Newly broken up :(
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Just like a meat market. Guys didn't read my profile. Would send msgs just saying stupid stuff. Plus the guys in my area appear to be bros or rednecks. I joined looking for hope, as in "see there are plenty of others out there" but I cancelled my accounts bc it was more of a bummer.0
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My guy didn't disappear or poof as you said. Things were great. We had a few trips planned as far out as December. I felt like I needed to KNOW that he liked me (duh how basic). When he asked he clammed up so I broke it off. Haven't talked to him in 4 weeks.
Sometimes even when you make the right choice it still hurts like hell though.
Also, I went on a few dating sites and it was gross.
So YOU broke up with him because he didn't TELL you he liked you? Yet he was attentive, took you on trips, you met his family, they bought you plane tickets to spend a major holiday and you got along just great. Hmmm...sounds like he liked you. I'd be sad too if I blew that one.
edit to include AND he willingly hung out with your son? SMH3 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Why aren't you dating?bearbugbear wrote: »I'm so sad and lonely, I have never been alone before.
She is going through a divorce or separation....0 -
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I hadn't taken the knitting comment seriously! But perhaps it will be my next big love0
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My guy didn't disappear or poof as you said. Things were great. We had a few trips planned as far out as December. I felt like I needed to KNOW that he liked me (duh how basic). When he asked he clammed up so I broke it off. Haven't talked to him in 4 weeks.
Sometimes even when you make the right choice it still hurts like hell though.
Also, I went on a few dating sites and it was gross.
Maybe it's my warped way of thinking but I would much rather a guy show me he likes me and not constantly tell me, then tell me all the time and not show any interest. To me, action speaks much louder than words.6 -
Anyone else? We were together ten months. He was a commitment phobe. We traveled together, I hung out with his family and was even going on a Christmas trip with them--he let them buy me a ticket--and he willingly hung out with my son.
Turns out he "didn't like me like that".
It hurts. Other than the whole couldn't tell me he liked me part we got along splendidly.
Eh tough so I feel ya. Fortunately you didn't waste a lot of time and can find someone even better.
All the best.0 -
@j_surita3
Yeah of course the actions speak louder than words, but there never were any words. He said he didn't have those feelings for me, but his actions completely said the opposite which is why it's so confusing and heart breaking.
So would you stay with someone who never told you in almost a year that he liked you? Not even once?0 -
@j_surita3
Yeah of course the actions speak louder than words, but there never were any words. He said he didn't have those feelings for me, but his actions completely said the opposite which is why it's so confusing and heart breaking.
So would you stay with someone who never told you in almost a year that he liked you? Not even once?
In retrospect, no I would not - here is my story:
I was in a 5 year roller coaster relationship with a man who always told me he liked me and all, but that he knew I was "not the one", and I was not looking for anything permanent at that time, so I didn't really mind (I was newly divorced for the second time, no rush to jump back into that cesspool). But it did start to take it's toll, and I could not understand why he wasted his time if I was "not the one". So I finally cut him loose. It was hard. I was a wreck for a while. Then I got over it and moved on.
And then he came back a year later. And he said all the right things and I took him back. And I thought he had gotten past whatever demons he had before. And 18 years and one child later, and 15 years of being more like roommates, he left me. Said he was not happy, that he had felt family pressure to get the perfect wife and kid and home, and it still didn't make him happy. He found someone that worshiped the ground he walked on. And once again I had to get past it. And I did.
So anyone reading this can use it as a PSA, that it's all a crap shoot.
And if you get lonely, come join us in the Singles Hangout here in Chit-Chat, be more than a drive by poster, and have some fun online. Without the meat market online dating crap. There is shameless flirting, bad puns, fun memes, and caring folks that support each other in good and bad times. Oh, and food porn of course.3 -
@j_surita3
Yeah of course the actions speak louder than words, but there never were any words. He said he didn't have those feelings for me, but his actions completely said the opposite which is why it's so confusing and heart breaking.
So would you stay with someone who never told you in almost a year that he liked you? Not even once?
Quite frankly, I probably would not have invested almost an entire year if I felt that strongly about it. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. That's just what I feel. It doesn't mean you're wrong about your decision and how you handled things. You do YOU and what's best for you and don't worry about what strangers on the internet think. Best of luck and much happiness to you.0 -
Just like a meat market. Guys didn't read my profile. Would send msgs just saying stupid stuff. Plus the guys in my area appear to be bros or rednecks. I joined looking for hope, as in "see there are plenty of others out there" but I cancelled my accounts bc it was more of a bummer.
I'm getting divorced after 15 years together. I don't do the bar thing, so at a loss of how to meet people. Ugh.1 -
My mom asked me if I would give my bf a chance. I said no, she said maybe I didn't love him as much as I though. It's not that, I do. I'm absolutely crushed. It's so hard when our lives were so intertwined, we still have financial ties.
But I have to love myself more, and I didn't deserve what he did. I heard from him today. He has regret, he's miserable, I will admit in a small unhealthy way, it gave me a little pleasure to hear.4 -
htimpaired wrote: »Just like a meat market. Guys didn't read my profile. Would send msgs just saying stupid stuff. Plus the guys in my area appear to be bros or rednecks. I joined looking for hope, as in "see there are plenty of others out there" but I cancelled my accounts bc it was more of a bummer.
I'm getting divorced after 15 years together. I don't do the bar thing, so at a loss of how to meet people. Ugh.
I'm currently going through a divorce after being married 27 years. I'm not worried at all about where to meet people. There are so many things in life to worry about, that should not be one of them. My advice, and I'm following it, is focus on yourself and your children (if you have them). Be the best you can be for yourself. Have fun going places and doing what you enjoy without being concerned about meeting anyone. Lastly, always look your best because you never know who you'll meet.
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@J_Surita3 Yeah, I gave him time because he had expressed fear of commitment and that it was something he was working on and had a real desire to change. In the beginning it was okay with we--I wanted a relationship with him, but wasn't so hung up on hearing the words "I love you" or anything. Plus, like you said, his actions always spoke volumes. But, recently, it hadn't felt okay anymore. The actions were great, but I needed to know what he was actually feeling.
I just got divorced too, so at first I wasn't really sure what I wanted. As time went on I realized I wanted a future with this man and I want him to love me. I don't have to hear it all the time, but you just have to know. All circumstances are different I guess.2 -
Plus, we just had SO MUCH fun together!! I wanted to be with him. We went to Nashville, Portugal, the beach, San Fran, Lake Tahoe...we just got along so well, never fought. So I'm not surprised I spent so much time giving him space... :-) I miss him.0
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I hate 2 say it ...But better now than if u way way way more involved 4 u & ur sons sake (I know that's super easy 4 me 2 say) But ur @ the worst part right now ...Then it will get easier & u'll see it was a blessing & then u'll meet the right person & ur ex will rear his ugly pathetic head ...Don't cave!!!0
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Relationships are hard I am in my second marriage you have to look at each other not only as your partner but also your best friend and over look each others flaws to make it work. I learned from my first marriage that you have to listen to each other and do everything you can for your wife/partner.2
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bearbugbear wrote: »
I'm just taking it one day at a time. I go to the gym 6 days a week, I'm focusing on my kids and myself. I know I was amazing to him so I believe in the end it was for the best. I'm not a serial dater so I can wait for Mr. Right.
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Doing okay. This was my second marriage and we are still friends, with fleeting moments of hate I guess, lol. I was doing okay, but some of the most hateful things I have ever heard have come out of her mouth and I am struggling to keep an amicable environment. Things will be better when we are not still in the same house.0
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We teach at the same school. He did tell me pretty early on he had some issues regarding commitment. I knew. We were exclusive, hung out 3-4 times a week, went on several trips together. I gave him lots of space and never pressured. We had so much fun together. But he was never able to say "I really like you" let alone anything with love. He said saying that made him feel trapped. He's not a bad guy, just messed up. But I can't be with someone who can't at the minimum say he likes me. He's 40 so he should have known better. You don't show someone you like them through your actions and then tell them you don't like them. It's a total mind trip for me. Usually it's the other way around- they say they love you but their actions show otherwise.
Bullet successfully dodged! And karma will balance things out eventually. Make the most of this fork in the road!
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I sympathize with everyone posting in here! I lost a lot of weight and after it all my wife of almost 20 years left suddenly. We are in the process of trying to fix it after 5 months of seperation but I don't know if it will work. It sucks when you think things are going in the right direction and then BOOM it ends because of silly stuff! Hold your heads up! Some beautiful folks posting in here and somewhere someone would love a chance to do what the person that just left you couldn't!0
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Don't worry.. things always look up
You'll find someone else to squeeze your booty and tell you you're pretty.1 -
Begin single nowadays is difficult sometimes. I have friends who have settled for the most insignificant partner out of fear of being single. I'm 4 months post breakup after dating a guy for 9 months. The relationship was not good from the start but I stayed from fear of being single again as I was single for 3 years prior. I recently moved to Miami for a new job & this city is sadly full of jokers! Although I'm young I feel old fashioned in a place where modesty is not held in high standards. I feel like I will be single forever because I will never find a man who prefers to get to know me as a person & respect modesty & celibacy rather wanting to satisfy his curiosity of me as a potential booty call.
Kudos to Ciara & Russell Wilson<30 -
I'm hating being single, I love my husband still. It's very lonely. How do I reduce that loneliness in the evenings when I have complete responsibility for our children so I can't go out?0
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I got dumped/divorced after 15 years last year. Spent a lot of the longtime reflecting on the relationship once I got my head on straight. It was the first time alone in my adult life.
There is a great book called Intimacy and Solitude. Alone time is something to explore, because you can enjoy it as Solitude instead of fear it being lonely. And as the author says, how we handle our time alone directly correlates to how we are in a relationship. I found myself judging me as worthless and nonexistent when I was by myself, like unless someone was acknowledge in me, I wasn't here. Now I realize that everyone is alone a lot, we just think about our significant other as connected even when they aren't physically with us.
You can do almost anything alone that you can with someone else, and talk to yourself. Be forgiving and loving to yourself. Find a book you've been wanting to read, plat a video game, watch a few TV shows. When you've mastered the art of being alone, you are so much more centered, independent, and attractive. You'll honestly be able to say, I want someone but I don't need them.
I have three kids and I know what it's like to have them too much. If at all possible, give yourself permission to let someone else watch them so you can go see a movie, eat at a restaurant, or do some shopping. You don't need a dude to live life and there is nothing wrong with you enjoying all there is.
Sorry for the word vomit, it's been a long year but damn is my life better now. Going for a bike ride, later y'all.5 -
n1terunner wrote: »I got dumped/divorced after 15 years last year. Spent a lot of the longtime reflecting on the relationship once I got my head on straight. It was the first time alone in my adult life.
There is a great book called Intimacy and Solitude. Alone time is something to explore, because you can enjoy it as Solitude instead of fear it being lonely. And as the author says, how we handle our time alone directly correlates to how we are in a relationship. I found myself judging me as worthless and nonexistent when I was by myself, like unless someone was acknowledge in me, I wasn't here. Now I realize that everyone is alone a lot, we just think about our significant other as connected even when they aren't physically with us.
You can do almost anything alone that you can with someone else, and talk to yourself. Be forgiving and loving to yourself. Find a book you've been wanting to read, plat a video game, watch a few TV shows. When you've mastered the art of being alone, you are so much more centered, independent, and attractive. You'll honestly be able to say, I want someone but I don't need them.
I have three kids and I know what it's like to have them too much. If at all possible, give yourself permission to let someone else watch them so you can go see a movie, eat at a restaurant, or do some shopping. You don't need a dude to live life and there is nothing wrong with you enjoying all there is.
Sorry for the word vomit, it's been a long year but damn is my life better now. Going for a bike ride, later y'all.
^^^^ Great words of wisdom/advice right there.1 -
Better days ahead. His lose.0
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Sorry to hear guys. Don't look to hard is my advice and be in a hurry to be in a relationship. The right person will come along when you least expect it and probably in the unlikeliest place and you will get the feeling they are the right person. Just don't change who you are to suite someone else. Be yourself.1
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Anyone else? We were together ten months. He was a commitment phobe. We traveled together, I hung out with his family and was even going on a Christmas trip with them--he let them buy me a ticket--and he willingly hung out with my son.
Turns out he "didn't like me like that".
It hurts. Other than the whole couldn't tell me he liked me part we got along splendidly.
Feel your pain, going through losing my heart and soul myself. Feekibg Only half alive now0
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