28; never been on a date or had a boyfriend because of weight
GobletofFlames
Posts: 113 Member
I'm 28 and have never been on a date or had a boyfriend because of my weight. I always remained optimistic that someday a man would accept me for who I am, but that hasn't happened and if I want to have children, I can't wait too much longer. So here I am...my goal is to not gain weight or even to lose weight, maybe 10 lb for now.
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Replies
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Dating comes from within yourself and having a self confidence. You're not alone in this, I have a friend who has always been thin, she is 31 and still never been on a proper date or had a boyfriend. It will happen, just be happy with yourself. As far as the children thing goes many women are having children later in life and with the newer technologies it does not cause as many problems as it used to so keep your head up buttercup! If you need anyone to talk to let me know.16
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All you have to do is have confidence in yourself. I'm currently 350 lbs and I've had multiple boyfriends. It would hurt a lot more if i were thinner and knowing that my current bf wouldn't have enjoyed being with me at my current weight.10
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Thanks for the tips
For me I don't know if it's confidence, since people say I come off as happy and confident when they meet me~ I'm glad for you Thio and Sheri thank you I will message you. 1 -
As Saulo Ribiero puts it. "It's never too late, it's never too bad, you're never too sick, and never too old to start from scratch once again"13
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If you don't believe in yourself, then no man is going to want to be with you. It's not about weight. it's about loving yourself. I am fat, i was fat when i met my now husband. His concern is my being healthy, not my weight.11
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GobletofFlames wrote: »I always remained optimistic that someday a man would accept me for who I am, but that hasn't happened...
Make small changes to what you eat and add in some 15 minute walks. Stick with those every day for a month, then do a little more with each. Keep building on making good choices consistently every day. Give yourself a day here and there if you over eat or miss your exercise, but don't let it slip back into old habits You can do it slow and easy.
But realize that no number defines you unless you let it. You are not pounds, inches, waist size, bra size, IQ, dollars, or anything of the sort. You are already the person that you are, and that is AMAZING. Doesn't mean you can improve health and fitness, but be happy of who you are while working on being better in how you are.
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Take your time and love and pamper yourself first, and before you know it, when you are not expecting it, the right guy will come along.2
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Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. I am going to the gym today to walk on the treadmill to try to lose some weight~0
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I think a large part of this is that you have to want to do it for you. Yes, it's nice to have guys interested in you but that will only motivate you so much, so I think it's better to have the motivation come from within. Set goals based on health and fitness (ie, eat the recommended amount of fruits/vegetables, exercise 15 minutes a day for ___ days, etc) instead of focusing on what you don't like about yourself.
Another thing I like to suggest is to take it slow. The weight isn't just going to come off instantly, you'll have to be in this long-term. I know a lot of people don't like hearing that, but I've used it as a good way to find myself especially when everything else in my life became *kitten*. But anything worth doing will take time, just trust that it is worth the time and effort you will put into it!
Best of luck and feel free to add me if you want! I can be pretty supportive during the summer but idk how I'll be friend-wise later in the year when I start grad school. But I can at least impart some of the things I've learned during a short period of time if you want!3 -
GobletofFlames wrote: »I'm 28 and have never been on a date or had a boyfriend because of my weight. I always remained optimistic that someday a man would accept me for who I am, but that hasn't happened and if I want to have children, I can't wait too much longer. So here I am...my goal is to not gain weight or even to lose weight, maybe 10 lb for now.
I never though I would get married, niether did my wife or my sister (match.com). I met my wife in XRay class while trying to put my life together.
As someone who gave up, I feel your pain. My father also got married late, its not unusual. We all got married getting close to thirty. My sister was past thirty, said she never wanted kids. Lol.. I love my niece. Put yourself and your happiness first. Even though Im married 15+ years I tell you its been a very very rocky road (and 4 kids... ouch). No cake walk. I married my wife as a big girl. Now after 15 years of marriage she decided to lose weight. I followed her weight loss (100 lb) since I didnt want to be the big guy with the skinny wife.
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Setting small achievable goals are good! I'd start with 5 lbs at a time. Also, get yourself on some dating sites. Start doing coed group fitness classes. You have to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable. It's scary, but what's the harm in trying? So someone says, "No." Big whoop - that's one person.
I'll piggyback on what others have said - this shouldn't be a weight loss journey, it should be a journey toward self love and maybe a little introspection about how you want to improve yourself (not how you think others want you to improve).3 -
Sad but true. You deserve the best. I wish you luck. And stay away from men who use fat women. They think they have low self esteem and are starved for any scrap of attention.5
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I'm the same, but I think I'm picky... There have certainly been opportunities. Either your standards are too high or you want to be the best version of yourself so you can find the best possible partner.0
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It's not about your weight at all, plenty of fat people date and have kids. I'm fat and i'm dating. It's wonderful you want to get healthy but you should do it for more then just wanting to date someone and pop kids out. You also(if you're ready for it) should get out there, dating sites or apps etc. and start talking to people and look for happiness regardless of your weight. Wish you luck and support with losing those ten pounds though. 5
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I walked for 2 hours just now~ A few weeks ago I asked out the cashier at the grocery store and he rejected me, citing my weight as the reason, so now I'm too embarrassed to go back. It's strange because he was always very polite, which is why I was interested in him, so it took me aback when he called me a pig. I have never been asked out and have asked out and been rejected by over 50 guys in real life and over 50 guys online.1
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What a two faced loser that cashier is! Maybe you should report him for calling you a pig. Btw, my story is the same as yours. I am also 28 and never been with a man because I have mental health problems for which I'm seeking treatment, both psychiatric and homeopathic. I am happy with myself and also I come from culture of arranged marriage and *kitten* so I'm hoping I'll meet a nice guy by 30 and I hope you do too coz you're still young and you need to concentrate on working on yourself! Good luck 4
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Anyone who calls you a pig is rotten inside and isnt worth your time...try not to let idiots get you down.15
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You'll find someone. You should lose weight for YOU. No one else.
Throughout my relationship with my husband, span of 15 years including when we were just friends, I've ranged from 145-234. And I'm very short.
I developed a lot of health issues that caused the gains.
A relationship shouldn't be based on how you look or your weight. A real guy, one who likes/loves you for you will love you no matter what!
I also sent a friend request 3 -
I'm NOT saying that something is wrong with you. Being shy, for example, is not a failing. However, obese people find partners. Being overweight is not what is stopping you from having a relationship.3
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To be honest my husband would not have married me if I wasn't thin. I got married at 33.0
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There's nothing wrong with your weight. It's all society & advertising that makes people feel bad about their bodies. Don't be worried about it, things just take time. I never had confidence growing up & never thought women would be attracted to me. It's getting easier dating & meeting someone suited for you. Online dating is a good example to find someone with the same interests as you. I've met a few women online & married the last one I met. We met 13 years ago. I don't like skinny women, I prefer bigger women. I don't care if my wife puts on weight & I've told her many times. Not everyone thinks the same just believe in yourself & best of luck!2
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Anyone who calls you a pig is rotten inside and isnt worth your time...try not to let idiots get you down.
Word.MarkusDarwath wrote: »A lot of fatties find love. (disclaimer: I use that term in a spirit of blunt honesty and self-acceptance. I accept no responsibility for butt hurt felt by hyper-sensitive readers.)
dude @MarkusDarwath. How charming of you to say that. *rolling my eyes*
You know @GobletofFlames imagine you are thin and went out with a pig who call women pig... yeah?
Guys in my opinion are not worth the time you are putting on them right now, but of course they are those few exceptions, possible like @stuj79 who really are worth it. I am gonna say something you probably heard from grandma already, do your thing, don't worry about guys, they will come.
Why don't you want to lose weight tho?
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GobletofFlames wrote: »I walked for 2 hours just now~ A few weeks ago I asked out the cashier at the grocery store and he rejected me, citing my weight as the reason, so now I'm too embarrassed to go back. It's strange because he was always very polite, which is why I was interested in him, so it took me aback when he called me a pig. I have never been asked out and have asked out and been rejected by over 50 guys in real life and over 50 guys online.
Um, what??? And you let him live? That is terrible but keep in mind it speaks VOLUMES about him and NOTHING about you. Forget the numbers (50 guys, 100 guys, whatever). Clearly they weren't the right ones.
Focus on YOU. Learning to love and appreciate ourselves is a struggle at times but you are the only one that can do it. Baby steps. Congrats on the walking but make sure you are eating properly. No amount of walking can out walk over eating.4 -
Eh I wouldn't be worried about someone's opinion when they're a cashier... Clearly they're succeeding in life.
Honestly, most people suck and they're not worth the time and effort to get to know or even date. Compliments are a dime a dozen but a true friendship is a treasure. And that's ultimately what a relationship is - a committed best friend you get perks with.
I also think when someone's looking to get in a relationship they come across as desperate. Just enjoy your freedom and have fun. If someone good comes along then they will and if not then you'll be having a dank time living it up.3 -
TehLaughingDog wrote: »Eh I wouldn't be worried about someone's opinion when they're a cashier... Clearly they're succeeding in life.
Honestly, most people suck and they're not worth the time and effort to get to know or even date. Compliments are a dime a dozen but a true friendship is a treasure. And that's ultimately what a relationship is - a committed best friend you get perks with.
I also think when someone's looking to get in a relationship they come across as desperate. Just enjoy your freedom and have fun. If someone good comes along then they will and if not then you'll be having a dank time living it up.
I really like what you said about a true friendship being a treasure. I definitely come across as desperate because I usually ask out guys after knowing them for 5-15 minutes, but the thing is no guys have asked me out. I tried not asking guys out for 3 years since at the time I was really focused on work but again no guys asked me out. I wasn't living under a rock either, I was socially active and all that jazz.
I was thinking instead of giving myself a hard time for putting on weight (for years my weight was 77-86 lb) to 97 lb (which makes me uncomfortable to be 10 lb heavier than how you used to be for years), I should actually be kinder to myself. OK so I haven't lost the weight. Well I am extremely lonely, while other people are holding hands and talking to their partners, I am sitting here by myself. I should be proud of myself and patting myself on the back for the fact that I have managed to stay under 100 lb in spite of being so lonely and excluded from a societal thing that others experience. And I haven't stayed under 100 lb by not eating either just to be clear; I eat normally but I walk over 10 miles a day uphill. When my weight was 77-86 lb in the past I was eating 2,000-3,000 calories a day, I just walked 10-20 miles a day because I am addicted to exercising.1 -
I don't understand... the way you talked about yourself seemed you were extremely overweight7
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Just keep in mind the old saying, " good health is done in the gym, weight loss is done in the kitchen.' Exercise is a great thing, but in order to lose weight, you need to eat less then you burn. Figure out your correct calorie deficit, and count your calories.3
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A woman asking a guy out would blow me away! Its a testament to the general crappiness and lack of honor of my gender in the USA that any guy you asked out turned you down. My sister is very happy with the guy she found on match and my niece (result of that marriage) is remarkably cute. It actually pisses me off that a guy would turn down a Sadie Hawkins type request. They deserve to stay single. Those guys would have dissappointed you once you got to know the real them or should I say you saw their true colors. It is possible to move fast in relationships and be successful, dont let the 28 get to you. Happiness in yourself is first. Relationship doesnt mean Happiness.0
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AngelinaB_ wrote: »MarkusDarwath wrote: »A lot of fatties find love. (disclaimer: I use that term in a spirit of blunt honesty and self-acceptance. I accept no responsibility for butt hurt felt by hyper-sensitive readers.) dude @MarkusDarwath. How charming of you to say that. *rolling my eyes*
Well, I AM a fatty myself, and I refuse to regard the fact as demeaning me in any way. The world would be a far better place if we all had thicker skin.
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mazarasltm wrote: »A woman asking a guy out would blow me away! Its a testament to the general crappiness and lack of honor of my gender in the USA that any guy you asked out turned you down. My sister is very happy with the guy she found on match and my niece (result of that marriage) is remarkably cute. It actually pisses me off that a guy would turn down a Sadie Hawkins type request. They deserve to stay single. Those guys would have dissappointed you once you got to know the real them or should I say you saw their true colors. It is possible to move fast in relationships and be successful, dont let the 28 get to you. Happiness in yourself is first. Relationship doesnt mean Happiness.
To be honest, there's nothing wrong with turning someone down. If you're truly not attracted to someone, don't play with them. This doesn't mean they have to say it like it a dick. It's okay to have preferences for a partner.1
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