This is why people gain weight, and why losing it is so hard.
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I find having a IDGAF day once or twice a month is enough to satisfy me these days, and will hold me over til the next month. It's all down to what you get yourself used too.
@jdb3388 I bet you'll come back to this thread when you're down to goal weight and laugh at your panic, because by that time you'll be a whole different person, both in body AND mind.1 -
This gal can SO relate.0
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You don't get to decide what is delicious to me, or anyone else, in the same way I don't get to decide on that for you. I eat a lot of different kinds of food, from cheap fast food, to standard sit-down style restaurants, to homecooked meals, to 5 star cuisine, and I'll tell you right now, I'll take a greasy plate of french fries smothered in cheese and chili and bacon and ranch dressing over a pretty piece of steak or chicken or fish and greens any day of the week, and twice on Sunday. I don't care about convenience. I enjoy cooking, which is another thing that everyone in this topic seems to think just doesn't happen when people eat a bunch of bad food. I can make a 2000 calorie dish as well or better than any restaurant can.
The idea that you would be miserable if you couldn't eat all the things you want to eat boggles my mind. I mean, that's kind of just the way life is: you don't get to do every thing you ever want to do. I would like to be at Disney World right now. Am I at Disney World right now? No. No, I am not. Does that mean I'm miserable because I don't have what I want? No, because there are other lovely things in my life right now, and I choose to appreciate and enjoy them.
Additionally, how do you know what you will feel like when you're at your goal weight and in maintenance? You're not there yet. I'd understand a lot better if you said "I'm at my goal weight and trying to maintain, but I'm hungry all the time." As it is, it seems like you're just borrowing hypothetical future trouble. And I don't understand why you would choose to do that.21 -
clicketykeys wrote: »You don't get to decide what is delicious to me, or anyone else, in the same way I don't get to decide on that for you. I eat a lot of different kinds of food, from cheap fast food, to standard sit-down style restaurants, to homecooked meals, to 5 star cuisine, and I'll tell you right now, I'll take a greasy plate of french fries smothered in cheese and chili and bacon and ranch dressing over a pretty piece of steak or chicken or fish and greens any day of the week, and twice on Sunday. I don't care about convenience. I enjoy cooking, which is another thing that everyone in this topic seems to think just doesn't happen when people eat a bunch of bad food. I can make a 2000 calorie dish as well or better than any restaurant can.
The idea that you would be miserable if you couldn't eat all the things you want to eat boggles my mind. I mean, that's kind of just the way life is: you don't get to do every thing you ever want to do. I would like to be at Disney World right now. Am I at Disney World right now? No. No, I am not. Does that mean I'm miserable because I don't have what I want? No, because there are other lovely things in my life right now, and I choose to appreciate and enjoy them.
Additionally, how do you know what you will feel like when you're at your goal weight and in maintenance? You're not there yet. I'd understand a lot better if you said "I'm at my goal weight and trying to maintain, but I'm hungry all the time." As it is, it seems like you're just borrowing hypothetical future trouble. And I don't understand why you would choose to do that.
Valid points.
Being in control of our emotions/hunger/whims/desires/cravings etc etc is all part of being an Adult. Sometimes we just don't get to do everything we want, when we want. Such is life...1 -
1. I have read every post.
2. This is in response to @jdb3388 being at the 12th day of this.
My journey began on January 25 this year when I weighed 272.4 lb. I was 53 years old then and I am 54 now. For the first week I tried to log my food and made no effort to change my food. I just wanted to practice logging.
Looking back at my diary today, I realize how ignorant and self-sabotaging I was. I'd have a small breakfast, then snack on the free junk at work all day, then go home and try to have a tiny dinner. I was having 'excursions' from my calorie plan as frequently as every month. During these excursions, I'd eat stuff that wasn't planned, was stuff I didn't want to plan, and every time it was stuff that was available in the house. I try to learn. One thing I finally learned was that a small breakfast was not what I needed. I started having a big breakfast. I was afraid that if I avoided the candy bowl at work that I'd experience resentment and failure, so I had a piece of candy every day. Then one day at 3:00 pm, the time of day for the candy, I recognized that I just didn't want it. I've had a few pieces of candy since then, but there's no need for me to binge on it or resent anything. I've got a big bag of my favorite chocolate peanut clusters at home, hidden from my daughters (because they'll eat the whole thing in a day of their TOM). Once or twice a week on weekends I have room in my calories for 1 or 2 of those clusters. I weigh it and log it before I eat it. I recently bought a bag of Ghirardelli dark chocolate individually wrapped squares. I've had it a week and haven't opened it yet. Candy just doesn't need me anymore.
I've described elsewhere the first 2 months of my journey as "dreadful" I was doing everything wrong. I didn't know how to log accurate foods. Looking back today, I think I was even neglecting some of the things I'm sure I was eating. My diary has breakfast of a poached egg and a slice of ham. I haven't poached an egg in years. That breakfast involved 2 pieces of wheat bread, toasted, with the egg stirred up and cooked to puck-firmness in a tiny skillet with oil stacked on the toast with a slice of cheese and the ham. Why wasn't I logging the oil, bread and cheese? I don't know. My dinner was often nothing more than plain white rice. I was traumatized at going cold turkey from soy sauce. I don't recommend anything in my first two months. It was just awful. I lost about 20 lb.
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I have now reached the point where reading these food logs is making my mouth water and tummy grumble angrily.
That might just be my daily deficit talking though. OP, there will be hard days, and there will be stretches it is a lot easier. But as I got closer to my goal I've found I'm usually satisfied on less. I started out eating about 2800 cal/day (about a 100 cal overage on my maintenance). Cutting to 2200 was at first quite painful -- I don't even want to remember my attempt at 1700 (-2 lbs/week) in those early days. I felt very sorry for myself. I was motivated to push through because of my health.
Now that I've lost 100 lbs, I average about 1850/day (0.5 lb/week loss) . I'm acutely hungrier now than I have been since the earlier days, I won't lie to you.
But I wouldn't trade the hunger for going back to how I felt and lived at 270 lbs. I can do things I love again; I can go hiking, and walk my dog and play games with my niece and nephew. I can sit at a chair for more than two minutes, and stand to bake. I can go ice skating and kayaking and dance and not be winded. I can work all day and then go to the theatre and play in a band or conduct and orchestra all night and get up and do it the next day. I could do NONE of this at my top weight. A bad day with lupus now is better than my best days when I was fighting all that weight.
That is to say, losing the weight opened my life to so many more pleasures that the loss of eating as much of whatever I wanted turned out to be a very good trade for me. I cannot speak for others, but it seems a common experience from reading what others say.8 -
Fact is, for pretty much all of us, being an adult means not always getting to do what you want. There will always be trade offs. You weigh up the options, and go with the ones that suit your needs.
If you want to eat what you want all the time, the trade off is that you'll most likely be fat. Only you can decide whether that's going to be worth it for you.7 -
Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »
@Sued0nim do you agree that this is your daily approach?Packerjohn wrote: »Packerjohn wrote: »I have always counted calories daily, but I've read that some people say weekly is the way to go. Do any of you guys kinda not really worry about daily and concentrate on weekly? Eating heavy one day and light on another day to make up for it?
Skip breakfast and eat 40g dry weight (non instant) oatmeal for lunch with peanut butter , have 3 slices of pizza for dinner. bam, full and satisfied and under cals for the day by a landslide. binge drink on Fridays. that is the plan you want and need
And your heath goes to *kitten*. Where are the fruits and veggies in this program?
For the OP. As you know 4500 calories is an insane amount on a regular basis, unless your a 200+ pound competitive athlete. As you work on cutting back you will get used to a lower number of calories. As been mentioned you can always up the activity.
Best of luck.
really bud?
Yes based on your suggested menu if this is suppose to be a common occurrence.
"Skip breakfast and eat 40g dry weight (non instant) oatmeal for lunch with peanut butter , have 3 slices of pizza for dinner. bam, full and satisfied and under cals for the day by a landslide. binge drink on Fridays. that is the plan you want and need"
Yes because my response was not flippant and was a 100% serious attempt at giving the OP a fully sustainable diet plan that he should adhere to daily; that approach and has worked well for users such as Sued0nim.
@Sabine_Stroehm reading comprehension and thread wide context go a long way. @Sued0nim gave the OP great examples to meet his goals in a healthy manner and OP whined them away. My post was not serious, but apparently that wasn't clear enough with the binge drinking and all.
Thanks for the insult. Cheers.
LOTS of folks come on a forum. They don't all read 5 pages of a thread. Posting misleading replies isn't helpful to anyone.
OP doesn't want to be helped, he just wants to complain.
I disagree. He's "in mourning". He's grieving the end of his old life. (If he makes the changes necessary).
Regardless, he's not the only one reading the thread. Nor will he be. Sarcasm on forums is always iffy.
I love this, because it IS a major loss, isn't it? Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, then Acceptance. OP, sounds like you might be in the anger or depression stage. Don't give up. Take to heart all the other suggestions and advice of the people who have posted - they've been where you are. It's hard to believe that you won't always feel the way you do today, but your feelings will change, your cravings will change, your goals will change, your body will change. You've heard it from many on here and it happened to me too. Follow the plan and refocus on your goal for TODAY. Then worry about tomorrow. Wishing you the best.
Edit to add: P.S. I only had ONE bite of that donut in my profile pic. That NEVER would have happened two years ago. I would have eaten the whole thing and then some. I still have days those 4k calorie days, but it happens so few and far between now. It's a lifelong thing, not something that is a quick fix. Once I realized that (and grieved) my whole attitude changed.
I was really hoping you had eaten that doughnut because it looks soooo delish!!
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For me, its almost ceremonious. Eating is not just something I do to survive, its something I thoroughly enjoy. Meal time is something I look forward to for reasons other than hunger. Telling me to just eat healthier/lower calorie/more nutritious/whatever foods is like telling a cocaine addict that he should just smoke pot instead and everything will be alright. It's not a matter of knowing what to do, because God knows I know exactly what to do, its a matter of being able to do it.
Again, I'm not asking you for help, I'm just making conversation about how much it F#*$&%@ sucks.
You know what? I 100% agree with you. It totally sucks. But the good thing is that after you've done it for awhile (subjective), you won't miss food as much. It won't end up being as euphoric and delish as it feels right now. It takes a long while, but eventually, you're not gonna feel like it sucks because you'll be used to eating differently.
But until you no longer miss it, we can totally feel the suckiness of it together. I'm with you: it does suck!
Don't you wish we could just eat whatever we wanted with no repercussions? That would be amazing!
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OP is projecting feelings on OP's own future self.
It's like a parent talking to a child-free younger version of themselves in their early 20s.
Younger single version says, "I could never have kids / having kids is so upsetting because I really love my partying lifestyle and I hate having to wake up at a certain time and it would REALLY cramp my style... no, you don't understand: I really, REALLY love going for brunch with my single friends, and going to concerts and going with the flow."
The younger single self typically does not wake up with an infant or toddler to care for. Typically, single self first finds a partner and decides the partner is a keeper. They plan a future together and slowly or quickly build a life together. Eventually, they turn their mind to having a child. They try to get pregnant or adopt - this can take years. Years and tears. Eventually, they may get lucky and be in the process. Pregnancy is 9-10 looooong months of preparation and education (again, typically). Other processes are also long and fraught with challenge. So much can go awry.
And eventually, if they are luckier still, you have a baby / child.
The person at the end of this journey is no longer the young single version of themself that they once were. Sure, habits linger. There is longing and nostalgia. "The good old days" are missed. But you are a new version of you.
OLD you would never in a zillion years want to, overnight, take on parenting - it would ruin their lifestyle instantly!
But that lifestyle evolved into something different.
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OP is projecting feelings on OP's own future self.
It's like a parent talking to a child-free younger version of themselves in their early 20s.
Younger single version says, "I could never have kids / having kids is so upsetting because I really love my partying lifestyle and I hate having to wake up at a certain time and it would REALLY cramp my style... no, you don't understand: I really, REALLY love going for brunch with my single friends, and going to concerts and going with the flow."
The younger single self typically does not wake up with an infant or toddler to care for. Typically, single self first finds a partner and decides the partner is a keeper. They plan a future together and slowly or quickly build a life together. Eventually, they turn their mind to having a child. They try to get pregnant or adopt - this can take years. Years and tears. Eventually, they may get lucky and be in the process. Pregnancy is 9-10 looooong months of preparation and education (again, typically). Other processes are also long and fraught with challenge. So much can go awry.
And eventually, if they are luckier still, you have a baby / child.
The person at the end of this journey is no longer the young single version of themself that they once were. Sure, habits linger. There is longing and nostalgia. "The good old days" are missed. But you are a new version of you.
OLD you would never in a zillion years want to, overnight, take on parenting - it would ruin their lifestyle instantly!
But that lifestyle evolved into something different.
You started out alright and then turned to the assumption that everyone wants to have a kid to illustrate your point that everyone turns out the same. I'm not like OP because I hadn't thought about how little I would have to eat after losing weight. But had I considered it, I would have felt like he does now. As a childfree man who knew as a teenager (because I thought about that) he didn't ever want to have kids; I haven't ever changed my mind. Your logic that everyone will do a 180 on what they want out of life makes me feel insulted.6 -
midwesterner85 wrote: »OP is projecting feelings on OP's own future self.
It's like a parent talking to a child-free younger version of themselves in their early 20s.
Younger single version says, "I could never have kids / having kids is so upsetting because I really love my partying lifestyle and I hate having to wake up at a certain time and it would REALLY cramp my style... no, you don't understand: I really, REALLY love going for brunch with my single friends, and going to concerts and going with the flow."
The younger single self typically does not wake up with an infant or toddler to care for. Typically, single self first finds a partner and decides the partner is a keeper. They plan a future together and slowly or quickly build a life together. Eventually, they turn their mind to having a child. They try to get pregnant or adopt - this can take years. Years and tears. Eventually, they may get lucky and be in the process. Pregnancy is 9-10 looooong months of preparation and education (again, typically). Other processes are also long and fraught with challenge. So much can go awry.
And eventually, if they are luckier still, you have a baby / child.
The person at the end of this journey is no longer the young single version of themself that they once were. Sure, habits linger. There is longing and nostalgia. "The good old days" are missed. But you are a new version of you.
OLD you would never in a zillion years want to, overnight, take on parenting - it would ruin their lifestyle instantly!
But that lifestyle evolved into something different.
You started out alright and then turned to the assumption that everyone wants to have a kid to illustrate your point that everyone turns out the same. I'm not like OP because I hadn't thought about how little I would have to eat after losing weight. But had I considered it, I would have felt like he does now. As a childfree man who knew as a teenager (because I thought about that) he didn't ever want to have kids; I haven't ever changed my mind. Your logic that everyone will do a 180 on what they want out of life makes me feel insulted.
Agree 100%. Her post started fine, but then, yeah, turned into something else.2 -
midwesterner85 wrote: »OP is projecting feelings on OP's own future self.
It's like a parent talking to a child-free younger version of themselves in their early 20s.
Younger single version says, "I could never have kids / having kids is so upsetting because I really love my partying lifestyle and I hate having to wake up at a certain time and it would REALLY cramp my style... no, you don't understand: I really, REALLY love going for brunch with my single friends, and going to concerts and going with the flow."
The younger single self typically does not wake up with an infant or toddler to care for. Typically, single self first finds a partner and decides the partner is a keeper. They plan a future together and slowly or quickly build a life together. Eventually, they turn their mind to having a child. They try to get pregnant or adopt - this can take years. Years and tears. Eventually, they may get lucky and be in the process. Pregnancy is 9-10 looooong months of preparation and education (again, typically). Other processes are also long and fraught with challenge. So much can go awry.
And eventually, if they are luckier still, you have a baby / child.
The person at the end of this journey is no longer the young single version of themself that they once were. Sure, habits linger. There is longing and nostalgia. "The good old days" are missed. But you are a new version of you.
OLD you would never in a zillion years want to, overnight, take on parenting - it would ruin their lifestyle instantly!
But that lifestyle evolved into something different.
You started out alright and then turned to the assumption that everyone wants to have a kid to illustrate your point that everyone turns out the same. I'm not like OP because I hadn't thought about how little I would have to eat after losing weight. But had I considered it, I would have felt like he does now. As a childfree man who knew as a teenager (because I thought about that) he didn't ever want to have kids; I haven't ever changed my mind. Your logic that everyone will do a 180 on what they want out of life makes me feel insulted.
Oh for crying out loud it was an analogy, not a suggestion that everyone needs, wants, or should have kids.25 -
I had considered doing an Edit to add the starting premise - which I thought was obvious - ie that we were talking generally about a person who wanted a particular outcome, but is DEEPLY conflicted on the impact that outcome would have on current lifestyle.
In my analogy, that outcome was a child. Of course, not everybody wants a child - that is a completely valid choice. OP is deeply conflicted because he WANTS to lose weight. Yet does not want to give up his lifestyle.
I should have done the edit or not bothered posting. Sigh. And sorry for unintended offence!5 -
I had considered doing an Edit to add the starting premise - which I thought was obvious - ie that we were talking generally about a person who wanted a particular outcome, but is DEEPLY conflicted on the impact that outcome would have on current lifestyle.
In my analogy, that outcome was a child. Of course, not everybody wants a child - that is a completely valid choice. OP is deeply conflicted because he WANTS to lose weight. Yet does not want to give up his lifestyle.
I should have done the edit or not bothered posting. Sigh. And sorry for unintended offence!
That makes a little bit more sense, but your first post mentions someone is childfree and then ends up being happy with a kid later in life. Childfree is a term used for people like me who neither have nor want to have kids ever. It is often misunderstood and confused with those who are childless, which would properly describe a person who has no kids, but wants to have kids (even if they are not sure it would fit into their expected lifestyle). For someone like me who is childfree, the idea that I would be happy caring for a kid must assume that I haven't known what I really want out of life for the last 2 decades since I made that decision, but that you do know exactly what I want out of life even better than I know. I hope that helps you understand why this is so upsetting.2 -
I had considered doing an Edit to add the starting premise - which I thought was obvious - ie that we were talking generally about a person who wanted a particular outcome, but is DEEPLY conflicted on the impact that outcome would have on current lifestyle.
In my analogy, that outcome was a child. Of course, not everybody wants a child - that is a completely valid choice. OP is deeply conflicted because he WANTS to lose weight. Yet does not want to give up his lifestyle.
I should have done the edit or not bothered posting. Sigh. And sorry for unintended offence!
I got what you were going for, just didn't think it lined up to the OP's situation. I wasn't offended.0 -
I can SO relate to the OP.....and the idea that I'll be miserable if I have to restrict and weigh and count and measure forever!
I adore fries smothered in chilli and cheese and sour cream. I adore stuff like that in massive quantities....not as an occasional treat
Which helped me realize that my relationship with food is highly dysfunctional.
I quit drinking and drugs a decade ago....because my quality of life was in the toilet.
I quit smoking 3 years ago because I was pretty sure that lil'addiction would contribute to an ugly death.
So why would I cram massive amounts of calorie laden fats into my body, passing up greens for all things brown? Why would I be okay with eating myself into obesity....yet shun cocaine, vodka and cigarettes?
I've determined that in order to be truly successful this time, I MUST address my self-defeating attitudes and beliefs about food.
Beliefs that go back as far as pablum11 -
midwesterner85 wrote: »I had considered doing an Edit to add the starting premise - which I thought was obvious - ie that we were talking generally about a person who wanted a particular outcome, but is DEEPLY conflicted on the impact that outcome would have on current lifestyle.
In my analogy, that outcome was a child. Of course, not everybody wants a child - that is a completely valid choice. OP is deeply conflicted because he WANTS to lose weight. Yet does not want to give up his lifestyle.
I should have done the edit or not bothered posting. Sigh. And sorry for unintended offence!
That makes a little bit more sense, but your first post mentions someone is childfree and then ends up being happy with a kid later in life. Childfree is a term used for people like me who neither have nor want to have kids ever. It is often misunderstood and confused with those who are childless, which would properly describe a person who has no kids, but wants to have kids (even if they are not sure it would fit into their expected lifestyle). For someone like me who is childfree, the idea that I would be happy caring for a kid must assume that I haven't known what I really want out of life for the last 2 decades since I made that decision, but that you do know exactly what I want out of life even better than I know. I hope that helps you understand why this is so upsetting.
This isn't about you. It was an example. You made a choice for yourself and it was clearly the right choice for you. Why would you think that a generic analogy on a thread on a weight loss forum directed at an OP who isn't you is somehow a suggestion that you made a wrong choice about your own life?20 -
midwesterner85 wrote: »That makes a little bit more sense, but your first post mentions someone is childfree and then ends up being happy with a kid later in life. Childfree is a term used for people like me who neither have nor want to have kids ever. It is often misunderstood and confused with those who are childless, which would properly describe a person who has no kids, but wants to have kids (even if they are not sure it would fit into their expected lifestyle). For someone like me who is childfree, the idea that I would be happy caring for a kid must assume that I haven't known what I really want out of life for the last 2 decades since I made that decision, but that you do know exactly what I want out of life even better than I know. I hope that helps you understand why this is so upsetting.
I was using "child" and "free" in a compound term sense to connote free of children / presently without child, in an analogy about weight. For the record, childless is also a very loaded term in my experience. I'm going to avoid both going forward! ETA: and also analogies on an Internet community board.5 -
midwesterner85 wrote: »OP is projecting feelings on OP's own future self.
It's like a parent talking to a child-free younger version of themselves in their early 20s.
Younger single version says, "I could never have kids / having kids is so upsetting because I really love my partying lifestyle and I hate having to wake up at a certain time and it would REALLY cramp my style... no, you don't understand: I really, REALLY love going for brunch with my single friends, and going to concerts and going with the flow."
The younger single self typically does not wake up with an infant or toddler to care for. Typically, single self first finds a partner and decides the partner is a keeper. They plan a future together and slowly or quickly build a life together. Eventually, they turn their mind to having a child. They try to get pregnant or adopt - this can take years. Years and tears. Eventually, they may get lucky and be in the process. Pregnancy is 9-10 looooong months of preparation and education (again, typically). Other processes are also long and fraught with challenge. So much can go awry.
And eventually, if they are luckier still, you have a baby / child.
The person at the end of this journey is no longer the young single version of themself that they once were. Sure, habits linger. There is longing and nostalgia. "The good old days" are missed. But you are a new version of you.
OLD you would never in a zillion years want to, overnight, take on parenting - it would ruin their lifestyle instantly!
But that lifestyle evolved into something different.
You started out alright and then turned to the assumption that everyone wants to have a kid to illustrate your point that everyone turns out the same. I'm not like OP because I hadn't thought about how little I would have to eat after losing weight. But had I considered it, I would have felt like he does now. As a childfree man who knew as a teenager (because I thought about that) he didn't ever want to have kids; I haven't ever changed my mind. Your logic that everyone will do a 180 on what they want out of life makes me feel insulted.
I've never wanted children but could still appreciate her analogy. The point is about current self and future self. Substitute whatever example you can relate to.9
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