Well-meaning sabotage.

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Replies

  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    OP, did you discuss any of these changes with your husband and sons ahead of time, or did you just make changes and expect them to keep up?

    I think a lot of people would be upset if their lives were previously "bacon burgers and sedentary family time," and one family member suddenly mandated "grilled chicken salads and dog walks." You may be coming at it from a perspective that says "look at all these positive healthy changes!", but they may be seeing that wife/mom suddenly changed everything and they didn't get to provide any input.

    Plus, it sounds like your husband isn't preventing you from making any changes in your life. What he IS doing is maintaining his previous standard of living (by cooking his own meals separately). You two are both behaving in the exact same way...making changes (or refusing to make changes) without working together with the other person. You need to talk and figure out ways to compromise.
  • mumblemagic
    mumblemagic Posts: 1,090 Member
    I think what I'm hearing is you make something nice but because it's not what they are used to, your husband is insulting about your cooking and then makes something super tasty that is off the menu for you on your diet.

    This is 2 problems: 1. Hubby being rude about your cooking (rightly upsetting) 2. Hubby's bad foods "sabotaging" your diet.

    Problem 3: I'm hearing that the dog needs walking and you need walking, but they are feeling neglected because they are used to having more time with you.

    For problem 1: you need to tell your hubby you feel upset when he insults your cooking, but compromising on meal plans will also help this and problem 2. Try doing the tasty foods but with a healthy twist for you - no reason you can't do a juicy burger and not have chips or the bun. If you want to try to get hubby/kids to start eating healthier, that's a bit more complicated.

    For problem 3, maybe do a shorter walk 3 times a week and have some programmed family quality time. To meet the dog's needs on short walk days, brain games actually burn more energy than walking and are really good for the dog. Hide toys around the house, get an activity ball and feed the dog with that rather than the bowl, teach the dog tricks. You could even make it the family activity :smile:

    TL;DR try to get your family on side by talking to them and compromising.
  • girlwithcurls2
    girlwithcurls2 Posts: 2,281 Member
    That doesn't sound "well-meaning" at all...
  • mumblemagic
    mumblemagic Posts: 1,090 Member
    This might help either a) for ideas for your dog or b) as a cute video to watch.

    http://3milliondogs.com/dogbook/this-smart-mini-dachshund-plays-with-an-ifetch-machine/
  • DebSozo
    DebSozo Posts: 2,578 Member
    SammyD242 wrote: »
    Oh, I say no to the temptations that they throw in my path. And every night I ask them to join me for my walk, and they say no, and then asked me to join them to play cards or watch TV with them. So I go for my walk with my dog. And I make lots of vegetables and salads at every meal, but they will prepare themselves burgers and cheese or fried fish to go with theirs.

    My problem is that it hurts my feelings.

    When anyone in my family tries something new I am always 100% supportive and encouraging. More than anything I just feel let down.

    But screw 'em! When I'm healthy and fit it'll be due to me, and nobody else.

    Have you thought about budgeting in some of your family's dinner favorites? I will save up calories from earlier in the day so I can eat dinner with family. Of course I weigh. My portions are not as big as theirs, and I don't go for seconds.

    I found that my husband tended to tempt and sabotage at the beginning to test how solid my resolve was. I had a serious talk and asked hubby if he wanted me to stay overweight. He said, "No" so that gave me an opening to tell him that I planned to stick with the program. Once he realized it was for real he decided to get on board and lose weight too! I rarely have troubles with sabotage, plus he has lost weight and is happy with that.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Are your boys into Pokemon Go? Perhaps they would join you on your walks if it included a few Pokestops.

    It sounds like hubby is fond of flavourful meals with higher fat, and is a pretty decent cook, too. On nights he wants the fatty burger, could you get him to cut yours in half and put the second half away? You can eat yours with the salad.

    I'm trying to find ways for your family to find some middle ground. Maybe they don't join you every night for the walk. But once in a while, surely?

    That being said if I had waited for my hubby to join me in my exercise goals I would have literally been waiting years. I learned his not stopping me was in itself a kind of support. I don't feel bad any more about heading out on an activity he has no interest in. Part of this is our widely different preferences. I think it is fun to get sweaty, dirty, or covered in goo. He prefers a pristine indoor gym.
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    I think that if you "give in" now and then, you will continue to be offered, and as long as you see the food you "give in to" as gorgeous and delicious, as opposed to the "healthy" food ("rabbit food") you are eating, you signal that you want to be "sabotaged".
  • luv2shimmy
    luv2shimmy Posts: 67 Member
    So much judgement in here. :o OP, I'm sorry that it seems you're in a crappy situation. Do what you need to do to take care of you and your sons. I've been there, done that, and I have the crappy t-shirt (and the signed divorce papers too).

    I would say, on the food topic, maybe you can come to some agreement where on the night that you want chicken and salad, maybe make another side for him and your sons so you're all eating some variation of the same meal? I used to do that when I was married - make some sort of protein, a vegetable, and a starch and they could eat whatever they liked, but I would eat the protein and the vegetable and make a salad to go with it. What seems to work at my house is that my kids all know how to cook, so they make their dinners most nights and I make my dinner, and we eat at the same time. They all know that if they want junk food like chips or cookies, they should either have them somewhere other than at home, or they should keep it out of my sight. They all have a cabinet in the kitchen where they keep their stash and I just don't go in there. When I take the dog for a walk - they're welcome to join me, but if not, I'll see them (and spend some time with them) when I get back. And if they complain, well, I'm sorry you don't like it.

    The suggestion for Pokemon Go was a good one too, if it's workable.
  • kittyy250
    kittyy250 Posts: 31 Member
    What are your stats OP?
    A few years ago I had the same issue... Family trying to feed me all the time telling me to stop exercising so much told me I was being ridiculous as I didn't need to lose weight

    Turns out they were right and I developed an eating disorder and poor health

    Are you positive there not just looking out for you??
  • SammyD242
    SammyD242 Posts: 48 Member
    kittyy250 wrote: »
    What are your stats OP?
    A few years ago I had the same issue... Family trying to feed me all the time telling me to stop exercising so much told me I was being ridiculous as I didn't need to lose weight

    Turns out they were right and I developed an eating disorder and poor health

    Are you positive there not just looking out for you??

    Im 5'6, 188 lbs. Ive gained 50 lbs in the past 5 years. Lol. No eating disorder here.

    I do appreciate your kind concern. (And yours, t_tullius. )

    I had a very healthy, well-balanced diet when I moved here 5 years ago. But my significant other really likes deep fried fatty foods and lots of junk. He does not exercise and hates it when I do. 2 months ago when I decided to start taking care of myself again he and the boys said they would be supportive and would help me with encouragement. But they have all been bringing home chocolate bars and treats and trying to get me to eat way, way, way beyond my calorie allowance every day. It's like they are challenging my willpower.

    I am not forcing any of them to adopt my healthy habits. And as @T_Tillius pointed out there has been a lot of judgment on this thread and people jumping to very negative conclusions.

    So I will read through everyone's comments again to find the positive and will do what I can with what I have. Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment.

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