Don't deprive yourself or you'll never last the distance!
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IMO it is easier to make people believe you can do it "fast" than it is to make them believe in doing it right. I mean how many commercials for "XYZ" product do you see daily that say "You can look like this in 6 weeks. Send us $19.99". Of course then the fine print reads "results are not typical". Doing it right takes a level of self-commitment. You have to want it bad enough. Listening to the wrong messages daily, trying the "message" and failing makes most people feel defeated. So when they see the "do this right, it will work", they question it because they've already in their mind "failed" repeatedly. Like I said, IMO and YMMV.3
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Anything worth having is worth sacrificing for.
Typically, I like to eat breakfast out, with multiple cups of coffee, and top the whole thing off with dessert.
When I'm on a cut, however, I eschew this practice.
No, I don't want to starve myself the rest of the week, and "bank" those calories.
No, I don't want to have some wimpy version of the experience.
No, I don't want some cauliflower substitute for it.
I want the real thing, in all its immoderate glory.
I have no problem sticking to this for as long as I'm running a deficit. Why? Because I want to get to goal, and start my bulk.
This works for me.
I realize that it may not work for everyone, however. Just because the destination is the same (CICO) doesn't mean we all have to follow the same path.10 -
LiminalAscendance wrote: »Anything worth having is worth sacrificing for.
I realize that it may not work for everyone, however. Just because the destination is the same (CICO) doesn't mean we all have to follow the same path.
These are true words. The best advice I can give to anyone is, "find what works for you, and stick with your program". There is no wrong or right way to get there, just what works for each of us and will be sustainable in the long term.
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GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »The rush to lose weight really is the one that gets to me. It's often part of the mentality that I call the "fixit" mentality. Dieting should be about learning, not about patching something up and then moving on in ignorance. I think too many people, thanks to media and diet gurus have the idea that dieting is something you can do and then be done with. That's why people regain weight.
Deprivation is part of "fixit"-ism. I'm not talking about people who avoid something because they can't control themselves around it, that's just being smart (I'm thinking of you, Trader Joe's pumpkin spice caramel corn which for me is the whole bag or bust). Like others in this thread, I'm talking about the huge deficit and only salads types. That's not learning anything about how to live a life where you're having a healthy relationship with food and learning to make smart choices and balancing nutrition and enjoyment while balancing energy needs. And all of that is vital to long term success.
TL:DR - Too many people aren't focused on the big picture.
Well said!
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I generally agree that you should do things to lose weight that you aren't willing to do forever in order to maintain. So, I can skip treats Monday thru Friday but I know I'm having something on the weekend.
However, you have to realize that your tastes and comforts change over time. And, you should challenge yourself from time to time to see how things feel and work for you. Otherwise, you'll be in a rut. What doesn't work at one point in your life, might work better latter on.1 -
You make small changes that eventually become habits. You become willing to do whatever it takes to make those changes and make it stick. It can feel disruptive at first, but once you get used to it, it becomes normal.depresseddancer wrote: »I've just posted this as my woe and asked for help! How do you embed healthy as a lifestyle choice? The second I take my eye off the ball I pile back on my problem half a stone.
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This. So much this. I am almost 20 lbs lighter than I was in mid July and have eaten hamburgers, French fries, chocolate chip cookies, pizza and beer. Not exclusively, of course, but I wasn't eating those things exclusively before then either. If you take your time losing the weight, you don't have to deprive yourself.4
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I love this post. I'm 5'1 and am sedentary at an office job, so I don't feel deprived by eating 1200 calories a day. Some days I feel like it's too much, and some days I'll eat more if I've worked out or feel like I need it. So it IS possible to make that small amount of calories a lifestyle IF it feels best for you.
However, I love ALL the comments about doing what works for you personally. I went through so many different quick fix it methods of losing weight, and I failed with them all because after a few days I would binge, then hate on myself for it, then deprive myself again, ongoing cycle. I laughed at the "kale and matcha" comment because ooohhh I went through a week or two of that trying to convince myself I liked it...That's not the way to lose weight long-term lol.
Thanks you guys for being so awesome and sharing. Reading comments like these always gets me motivated and excited about how FUN the weight loss journey can be rather than just some punishment phase til a "finish line" goal weight.9 -
nosebag1212 wrote: »Yep, too many people set up MFP, put their activity as sedentary and choose to lose 2 lbs per week, MFP gives them 1200 calories, they manage to stick to it for a few weeks and eventually break and end up binging, then they feel guilty and that they need to "fix" the binge so they go right back to restricting which causes them to binge again and the cycle continues, I bet this is the cause of so many eating disorders, it's sad. Imo you shouldn't lose more than 1% of bodyweight per week, e.g. if you're 150 lbs your deficit should be 750 cals at the very maximum.
I've been doing this for years. It's taken me a good 10 years to realise that this isn't the way1 -
I am happy that I finally realized that this weight is going to come of slow. I realized that this is a lifetime of eating change. I also realized that I can still eat foods I like and crave within moderation and I make room for those foods in my eating plan.5
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I am happy that I finally realized that this weight is going to come of slow. I realized that this is a lifetime of eating change. I also realized that I can still eat foods I like and crave within moderation and I make room for those foods in my eating plan.0
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I am happy that I finally realized that this weight is going to come of slow. I realized that this is a lifetime of eating change. I also realized that I can still eat foods I like and crave within moderation and I make room for those foods in my eating plan.0
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I am happy that I finally realized that this weight is going to come of slow. I realized that this is a lifetime of eating change. I also realized that I can still eat foods I like and crave within moderation and I make room for those foods in my eating plan.0
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Agreed. If you don't have a realistic calorie goal and try to lose too much too quickly you will just burn yourself out.3
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You guys rock.
I hope we've had at least one newbie start to take it easier on themselves.
That newbie will last longer than those who punish themselves while trying to lose weight.7 -
If I don't deprive myself I won't lose weight. Whether it's eating 2 pieces of pizza when I want 5, or not eating pizza at all, it's all deprivation. To eat at a deficit I must deprive my body of food so that it will use fat stores. What method of deprivation will be successful is highly individualized.8
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »If I don't deprive myself I won't lose weight. Whether it's eating 2 pieces of pizza when I want 5, or not eating pizza at all, it's all deprivation.
See ... I look at that sort of thing as 'returning to my normal eating habits' ... I had kind of gotten off track and/or gave myself permission to eat a lot more than I normally eat for a little while, and I gained weight. No surprise.
When I started with MFP, I returned to a more normal diet. Basically all the same foods I usually eat, just smaller portions ... portions that don't leave my stomach hurting from too much food.
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »If I don't deprive myself I won't lose weight. Whether it's eating 2 pieces of pizza when I want 5, or not eating pizza at all, it's all deprivation.
See ... I look at that sort of thing as 'returning to my normal eating habits' ... I had kind of gotten off track and/or gave myself permission to eat a lot more than I normally eat for a little while, and I gained weight. No surprise.
That's what I did too.
It's more helpful to me to reframe two pieces of pizza or skipping dessert on a particular day or not snacking between meals (as that's the meal pattern that works best for me) as something other than "deprivation." I suppose some could find it beneficial mentally to focus on it being deprivation, however, although I'd bet that's more unusual.3 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »If I don't deprive myself I won't lose weight. Whether it's eating 2 pieces of pizza when I want 5, or not eating pizza at all, it's all deprivation.
See ... I look at that sort of thing as 'returning to my normal eating habits' ... I had kind of gotten off track and/or gave myself permission to eat a lot more than I normally eat for a little while, and I gained weight. No surprise.
That's what I did too.
It's more helpful to me to reframe two pieces of pizza or skipping dessert on a particular day or not snacking between meals (as that's the meal pattern that works best for me) as something other than "deprivation." I suppose some could find it beneficial mentally to focus on it being deprivation, however, although I'd bet that's more unusual.
It's interesting, the crux of the entire thread is about how this doesn't have to be a miserable experience, that losing weight can be something other than suffering, maybe even an enjoyable experience. Yet I guess there will always be people in the world with a glass half empty outlook that frame it in the negative rather than trying to focus on the positive aspects of weight loss. The OP was trying to teach people to think "wow, you mean I can still have pizza while I'm losing weight? I don't have to give it up altogether?" But then some focus on how they aren't eating 5 pieces like they used to. Personally I think that reinforces the "weight loss is hard why bother trying" mentality and it's a shame because this thread has been so supportive, encouraging and hopefully eye opening to people who are losing motivation...9 -
Funny thing ... this past week we were on a sort of holiday. A bit of a holiday surrounding a long bicycle ride event. We kind of over-estimated how much food we would need ... bought too much on the way to our destination. So the last 2 or 3 days there, we were trying to eat as much of it as we could. I made a valiant effort, but I just could not eat as much as I wanted to.
Two or three years ago, when I was eating more, I could have probably done it. But I've been eating normally for a year and a half now ... and I just couldn't stuff all that much in anymore.
Based on how much we left behind, I think my husband was in the same situation.
It was actually kind of nice to know that eating normally is a natural part of me again ... that I really have no desire to eat a lot.6 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »If I don't deprive myself I won't lose weight. Whether it's eating 2 pieces of pizza when I want 5, or not eating pizza at all, it's all deprivation.
See ... I look at that sort of thing as 'returning to my normal eating habits' ... I had kind of gotten off track and/or gave myself permission to eat a lot more than I normally eat for a little while, and I gained weight. No surprise.
That's what I did too.
It's more helpful to me to reframe two pieces of pizza or skipping dessert on a particular day or not snacking between meals (as that's the meal pattern that works best for me) as something other than "deprivation." I suppose some could find it beneficial mentally to focus on it being deprivation, however, although I'd bet that's more unusual.
That's what I do also. I don't consider desserts as entitlements. They are occasional treats. So I'm not cutting desserts in my mind. I'm simply adding them here and there on special occasions. Then I feel enhanced rather than deprived. And I don't go overboard and usually have one scoop of ice cream or 1/2 slice/sliver of cake or pie if it is a birthday or celebration. I simply cut back on calories on other days if I go over maintenance for that day. Then I go back to my "new normal" schedule asap which is NOT how I ate when I gained weight.5 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »If I don't deprive myself I won't lose weight. Whether it's eating 2 pieces of pizza when I want 5, or not eating pizza at all, it's all deprivation.
See ... I look at that sort of thing as 'returning to my normal eating habits' ... I had kind of gotten off track and/or gave myself permission to eat a lot more than I normally eat for a little while, and I gained weight. No surprise.
That's what I did too.
It's more helpful to me to reframe two pieces of pizza or skipping dessert on a particular day or not snacking between meals (as that's the meal pattern that works best for me) as something other than "deprivation." I suppose some could find it beneficial mentally to focus on it being deprivation, however, although I'd bet that's more unusual.
That's what I do also. I don't consider desserts as entitlements. They are occasional treats. So I'm not cutting desserts in my mind. I'm simply adding them here and there on special occasions. Then I feel enhanced rather than deprived. And I don't go overboard and usually have one scoop of ice cream or 1/2 slice/sliver of cake or pie if it is a birthday or celebration. I simply cut back on calories on other days if I go over maintenance for that day. Then I go back to my "new normal" schedule asap which is NOT how I ate when I gained weight.
It probably helped me that I grew up that way.
My mother was a nurse, and she tried really hard to feed my brother and me a reasonably healthy diet. As a part of that, we only had desert after one meal a day, and even so it was usually something like fruit or maybe a tiny pudding or jello or a single cookie or something really small. Definitely not anything large or extravagant.
But on weekends she'd make something a bit bigger like a cake or pie ... and we'd split an 8 inch diameter cake or pie between the 4 of us over 2 days. We'd also be quite active on the weekends ... cycling, hiking, cross-country skiing or whatever which kind of compensated for it.
So now I tend to have a small yogurt and maybe a bit of fruit or something similar an hour or so after dinner. Back to the way I grew up where dessert wasn't really a big deal.
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This was something that held me back for so long. I'm so glad I finally got into Reddit and talking to REAL people who showed me the REAL way to lose weight and brought me back here.
I'm still set to a 1400 calorie limit, sedentary, 2-pound loss goal. But I don't fill that limit with food for birds. I fill it with food I love and ate before starting my journey. I eat what I like, but I pay close attention to how much, and how I feel while eating. I eat slower. I notice when I am comfortable and satisfied and don't ignore it until I am so full I feel like dying.
The only changes I've made to my diet aside from mindfulness is my snacking and drinking habits. I only drink water and green tea except for on special occasions, and I have many varieties of 0 calorie water flavoring to keep things exciting. I don't eat junk food to fill the time between meals. I have found healthier snacks that I enjoy and crave that aren't going to get me stuck in a mindless eating cycle and use up all my daily calories. I have made a point to eat breakfast every day, even if it's just an apple or a yogurt.
I've not pushed myself to work out, so I can give my body time to adjust to the changes in eating habits. Instead, I go for walks when I genuinely want to. Luckily, as the weather has been beautiful, this has been often, and has given me the added benefit of a little bit of leg strength gain.
I don't feel deprived, in food, or otherwise. I don't think I ate large quantities to begin with, and I think that helps. I think I just had a problem with mindlessly eating (and drinking) all my calories in soda and processed snacks. Those that are used to eating larger meals will definitely have a harder time than I am. I consider myself lucky.4 -
snowflake930 wrote: »LiminalAscendance wrote: »Anything worth having is worth sacrificing for.
I realize that it may not work for everyone, however. Just because the destination is the same (CICO) doesn't mean we all have to follow the same path.
These are true words. The best advice I can give to anyone is, "find what works for you, and stick with your program". There is no wrong or right way to get there, just what works for each of us and will be sustainable in the long term.
I was thinking the same thing. Approaches to weight loss are highly individual, so what one person considers "deprivation" is completely normal to someone else. There are many in the community who have changed their entire way of eating and not gone back to old habits because they've found that foods they thought they "needed" in their lives really aren't as important to them as they once thought. Find what works for you and don't listen to anyone who tells you that you will fail because you aren't doing it the way that works for them.5 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »If I don't deprive myself I won't lose weight. Whether it's eating 2 pieces of pizza when I want 5, or not eating pizza at all, it's all deprivation.
See ... I look at that sort of thing as 'returning to my normal eating habits' ... I had kind of gotten off track and/or gave myself permission to eat a lot more than I normally eat for a little while, and I gained weight. No surprise.
When I started with MFP, I returned to a more normal diet. Basically all the same foods I usually eat, just smaller portions ... portions that don't leave my stomach hurting from too much food.
That's fine. No problem there. But eating 2 pieces isn't normal for everyone. I maintained a healthy weight for decades while eating 5-6 pieces of pizza at a time fairly regularly.
But my point wasn't who can eat how many slices of pizza. My point was we all choose our method of deprivation. Different strokes and all that jazz. There is no universally right way to do it.2 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »If I don't deprive myself I won't lose weight. Whether it's eating 2 pieces of pizza when I want 5, or not eating pizza at all, it's all deprivation.
See ... I look at that sort of thing as 'returning to my normal eating habits' ... I had kind of gotten off track and/or gave myself permission to eat a lot more than I normally eat for a little while, and I gained weight. No surprise.
That's what I did too.
It's more helpful to me to reframe two pieces of pizza or skipping dessert on a particular day or not snacking between meals (as that's the meal pattern that works best for me) as something other than "deprivation." I suppose some could find it beneficial mentally to focus on it being deprivation, however, although I'd bet that's more unusual.
That's what I do also. I don't consider desserts as entitlements. They are occasional treats. So I'm not cutting desserts in my mind. I'm simply adding them here and there on special occasions. Then I feel enhanced rather than deprived. And I don't go overboard and usually have one scoop of ice cream or 1/2 slice/sliver of cake or pie if it is a birthday or celebration. I simply cut back on calories on other days if I go over maintenance for that day. Then I go back to my "new normal" schedule asap which is NOT how I ate when I gained weight.
It probably helped me that I grew up that way.
My mother was a nurse, and she tried really hard to feed my brother and me a reasonably healthy diet. As a part of that, we only had desert after one meal a day, and even so it was usually something like fruit or maybe a tiny pudding or jello or a single cookie or something really small. Definitely not anything large or extravagant.
But on weekends she'd make something a bit bigger like a cake or pie ... and we'd split an 8 inch diameter cake or pie between the 4 of us over 2 days. We'd also be quite active on the weekends ... cycling, hiking, cross-country skiing or whatever which kind of compensated for it.
So now I tend to have a small yogurt and maybe a bit of fruit or something similar an hour or so after dinner. Back to the way I grew up where dessert wasn't really a big deal.
I grew up that way also. My mom was thin, 5'4", and 109 pounds. She didn't give us big portions, plus I don't like that "stuffed" full feeling or next day bloat. So I'm happy with 1/2 portions or small servings. If we go out, for instance, I'll often ask for a take home box and put 1/2 away to take home for another meal. American restaurant portions are huge IMO . Fortunately my stomach shrinks down over time eating small portions, so I feel full on smaller amounts. So based on how I was raised I have an old framework grid to home back to.2 -
We all have to cut somewhere to lose weight. Whether we call or think about it as deprivation or not, can be "just semantics", or "attitude/approach". For me, having a non-deprivation strategy has been crucial to my success. I had to reduce my intake and structure my eating differently. But denying myself pleasure from eating is not going to work - I know that from earlier attempts. Structuring my eating into meals and looking forward to them, has heightened my pleasure, not lowered it. It's funny to read that my strategy is just like Ellyn Satter recommends.
Until recently, my usual eating habits included eating until stuffed. Not really because I liked it, but it was normal for me because that's what I'd always done. Now I eat normal portions (portions appropriate for my height, weight, age, activity) and I feel pleasantly satisfied, but it feels strange. Natural, normal, comfortable, easy, and right, but also unusual and strange and different. I don't know if it's ever going to be/feel ordinary, but I'm okay with that.6 -
For me, pizza and fast food are huge triggers, so while I don't think I've given them up forever...I've given them for a while (actually, that's sort of a lie because I made a mini pizza at home, but the kind of pizza I'm talking about is the deliciously greasy pan pizza from delivery...). In order to get my head straight about losing weight, those are foods I'm staying away from. I also don't want two pieces of pizza...I want ALL the pizza, so until I am super confident two pieces wont' turn into a whole pizza...I have to stay away.
I am finding it actually a bit of fun with trial and error figuring out where I like and need my calories the most. It's like a challenge or puzzle, and that can take some of the mundane and boring out of it. I still don't feel "normal" about my eating, though. I also like to feel stuffed, and I have definitely not felt stuffed in over a month. I'm getting used to it, but it's definitely not normal.5 -
My TDEE is going to be 1900 calories or so. That isn't huge, I'll need to deprive. 400 calories for breakfast, 600 for a healthy lunch, that leaves 900 for dinner and some snacks. Afternoon lull grab 100 calories of almonds, that leaves me with 800 for dinner. That's surprisingly small. Let's say I want to have a beer with dinner and a few bites of desert, right that that's 300 calories - leaving 500 for food. And that's at my goal weight TDEE, not while dieting.
I think being thin is a bit about deprivation. It has to be reasonable, but, it is a bit about deprivation and learning to be hungry sometimes.
I completely agree it is unreasonable to not cheat now and again, but, it is a very different way to live than when I didn't have a care in the world. The benefits of health outweigh the negatives, but it certainly isn't as fun at mealtime.4 -
snowflake930 wrote: »LiminalAscendance wrote: »Anything worth having is worth sacrificing for.
I realize that it may not work for everyone, however. Just because the destination is the same (CICO) doesn't mean we all have to follow the same path.
These are true words. The best advice I can give to anyone is, "find what works for you, and stick with your program". There is no wrong or right way to get there, just what works for each of us and will be sustainable in the long term.
I was thinking the same thing. Approaches to weight loss are highly individual, so what one person considers "deprivation" is completely normal to someone else.
OP didn't say "don't do what I personally would consider deprivation" -- she said "deprivation is not necessary." She's focusing on people who assume that they must deprive themselves or feel deprived in order to diet correctly (or to lose weight). What is considered deprivation obviously varies from person to person.
I think it's good advice to realize that you don't have to feel deprived or do things that feel like deprivation. That doesn't mean you can't change your habits.
Dropping foods that aren't really that important to me is certainly not deprivation. (Although if one doesn't care about them that much, you don't really need to cut them out, as you just won't end up choosing them.)
OP certainly did not say anything against the idea that there are different approaches that work for different people.
I find mindset and feeling like I am eating how I want to eat, not how I must eat, or in a restrictive way, to be extremely helpful. For me, that involves focusing on how much I want to eat foods that are nutrient dense, for the most part, and how delicious the foods I am choosing are. I consider that a much different mindset than saying I'm eating these foods because I must or because I can't eat other foods (of course I could). I also wouldn't consider that deprivation, even if it means I rarely splurge on certain things (and don't choose to eat 5 pieces of pizza).5
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