Dating since divorce or breakup
ajr_nurse86
Posts: 24 Member
How has everyone handled dating since a change in events? How have you changed for the better and what part of the "new you" do you feel will attribute to a successful social life?
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I'm dating after getting out of a long term relationship. There is no "new me". Well, maybe there is...I'm starting over from scratch, new job, new body, single at 30. I think focusing on my career and being happy in my own skin are the most important things for me at the moment, and hopefully the right man will come along.11
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I divorced three years ago and the biggest change that I brought out of it was knowing my worth and refusing to be anything less than happy in another relationship. I met someone new and we have been together 2 years and now that I look back I dont know how I spent so many years being unhappy.7
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That is so great to hear on both accounts! Finding that inner peace was something I struggled with because I was always the "fixer" and i couldn't fix my marriage. I dedicate my time now to taking care of my body so I can be around for my kiddos. My mind is clearer and I have no doubts that the right man will come along when the time is right.2
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Took a much more relaxed attitude towards dating after getting divorced. Wanted to have a good time, have some new experiences, and see if I could be myself in front of someone I didn't know very well. It's been hit or miss, sometimes I find myself getting wound up. I think not caring what others think, I'm doing it for myself has worked dating and working out.1
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Hookers. They are cheaper and they leave.12
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assume signing up at a gym and focusing on NSA open relationship(s) for a wee bit might not be the answer you were looking for?1
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Changes sometimes aren't easy. it could be hard at the beginning, but I'm sure you will find someone who has better compatibility with you...1
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I'm already a member at the gym and nothing is wrong with NSA.1
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I'm not divorced but IF it ever happens it'll be the last relationship I'm in coz I don't like anybody else's kids but mine and at the age of 35 most women at that age have children already won't and can't deal raising other peoples kids -.-
My husband has a child previous our marriage. even though there is no drama, I wouldn't date someone with kids again lol...4 -
I'm not divorced but IF it ever happens it'll be the last relationship I'm in coz I don't like anybody else's kids but mine and at the age of 35 most women at that age have children already won't and can't deal raising other peoples kids -.-
I know a lot of 35 year old men without kids...
I'm 30 and no where near having children.1 -
arditarose wrote: »I'm not divorced but IF it ever happens it'll be the last relationship I'm in coz I don't like anybody else's kids but mine and at the age of 35 most women at that age have children already won't and can't deal raising other peoples kids -.-
I know a lot of 35 year old men without kids...
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arditarose wrote: »I'm not divorced but IF it ever happens it'll be the last relationship I'm in coz I don't like anybody else's kids but mine and at the age of 35 most women at that age have children already won't and can't deal raising other peoples kids -.-
I know a lot of 35 year old men without kids...
I'm 30 and no where near having children.
Most women but going through the whole process of dating finding someone compatible with and dealing with others peoples baggage is such a drag I rather concentrate on me and the things that makes me happy instead of pleasing or making other people happy I'm just too old for that lol but that's just me and that's how I look at it right now and I'm still married so..... It could change hopefully not coz of the things I just posted
you sound like my husband, when we got together he was: I will never get married again blah blah blah... so I couple years later, I told him: I'm ready to start my family, so its time for us to break up. I don't want to change you. I respect what you want, but you have to respect what I want. Next thing I know, he is proposing and I thought he was kidding lol4 -
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ajr_nurse86 wrote: »I'm already a member at the gym and nothing is wrong with NSA.
problem solved then
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I broke up with my ex at the end of last year. It was a fricken disaster towards the end. We were together for 7 years and had a baby together.
It hasn't even been a year yet and between working and looking after our now 19 month old toddler I just don't have the time to meet anyone new. Also, having such a young child complicates things. For a start I would want to be with someone for at least 6 months before they even met my daughter and saying as how I have one free night a week I can't see that happening. I also moved away to a new area just after i broke up with my ex and it's soooo quiet. Everyone knows each other, I'm an outsider and I doubt I'd be anyones type anyway. I think they just view me as the weird lady from the city haha! I've been out on a few dates (friends of friends etc) but all its shown me is that I really want/need time to be on my own. I sort of feel like my brain is still unravelling from all the stress of my last relationship.
So right now I'm concentrating on my self and my daughter and building a new life for us which has been pretty successful so far.
I can't see how anyone is going to 'fit in' with my life now.
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I separated from my children's father 3 years ago, and although at the time and for a long while it was painful, I look back now and I'm so much happier where I am after spending the whole 3 years dedicated to myself, my kids and rebuilding a career.
I've gone from being walked all over, constantly put down, pushed around - literally - and not going out to work or going out with friends etc because he didn't want me to, to moving on and rebuilding my life and my self esteem. I moved into a lovely home, started working full time and recently got promoted, rebuilt my friendships and slowly started to realise my worth.
I'm definitely open to dating and finding love, but I'm also at a place where I'm so content in my life right now that I'm not fussed if I don't
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I find it much easier to just not date. I go out to events with a fair number of people and just enjoy myself. No pressure, no expectations, just have a good time.4
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Widowed at age 27, I found the dating scene entirely annoying. After a short try, I gave up, because I saw I would be happier single, concentrating upon my two children. That lasted 9 years, then an old friend from my teens was widowed. Married him a year later.
We ended up individually parenting our own children, while we each tried not to interfere, because our parenting styles were so different. Neither of us was willing to compromise in our parenting back then.
For example, I would not spank, but he had. Fortunately, the children were all teens, so while spanking was not an immediate problem, the way the children had been reared was problematic anyway, because their resulting personalities clashed. Strongly. Well, for some of them, anyway.
All the children suffered, but we did our best, in spite of strong outside forces from a cult we were in and a lot of resulting ignorance. I had this pair of "rose-colored glasses" that changed everything, making me very naïve of what was going on right in front of my face.
Fortunately, our children all survived, but I wouldn't put a young person through that again. They are all in their forties now, with fantastic children of their own and marriages that are lasting. And they are all out of the cult, as are we.1 -
I'm 33 and have a 13 year old and almost 11 year old.
They are finally at an age where I can go out on dates once in a while but the whole thing is just so weird.
Men seem to assume your looking for a father figure for your kids. I'm not. I've played the mom and dad role for 7 years and have done just fine.
I don't need a captain save a ho. I don't live lavishly but I pay for everything on my own.
That seems to baffle them.
I haven't met anyone that can appreciate that I don't want or need anything from them right off the bat besides their companionship. It's looking real real bleak.
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Eh it'll happen one day. In the meantime I'll be your bride and thank my lucky stars I'm not stuck with some arrogant mofo. 1
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After my second divorce I didn't want to date for quite a while. Then one day I decided I needed to have a long talk with myself. I knew what my complaints were about them, but I felt I really needed to sit down and take a look at their complaints about me. Hard to do? You betcha! But I did it. I changed the things that I felt legitimately needed to be changed and kept the rest. Then I felt I was ready to date again. Result? Though I don't see myself getting married again, I am in the best relationship of my life and have been for nine years now.
Moral of the story: It's not all the other person's fault.7 -
Not divorced yet but separated since March. Seeing how I was with him for oh...half my life (we met when i was 15, i'm 30)...the biggest change will be finding out who I am as a person on my own.
So I found a new job in my current field and i'm moving in a few months to a new state, why not?4 -
Not divorced yet but separated since March. Seeing how I was with him for oh...half my life (we met when i was 15, i'm 30)...the biggest change will be finding out who I am as a person on my own.
So I found a new job in my current field and i'm moving in a few months to a new state, why not?
Good luck to you!! I started dating my ex husband at 16 and and we split up when I was 25. I loved being on my own and figuring myself out those first few years... It sounds selfish but it was so nice just worrying about my own feelings.
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JessicaJS23 wrote: »Not divorced yet but separated since March. Seeing how I was with him for oh...half my life (we met when i was 15, i'm 30)...the biggest change will be finding out who I am as a person on my own.
So I found a new job in my current field and i'm moving in a few months to a new state, why not?
Good luck to you!! I started dating my ex husband at 16 and and we split up when I was 25. I loved being on my own and figuring myself out those first few years... It sounds selfish but it was so nice just worrying about my own feelings.
Thanks! I think it will be a nice change of pace. Not to mention being in a new area with new places and people. I'm a little freaked out but I think it's for the best to move on. I do feel slightly selfish leaving behind my family and friends..0 -
Not sure how I would feel about getting back out there again. I would never want anything serious, so probably just casual dating for me.0
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been out of a very serious relationship for 5 years now and have not dated really at all yet
ive had people ive been into and what not but not really dated anyone
plan on moving soon which will be a big change but hopefully ill be a lot more social as a result
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Broski, that's kind of a mean thing to sayJessicaJS23 wrote: »I'm 33 and have a 13 year old and almost 11 year old.
They are finally at an age where I can go out on dates once in a while but the whole thing is just so weird.
Men seem to assume your looking for a father figure for your kids. I'm not. I've played the mom and dad role for 7 years and have done just fine.
I don't need a captain save a ho. I don't live lavishly but I pay for everything on my own.
That seems to baffle them.
I haven't met anyone that can appreciate that I don't want or need anything from them right off the bat besides their companionship. It's looking real real bleak.
Look for an older dude lol a lot of them don't mind
I love you, man, but that's harsh.
I'm serious companionship = older dudes if you wanna dude who party hardy then younger dude
My last few attempts I've gotten stuck with younger dudes who think they are ready to settle down and be men. According to my sister they see a "ready made family" and think that's what they want. The older men don't seem to find me appealing.
I didn't think you were being mean.
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Thanks for posting this. I just retained a divorce attorney on Thursday and was wondering about dating again. Very helpful...1
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