Date decided I was too fat after getting naked
Options
Replies
-
Wow... as a guy I'm speechless! Yes, you did dodge a bullet, but STILL! What a callous *kitten*!3
-
I have to say, he is lucky that you let him get away with all limbs attached after a douche maneuver like that.
I am REALLY glad that he did that now, so that you could get as far away from him as possible, NO ONE deserves to be treated like that.
I am REALLY sad that he did that because I 10000% understand what it's like to have someone you're trying to build a relationship with say a super harsh comment about your body. I was told I wasn't womanly and that I didn't have curves, that my body looked like a box (this was at my thinnest weight when I was super self-loathing and didn't think I was thin at all, now I was a box on top of it! These people are just plain ol buttholes!)
Those comments stick with a person for a while, if you let them. Remember, self-love is the way that you will get past this. I have spent a number of years working through my body image issues, teaching myself how to speak more positively about myself and to not compare myself to others. It takes practice and repetition but eventually the self-love masks all those lame moments where we and others say mean things about our physical image.
You're a beautiful person, don't let this creep steal your power8 -
I am so sorry. I don't see a problem with a person having a physical ideal or being attracted/not attracted to people for various aesthetic reasons but him detailing it out was just cruel. His choice to handle it like that says a lot about him, none of it good, and I do hope that you are able to see that.7
-
daydreams_of_pretty wrote: »This is embarrassing.
A couple of weeks ago a guy I'd been dating decided after seeing me naked got the first time that I'm too fat, and he doesn't find me attractive anymore. He did (helpfully) provide a list of the parts of me that ARE attractive (basically everything but my torso). His comments are really messing with my head, especially since I'm not happy with my body and already losing weight. (I've been on MFP for two years now.)
I spend so much time trying to convince myself that having this extra weight doesn't nullify my other good qualities, but he straight up told me it did. He told me he was falling in love with me and that everything else about me was perfect and unique, but he didn't think he could ever be attracted to me again because of the fat.
This has lead to a lot of my friends and relatives remarking, "You're not even that fat."
Annnddddd I'm *kitten* things up with a new guy because I'm all worried about it now. What if he does the same thing?
I'm working out a ton right now.
So, yeah.
That bold part was a lie. If he loved you, he would love everything about you. You deserve better. He's a shallow jerk. Seriously.5 -
I mean, you dumped him right then and there, didn't you, and gave him a full list of his imperfections before you went?! If not, go back and let him know what a creep he really is! Seriously, what a wanker!7
-
He's a superficial d-bag. Seriously.
To put this into perspective:
I met my boyfriend almost two years ago (in 3 days it will actually be the 2-year anniversary of our first date). When I met him, I weighed less than I do now. About 15 lbs or so less than I do now. In the course of us being together I have gained about 30 lbs. That's right 30. When I started to complain about gaining weight, his reaction was "I didn't even notice you gained weight". And he hasn't really noticed me losing weight. It took me showing him a picture last night comparing my start date to yesterday that he said "wow, there really is a big difference".
My point is this. A real man will accept you for everything that you are. He will love you for all of who you are, things that you perceive as flaws or imperfections, he will see as traits that make you unique and not flaws at all.
Be glad you saw the true him so early on. Now you can trade up.4 -
I wish I could give you the BIGGEST of hugs!!! I can't imagine how much that must have hurt.
I had issues with a guy a little while ago that I will always believe had everything to do with my weight- even though he had a little more restraint and never directly told me so.
I am so sorry you had to meet a jerk like that, and I'm not going to lie- things like that are why I'm kind of afraid to ever date again. I'm so angry for you!!!
Remember: you are SO worth it!!! I know it hurts right now, but keep being unapologetically you. You seem to be handling it with more grace than I would, that's for sure.0 -
HUGS to you! You need to remove every word Mr. Wrong said to you....you need to forget his face, his name, his everything....He needs to get his *kitten* together, not you. I'm so glad he's not in your life today, he wouldn't be a positive force no matter if you lost 100 lbs or gained a second head.
YOU are beautiful. Your torso is beautiful, regardless of weight. It's part of you, it carries you, it helps you to function all day, it's beautiful! Don't let a few well placed words ruin your self esteem, YOU deserve better than that. If you're starting to worry about yourself re this new guy, be honest with him. Tell him what the last dummy said, and how it affected your esteem and feelings of self worth. If he's a keeper, he will help you to get over Mr. Wrong, he'll be aware of your emotional needs, and cater to them.
And if he doesn't, eff him. There will be someone who WILL love you for every single part of you, he's somewhere, just waiting for you!4 -
I want to find this guy and kick him in his junk for you...and for him. He needs a good kick in the nads. WTF... He should be grateful that you let him see you naked.
We've all had sex with people that weren't our physical ideals...but I don't tell my hubs that he's gotten hippier than I like. Big deal. Someone doesn't have a perfect body. A perfect body doesn't = love.
I dated a vegan, straight edge, karate blackbelt in college. This guy was cut and beautiful..and I was a chubby beer drinking, animal eating, smoker...and you know what? He was boring as *kitten*. Every time he talked I just wanted him to be mute. But when I broke up with him I didn't try to hurt him by telling him he was dumb as box of rocks and lovely to look at. I just said it wasn't working and that was it.
This guy went out of his way to hurt your feelings. Again, I return to the idea he needs a swift kick in the grapes.11 -
I'm sorry OP, hugssss. You will find a guy that will love you through it all, you'll see.0
-
What a kittening kittarse. What the kittening kitten did the kittenhead thing he was kittening well doing. Is he some kind of kittening miracle of modern attractiveness
tell him to kitten the kitten off and when he gets there kitten off some more
(and yes I typed every single one of those kittens cos
all of the giggles. ALL OF THEM.1 -
Wow.......just wow.......seriously dodged a bullet there.0
-
Well, you weeded out one that is not a good match for you.
Sounds like your torso's naked appearance may not be the real reason he said no thanks. Although many would be thrilled if they did, clothes do not hide body shape/weight all that much, so it shouldn't have been a huge surprise to him how you looked without any. Surely he also hugged or touched you in the weeks leading up to the nakedness to get a good feel for what your body was like.
You're doing the right things to change your weight/health now. Don't let it derail you.
Edited to ask if this behavior might be one of those say rude stuff to get a lady to chase you pick up game tactics?0 -
Just because one man thinks that, don't let it define who you think you are. You are a very beautiful woman. Just because one man doesn't see it, doesn't mean another won't. Live your life to be happy with yourself and find the person who enjoys the you, you want to be. Never feel you must change yourself for someone else. Everyone has different tastes and are attracted to different body types. There is always someone out there that will find you the most attractive person ever as you are. Trust me. I have put on plenty of weight since I met my fiance. My body looks nothing like it use to and he still loves me and wants to marry me. So don't think there is anything wrong with you.2
-
daydreams_of_pretty wrote: »This is embarrassing.
A couple of weeks ago a guy I'd been dating decided after seeing me naked got the first time that I'm too fatdaydreams_of_pretty wrote: »This has lead to a lot of my friends and relatives remarking, "You're not even that fat."
Are you? I mean you might be overweight. (I don't know) That's not a good reason for someone to dump you but don't let everyone tell you that things are all roses when they're not. Get an honest assessment. Hopefully you have friends that will tell you if you have a booger in your nose.
Aside from that you're pretty dang cute. If you need to get into better shape then do so but don't equate that to not being pretty.
8 -
Can't lie: I've done this before. Some things just get unacceptably out of hand.1
-
So sorry, OP! I spent about 2 minutes looking at your profile and can tell that you are beautiful, fun, energetic and confident! Don't let those ugly words change you. Ever.
I know it's easier said than done, but sometimes I use visualization when I can't get an ugly or bad thought out of my head. I picture myself standing on top of a very high mountain or cliff and shoving those words off the cliff forever. Admittedly, sometimes I shove the same words over the edge a couple of times until they are gone for good, but it works. Or, if you prefer a less violent approach, picture the words as thought bubbles over your head (like cartoons) and pop them. Poof! Gone forever.
TL,DR: this guy is an emotional manipulator and a loser. Move on!1 -
You do NOT, I repeat, do NOT want to be stuck with a BOY (because he is clearly not a man) like that. Seriously. What he did says WAY more about him than it does you. HE is the one with the problem, not you. What about when his wife gets pregnant, post birth, etc?! Can you imagine what he will put that poor woman (if he can keep a woman that long) through? Yikes. I know when someone comments on your body it's hard, I've been there, but when you find that one who you don't even have to worry about it with, then you'll know you've found the one. You are beautiful and though it's awesome to be healthy, your outside is not who you are. Let his comments slide right off and know that he is probably as miserable as ever, don't give him any company in that1
-
daydreams_of_pretty wrote: »This is embarrassing.
A couple of weeks ago a guy I'd been dating decided after seeing me naked got the first time that I'm too fat
ok, but only if i can then smack you for trying to dictate who, how, when or why people get naked for each other.9 -
jessiferrrb wrote: »daydreams_of_pretty wrote: »This is embarrassing.
A couple of weeks ago a guy I'd been dating decided after seeing me naked got the first time that I'm too fat
You're right. This was a great experience for her.3
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.8K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 396 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 967 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions