How do you react when someone offers you food you want but "shouldn't" have?
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I usually just take a small piece of whatever they're offering me, not the full portion (unless the full portion fits in my macros). We have free food at work every Friday, and we celebrate birthdays at the end of every month. Free food at work = bagels, donuts, pastries, etc; birthdays = cake, ice cream, pie. I will usually share a bagel or donut with a coworker, or take a small sliver of cake during the birthday celebrations. My mom also offers me a ton of food when I visit home, and I just eat smaller portions or take the leftovers when I leave.
Most people won't care how much you eat if you are still participating or accepting what they offer, even if it's just a smaller portion. But if you really don't want any, you don't have to take it, just politely decline. :]1 -
I have always been the type of person who went out of my way to make other people happy. But, when it comes to food and my health I do not feel guilty turning food down. I am fortunate to work around others who are pretty focused on health and they will actually praise when others resist snacks or food that they do not want.
I do not feel like it is sabotage when others offer me food. Many of them do not know my eating habits. Sabotage is an intended action and I do see others as intentionally trying to mess up my eating. I simply say "No, thank you" and that is the end of it. Many times we are afraid to hurt their feelings, but it really does not hurt their feelings. If someone turns down something I may offer, it doesn't phase me in the least.
I have worked really hard this past year to disassociate food and feelings.3 -
I think that sabotage is a word that is becoming overused when it comes to weight loss. They are offering you something, usually out of kindness or habit. Its not like they are secretly adding in calories into your food or forcing a cookie down your throat.5
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kommodevaran wrote: »No, I just decide if I want it, and accept or decline accordingly.
Oh, there are no foods one "shouldn't have". If they make you sick, that's another story. The whole idea of counting calories is about making better choices for yourself. You are the best judge of what's best for you.
Agree with all this.
I get offered food every day that is going to be tough to fit into my calories. Sometimes I adjust and accept it, if it's really worth it, mostly I don't, since I already have a rough plan for the day and adding it in doesn't do anything for me. I never feel guilty about not eating it, and to the extent I might feel guilty about eating something I decided is worth fitting in, I think that's messed up and would work on it. I don't think guilt is a good response to eating in general, but it's thoughtless eating or wasting calories on things that aren't even that tasty, failing to be mindful, that I really try to avoid and am inclined to feel bad about.0 -
First, I decline it politely. Then, I decline it politely again and cite my goals. Finally, I tell them to get it the f*** out of my face.3
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I'm a food pusher. If someone tells me no, and I insist, it's generally just out of courtesy. I couldn't care less if they accept or decline, and if they do decline, it's out of my mind 30 seconds later. 100 percent of the time, I am just being polite by offering to get someone something that I'm getting ready to eat myself. Like, if I'm getting up to get a protein bar, I'll ask my husband if he wants one. He'll either say yes, or tell me no. If I say, "are you sure?" it's generally because I don't want to have to get up a minute later if he changes his mind.
Seriously, when is the last time someone said "remember last month when I offered you that piece of pecan pie? You didn't take it, so now I hate you." I'm going with never.
I don't have a problem saying no to someone when it comes to food. Probably because I'm more of a pusher than a taker.4 -
I just declined chocolate chip cookies offered to me by a colleague......I was tempted but I triumphed!1
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Usually they are not aware that I'm trying to lose weight. But I usually come up with an excuse.
"No thanks, I'm stuffed from my previous meal still." ... "No thanks, I'm not feeling well." ... "No thanks, I don't like...". And so on.
Sometimes I give in and take some. And it's a conscious decision.0 -
There are no foods I "shouldn't" have. If they offer me something that will put me over my goal I just decide if it is worth going over or if I can cut something out later in the day and then if I decide I want it I have it. I treat my calorie goal like a budget. I have X amount of calories to spend each day. I can spend them any way I want. I typically don't like to "waste" calories, but sometimes I do.0
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GirlonBliss wrote: »Do you feel like they're sabotaging your diet? Do you say no and feel guilty? Do you say YES and feel guilty?
For me, I would always give in and tell myself I'd just work it off later. I felt bad to let other people down. You?
The glass is half full, not half empty. In other words, there is no food I shouldn't have, or that I should have. If I'm going to a friend's house and I know they will offer me some of their goodies, I save some calories for it. Then, I have a small piece.
I really love the bolded. This puts all the power in the person making the decision. I can choose to eat all the foods I want, I ether need to make room for them or accept that I may be over my calories for the day. I can also choose to say no if a food doesn't fit, or I don't want it. There should be no guilt either way - it is about personal responsibility and decision making, not about sabotage....0 -
If it's something I want but I did not account for it in my calories I judge if it's worth the calories. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not. If it is, I take it, if it's not I don't. No guilt either way or ill feelings towards the person (so nice of them to kindly offer). I don't feel bad for declining either. I have the right to not take something I don't want to take, and in most cases the person can understand. It's just not a big deal for me overall.0
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GirlonBliss wrote: »tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »Perhaps you need to work on some assertiveness skills.
I'm fine with it, now (I'm a health coach
). I do have clients who find that socializing is one of the toughest things when it comes to sticking to diet, mostly because there are mixed feelings involved with turning down foods you want deep down, or feeling uncomfortable saying no to others.
Then you should be teaching them how to eat those foods in moderation and not make them seem off limits. However, based on how this is phrased, I have a feeling that you are a "coach" of one of the many MLM scam products out there, in which case, your clients are likely being fed a lot of wrong information anyway.5 -
GirlonBliss wrote: »Do you feel like they're sabotaging your diet? Do you say no and feel guilty? Do you say YES and feel guilty?
For me, I would always give in and tell myself I'd just work it off later. I felt bad to let other people down. You?
I say "no thanks", but often get annoyed and even angry at people having this food around me. I know it sounds silly, but I can get frustrated with people eating something they should not have, since it could jeopardise their health. At other times, I crack and give in. Feeling horrible afterwards of course.
Why do you get to decide what fits into their goals? Do you take notes on everything else they are eating? Do you monitor their exercise? Are you aware of possible mental health issues, such as depression? Are you keeping an eye on their physical health, PCOS, thyroid functioning, liver enzymes, kidney function, lipid profile, etc? This is none of your business, yet you react to it in a way the could increase your own stress levels. May I suggest keeping your eyes on your own plate?
OP, I'm with Sued0nim, starting with a no thank you and escalating assertiveness of responses until they get the idea. Just as often though, I actually want what they are offering, or I take a bite to satisfy my curiosity if it's something I've never tried before.0 -
I usually say no, or if I say yes and I don't really want it, I'll 'save it for later' (aka give it to my husband or throw it in the trash when theyre not looking)0
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I just say, "No, thank you," if I don't want it. I say, "Yes, please," if I do want it.
That is the end. I'm not sure how guilt factors into it at all.0 -
GirlonBliss wrote: »tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »Perhaps you need to work on some assertiveness skills.
I'm fine with it, now (I'm a health coach ). I do have clients who find that socializing is one of the toughest things when it comes to sticking to diet, mostly because there are mixed feelings involved with turning down foods you want deep down, or feeling uncomfortable saying no to others.
Then you should be teaching them how to eat those foods in moderation and not make them seem off limits. However, based on how this is phrased, I have a feeling that you are a "coach" of one of the many MLM scam products out there, in which case, your clients are likely being fed a lot of wrong information anyway.
I'd love to know what the term "health coach" really means.0 -
snowflake930 wrote: »I just say "No thank you". My calories are pretty much planned out for the day. No guilt on either side.
This.
I notice that it's much easier to resist an "unplanned" offer of something tasty looking if you have a treat planned that fits into your calorie goal for the day. Some random item of food that is offered to me will most likely wreck my goal for the day given that I probably won't know exactly what's in it and how large a slice or whatever they are giving me, so that helps me see it as less tempting. Another helpful tip is to remind myself that if I want a piece of chocolate cake or whatever, I'm going to get the best chocolate cake I can find and enjoy a slice without any guilt. It may just not be today when I wasn't planning on it.0 -
snowflake930 wrote: »I just say "No thank you". My calories are pretty much planned out for the day. No guilt on either side.
Another helpful tip is to remind myself that if I want a piece of chocolate cake or whatever, I'm going to get the best chocolate cake I can find and enjoy a slice without any guilt.
I do that with pizza. If I'm going to eat something as high calorie as pizza it is NOT going to be Little Caesars or Dominoes. It's going to be something great like Firehouse Pizza. BTW that did almost backfire when the free pizza offered at Planet Fitness was Firehouse. Barely escaped that temptation!
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It is difficult where I work sometimes as people bring in doughnuts, biscuits, sweets, cake etc. all the time! Particularly as we all work night shifts, they are the worst. But I have started just saying 'no thanks' and I never feel guilty about that. I don't see why anyone else should care what I am putting into my body.1
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I keep some wiggle room in my daily intake to allow for someone bringing biscuits to work or other similar situations. But as I don't carry a big flashing sign that announces my diet and food intake to the world, I can't expect everyone to know. People offer food for one of two reasons A) they're just being nice, and the wiggle room usually accommodates what is on offer and if not they understand when I decline.
they have their own issues that they're projecting onto my weightloss, but they are their issues and I'm not getting drawn into it or being made to feel guilty about it. 1 -
I try to have the majority of my diet be fruit and veggies, legumes and lean meat. If I am offered something that doesn't fit in my usual plan I will consider whether I really want it or not. I will use a few negative motivators if I don't really want it and walk away from it. If I do really want it I will savor it. I will thoroughly enjoy it (I have been known to dance in my seat) And, I will start with a little helping. That is usually enough.0
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If it fits my calories and macros, I will accept. If they don't fit, then I just say 'no thank you, I am fasting'.
Perfect. And, I agree. Why get angry at people? It's not like they'll pin you down and force you to eat something.GirlonBliss wrote: »Do you feel like they're sabotaging your diet? Do you say no and feel guilty? Do you say YES and feel guilty?
For me, I would always give in and tell myself I'd just work it off later. I felt bad to let other people down. You?
I say "no thanks", but often get annoyed and even angry at people having this food around me. I know it sounds silly, but I can get frustrated with people eating something they should not have, since it could jeopardise their health. At other times, I crack and give in. Feeling horrible afterwards of course.
wow really?
I hope you mean people who are allergic to peanuts that are eating peanut butter and not someone eating a burger or a chocolate bar...
OP if I want it I say thanks that is great...if I don't want it I say no thanks, looks great but not hungry atm.
there is no food I "shouldn't" eat since I don't have food allergies etc.
There is no one food that could sabotage me.
Really? It is not up to everyone else to give up their favourite foods just because you've cut them out. It is up to you to either work those foods into your calories (yes, they can be eaten; calorie is a calorie) or to accept that there will always be that sort of food around and shut it out. Unless it is food that you have sensitivities or allergies to!GirlonBliss wrote: »Do you feel like they're sabotaging your diet? Do you say no and feel guilty? Do you say YES and feel guilty?
For me, I would always give in and tell myself I'd just work it off later. I felt bad to let other people down. You?
I say "no thanks", but often get annoyed and even angry at people having this food around me. I know it sounds silly, but I can get frustrated with people eating something they should not have, since it could jeopardise their health. At other times, I crack and give in. Feeling horrible afterwards of course.
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In general, I don't want food I shouldn't have so it's a non-issue. I also don't think twice about turning down food from acquaintances. If I'm a guest in someone's home and the host offers something to make me comfortable I accept or decline only taking my wants into consideration.
If it's an occasion where food is part of a celebration or tradition I eat it - and like it - whether it fits into my plan or not. Those sorts of shared experiences are about more than just the food and are important to me.0 -
Then you should be teaching them how to eat those foods in moderation and not make them seem off limits. However, based on how this is phrased, I have a feeling that you are a "coach" of one of the many MLM scam products out there, in which case, your clients are likely being fed a lot of wrong information anyway.
I phrase my questions from the perspective of where I was when I was 40 pounds overweight, and also in the words used by people who still have weight to lose. I don't tell people that anything is off limits - that's why there are "" around the word shouldn't in the question/title. And no, I'm not an "MLM scam" - whatever that is.rainbowbow wrote: »
I'd love to know what the term "health coach" really means.
A health coach helps guide people through their health changes. We help with behavior/lifestyle change, goal setting, accountability, support, and are a great person to go to for resources and guidance.
It's probably best I provide links written by others, so here are some from Mindbodygreen you can check out if keen:
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7249/10-reasons-why-you-need-a-health-coach.html
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-6452/5-Reasons-to-Work-with-a-Health-Coach.html
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-22770/the-top-5-questions-i-get-asked-as-a-health-coach.html0 -
GirlonBliss wrote: »
Then you should be teaching them how to eat those foods in moderation and not make them seem off limits. However, based on how this is phrased, I have a feeling that you are a "coach" of one of the many MLM scam products out there, in which case, your clients are likely being fed a lot of wrong information anyway.
I phrase my questions from the perspective of where I was when I was 40 pounds overweight, and also in the words used by people who still have weight to lose. I don't tell people that anything is off limits - that's why there are "" around the word shouldn't in the question/title. And no, I'm not an "MLM scam" - whatever that is.rainbowbow wrote: »
I'd love to know what the term "health coach" really means.
A health coach helps guide people through their health changes. We help with behavior/lifestyle change, goal setting, accountability, support, and are a great person to go to for resources and guidance.
It's probably best I provide links written by others, so here are some from Mindbodygreen you can check out if keen:
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7249/10-reasons-why-you-need-a-health-coach.html
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-6452/5-Reasons-to-Work-with-a-Health-Coach.html
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-22770/the-top-5-questions-i-get-asked-as-a-health-coach.html
smh really you people advocate enforcing your new life on others in the family...not gonna happen. My husband is a grown man and if wants crispers and oreos he can have them.1 -
GirlonBliss wrote: »Do you feel like they're sabotaging your diet? Do you say no and feel guilty? Do you say YES and feel guilty?
For me, I would always give in and tell myself I'd just work it off later. I felt bad to let other people down. You?
If it fits within my calories, I accept it.
If it does not fit within my calories, I decline politely.
This. But there's no food I 'shouldn't have'.0 -
Someone offered me pizza today. I said no but she still warmed it up for me. She gave it to me and I still said no. WTF. I can't just eat a piece of pizza in the middle of the day. I want dinner. And desserts. And I don't want to do cardio.
I do what I want and eat what I want and don't give a crap what anyone else thinks.2 -
GirlonBliss wrote: »Do you feel like they're sabotaging your diet? Do you say no and feel guilty? Do you say YES and feel guilty?
For me, I would always give in and tell myself I'd just work it off later. I felt bad to let other people down. You?
You should feel guilty if your sweet dying grandma makes something you loved for years and you absolutely refuse it while saying no one should ever eat that.
If co-worker Sally is offering everyone doughnuts she picked up on the way to work just say no thanks and everyone moves on with their lives.
No one is sabotaging anything by making an offer. I make choices. I am responsible for my choices.
I don't feel guilty about saying no if something doesn't fit my day's plan.
I don't think I am letting people down by not eating something. It really doesn't matter that much. I don't feel guilty over food.
I eat all kinds of foods. I don't have foods I shouldn't ever eat. I choose not to eat some foods.
I was taught that it is polite to offer food or drink to someone instead of just eating or drinking in front of them. That is not the same as caring if they accept or not.
Well said. Big difference between homemade food offered by sweet dying Gramma and generic donuts by coworker.
Good point about it being polite to offer if you are eating/drinking in front of someone.0 -
I just politely decline and go on with my life. No one has ever really pushed the issue with me ever
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Try saying "No thanks, I'm losing weight." I've found that response always works; no one wants to cause you to break a losing streak! They often respond w things like "That's great. How much have you lost?" Or, "Good for you. I've been needing to lose weight; how are you doing it?" It's nice to see how turning the response from the typical negative response ("I'm on a diet.") to a positive ("I'm losing weight.") actually turns people from sympathizers ("Oh, I'm sorry.) or detractors ("Eatimg just one won't hurt.") into real supporters. ("Wow! Congratulations. That's great. I need to do that too!). Try it and see if you get new encouragement.1
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