I Thought Everything Was Okay? What Would You Do From Here?

That man is a creep and also rude. He was evaluating your attractiveness - not your health. Which means your relative was sitting around going, "you know @neldabg was hotter when she had a few more pounds on her". So icky.

Everyone approaches weight loss from their own perspective. Someone who is chronically heavy tends to see heavy as the norm (perhaps less heavy than them but heavier than ideal) whereas someone who is thin sees thin as the norm. I've known obese people who called me a "skinny little thing" when I was borderline overweight. I've known thin people who have "encouraged" me to work out (or eat a salad) when I had a BMI of 23. (I was not impressed with those comments, btw.)

Then we get to family (and close friends) who sometimes act like they have a sense of ownership over your body and try to get you to change yourself so they feel better about themselves. Which is what it sounds like your family is doing. It doesn't matter whether they are genuinely worried or are trying to conceal some resentment that you've been able to do something they can't - what matters is that it isn't their business. If you are medically healthy and you feel good about yourself (or where you're heading) then what they think doesn't matter. Even if you weren't medically healthy then you're an adult and it's not their business. (Barring mental competency issues and such.)

If they try to pull this *kitten* again then I would say "I'm an adult. I have labs proving I'm healthy. I feel lousy when you make these comments and if you make a comment about my weight then I will walk away." Then follow through. Get up and leave the dinner table if they say something. If they enlist your creepy relative again then the moment he says something about your appearance say "I am an adult and I do not have to tolerate having my body criticized." and then walk away. Be consistent. Best wishes, OP!

I am totally gobsmacked at what your family/friends/neighbours are saying! I don't see where, in any of what was said, the applause was for your effort to get to your goal. It seems like everyone is focusing too much on what everyone else saying and really it sounds like jealousy that you achieved something that they didn't.

Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you...remember that when some nasty piece of work is raining on your parade and bi*ch*ng about you behind your back.

Keep your chin up and carry on feeling fantastic about what you doing

if you're truly concerned, get a check-up from your regular doctor. then you can honestly tell your parents "look, i not only look and feel better, the doctor says i'm 100% healthy." if you're really worried, get a letter from your doctor and give a copy to your folks. they might be genuinely - although misguidedly - worried for you, and if they are, word from your doctor would allay their worries.

seems like your parents wanted a non-medical pro, non-fitness pro adult to come over and confirm their concerns. that not only seems pretty manipulative to me, but for god's sake, why would you listen to a person with no real knowledge about weight loss or health?

Cut the apron strings in your own mind. It's not your problem what anyone thinks. I'd look into not moving back home again if I were you.

scolaris wrote: »

Cut the apron strings in your own mind. It's not your problem what anyone thinks. I'd look into not moving back home again if I were you.

Yup.

OP - the best thing about this is you have complete and absolute control here. Your family can talk, and that's well within their rights. And it's well within your rights to choose your own path even if they recommend otherwise. That's part of what adulthood is all about - making decisions for yourself. While I think it's important to listen to others and not dismiss them out of hand, your life is yours, and you need to consider people's points of view but still make your own decisions to the best of your ability.

You don't have to try to get them to see your point of view because it really doesn't matter if they do or don't - unless they are going to kidnap you and force-feed you, and I doubt that, your diet is entirely within your control.

I understand where you are coming from, to some extent I think it's family's misdirected concern but in a lot of ways I think people just need to have something to talk about. I was overweight most of my adolescence, most of my family is overweight as well and would warn me not to "end up like them", when I hit high school I lost a lot of weight and all I got were concerns that I was too thin and needed to eat more(although I was dancing 5 days a week and fitter than I'd ever been before or since). The point is that some people just talk and are NEVER happy unless they are complaining about something, and you can't let it bring you down. As far as treating you like a weakling I've experienced the same thing, at 4' 11" my family is always telling me to have someone else lift something or that I can't lift it myself or whatever it may be. I always just tell them (my personal example, I work at a petstore) "I lift 50 lb bags of dog food and 75 gallon tanks all day long I'm pretty sure I can lift *insert particular object here*" this usually gets them to back off, you could use your weight lifting as an example or something like that. I've found the more direct I am about telling them to back off(while still being polite) the more people leave me alone.

I am going to go out on a limb and say that I think your parents are ASSUMING people are saying this about them, but not really. Nobody in their right mind would automatically assume you were being starved by your parents, especially since you have been away at college and are, for all intents and purposes, an independent adult.