This is why people gain weight, and why losing it is so hard.

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  • Pam_1965
    Pam_1965 Posts: 137 Member
    Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »
    1899? You could eat that in one average Red Robin meal.

    That said. I'm 5'6", 51 years old. Female. Menopausal. My TDEE before activity is similar. I manage to "get" another 500 or so in activity each day according to my fitbit.

    @Sabine_Stroehm

    That's me!!! What is your goal weight? I am currently at 141 pounds. Was at 220 January of 2013. I really want to get down to 135. I was telling my friend last night that I better find a man soon because I am never going to be able to stay this thin and I REALLY want to pig out!!
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,268 Member
    Pam_1965 wrote: »
    Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »
    1899? You could eat that in one average Red Robin meal.

    That said. I'm 5'6", 51 years old. Female. Menopausal. My TDEE before activity is similar. I manage to "get" another 500 or so in activity each day according to my fitbit.

    @Sabine_Stroehm

    That's me!!! What is your goal weight? I am currently at 141 pounds. Was at 220 January of 2013. I really want to get down to 135. I was telling my friend last night that I better find a man soon because I am never going to be able to stay this thin and I REALLY want to pig out!!

    I'm in maintenance (14+ years). My happiest weight is 130-135. I was 132 for many many years. I'm currently about 139? Dealing with menopausal hormonal chaos. Every day's an adventure! My real goal is to have a steady menopausal weight below 140, so I'm doing well so far.
  • sarahthes
    sarahthes Posts: 3,252 Member
    Gena575 wrote: »
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    midwesterner85 wrote: »
    _piaffe wrote: »
    OP is projecting feelings on OP's own future self.

    It's like a parent talking to a child-free younger version of themselves in their early 20s.

    Younger single version says, "I could never have kids / having kids is so upsetting because I really love my partying lifestyle and I hate having to wake up at a certain time and it would REALLY cramp my style... no, you don't understand: I really, REALLY love going for brunch with my single friends, and going to concerts and going with the flow."

    The younger single self typically does not wake up with an infant or toddler to care for. Typically, single self first finds a partner and decides the partner is a keeper. They plan a future together and slowly or quickly build a life together. Eventually, they turn their mind to having a child. They try to get pregnant or adopt - this can take years. Years and tears. Eventually, they may get lucky and be in the process. Pregnancy is 9-10 looooong months of preparation and education (again, typically). Other processes are also long and fraught with challenge. So much can go awry.

    And eventually, if they are luckier still, you have a baby / child.

    The person at the end of this journey is no longer the young single version of themself that they once were. Sure, habits linger. There is longing and nostalgia. "The good old days" are missed. But you are a new version of you.

    OLD you would never in a zillion years want to, overnight, take on parenting - it would ruin their lifestyle instantly!

    But that lifestyle evolved into something different.



    You started out alright and then turned to the assumption that everyone wants to have a kid to illustrate your point that everyone turns out the same. I'm not like OP because I hadn't thought about how little I would have to eat after losing weight. But had I considered it, I would have felt like he does now. As a childfree man who knew as a teenager (because I thought about that) he didn't ever want to have kids; I haven't ever changed my mind. Your logic that everyone will do a 180 on what they want out of life makes me feel insulted.

    I've never wanted children but could still appreciate her analogy. The point is about current self and future self. Substitute whatever example you can relate to.

    Lol my analogy is 180* opposite hers. I always wanted kids. Life didn't work that way. And now, at 41 I get all sorts of anxiety at 1 day late on the period. Kids *now* would so jack up my life. 20 year old me envisioned a far different life than I ended up with. I'm glad 20 yr old me was so so wrong about what makes me happy.

    Lol I have 2 kids and love them dearly but I'm terrified of getting pregnant again so you are not alone there. I am 36 so I have a ways to go before that particular fear will go away.
  • clicketykeys
    clicketykeys Posts: 6,378 Member
    _piaffe wrote: »
    I was using "child" and "free" in a compound term sense to connote free of children / presently without child, in an analogy about weight. For the record, childless is also a very loaded term in my experience. I'm going to avoid both going forward! ETA: and also analogies on an Internet community board.

    Yeah, you're right that 'childless' tends to imply "wanting children but not having had any." I'm childfree in the sense of "don't have, don't want, quite content."

    However, we are also godparents to our nephews. God forbid anything happen to their parents, but if something did, I still don't think I'd be MISERABLE. I'd adjust to life raising children, and it's not unreasonable to imagine that future-accidental-parent-me might even decide that raising kids was something I enjoyed much more than current-me could ever have realized.

    What I'm trying to get at is the idea I *think* you were going for - that human beings can readjust and get used to an awful lot. And you find that you still experience joy and fear and frustration and contentment even if your situation changes dramatically. Which IMO applies to the original post.
  • stevencloser
    stevencloser Posts: 8,911 Member
    If childless is wanting but not having and childfree is not having and not wanting, what's the agnostic variant of just not having children with no particular implication of my intentions of ever getting them?
  • caterpillardreams
    caterpillardreams Posts: 476 Member
    The beginning is the hardest. But how long that is is dependent on everyone. I understand that feeling like "NO way I can eat that little" I can not eat as much as I used to, and its very weird now but its just too much and because I have worked had for years my body is beginning to adjust and like eating what I need not what I think I want, and what I feel like eating.

    Best Tip.
    Do not bring any junk home.
    Don't buy those chips at the end of the grocery trip by the cash register. (done it many times, and I realized, OMG I was not even thinking, it was just automatic)
    That's when I knew I had a bad understanding of how I ate and how looked at food.


    Its gonna take time.
    Find a healthy eating program, diet, list, make your own,
    Print it out
    Buy those foods.
    SImple, brown rice, sweet potatoes, chicken eggs, frozen veggies
    Get whats simple so it can be fast for you but not unhealthy fast, not DRIVE THRI FAST. but quick throw it in the
    microwave, cook for 5 mins on pan.
    Drink water, tea, , water, coffee, water, water

    with exercise
    A friend taught me just 25- 30 minutes a day. We all have that. majority of us. I have 3 kids, go to school full time and I make sure to do it.

    Question?
    How bad do you want it?

    Make that change NOW!!!!

    You can do it, but only you can. but it does help to look others and get help if needed.
  • jondspen
    jondspen Posts: 253 Member
    Well...it is hard if ure use to eating trible bacon cheeseburgers, fries, and a soda. Just that one mean will probably put you around 1500 calories, if not more.

    I still eat lots of burgers, but no mayo, sometimes no cheese, definitely no fries, and skip the soda for water or tea.

    Yes...it sucks getting use to it, but once you do, it's not that bad. Key is to find low calorie filling foods to incorporate.

    Also, once you start exercising and building large muscle groups, they will help increase your metabolism.
  • clicketykeys
    clicketykeys Posts: 6,378 Member
    stevencloser wrote: »
    If childless is wanting but not having and childfree is not having and not wanting, what's the agnostic variant of just not having children with no particular implication of my intentions of ever getting them?

    I would use 'nonparent' as a neutral term. 'Child-indifferent' if I wanted to be a smart aleck ;)
  • T1DCarnivoreRunner
    T1DCarnivoreRunner Posts: 11,501 Member
    stevencloser wrote: »
    If childless is wanting but not having and childfree is not having and not wanting, what's the agnostic variant of just not having children with no particular implication of my intentions of ever getting them?

    That is still childless.
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
    point is losing weight is a lifestyle change. you have to want to change your lifestyle to become a better you,quitting drugs,alcohol or smoking is also a lifestyle change. sure its hard at first, but if you concentrate on just losing the weight for now and trying to be a healthier better you, you will be much happier.sure you will still go through struggles along the way but once you see how your body changes and how much better you feel you wont want to go back to how you lived and ate before.

    That is what keeps me going and Ive been doing it 4 years now. I learned I had a genetic disorder(which is also a metabolic disorder) and I have to watch my fat,sat fat,sugar and sodium intake. that in itself is hard to do when Im so used to eating what I wanted, but making sure those foods fit into my calorie deficit in the past. now I have to change things up but thing are improving slowly.

    Its a "learn how to crawl before you walk" type of thing. one day you will be running(maybe not literally). but focus on the right now and not the when or if of the future. one day at a time.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,209 Member
    _piaffe wrote: »
    I had considered doing an Edit to add the starting premise - which I thought was obvious - ie that we were talking generally about a person who wanted a particular outcome, but is DEEPLY conflicted on the impact that outcome would have on current lifestyle.

    In my analogy, that outcome was a child. Of course, not everybody wants a child - that is a completely valid choice. OP is deeply conflicted because he WANTS to lose weight. Yet does not want to give up his lifestyle.

    I should have done the edit or not bothered posting. Sigh. And sorry for unintended offence!

    No worries, no one was offended.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    I am glad you wrote the analogy, got me thinking, yes, thinking how we make sacrifices in life if we choose to.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    edited September 2016
    I was thinking about when I was in my twenties, buying everything in sight, running up the credit cards and how I realized I could never go back to the habit of spending like that again once everything was paid off. Yep, as adults we realize we cant have what we want all the time, or as much as we want. So like someone said it is hard but suck it up buttercup. The consequences are just too hard. (being a spoiled brat) need discipline. Of course it is hard, I want all those electronics and all that junk food, etc.
  • mfp_nicole_2017
    mfp_nicole_2017 Posts: 10 Member
    I am 33, and started using the MFP app on my phone in march of 2015. I have counted calories, and lost over 110 lbs! I know that I was probably eating over 4,000 calories a day prior to using MFP and dieting. I am 5-8 and 158 lbs. I started at 270 lbs. I think it is hard to change your eating habits, but I know from my own experience if I eat say over 2,000 calories a day and don't exercise (besides my usual daily activity-i also have a job where I am on my feet all day)-I will not lose weight. Once I start eating say 2100-2200 or more calories I will start gaining for sure. Lately I hit a plateau. I was at 160 for almost 3 months. Then one day I went down to 155. The last time I weighed myself (like a week ago) I was around 158. My weight fluctuates, and so weighing myself weekly is a little bit better. I also weigh myself right away when I get up-before I eat or drink anything. Anyways, good luck to you. It is a hard journey and my struggle is to keep the weight off! I have to keep counting those calories! It is worth it to look great, feel great, and gain confidence!

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