Anyone celibate?

waynetaylorcouk wrote: »

I celibate on every birthday and Christmas!

Hello,

Before I got married I was celibate (for 9 years). I did it for religious reasons. My current husband and I did not have intercourse until we were married.

Villae81 wrote: »

Maxematics wrote: »

mykaylis wrote: »

Maxematics wrote: »

I rarely, if ever, post in Chit Chat let alone read it but I saw this and was surprised actually. I'm celibate. Zero interest in sex, relationships, or people in a romantic/sexual sense regardless of gender. I tried to force myself growing up because all of my peers were interested in dating, but I couldn't. I couldn't imagine having to deal with someone else around me and I enjoy being by myself. I have Asperger's though, so I'm guessing this was geared more toward neurotypical folks. ::shrug::

aspie here. sounds like you're asexual. nothing wrong with that. i'm pansexual with little sex drive myself, there's a pretty wide range of ways to be!

Hi and thank you! I don't feel like there is anything wrong with it either, but I'm sure you know how most people react to anything they consider out of the norm. I've identified as asexual once I came to the realization as a young adult and I have gotten quite a bit of vitriol for it over the years, especially from the opposite gender. I've only really found myself drawn to one person within the past few years and it wasn't even a sexual thing, it was more of a "this person intrigues me and my insides feel weird being around them. Why is that?" kind of thing.

Are you like uhhh an a.i.?

No, but at this point in life I'm used to being referred to as robotic, so I'm not surprised at this comment even if it was made in jest and/or at my expense. I'm still a human being and I have feelings, I just lack the range of feelings that a lot of other people do. My brain operates in a slightly different way and it's not something I can exactly control. I'm not saying this as a positive thing, either; the differences have caused many a hardship in my life at times. It can get tiring having to explain to coworkers why you are unmarried, have no children, and are otherwise disinterested in any attention that comes your way.

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

Maxematics wrote: »

Chrisjuvers wrote: »

Without a medical reason,who in their right mind would choose to be celibate.EVER. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Have an orgasm, that'll give you some clarity

I'm not sure if having Asperger's constitutes as a "medical" reason, but after looking all around me and seeing how desperate many people get in the name of sex and how pathetic hook up culture is to me, it's really not that hard to see the appeal of celibacy. I have nobody to answer to but myself, as well as no emotional complications to deal with such as people expecting feelings out of me that I just don't have. Besides, as someone else stated, it doesn't take the presence of another to achieve an orgasm.

Listen, everybody deserves not to be celibate.

You should come out of your shell and find a dude who will make you happy and keep you busy. Hookup culture is pathetic but you don't need to hook up to get laid. You can fall in love, right?

everybody deserves not to be celibate? that's unbelievably ignorant for you to say. everybody deserves to make THEIR OWN choices about their body and their sex lives (or lack thereof). if maxematics does not desire sex, there is no reason to respond that way, it's disrespectful in the extreme.

aspies and other neurodiverse people process the whole world differently. our relationships often resemble those of neurotypical people (and often involve a neurotypical partner as in my case) but not necessarily so. max's love life and sex life are two different things, and it's perfectly FINE to have neither if that is what feels right. don't force your narrow beliefs onto those who are not the same as you.

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

Did I say anything wrong other than telling people they don't need to give up on love and sex citing some over-imagined so-called hookup culture?!

Is the heat making everyone crazy?

You didn't say anything wrong per se, but there is a disconnect between what you think it is that I am trying to convey and what it is that I am actually attempting to convey. Just because someone processes information differently than you do doesn't make them "crazy", either.

As stated so well by mykaylis, neurodiverse people process the whole world differently. Whereas someone who is neurotypical has an innate desire for sex or even the closeness of a hug when they're lonely, I lack those feelings. It's not a choice that I'm making, it's not me "giving up" on love; I truly do not have those feelings. I've made wonderful friends in life who wanted more from me beyond friendship and I just could not reciprocate in that way. I never once think to myself "I'm really lonely, I wish I could cuddle with someone". It never even crosses my mind, but I have friends who are single and feel that way. They're curious what it's like to not feel that way while I'm curious what it's like to actually have feelings like that; we learn from one another every day.

Furthermore, we must not live in the same universe if you think citing a very real hookup culture is over-imagined. I see you live in Connecticut which, to my understanding, is pretty tame in comparison to a place like New York City. Regardless, you are familiar with apps like Tinder, are you not? What do you think that is classified as? Most people move to New York City for that "fast-paced, what they see in the movies" type of lifestyle where they're carefree and live wildly. There is a reason why you get 460,000 results when you search for "NYC hookup culture" on Google. There is a reason why there are ads all over our transit system encouraging people to get tested for STDs. There is a reason that there are at least five places within walking distance from me that have free condoms up for grabs, including local bars. The term 'Hookup culture' in and of itself has its own Wikipedia entry. To ignore the fact that we live in a society that, overall, seeks instant gratification would be inane.

Finally, I never said I was celibate because of hookup culture. I made an observation that when I look around and see how pathetic people can be in the name of sex and the state of hookup culture itself, I can understand the appeal of celibacy. As in, people who decide to make that choice, not people who are born not having those desires to begin with like myself. For example, the poster above who was scared after reading an article about HPV and scaled back his sexual encounters. There are many other people like him out there who are now starting to grow wary of whom they choose to sleep with and/or how frequently.