Well-meaning sabotage.

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Replies

  • Tblackdogs
    Tblackdogs Posts: 320 Member
    When you say your family, who do you mean? Husband and kids? Parents and siblings? I would be very upset if my husband tried to sabotage me and in fact, I fully expect him to support me. As for my kids, I'm in charge. If they don't want to walk with me, fine. But if they whine and ask me to stay home, I'd say "sorry, I need a walk. See you in a bit." If it's parents and siblings, I'd pretty much tell them how I feel and then ignore them! You deserve to have the people around you respect and support you!
  • CoffeeNCardio
    CoffeeNCardio Posts: 1,847 Member
    My family was the same at first, now they have learned it is healthier for them too and if they don't want to starve they will eat what I make. My kids love working out with me as well so that is a bonus. My husband is a grown man, he is on his own. Again, if he doesn't like what I make, make your own or go without. He does not enjoy working out so that is on him. When he complains about me spending time away from home to workout, I ignore him or make a really sarcastic probably not very nice comment. You deserve to do this for you, you also deserve at least an hour to yourself everyday to workout. Don't let them sabotage you.

    THANK YOU
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,056 Member
    Oh and everyday my husband complains about how much i walk, even though it doesn't effect him one way or the other. I only aim for 15,000 steps, so I'm not walking a buttload and I'm usually done by 4pm!
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,574 Member
    edited October 2016
    Are you the cook in the household? :grey_question:
  • SammyD242
    SammyD242 Posts: 48 Member
    edited October 2016
    For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.

    So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??

    I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.

    If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.

    When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
    Perhaps you could work a small portion of what they offer into your calories as weight loss is all about calorie deficit?

    I don't eat anything different to my family.. I eat the exact same foods, just less of it.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 46,186 Member
    Sabotage with food happens if YOU allow it. No one forces you to eat. The great thing here is you get to make the choice. There will ALWAYS be temptation in life.

    My personal opinion is one can eat whatever they want, as long as they account for the calories. You are responsible for how much you consume.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png
  • Tblackdogs
    Tblackdogs Posts: 320 Member
    SammyD242, I didn't mean to sound like I'm "better" than you or anyone else, but I do think that only you can control what happens to you. It would hurt my feelings too if my husband mocked me or disregarded me but I always make food that I don't eat or I only eat a little of. Tonight I made salad for dinner for myself and my husband. For him I cooked up some spicy chicken breast. For our son, I made corn, chicken and french fries. I added some cheese and turkey to my salad and used my favorite salad dressing. I don't really like chicken or frozen french fries so I didn't miss anything. I think it's about your mindset. Yes they should support you but you can support yourself better than anyone else! And as for resisting temptation…I had a cake pop and a cheeseburger for "breakfast" this morning. But then I watched the rest of my day and came in just under my calorie limit. It's kind of a game to me…eat what I like and as much as I can while staying under my goal number. It takes me a looooong time to lose anything but I feel good that I'm trying!
  • CoffeeNCardio
    CoffeeNCardio Posts: 1,847 Member
    Alluminati wrote: »
    What do I do? I don't view it as sabotage. I view it as family caring about spending time with me and making sure I'm not being too obsessive. I view it as my husband making me dinner because he cares and wants to let me know that I'm doing a great job and deserve a nice treat.

    I guess it depends on the tint of one's glasses.

    I dunno hon, the road to hell is paved with good intentions? I don't think anyone means to say for sure your family is trying too screw you here, but they are right that their actions aren't helping you lose weight. Have you sat them down and talked to them about why you're doing this and how important it is for your health? Losing weight, despite my own selfish-*kitten* reasons, can be selfless too. You want to live a long and healthy life so you can actually be with your kids when they have kids right? If that takes a little pushback now, isn't that worth a few stung feelings?

    They don't have to have bad intentions to harm your weight loss, but if it harms your weight loss either way, what does it matter? Set some boundaries and maybe compromise a little. Or fight back hard and make them come walking with you. They're your family, they aren't gonna disavow you for saying "No, I'm sorry I really need to do this."
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,209 Member
    Alluminati wrote: »
    What do I do? I don't view it as sabotage. I view it as family caring about spending time with me and making sure I'm not being too obsessive. I view it as my husband making me dinner because he cares and wants to let me know that I'm doing a great job and deserve a nice treat.

    I guess it depends on the tint of one's glasses.

    I dunno hon, the road to hell is paved with good intentions? don't think anyone means to say for sure your family is trying too screw you here, but they are right that their actions aren't helping you lose weight. Have you sat them down and talked to them about why you're doing this and how important it is for your health? Losing weight, despite my own selfish-*kitten* reasons, can be selfless too. You want to live a long and healthy life so you can actually be with your kids when they have kids right? If that takes a little pushback now, isn't that worth a few stung feelings?

    They don't have to have bad intentions to harm your weight loss, but if it harms yoiur weight loss either way, what does it matter? Set some boundaries and maybe compromise a little. Or fight back hard and make them come walking with you. They're your family, they aren't gonna disavow you for saying "No, I'm sorry I really need to do this."

    Very true, but I also don't think most families on here are doing it on purpose. Even the OP threw in a "well meaning" in the title.

    Besides, I didn't ways have a strong will when it came to food and I had to develop it in order to succeed. We can only control ourselves when it comes down to it.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,592 Member
    Me? It goes like this. "I am cooking healthy. If you aren't interested in that, then you cook for yourself." "No, I will not buy or make fatty sugary treats. I'm prediabetic. If you want that stuff you get it yourself and put it where I can't find it." It's just me and husband but I dare say if I had kids they would eat what I made and like it or deal with skipping the meal and going hungry. I'm not other ppls short order cook unless it's a paying job.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,592 Member
    SammyD242 wrote: »
    For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.

    So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??

    I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.

    If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.

    When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.

    He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
    edited October 2016
    double post