people would acknowledge that we are not always being sanctimonious about what we eat. There really are some toxic people out there who have this crabs in a bucket mentality towards anyone who has any moderate amount of success at anything.
Maybe invest in some headphones. Then even if they do talk to you, you won't hear it.0 -
I've gotten some of that before. I've also in situations where I was hungry and everyone else in a room decided to order pizza (sometimes the night takes you places), and gotten an exasperated "My God, just eat a damn slice" sort of reaction, or "I would rather be fat than do what you do". I had a houseguest tell everyone that I was starving her to death for a week. She simply ate what I ate. My favorites are "Shut up, I would kill to look like you" and, "Well, you could start eating again and come be fat with me" (Which is said jovially, but I typically respond with a dog-growl inside).
You'll find, as you get closer and closer to your goal, people will understand it less. They'll say "You look fine.", and yes, you do look better, but you have a goal. Many of my friends are larger-much larger than I am, and the idea that I would want to lose weight is almost insulting to them. Just stick to your guns because you are doing this for you and when you hit those goal pants/dress/high school weight/100 lbs or just 10 lbs. less, you will feel proud!!!3 -
I just want to say I am so thankful not to have coworkers! Omg, I would probably have such a hard time. Stay strong out there people, you know what YOUR needs are 2
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Yes. I have gotten the "just eat the food and stop acting like you don't want it" and "it sucks to be you" comment. It really doesn't suck to feel healthy and just eat when I'm hungry. But I guess that type of response would mean I was being "sanctimonious." So I will smile inside and out I guess.marandakiser wrote: »I've gotten some of that before. I've also in situations where I was hungry and everyone else in a room decided to order pizza (sometimes the night takes you places), and gotten an exasperated "My God, just eat a damn slice" sort of reaction, or "I would rather be fat than do what you do". I had a houseguest tell everyone that I was starving her to death for a week. She simply ate what I ate. My favorites are "Shut up, I would kill to look like you" and, "Well, you could start eating again and come be fat with me" (Which is said jovially, but I typically respond with a dog-growl inside).
You'll find, as you get closer and closer to your goal, people will understand it less. They'll say "You look fine.", and yes, you do look better, but you have a goal. Many of my friends are larger-much larger than I am, and the idea that I would want to lose weight is almost insulting to them. Just stick to your guns because you are doing this for you and when you hit those goal pants/dress/high school weight/100 lbs or just 10 lbs. less, you will feel proud!!!
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marandakiser wrote: »I've gotten some of that before. I've also in situations where I was hungry and everyone else in a room decided to order pizza (sometimes the night takes you places), and gotten an exasperated "My God, just eat a damn slice" sort of reaction, or "I would rather be fat than do what you do".
When your "diet" reaches the point that you cannot even handle a slice of pizza (for social grease or whatever), it does seem a bit too much, border on a different eating disorder, and I wouldn't blame the people around for giving off weird vibes to you. Especially when you were hungry!!! No one understand another person's "diet" but most understand and go by certain social norms, etiquette.
Don't get rid of one problem but take on another!
(I enjoy all free offers. It's embarrassing to even say that it takes a little of planning and dedication for workout to burn off everything.)
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It's not a matter of "handling" a slice a pizza. I just don't need to eat a slice an hour after I finished eating my lunch just because it's there.endlessfall16 wrote: »marandakiser wrote: »I've gotten some of that before. I've also in situations where I was hungry and everyone else in a room decided to order pizza (sometimes the night takes you places), and gotten an exasperated "My God, just eat a damn slice" sort of reaction, or "I would rather be fat than do what you do".
When your "diet" reaches the point that you cannot even handle a slice of pizza (for social grease or whatever), it does seem a bit too much, border on a different eating disorder, and I wouldn't blame the people around for giving off weird vibes to you. Especially when you were hungry!!! No one understand another person's "diet" but most understand and go by certain social norms, etiquette.
Don't get rid of one problem but take on another!
(I enjoy all free offers. It's embarrassing to even say that it takes a little of planning and dedication for workout to burn off everything.)
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Lol at this thread turning into what the op was bemoaning. Brilliant. Even the interweb is sabotaging now.
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"Just because it's there" is partially what got me fat. Not the best habit to form regarding food.6
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2011rocket3touring wrote: »I lie.
Someone comes by and says "hey there are donuts in admin" and I'll reply enthusiastically "Wow that's awesome, I'll grab one in a minute!" ...and that minute never arrives.
Yup, that's what I do also.0 -
I just want to say I am so thankful not to have coworkers! Omg, I would probably have such a hard time. Stay strong out there people, you know what YOUR needs are
I don't think any of this is particularly typical. I've worked various places and my coworkers have never cared what I (or anyone) ate. I'm around goal weight, turn down treats all the time, have taken the bread off sandwiches at a work lunch or brought my own food, and no one bothers me (sometimes they say "go on, have one," but they don't really care if I do or not--sometimes I think that normal encouraging each other to indulge gets interpreted as sabotage or pressure way too broadly at MFP). I've also worked with people with all kinds of food restrictions (self imposed or otherwise) and a couple who have been absurdly picky, and other than some teasing of those (who joke about it themselves), again no one cares.4 -
celadontea wrote: »There will always be people who won't get it. Just keep continuing to be real with yourself and why you are doing what you do. Someone will always say something. It is frustrating and annoying.
This^^^
Plus, you are going to have people in your life that just can't find it within themselves to be happy for your success and healthy habits.
I think it makes them feel bad about themselves because they know they could do better, but don't want to do the work.
It doesn't always go away either. For 30 years I have 2 female family members that roll their eyes when I lace up my sneakers for a workout or order the healthy option in a restaurant.
And it's not because I shove it in their face either.
It's THEiR personal issue, not mine.
But it has always been annoying. I just act like I don't notice.
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