Dating since divorce or breakup

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Replies

  • landers_85
    landers_85 Posts: 136 Member
    Dating after a divorce was rough. Plus I have no game lol. Just some time to get back out there. Didn't want to rush anything, wanted to focus on myself for a bit.
  • lislisa123
    lislisa123 Posts: 356 Member
    My social life is nonexistent. I have a couple online girlfriends but that's basically it, no real life in person friends. I hang out with my family and my cat that's about it.

    I basically live the life of a grandma and I'm only 31 years old, lol! I don't mind being less social, I'm a loner and like my space but sometimes it gets boring and from the relationship point of view it gets lonely.

    I was in a relationship that lasted 21/2years. It was rocky and the guy cheated and I broke up with him and it's been almost a year since. It hurt a lot because he wasn't just a bf, he was a friend for me too. I lost both.

    I tried to have a relationship with another guy but he just wanted fwb type of thing not a relationship so I said goodbye to that and it's been about 6-7months since that.

    It gets lonely I'm not going lie, there are times I tear up at night thinking how *kitten* my lack of love life has turned out and remember/think of my ex ( just memories) some moments I wish I still had and some I wish I could lose forever. I'm over him but not what he did and I doubt I will ever forget the moments good/bad we had. I'm a sentimental person and take it to heart.

    Anyways, I'm at the point I want to find someone to have a new start with but its hard with my lack of a social life, I did the online dating thing. In fact, that's how I met all my exes. Dating online sucks! So many cheaters/lairs/immature/overly obsessed with sex guy out there that want nothing to do with commiment. It's sad out there.

    I wish I could just met someone the natural way, in person but it's not realistic for my lifestyle and lack of social skills.

    I work as a cashier and there is this one guy who is kind of cute, he is nice and has a nice smile. He is always friendly/easy going and smiles when he talks to me. I can't tell if he is just a friendly person or likes me.

    I wear a name tag but he never says my name and never introduced himself to me. I don't even know his name and see him like 2 or 3 days a week.

    You would think if he liked me he would introduce himself or at least greet me by my name right?

    I'm just curious what a guy would do in that Case to show they are interested, if they liked the cashier that was checking them out.

    It's not like we have a long time to chat. It's just how was your day sort of chat and we only have a few mins because my work is crazy busy and I have other customers to check out.

    Any advice/thoughts?
  • JessicaJS23
    JessicaJS23 Posts: 1,863 Member
    Maybe hint around a little by asking if he has any fun weekend plans.. Don't be afraid to tell people that you don't have a lot of friends and don't get out much. Maybe even if he's not looking for a relationship he would want to be your friend and invite you out to do something : )
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,575 Member
    lislisa123 wrote: »
    My social life is nonexistent. I have a couple online girlfriends but that's basically it, no real life in person friends. I hang out with my family and my cat that's about it.

    I basically live the life of a grandma and I'm only 31 years old, lol! I don't mind being less social, I'm a loner and like my space but sometimes it gets boring and from the relationship point of view it gets lonely.

    I was in a relationship that lasted 21/2years. It was rocky and the guy cheated and I broke up with him and it's been almost a year since. It hurt a lot because he wasn't just a bf, he was a friend for me too. I lost both.

    I tried to have a relationship with another guy but he just wanted fwb type of thing not a relationship so I said goodbye to that and it's been about 6-7months since that.

    It gets lonely I'm not going lie, there are times I tear up at night thinking how *kitten* my lack of love life has turned out and remember/think of my ex ( just memories) some moments I wish I still had and some I wish I could lose forever. I'm over him but not what he did and I doubt I will ever forget the moments good/bad we had. I'm a sentimental person and take it to heart.

    Anyways, I'm at the point I want to find someone to have a new start with but its hard with my lack of a social life, I did the online dating thing. In fact, that's how I met all my exes. Dating online sucks! So many cheaters/lairs/immature/overly obsessed with sex guy out there that want nothing to do with commiment. It's sad out there.

    I wish I could just met someone the natural way, in person but it's not realistic for my lifestyle and lack of social skills.

    I work as a cashier and there is this one guy who is kind of cute, he is nice and has a nice smile. He is always friendly/easy going and smiles when he talks to me. I can't tell if he is just a friendly person or likes me.

    I wear a name tag but he never says my name and never introduced himself to me. I don't even know his name and see him like 2 or 3 days a week.

    You would think if he liked me he would introduce himself or at least greet me by my name right?

    I'm just curious what a guy would do in that Case to show they are interested, if they liked the cashier that was checking them out.

    It's not like we have a long time to chat. It's just how was your day sort of chat and we only have a few mins because my work is crazy busy and I have other customers to check out.

    Any advice/thoughts?

    Just keep chatting and being friendly and yourself. Work crushes are fun. They give you a little excitement to go into work. Perhaps it will blossom into something over time, but don't overthink it right away. Especially since you work together.
  • Heartisalonelyhunter
    Heartisalonelyhunter Posts: 786 Member
    After my second divorce I didn't want to date for quite a while. Then one day I decided I needed to have a long talk with myself. I knew what my complaints were about them, but I felt I really needed to sit down and take a look at their complaints about me. Hard to do? You betcha! But I did it. I changed the things that I felt legitimately needed to be changed and kept the rest. Then I felt I was ready to date again. Result? Though I don't see myself getting married again, I am in the best relationship of my life and have been for nine years now.
    Moral of the story: It's not all the other person's fault.

    I think this is so wise. When I left my first husband I spent too much time thinking about all the things he did wrong, instead of what I did wrong. These things are never one-sided but it's a lot easier to think about the other party and to feel sorry for yourself. To be honest even now I'm remarried there are things I still need to work on about myself every day - I am not an easy woman to live with, even though for years I used to insist that I was. It's a tough road to admit what you really are.
  • lislisa123
    lislisa123 Posts: 356 Member
    arditarose wrote: »
    lislisa123 wrote: »
    My social life is nonexistent. I have a couple online girlfriends but that's basically it, no real life in person friends. I hang out with my family and my cat that's about it.

    I basically live the life of a grandma and I'm only 31 years old, lol! I don't mind being less social, I'm a loner and like my space but sometimes it gets boring and from the relationship point of view it gets lonely.

    I was in a relationship that lasted 21/2years. It was rocky and the guy cheated and I broke up with him and it's been almost a year since. It hurt a lot because he wasn't just a bf, he was a friend for me too. I lost both.

    I tried to have a relationship with another guy but he just wanted fwb type of thing not a relationship so I said goodbye to that and it's been about 6-7months since that.

    It gets lonely I'm not going lie, there are times I tear up at night thinking how *kitten* my lack of love life has turned out and remember/think of my ex ( just memories) some moments I wish I still had and some I wish I could lose forever. I'm over him but not what he did and I doubt I will ever forget the moments good/bad we had. I'm a sentimental person and take it to heart.

    Anyways, I'm at the point I want to find someone to have a new start with but its hard with my lack of a social life, I did the online dating thing. In fact, that's how I met all my exes. Dating online sucks! So many cheaters/lairs/immature/overly obsessed with sex guy out there that want nothing to do with commiment. It's sad out there.

    I wish I could just met someone the natural way, in person but it's not realistic for my lifestyle and lack of social skills.

    I work as a cashier and there is this one guy who is kind of cute, he is nice and has a nice smile. He is always friendly/easy going and smiles when he talks to me. I can't tell if he is just a friendly person or likes me.

    I wear a name tag but he never says my name and never introduced himself to me. I don't even know his name and see him like 2 or 3 days a week.

    You would think if he liked me he would introduce himself or at least greet me by my name right?

    I'm just curious what a guy would do in that Case to show they are interested, if they liked the cashier that was checking them out.

    It's not like we have a long time to chat. It's just how was your day sort of chat and we only have a few mins because my work is crazy busy and I have other customers to check out.

    Any advice/thoughts?

    Just keep chatting and being friendly and yourself. Work crushes are fun. They give you a little excitement to go into work. Perhaps it will blossom into something over time, but don't overthink it right away. Especially since you work together.


    We don't work together. He is a customer.
  • lislisa123
    lislisa123 Posts: 356 Member
    you might have said it but can I ask what type of job? Like it is something common for people to come in everyday? If not and he still does it's a good chance he is. Does he go out of his way when he comes in to see you? Or is it something that he doesn't have a choice?

    I work at a gas station store. He comes in for beer, usually after work, sometimes on his days off so I assume he works and lives close by. We have two cashiers on register each day but usually one of us is on register while the other is stocking shelves so I can't say he goes to my register purposely.

    That's one of the reasons it's hard to tell.

  • MaxT370
    MaxT370 Posts: 274 Member
    MaxT370 wrote: »
    Not divorced yet but separated since March. Seeing how I was with him for oh...half my life (we met when i was 15, i'm 30)...the biggest change will be finding out who I am as a person on my own.

    So I found a new job in my current field and i'm moving in a few months to a new state, why not?

    That's one of my issues actually. I went straight from my first marriage to moving in with my husband pretty much, with a long period of depression in the middle, and I have NO IDEA who I am. The only time I lived alone, I was so messed up from depression that I didn't actually get to enjoy it or learn anything from it.

    I'm actually starting to figure it out... but my relationship has suffered. I'm not the same person I was when I met him. If you ask me, the best time of my life was the year before I started dating my ex - I was doing things I loved, and I was happy (but still lived with my parents, so it's not quite the same). It's been a circus since... always depending on someone else.

    Enjoy your new job and independence![/quote]

    I'm very excited for the move, my new hospital is top notch and will provide me with some great chances to grow and just being on my own is exciting. I've never had my own place....
  • DoneWorking
    DoneWorking Posts: 241 Member
    edited August 2016
    After my second divorce I didn't want to date for quite a while. Then one day I decided I needed to have a long talk with myself. I knew what my complaints were about them, but I felt I really needed to sit down and take a look at their complaints about me. Hard to do? You betcha! But I did it. I changed the things that I felt legitimately needed to be changed and kept the rest. Then I felt I was ready to date again. Result? Though I don't see myself getting married again, I am in the best relationship of my life and have been for nine years now.
    Moral of the story: It's not all the other person's fault.

    I think this is so wise. When I left my first husband I spent too much time thinking about all the things he did wrong, instead of what I did wrong. These things are never one-sided but it's a lot easier to think about the other party and to feel sorry for yourself. To be honest even now I'm remarried there are things I still need to work on about myself every day - I am not an easy woman to live with, even though for years I used to insist that I was. It's a tough road to admit what you really are.

    Thank you. Unfortunately, most of us wait until the relationship is long gone to do this sort of thing.
  • DetroitDarin
    DetroitDarin Posts: 955 Member
    Great thread - nice to see others in similar situations.
    To borrow from Monday Morning QB - 10 things I think I think

    1. I would probably not date a woman whose kids were not spanked when they were little. Especially if the kids are still little
    2. I am terrified of physical intimacy. Until I know who I am, and really love who I am there's not much chance I'd wish ME upon a woman. My issues need to be sorted before I'm willing to engage again.
    3. Whomever my ex dates - and if she and he become close, I need to be a good friend of his because of the influence he would have over and with my son - who lives with his mom. I refuse to be his adversary or his competition
    4. Love is the easiest thing in the world to have and to maintain. If loving somebody is not easy it's not love. Nobody should have to fight FOR someone; or fight FOR a relationship. If she wants out, wish her well and let her go.
    5. I struggle with learning to not-settle. And use of the word settle implies any woman who dates me - implies if she isn't precisely what I prefer there is something wrong with her, so i hate using the word settle. It's not about me being better or wanting a 'better' partner - it's about this, frankly...I am f'ing tired of looking for the aspects I don't have with a woman I'm involved with. With my wife it was "a woman who communicated and was emotionally available. With dates it's been anything from body types to personalities. I sorta want to be with a woman I really enjoy; the important parts.
    6. I'm not physically attractive to many women; to some? probably. Definitely. But I don't have a huge pool from which to fish being overweight, having my daughter at home, being probably the funniest guy in every situation, being pretty smart for a boy...those work against me I think. :disappointed:
    7. I don't mean to brag, but i've been called "Mostly Adequate" in bed by SEVERAL women! :)
    8. but seriously, before I can give my exact heart to a woman I must exactly fix it.
    9. I. can. not. approach and talk to women in bars or clubs or pubs. Nothing in my brain works in those places. Meeting women in stores or restaurants or casually at events? unsure why but I feel immeasurably more comfortable there. Even "First dates" are awful for me. Don't suppose I care a whole lot, but it hampers my dating
    10. Picky eaters are terrible lovers.

  • runto107
    runto107 Posts: 45 Member
    Been divorced a year and a half now, haven't dated yet. Hey Mr Right if you are out there let me know lol
  • DetroitDarin
    DetroitDarin Posts: 955 Member
    Honestly, there's too much logical fallacy in there to even respond to. Good luck.

    So you didn't respond, by responding? Logical fallacy!

    Are you drinking? I'm not going to turn this thread into me schooling you on basic parenting skills and child psychology. If you want to learn those things, message me and I'm happy to help.
  • DeficitDuchess
    DeficitDuchess Posts: 3,099 Member
    edited August 2016
    Honestly, there's too much logical fallacy in there to even respond to. Good luck.

    So you didn't respond, by responding? Logical fallacy!

    Are you drinking? I'm not going to turn this thread into me schooling you on basic parenting skills and child psychology. If you want to learn those things, message me and I'm happy to help.

    When someone posts a comment for the public to see, they should have the understanding that someone might respond to it; with their own opinions. If I was drinking, I doubt that I would've caught the logical fallacy; in your previous response. I've been raising children most of my life, from having to learn how to change my own diapers/potty train myself as a toddler; to raising my siblings when I was 8 & then raising/babysitting other peoples children, until I was 29; I am 36 currently & unfortunately don't/won't have any of my own because of early menopause. However I've never had a problem with a child of various ages, that I couldn't resolve; with time outs, discussion, etc.
  • DetroitDarin
    DetroitDarin Posts: 955 Member
    Honestly, there's too much logical fallacy in there to even respond to. Good luck.

    So you didn't respond, by responding? Logical fallacy!

    Are you drinking? I'm not going to turn this thread into me schooling you on basic parenting skills and child psychology. If you want to learn those things, message me and I'm happy to help.

    When someone posts a comment for the public to see, they should have the understanding that someone might respond to it; with their own opinions. If I was drinking, I doubt that I would've caught the logical fallacy; in your previous response. I've been raising children most of my life, from having to learn how to change my own diapers/potty train myself as a toddler; to raising my siblings when I was 8 & then raising/babysitting other peoples children, until I was 29; I am 36 currently & unfortunately don't/won't have any of my own because of early menopause. However I've never had a problem with a child of various ages, that I couldn't resolve; with time outs, discussion, etc.


    How nice for you. Good luck