We broke up because...

Couldn't rise to the challenge

Rose to the challenge too hard and poked her eye out

All the empty wine glasses in her house told a verrrrrry interesting tale.

It was the dozen empty boxes of wine that made me even more worried.

she was married to a huge guy named boris -

I hated her calling me Boris

for some reason Rocky and Bullwinkle didn't put her in the mood

I was hung like a mouse. She's never happy.

he had mice in his house

we both lagged too much