Well-meaning sabotage.
Replies
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No. I've never had a loved one try to sabotage my goals, especially when it comes to health. If they did I'd tell them to back off and move out the way.5
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What do I do? I don't view it as sabotage. I view it as family caring about spending time with me and making sure I'm not being too obsessive. I view it as my husband making me dinner because he cares and wants to let me know that I'm doing a great job and deserve a nice treat.
I guess it depends on the tint of one's glasses. Perhaps look at it as "well meaning" instead of "sabotage"?5 -
Alluminati wrote: »What do I do? I don't view it as sabotage. I view it as family caring about spending time with me and making sure I'm not being too obsessive. I view it as my husband making me dinner because he cares and wants to let me know that I'm doing a great job and deserve a nice treat.
I guess it depends on the tint of one's glasses.
I dunno hon, the road to hell is paved with good intentions? I don't think anyone means to say for sure your family is trying too screw you here, but they are right that their actions aren't helping you lose weight. Have you sat them down and talked to them about why you're doing this and how important it is for your health? Losing weight, despite my own selfish-*kitten* reasons, can be selfless too. You want to live a long and healthy life so you can actually be with your kids when they have kids right? If that takes a little pushback now, isn't that worth a few stung feelings?
They don't have to have bad intentions to harm your weight loss, but if it harms your weight loss either way, what does it matter? Set some boundaries and maybe compromise a little. Or fight back hard and make them come walking with you. They're your family, they aren't gonna disavow you for saying "No, I'm sorry I really need to do this."4 -
CoffeeNCardio wrote: »Alluminati wrote: »What do I do? I don't view it as sabotage. I view it as family caring about spending time with me and making sure I'm not being too obsessive. I view it as my husband making me dinner because he cares and wants to let me know that I'm doing a great job and deserve a nice treat.
I guess it depends on the tint of one's glasses.
I dunno hon, the road to hell is paved with good intentions? don't think anyone means to say for sure your family is trying too screw you here, but they are right that their actions aren't helping you lose weight. Have you sat them down and talked to them about why you're doing this and how important it is for your health? Losing weight, despite my own selfish-*kitten* reasons, can be selfless too. You want to live a long and healthy life so you can actually be with your kids when they have kids right? If that takes a little pushback now, isn't that worth a few stung feelings?
They don't have to have bad intentions to harm your weight loss, but if it harms yoiur weight loss either way, what does it matter? Set some boundaries and maybe compromise a little. Or fight back hard and make them come walking with you. They're your family, they aren't gonna disavow you for saying "No, I'm sorry I really need to do this."
Very true, but I also don't think most families on here are doing it on purpose. Even the OP threw in a "well meaning" in the title.
Besides, I didn't ways have a strong will when it came to food and I had to develop it in order to succeed. We can only control ourselves when it comes down to it.3 -
Alluminati wrote: »CoffeeNCardio wrote: »Alluminati wrote: »What do I do? I don't view it as sabotage. I view it as family caring about spending time with me and making sure I'm not being too obsessive. I view it as my husband making me dinner because he cares and wants to let me know that I'm doing a great job and deserve a nice treat.
I guess it depends on the tint of one's glasses.
I dunno hon, the road to hell is paved with good intentions? don't think anyone means to say for sure your family is trying too screw you here, but they are right that their actions aren't helping you lose weight. Have you sat them down and talked to them about why you're doing this and how important it is for your health? Losing weight, despite my own selfish-*kitten* reasons, can be selfless too. You want to live a long and healthy life so you can actually be with your kids when they have kids right? If that takes a little pushback now, isn't that worth a few stung feelings?
They don't have to have bad intentions to harm your weight loss, but if it harms yoiur weight loss either way, what does it matter? Set some boundaries and maybe compromise a little. Or fight back hard and make them come walking with you. They're your family, they aren't gonna disavow you for saying "No, I'm sorry I really need to do this."
Very true, but I also don't think most families on here are doing it on purpose. Even the OP threw in a "well meaning" in the title.
Besides, I didn't ways have a strong will when it came to food and I had to develop it in order to succeed. We can only control ourselves when it comes down to it.
Oh no I know, I was actually saying they probably have good intentions, like you were saying about wanting to spend time and whatnot. I was just also noting that even if their intent is the best, and even if they aren't actively aware they're sabotaging (which is further evidence the intent is good, cause if they knew they were doing harm, they wouldn't continue), that you either set boundaries in spite of those good intentions, or you have to make some limited compromises based on them. But, yeah, in no way meant to sound like I think people are legitimately trying to harm her progress or yours, the opposite in fact.5 -
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
This stood out at me. You don't need to live on what your husband calls "rabbit food" to lose weight. I'm sure my family would grow to resent me if all I ever made was grilled chicken and salad (or other boring "healthy" food) because I wanted to lose weight. Noting wrong with grilled chicken and salad - it's a great quick and easy weeknight meal, especially in the summer. But if your husband is grumbling about having that again, maybe you could branch out. You can have a burger for dinner (really!). Okay, you might need to skip the bacon and/or forgo the cheese (or bun) in order to make it fit your calories, and you might want to leave the home fries for hubby and kids, and have a side of veggies (or salad), but you can absolutely eat a burger. Take your family's favorites (that they just might be really missing right now) and tweak them to fit your goals (or just take a smaller portion and round out your own plate with extra veggies). Remember this is supposed to be for life. Learning how to fit in the foods y love is a huge part of the process. Some things may be harder than others, and some things you may decide are never worth the calories, but living on "health food" sounds pretty boring.
As for the dog - a large dog needs to be walked at least twice a day, and the dog should be a family responsibility. Don't feel guilty for taking care of the family pet.... If anything your husband (and kids, depending on their age) should feel guilty for NOT taking care of the pet.
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Me? It goes like this. "I am cooking healthy. If you aren't interested in that, then you cook for yourself." "No, I will not buy or make fatty sugary treats. I'm prediabetic. If you want that stuff you get it yourself and put it where I can't find it." It's just me and husband but I dare say if I had kids they would eat what I made and like it or deal with skipping the meal and going hungry. I'm not other ppls short order cook unless it's a paying job.1
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For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.3 -
For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
It's not about being surrounded by supportive people and having willpower, it's about owning your weight loss journey. People have the right to follow their way of eating, just as you do. If I was serving dinner and somebody snarled and complained, I would have words with them and tell them they were feeding themselves from now on.
Why are you not eating the foods you love? There is nothing at all wrong with that bacon burger (I know it's a meal you like because you called it gorgeous
). In fact, it tastes delicious to me, please send me the recipe! Seriously, why can't you plan in a meal like that once in awhile? You don't have to have a huge portion, but maybe he'd be willing to make you a tinier bacon burger, and you can have less fries.
Whether or not you give into temptation is 100% up to you, it has nothing to do with him. Food will always be around, and we will always be faced with situations where there is high calorie foods. We always have a choice.
As for the walking, it just sounds to me like you guys want to do different things. There is nothing at all wrong with that. I'd take my dog for walks and not ask them anymore to go, but I'd make an effort to do things with them before or after.
I have been in situations thousands of times when family asks me if I want something they are eating, or if I want a snack when they have one, and the choice is always mind as to whether I say yes or no. If someone has made a nice desert, I might get a little ribbing, but I don't care. No means no, no explanation necessary.
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double post0
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cerise_noir wrote: »Perhaps you could work a small portion of what they offer into your calories as weight loss is all about calorie deficit?
I don't eat anything different to my family.. I eat the exact same foods, just less of it.
This. The only foods I avoid are those I am required to avoid due to a medical issue, and lactose intolerance and soy intolerance.1 -
Great - you don't avoid foods. Other people do, and that sounds like what she wants to do.3
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For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.9 -
KK perspective. Let's flip the script. What if her husband was trying to lose weight and get fit and take care of his health and she reported that she was snarling at him about rabbit food and shoving temptations directly under his nose, and trying to get him to skip his exercise? Would people be so forgiving then, and say that he just needs to own his weight loss and she can keep right on with those obnoxious behaviors? I think not.11
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I'm truly sorry you don't get the support you need at home and from friends and family. What a great success story you will have when you do get to your goal weight and tell us all how you did this in the face of daily temptation!
All I know to say to you is - never give up! Just keep plugging through and maybe join a class (spin/yoga etc) and find some supportive friends.7 -
For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.
I agree with u. This behavior of his is way, way off. That's not how a caring husband behaves. If my husband acted like that we would be going at it hammer and tongs because I would be so very angry at the disrespect. As it is my hubby knows that if he wants fattening stuff, he is on his own. As a responsible grown man he gets that. He does work out with me so we have a compromise that works. But I digress, this thread isn't about me.
She sounds a bit like me, like someone who has "trigger foods" that she needs to just plain avoid or else things just go off the rails (op correct me if I am wrong please.) Some people do great with scaled down portions, and some people just can't go there. If you know you can't go there it's best to just act on your knowledge. What OP makes *sounds* like good, pleasant tasting food to me. I love salads, maybe she does too IDK. Ditto well prepared veggies. Still even for those who love the healthy foods, our "animal nature" tries to take over when the hyperpalatable fattening stuff comes out of the kitchen! How she feels having these things literally placed right in front of her, it is very difficult for many people.
The dog makes a good walking friend IMHO. I used to walk Mom's little shih tzu when said dog was in better health.4 -
For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.
I agree with u. This behavior of his is way, way off. That's not how a caring husband behaves. If my husband acted like that we would be going at it hammer and tongs because I would be so very angry at the disrespect. As it is my hubby knows that if he wants fattening stuff, he is on his own. As a responsible grown man he gets that. He does work out with me so we have a compromise that works. But I digress, this thread isn't about me.
She sounds a bit like me, like someone who has "trigger foods" that she needs to just plain avoid or else things just go off the rails (op correct me if I am wrong please.) Some people do great with scaled down portions, and some people just can't go there. If you know you can't go there it's best to just act on your knowledge. What OP makes *sounds* like good, pleasant tasting food to me. I love salads, maybe she does too IDK. Ditto well prepared veggies. Still even for those who love the healthy foods, our "animal nature" tries to take over when the hyperpalatable fattening stuff comes out of the kitchen! How she feels having these things literally placed right in front of her, it is very difficult for many people.
The dog makes a good walking friend IMHO. I used to walk Mom's little shih tzu when said dog was in better health.
But if she wants human companionship on her walks- and the support she wants in general- reaching out for likeminded friends is a good option. Clearly her partner isn't going to be the walking guy. Or the diet support guy. So OP should probably get those needs met elsewhere. Whether she is cool with being married to someone who is somewhere in between bafflingly, densely unsupportive and an outright douchecanoe is secondary and outside my pay grade.1 -
For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.
No, he's an asshat. And the resulting stress/depression is visible to all in the weight I've put on. For him, it's a control issue. I didn't plan to mention any of this. But yes, I'm in an abusive relationship that i need to leave. But today I'm working on getting back in charge of ME and looking for support as i take my small steps back to control.
Also, I dont restrict what i eat. Im fine with a bacon burger if i have the calories left in my daily allotment. But my favourite meal is grilled chicken in a spinach salad, and i make it once a week.
But again, I live with an asshat.
Thank you, all, for your encouragement and good ideas.7 -
Mess? Really? It's all just food, mess is in the perception.
I don't care whether she or anyone else avoids foods. I'm just participating in an online conversation.
You didn't say she's avoiding certain types of foods, you said she wants to avoid certain food, but her wording indicates otherwise. She called her husband's bacon burger gorgeous, which indicates that it is something she likes. My comments were simply asking if she can eat smaller portions of the foods she likes.
As for me, really....I choose to eat the foods I love in moderation.3 -
For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.
No, he's an asshat. And the resulting stress/depression is visible to all in the weight I've put on. For him, it's a control issue. I didn't plan to mention any of this. But yes, I'm in an abusive relationship that i need to leave. But today I'm working on getting back in charge of ME and looking for support as i take my small steps back to control.
Also, I dont restrict what i eat. Im fine with a bacon burger if i have the calories left in my daily allotment. But my favourite meal is grilled chicken in a spinach salad, and i make it once a week.
But again, I live with an asshat.
Thank you, all, for your encouragement and good ideas.
Then that's not well intentioned sabotage, that's just plain old sabotage. I hope you get things straightened out.
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For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.
No, he's an asshat. And the resulting stress/depression is visible to all in the weight I've put on. For him, it's a control issue. I didn't plan to mention any of this. But yes, I'm in an abusive relationship that i need to leave. But today I'm working on getting back in charge of ME and looking for support as i take my small steps back to control.
Also, I dont restrict what i eat. Im fine with a bacon burger if i have the calories left in my daily allotment. But my favourite meal is grilled chicken in a spinach salad, and i make it once a week.
But again, I live with an asshat.
Thank you, all, for your encouragement and good ideas.
I'm sorry, OP. Leaving is hard. You can do it, though. F*** that guy and his lousy burger.
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I've written this on man posts like this.. but I've learned it is best not to talk about weightloss efforts with family or significant other. They almost always sabotage ... we could analyze it to death. We can't leave our family or husbands... they just can't accept the change for one reason or another. bottom line.. take the focus off your efforts.. so they get onto something else. like their own lives. haha.4
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For those who commented that they don't see the problem: Im really happy for you that you're surrounded by supportive folks who encourage your efforts. Also that you have fantastic willpower. I have neither of those things.
So when I prepare my family a healthy salad with grilled chicken for supper, and my husband snarls that he doesnt want "more rabbit food" and whips up a gorgeous bacon burger with all the toppings and some home fries.... and he puts some in front of me.... I either give in, or i feel resentful that he's not supporting me. Why tempt me like that??
I have a gigantic dog and I take her for 2 long walks a day: 6 am and after supper. I always invite my family (husband and 3 sons) to join me for the 2nd walk. I often hear complaints that i already took her for a walk, why dont i stay home and spend time with them, wah wah wah trying to make me give up my walk.
If one of them took up playing an instrument, a sport, photography or a new diet, I would, without question, support them. Subtle efforts to make me cheat on my eating or forego exercise is NOT SUPPORTIVE and that hurts my feelings.
When i quit smoking years ago, nobody kept putting cigarettes in my face every day and I stayed away from places where people smoked.
He puts it IN FRONT OF YOU? um no how about no. If he calls your cooking rabbit food then I would be telling him "I don't want more piggy food, better rabbit than pig." If they rag you about walking I would probably tell them I would rather enjoy some fresh air than let my *kitten* put down roots in the couch. If they are going to be snarky and rotten well 2 can play at that game. Granted I'm sort of short tempered and I don't mind a confrontation if someone is on my nerves, I'm not necessarily saying my way is what a therapist would recommend lol but I do not take kindly to people sabotaging my efforts as if I were not an adult to make my own decisions and have them respected.
Uh, right. Ok. But it seems that either OP is married to a complete and total jerk and probably should do something about that (and I don't mean be a jerk back)- OR the OP is worked up, frustrated by her self-imposed dietary restrictions, and kinda exaggerating the scenario. I mean, it's WEIRD if this guy rejected the meal she prepared, snarled at her and demeaned her cooking...and then created an elaborate burger and replaced her meal (was she still eating it? Idk) with something she explicitly said no to. WEIRD. And by weird I mean something is off. Whether that something is the story or her partner's character, idk.
Assuming he's not actually the asshat she describes, a compromise might be to budget your calories such that you can enjoy the meal with your family with some minor tweaks. And invite them to do something active you know they will be into. Or find a walking friend.
No, he's an asshat. And the resulting stress/depression is visible to all in the weight I've put on. For him, it's a control issue. I didn't plan to mention any of this. But yes, I'm in an abusive relationship that i need to leave. But today I'm working on getting back in charge of ME and looking for support as i take my small steps back to control.
Also, I dont restrict what i eat. Im fine with a bacon burger if i have the calories left in my daily allotment. But my favourite meal is grilled chicken in a spinach salad, and i make it once a week.
But again, I live with an asshat.
Thank you, all, for your encouragement and good ideas.
All my sympathy. I lived with an asshat for ten years.
It makes everyday life hard when it shouldn't have to be. I'm sorry I can't walk with u because I am hundreds of miles away but if u would like support online I can definitely offer that. 
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elisa123gal wrote: »I've written this on man posts like this.. but I've learned it is best not to talk about weightloss efforts with family or significant other. They almost always sabotage ... we could analyze it to death. We can't leave our family or husbands... they just can't accept the change for one reason or another. bottom line.. take the focus off your efforts.. so they get onto something else. like their own lives. haha.
1950 called. They want their bad advice to stay married no matter what back.13 -
We can totally leave our husbands if they suck. I've been married before. He refused to drive me home from the hospital after major surgery. I divorced him and found a man who knows what love actually consists of, and respects me.16
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Well, dang. Maybe you could've said your husband was an asshat from the get go so we couldve just skipped all the advice giving and gone straight into the support-bashing. So confuse.14
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Alluminati wrote: »Well, dang. Maybe you could've said your husband was an asshat from the get go so we couldve just skipped all the advice giving and gone straight into the support-bashing. So confuse.
Nope. I was genuinely hoping for help from you folks, to get a helpful perspective for myself or a way to help my family be supportive.
Quite a few people responded that they've also struggled with family who make this fight more difficult than it has to be.
I know I'm not alone. That makes a difference.2 -
Yes, it would have been beneficial to have that information right away.6
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