Fit Shaming
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I have coworkers who think that have any level of visible muscle is gross and disgusting and masculine. Also that anyone who does have visible definition must be on steroids.
I simply tell them to keep their judgements on anyone else's bodies to themselves unless they want to be subject to the same shaming.10 -
davidmartinez66 wrote: »Funny, someone just asked me the other night if I was sick.
This happened to me at work. A client asked if I was sick and I said "excuse me?", she simply said, "you've lost a bit of weight and sometimes it happens when people are sickly."
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I get this too, especially when I decline certain foods and such at family's house, I get comments like 'sounds like your life sucks, well enjoy your diet thing I'm gonna keep eating my pudding' my mother-in-law thinks I'm starving her son because he's actually getting in shape and losing his belly so she's always questioning why we eat the way we do and judging how often we work out. She makes snide comments about us 'torturing' our son with our healthy habits and goes out of her way to sneak him junk food. It pisses me off tbh. Plus the recent influx of fit shaming memes online downgrading fit or skinny girls and praising thick/fat ones. Annoying.6
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Bump is when someone makes a post to make the thread come back up to the top of the list. They can say "bump" or they can post something meaningful!0
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I think there will always be some kind of shaming or judging from others. Sad but true. I've been openly and I'm sure quietly judged over my appearance. I had a woman in the grocery store question the name badge I had on because surely I can't be a RN with tattoos. If I hear one more blond joke I may scream.
And tell someone that I, a woman, enjoy lifting weights.........mind blower!
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As a person who isn't at all fit, I will be bluntly honest and say I (and the unfit people around me) *do* get jealous. But it should be as completely unacceptable to make a negative comment to a fit person as a fat person. If anything, we should celebrate that you're doing something that makes you happy and is great for your health at the same time, and that should be the end of it.12
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Willbenchforcupcakes wrote: »I have coworkers who think that have any level of visible muscle is gross and disgusting and masculine. Also that anyone who does have visible definition must be on steroids.
I simply tell them to keep their judgements on anyone else's bodies to themselves unless they want to be subject to the same shaming.
I also get *kitten* from my coworkers. Which is weird, because generally I have incredibly kind and supportive coworkers (in my line of work we have to be pretty tight or things can go south quickly). But there is a constant, low-level passive-aggressive snark in terms of my fitness level and especially my eating habits - I do IF and I don't eat at work and every day is a minor battle. It's been a year and a half with my current crop of coworkers, and that is slowly starting to change, unless I actually eat something at work and then it's like the world is coming to a freakin' end.
And god forbid I feel insecure or unhappy with my body; just because I'm reasonably fit doesn't mean I'm 100% secure in my body or myself, but because many of my coworkers are less in shape than I am, if I in any way infer that there are things about myself, especially physically, that I don't like, my coworkers appear to take it as a personal insult. *kitten*, please. My insecurities and my thoughts about my body have absolutely nothing to do with you. Your body is your business, and I'm not going to judge you for how you eat, your fitness habits, etc. I don't care if you're in shape or out of shape. But please give me the courtesy of permitting me to have normal, human feelings and insecurities about myself.14 -
Willbenchforcupcakes wrote: »I have coworkers who think that have any level of visible muscle is gross and disgusting and masculine. Also that anyone who does have visible definition must be on steroids.
I simply tell them to keep their judgements on anyone else's bodies to themselves unless they want to be subject to the same shaming.
I absolutely love your user name!!!
Edited: because ... typing on phone while wearing weight-lifting gloves and ... typos.1 -
My ex-husband was a competition body builder, and all of his friends were, and it's pretty sad thinking back on what a bunch of stupid, steroidal, vain jerks they were. The stupid/steroidal/icanliftheavythings stereotypes do come from somewhere, sadly. YOU know you don't fit the stereotype, so hold your head up high and ignore them!
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You look gorgeous, you have worked hard and it has paid off. Don't let others ignorance, insecurities or judgmental ways eat away at your hard won self-esteem. I pity their closed minds, their belief that a person is merely their physical bodies. Big, small, buff or puffed we are all humans, respecting that is a basic value.4
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Fit shaming is real, usually coming from the less fit.
I was very disturbed recently when I found out my daughter actually had an interest in some school sports, and decided not to pursue them due to the larger kids fit shaming the more fit/healthy weight kids. It's a shame that people these days are so quick to judge anyone different from themselves.1 -
I'm curious if any of the posters above are from outside of the USA? Just wondering if this is a global societal issue, or more or less unique to the U.S.?0
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I have never experienced fit shaming. If anything, I'm a little embarrassed by how much positive attention I get when I'm slim and fit. I'm 55, so maybe it's a generational thing.
I made a comment earlier about relating to the stereotyping that well muscled low BF men might have experienced but I neglected to mention that it didn't really extend to women. IMO, it was more acceptable for women to devote time to their physical appearance than for men to do so. Fitness for males, without attention to aesthetics, (which translates to a higher bf% than is de rigour now), had no negativity.
I'm pretty sure my views aren't representative of my kids views. I'd be horrified to learn that as Robertw486 intimates that it's uncool for young kids to be fit now.1 -
I'm too awesome to notice the haters? I guess I'm not expecting it, not looking for it, so I don't see it.
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dissentingdude wrote: »Anyone surprised by some of the negativity that comes with pursuing a fit lifestyle, and some of the attitude you've gotten since you've achieved your goals?
The Planet Fitness thread got me thinking about some of the stigma attached to being fit.
How I'm subject to underhanded jokes about using steroids (which I don't).
Or how people will often treat me like I'm dumb.
Others assuming I've always been fit and therefore think my advice wouldn't be helpful to them.
Judging me for dedicating time to something that seems fruitless in modern society.
Worse still is people trying to explain to me why and how I'm wasting my time.
I'm pretty much a hermit anyways, keep to myself and all, but it just gets to me that something that has been so positive for me can generate more negativity than I can quickly recall.
Anyone else face similar challenges/annoyances?
I think a lot of it may be in your own head, the same way that fat shaming is in many people's heads. I'm not saying there isn't a thread of reality there, but not enough to worry over or take too personally. There are all sorts of minor insults out there for various reasons and we are living in the era of "micro aggressions" where every little thing is interpretted in a negative light to allow people to claim victim. Let it go, laugh it off, and if it's directed at you then make a joke and let the person realize they're being a jerk. Allow yourself to just be you.6 -
i have been "fit shamed" before. When i had a visible 6 pack i was told i looked "like a man". I've had people repeatedly tell me that because i'm small chested (and especially when i'm low bf) that i look "like a teenage boy". (P.S. this is such nonsense because i am clearly a woman, i have very feminine facial features, i have a big butt because i'm a pear. these people just like to point out that i'm small chested)
I've also been told no man wants to date a woman who isn't feminine. That if i did get a boobjob then i would be "fake". I've been told my hair is too long. i've been told my undereye area looks like a racoon, like someone is beating me, like i've taken drugs, or i don't sleep.
I could go on, my point is i guess that people will always comment some nonsense on your appearance, make judgements about you, and express their opinion. The thing is, their opinion only matters if you make it matter.
There are still times i feel hurt or self conscious about these things. but i've accepted myself for who i am and any judgements people want to pass on me are their problem, not mine. I'd also like to mention that most of these people make these comments because they are insecure about themselves (like they are overweight).6 -
rainbowbow wrote: »i have been "fit shamed" before. When i had a visible 6 pack i was told i looked "like a man". I've had people repeatedly tell me that because i'm small chested (and especially when i'm low bf) that i look "like a teenage boy". (P.S. this is such nonsense because i am clearly a woman, i have very feminine facial features, i have a big butt because i'm a pear. these people just like to point out that i'm small chested)
I've also been told no man wants to date a woman who isn't feminine. That if i did get a boobjob then i would be "fake". I've been told my hair is too long. i've been told my undereye area looks like a racoon, like someone is beating me, like i've taken drugs, or i don't sleep.
I could go on, my point is i guess that people will always comment some nonsense on your appearance, make judgements about you, and express their opinion. The thing is, their opinion only matters if you make it matter.
There are still times i feel hurt or self conscious about these things. but i've accepted myself for who i am and any judgements people want to pass on me are their problem, not mine. I'd also like to mention that most of these people make these comments because they are insecure about themselves (like they are overweight).
Well, you don't need to hear it from me but I've seen your pictures and read many of your posts, which I've found interesting and warm-hearted, and I think you're quite beautiful9 -
rainbowbow wrote: »i have been "fit shamed" before. When i had a visible 6 pack i was told i looked "like a man". I've had people repeatedly tell me that because i'm small chested (and especially when i'm low bf) that i look "like a teenage boy". (P.S. this is such nonsense because i am clearly a woman, i have very feminine facial features, i have a big butt because i'm a pear. these people just like to point out that i'm small chested)
I've also been told no man wants to date a woman who isn't feminine. That if i did get a boobjob then i would be "fake". I've been told my hair is too long. i've been told my undereye area looks like a racoon, like someone is beating me, like i've taken drugs, or i don't sleep.
I could go on, my point is i guess that people will always comment some nonsense on your appearance, make judgements about you, and express their opinion. The thing is, their opinion only matters if you make it matter.
There are still times i feel hurt or self conscious about these things. but i've accepted myself for who i am and any judgements people want to pass on me are their problem, not mine. I'd also like to mention that most of these people make these comments because they are insecure about themselves (like they are overweight).
Well, you don't need to hear it from me but I've seen your pictures and read many of your posts, which I've found interesting and warm-hearted, and I think you're quite beautiful
well, d'aww
I wasn't expecting someone to say that.
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My personal favourite is 'you've lost so much weight, there's nothing left of you, eat some food'. All the while these men are checking me out and complimenting saying how fit I've got and how good I look - you literally cannot win.
People seem to find it hard to simply be happy for somebody else who may be achieving their goals, and find ways to put them down regardless.5 -
It's only shaming if you feel shamed by it, right?4
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KetoneKaren wrote: »I'm curious if any of the posters above are from outside of the USA? Just wondering if this is a global societal issue, or more or less unique to the U.S.?
I'm actually Canadian, eh.sunnybeaches105 wrote: »dissentingdude wrote: »Anyone surprised by some of the negativity that comes with pursuing a fit lifestyle, and some of the attitude you've gotten since you've achieved your goals?
The Planet Fitness thread got me thinking about some of the stigma attached to being fit.
How I'm subject to underhanded jokes about using steroids (which I don't).
Or how people will often treat me like I'm dumb.
Others assuming I've always been fit and therefore think my advice wouldn't be helpful to them.
Judging me for dedicating time to something that seems fruitless in modern society.
Worse still is people trying to explain to me why and how I'm wasting my time.
I'm pretty much a hermit anyways, keep to myself and all, but it just gets to me that something that has been so positive for me can generate more negativity than I can quickly recall.
Anyone else face similar challenges/annoyances?
I think a lot of it may be in your own head, the same way that fat shaming is in many people's heads. I'm not saying there isn't a thread of reality there, but not enough to worry over or take too personally. There are all sorts of minor insults out there for various reasons and we are living in the era of "micro aggressions" where every little thing is interpretted in a negative light to allow people to claim victim. Let it go, laugh it off, and if it's directed at you then make a joke and let the person realize they're being a jerk. Allow yourself to just be you.
You and others who have said something in the same vain are right to some extent.
Obviously there is a part of me that lets me be affected by the opinion of others.
All part of overcoming my insecurities, residual from childhood.
I do carry myself with pride though and try to maintain positive.
Just weird how I could be made to feel at fault for my efforts, and how fitness isn't celebrated universally as a good thing, especially in an age where the western world is suffering from an endemic of health issues it should be able to avoid.
Apologies to those I haven't personally responded to or interacted to, it's just a task doing so on a mobile device to begin with, especially mine that has the habit of blinking off mid task without warning!
But thank you to all the encouraging, positive words.
I just wanted to make this thread not to dwell on the negative forces, but just to remind everyone to stick to their meal tracking and exercise even when outside forces try to bring you down and encourage that lazy imp within us all to win over again.
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dissentingdude wrote: »KetoneKaren wrote: »I'm curious if any of the posters above are from outside of the USA? Just wondering if this is a global societal issue, or more or less unique to the U.S.?
I'm actually Canadian, eh.sunnybeaches105 wrote: »dissentingdude wrote: »Anyone surprised by some of the negativity that comes with pursuing a fit lifestyle, and some of the attitude you've gotten since you've achieved your goals?
The Planet Fitness thread got me thinking about some of the stigma attached to being fit.
How I'm subject to underhanded jokes about using steroids (which I don't).
Or how people will often treat me like I'm dumb.
Others assuming I've always been fit and therefore think my advice wouldn't be helpful to them.
Judging me for dedicating time to something that seems fruitless in modern society.
Worse still is people trying to explain to me why and how I'm wasting my time.
I'm pretty much a hermit anyways, keep to myself and all, but it just gets to me that something that has been so positive for me can generate more negativity than I can quickly recall.
Anyone else face similar challenges/annoyances?
I think a lot of it may be in your own head, the same way that fat shaming is in many people's heads. I'm not saying there isn't a thread of reality there, but not enough to worry over or take too personally. There are all sorts of minor insults out there for various reasons and we are living in the era of "micro aggressions" where every little thing is interpretted in a negative light to allow people to claim victim. Let it go, laugh it off, and if it's directed at you then make a joke and let the person realize they're being a jerk. Allow yourself to just be you.
You and others who have said something in the same vain are right to some extent.
Obviously there is a part of me that lets me be affected by the opinion of others.
All part of overcoming my insecurities, residual from childhood.
I do carry myself with pride though and try to maintain positive.
Just weird how I could be made to feel at fault for my efforts, and how fitness isn't celebrated universally as a good thing, especially in an age where the western world is suffering from an endemic of health issues it should be able to avoid.
Apologies to those I haven't personally responded to or interacted to, it's just a task doing so on a mobile device to begin with, especially mine that has the habit of blinking off mid task without warning!
But thank you to all the encouraging, positive words.
I just wanted to make this thread not to dwell on the negative forces, but just to remind everyone to stick to their meal tracking and exercise even when outside forces try to bring you down and encourage that lazy imp within us all to win over again.
Nothing is accepted universally. Good luck with your work towards self acceptance. It can be an incredibly difficult internal battle.3 -
ever since starting a reset and now started lifting consistently I have not lost any weight in 9 months. So everyone assumes I've fallen off the wagon. While everyone around me is losing lots on their shakeolgy, weight watches, LCHF etc.... Trying to give me advice (even though I've lost close to 100lbs but since it's been 3yrs the have forgotten) im constantly being told there is no way I can keep eating over 2000 and lose fat.3
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sunnybeaches105 wrote: »dissentingdude wrote: »KetoneKaren wrote: »I'm curious if any of the posters above are from outside of the USA? Just wondering if this is a global societal issue, or more or less unique to the U.S.?
I'm actually Canadian, eh.sunnybeaches105 wrote: »dissentingdude wrote: »Anyone surprised by some of the negativity that comes with pursuing a fit lifestyle, and some of the attitude you've gotten since you've achieved your goals?
The Planet Fitness thread got me thinking about some of the stigma attached to being fit.
How I'm subject to underhanded jokes about using steroids (which I don't).
Or how people will often treat me like I'm dumb.
Others assuming I've always been fit and therefore think my advice wouldn't be helpful to them.
Judging me for dedicating time to something that seems fruitless in modern society.
Worse still is people trying to explain to me why and how I'm wasting my time.
I'm pretty much a hermit anyways, keep to myself and all, but it just gets to me that something that has been so positive for me can generate more negativity than I can quickly recall.
Anyone else face similar challenges/annoyances?
I think a lot of it may be in your own head, the same way that fat shaming is in many people's heads. I'm not saying there isn't a thread of reality there, but not enough to worry over or take too personally. There are all sorts of minor insults out there for various reasons and we are living in the era of "micro aggressions" where every little thing is interpretted in a negative light to allow people to claim victim. Let it go, laugh it off, and if it's directed at you then make a joke and let the person realize they're being a jerk. Allow yourself to just be you.
You and others who have said something in the same vain are right to some extent.
Obviously there is a part of me that lets me be affected by the opinion of others.
All part of overcoming my insecurities, residual from childhood.
I do carry myself with pride though and try to maintain positive.
Just weird how I could be made to feel at fault for my efforts, and how fitness isn't celebrated universally as a good thing, especially in an age where the western world is suffering from an endemic of health issues it should be able to avoid.
Apologies to those I haven't personally responded to or interacted to, it's just a task doing so on a mobile device to begin with, especially mine that has the habit of blinking off mid task without warning!
But thank you to all the encouraging, positive words.
I just wanted to make this thread not to dwell on the negative forces, but just to remind everyone to stick to their meal tracking and exercise even when outside forces try to bring you down and encourage that lazy imp within us all to win over again.
Nothing is accepted universally. Good luck with your work towards self acceptance. It can be an incredibly difficult internal battle.
I'm doing good thanks.
I got more work to do on the inside than the outside but it helps to like what one sees in the mirror.2 -
No. But I was surprised at how lonely it is. No one cares about my macros and PRs, I guess rightly so. I'm a musician so my friends basically do NOT lift, exercise, etc. They drink and play guitar. I definitely feel like a bit of an outsider now.0
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arditarose wrote: »No. But I was surprised at how lonely it is. No one cares about my macros and PRs, I guess rightly so. I'm a musician so my friends basically do NOT lift, exercise, etc. They drink and play guitar. I definitely feel like a bit of an outsider now.
IKR0 -
Oh man. I could write a book on this. It's been a long road for me to get here. I used to try and lift everyone with me but their lack of desire kept me back.
I came to the conclusion that I will no longer wait for you anymore. If I want it, I will have to go get it myself. So I go to the gym, run and do whatever without anyone else.
Now that I'm doing that, I'm getting ALL kind of backlash. "I'm selfish." "You only think about yourself." "You've changed." "Can you take the weekends off?" "Do you have to go to the gym today?" "You going to run again?"
So I have been branded as a bad guy for wanting to better myself. And now that I'm older, I'm fine with that. Come of it what it may, I don't care anymore! I guess I'm burning bridges along the way.11 -
chaney3000 wrote: »Oh man. I could write a book on this. It's been a long road for me to get here. I used to try and lift everyone with me but their lack of desire kept me back.
I came to the conclusion that I will no longer wait for you anymore. If I want it, I will have to go get it myself. So I go to the gym, run and do whatever without anyone else.
Now that I'm doing that, I'm getting ALL kind of backlash. "I'm selfish." "You only think about yourself." "You've changed." "Can you take the weekends off?" "Do you have to go to the gym today?" "You going to run again?"
So I have been branded as a bad guy for wanting to better myself. And now that I'm older, I'm fine with that. Come of it what it may, I don't care anymore! I guess I'm burning bridges along the way.
I think it can be hard to find a balance. There was a time when I let dieting and lifting interfere with my personal relationships too much. Not because I spent too much time doing it, but because it was all I could THINK about. Someone might be telling me something important at a restaurant and I'm just staring at the food thinking "I want that, but I'll never get lean. Eat your lettuce". In the end, I had to realize that I wasn't being a supportive friend either. But yeah, difficult to find balance.1 -
I don't know the secret of success but I know the secret of failure...try to please everybody...14
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So...if I actually do achieve my fitness goals and build the body I want to live in, there's just going to be a whole new group of haters? Is there some sort of magical place to stop where no one gaf about what you look like? The only thing worse for me than people telling me I needed to lose weight is them making a huge deal out it every time I've dropped another 10 pounds since the last time they saw me. Why the way someone else looks is generally considered an appropriate topic of conversation for others just bewilders me. Our bodies typically showcase the choices we've made. Mine looked like I sat on the couch and binged on Butterfingers...which I did. Then I got off my *kitten* and made different decisions and now it looks different. I guess it's just easier to scoff at others than it is to take personal inventory and work for what you really want.6
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