Maintenance with Overweight Spouse

I don't get why people b***ch about their spouses on a public website. Do you really think they don't know your username and can't see what you say about them? Imagine how you would feel if the roles were reversed and they were discussing you/your appearance/your relationship with a bunch of Internet strangers....

zyxst wrote: »

Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »

I don't get why people b***ch about their spouses on a public website. Do you really think they don't know your username and can't see what you say about them? Imagine how you would feel if the roles were reversed and they were discussing you/your appearance/your relationship with a bunch of Internet strangers....

My husband knows I say this shizzle about him. Rolls off his back. I take it that he b1tches about me to his buddies when I'm not around. We also say this stuff to each other which is why it's not a drag-out fight if/when either of us finds out.

The anonymity of the internet can help people work out problems because they know the chances of anyone knowing who they really are is slim.

It's not anonymous though. That's my point. If your spouse decided to see what you were saying he could easily find your user name and do a google search. Or a profile pic image search. I'm not saying that applies to everyone but I have read some terrible things people say about their spouses (that they are unattractive, that they can't stand them etc) and it makes me wonder if the people saying it actually want to be caught saying mean things or are so naive they think what they say is totally anonymous?

I would try and find out if your spouse eats like that due to stress. Some people have never been taught or given a reason to relieve stress without greasy, sugary, salty foods. My husband has lost some weight during my journey. He supports me every way he can. Yet has multiple days a week where he just snacks and snacks and snacks. Usually due to stress or boredom. He travels during the day for his job so tons of hours behind the wheel.

Maybe try talking to your spouse and see if they know what causes their eating habits. Maybe they were deprived as a child and so now in adulthood they are making up for it. It does happen. You will be able to better answer that one.

For you, just keep doing what you are doing. He gets out ice cream, you get a bowl of fruit with a serving of cool whip ( cool whip is only 20-25 calories per serving, strawberries have 4 calories per medium one) . Or grab some veggies and a dip you like. Everything in moderation.

Remember you started this journey for you regardless of your spouse. So keep sticking to your plan.

OP, I identify. DH eats pretty well but drinks more than I can .... well, I CAN, but not if I want to maintain. But then there are the kids. 3 teens. They ask for snacks (which I do buy them because they are amazingly good at moderation and sharing--blows my mind), and once they drive, they bring more snack food in. So there it is. 90% of the time I leave their snack food (and beer) alone. If I pre-plan with stuff I genuinely enjoy, it's easier to stay away from their stuff. If I get hungry and have to figure out something on the spot (with nothing planned), I am much, much more temped. Some of the time I just eat their stuff, log it & move on.

Kudos to you for reaching your goal & working with hubby to eliminate the trigger foods. That is huge. But it might also be the most you can expect. Beyond that, try to content yourself with the stuff you like best that fits in your plan.

sijomial wrote: »

foursixfour wrote: »

I am in maintenance and have a loving partner who eats junk (major sweet tooth) most of time and binges at night. We watched a documentary on processed sugar, its addictive properties, how it makes you hungry, how it impaires your thinking and other adverse physical affects both long and short term.

Nothing really changed much or very long. For a while he switched from ice cream to fruit yogurt (just as much sugar.

I want to be successful at maintaining. I know my main trigger food and he graciously agrees not to keep more than 1 serving of it for himself to enjoy in the house.

Still, long term what is it like to continue prioritizing nutrition, while being with someone who eats lots of processed food and sugary drinks with little nutritional value?

Does anyone have experiences they can share, positive, negative or mixed? Advice is welcome.

I joined a couple of whole foods and plant based groups on meetup for support and camaraderie of others who are maintaining their health through nutritious eating. I hope it will help to have a peer group.

My guess would be that your spouse doesn't share your extreme views on foods and regarding the two bold paragraphs probably finds your views irritating - continuing to eat his way is his rebellion.

Watching those kind of mockumentaries when you clearly disapprove of his eating habits would certainly come across as preaching at him. Maybe keep it to yourself and/or share with your like-minded support group but don't bring it home? Support the goal of health/weight loss but don't dictate the method.

I lost weight together with my wife but she regained while I maintained. I can support and encourage her but in the end it's her choice, I won't nag her. When she is ready I will support her whilst she loses weight.

+1 million

Hope OP reads this one

You have to find your own identity in your diet. You can't eat the way he does.
I think it is like this in a lot of relationships.

Clearly put, most women can't take in as many calories as men do. Some can. I'm not one of them. So I have to watch myself.

In my relationship, I know i usually eat about half of what my guy would eat and i also eat slower. So we usually finish eating around the same time. It's helpful if the meal is truly nutritious and filling.

That being said, I am the grocery shopper. I cook the dinners. My guy has snacks and lunch away from home and i'm sure it's not healthy. But unless I am in the mood for something particularly unhealthy for dinner like pizza, or pasta..... then I make healthy dinners with veggies and plenty of protein and bread for my guy. Because that's what I know he likes.

I've made vegetarian dishes before and he missed the meat so I'm sure to incorporate some kind of animal.

I'll tell you a trick...... So, I substitute a lot. I'll substitute ground turkey for beef sometimes. In my house, I try to only cook red meat once a week. Also, try to have a meatless day.

And if you make a recipe that is "healthy", then I wouldn't tell him it's "healthy" lol just yummy.

here is a healthy yummy recipe
http://mycrazygoodlife.com/21-day-fix-chicken-crock-pot-recipes/

I don't keep junk food in the house. No chips, No gallons of ice cream. But I do have some things that I don't eat that my guy does. For example, he really like orange juice. Which is fine. But I don't particularly like it, plus it's full of sugar. But I buy it for him anyway and i'm super sweet to him when I bring it home and make sure he has plenty of it :-) I also keep mandarins on hand, because I would much rather actually eat an orange. So I do!


Does your guy grocery shop? Or does he just demand that you buy junk and then that's hard to stay away from?
I understand that not getting the things your body is still craving can make your cranky and be harsh.

I suggest, taking all the junk food that he enjoys. Chips, crackers, cereal, pop tarts, frosted animal crackers in their own separate cabinet. SO you don't have to see it.

And if there are frozen things he wants that are in the freezer, you may just have to be strong.

I'd also find out why he binges. Binging is always triggered by something. Examples: stress, or just the tv turning on. I'd also suggest not being around when he binges. Could you leave and go for a walk? It's not a healthy behavior and if my partner was doing it, then it would upset me to see it. I imagine that I would grab the dog, my phone, some ear phones, and go for a walk. Don't make a big deal of it, just go. Make it "you time".

Speaking of walking. Unfortunately, this also means you can't depend on them to exercise with you. You can't wait for him to be in the mood to go walk or jog. Set your watch for when you are going, commit to going and go.

When I was in college struggling to lose weight I was dating a guy that NEVER exercised with me when I asked him to go walk with me. It was very frustrating.

Years have passed and I have learned the importance of doing you. Take care of your body. You are the only one who knows what your body needs and what it runs off of best.

ALso.

If you are looking for support/motivation/accountability group. Feel free to join a group I created last month.
New Year's Eve Challenge 2016.
We'll be a positive voice encouraging you to stay strong.


I hope my advice helps. It would be nice if he were as committed as you are.
I'll message you.

-Victoria

ajsutter0396 wrote: »

I never offer suggestions to my spouse and I learned the hard way that he doesn't always really want me to answer the question he asks me. He was very supportive of me losing weight, however, he's been putting on pounds as I've been losing. He's got to find his own way. I'm responsible for me and only me! One of the biggest challenges of getting healthy is dealing with the people closest to you.

^^This.

The only person you can control, is yourself. When, or if, a person is ready, they will do it for themselves. The best thing you can do, is set an example. No amount of coercion is beneficial. Many times it leads to resentment.

Do it for yourself. Explain to your partner how you feel. Accept their life decisions, as you can not change them, only they can.

malioumba wrote: »

CipherZero wrote: »

My spouse got angry with me for losing weight and begged me to stop; I went from 40% body fat to around 20% and ignored her whining entirely.

Are you two still together? The comment sounded so resentful

We are.

It's not my spouse's decision on what I do with my body - especially when it comes to demonstrably making it healthier.

To accomplish this, I took no drugs, didn't purge, wasn't on whatever diet or pill of the week was on Dr. Oz. I ate less and moved more. No matter how many times I explained the end goal and how I was going to get there it was a battle over food (buying crap foods I wouldn't eat), my weight (dropping less than a pound a week on average), and seeing new clothes (bought second-hand or at 75%+ discounts) and how "terrible" I looked.

I worked my *kitten* off - literally - and got nothing but grief the entire way.

You're damned right I resented it.

OP: I've been logging everything for the last four years and lost 40+ pounds. My husband eats way more junk ands snacks a lot. He's overweight bordering on obese. He also does most of the cooking for our family (he's an amazing cook) and drizzles olive oil and things that adds to the calorie content of everything.

All good. I just eat a little less and pay attention to how full I am. I eat snacks with him when I want them but just put mine in a bowl with a portion size I know so I don't mindlessly eat the whole bag.

All good. If that's the worst thing I have to deal with, I'm golden. And we've been together 45 years.

P.S. I DO wish he'd stick to his logging, which he takes up and drops. But that's because I want him around forever and not because it affects me directly.