I really really want to get married!!!
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midwesterner85 wrote: »midwesterner85 wrote: »midwesterner85 wrote: »thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »"Both men and women benefit from marriage, but men seem to benefit more overall. In addition to being happier and healthier than bachelors, married men earn more money and live longer. And men can reap such benefits even from mediocre marriages, while for women, the benefits of marriage are more strongly linked to marital quality."
From
http://family-studies.org/why-men-resist-marriage-even-though-they-benefit-the-most-from-it/
Home cooked meals, scrubbed gleaming toilets & tubs, knick knacks on shelves (like woven wicker ducks), framed pictures of kittens and Spanish beaches, clean lavender scented bedsheets and freshly laundered ironed clothes are nice. Even when there's nothing to talk about.
Are you serious?! Or is this sarcasm?
Well, like, who else is going to do it? The housekeeper?
OK, sarcasm.
No I really mean it. Unless you know some dude who does this for his wife and his household at large. I'm sure a hardcore feminist man would, but otherwise...
Generally speaking, if a man so much as offers to do the dishes, you can be sure there'll be specks of dried food still on it after he says it's "all done". He won't notice. His wife will.
Half of those things do not interest me at all. As for the rest... I cook, clean my own place, and would contribute for those things if I lived with someone else. You need to update your out-dated view of gender roles.
Studies show the modern man does help more in the household than the previous generation, it's about half of the woman's contribution.2 -
I know many will disagree or feel like traditional roles in a marriage are arcaic and that is ok. IT isn't about either spouse taking advantage of other, it is about there roles (duties) within the union.
There's nothing wrong with this - the division of labor is often one of the great benefits of marriage.
I do appreciate a man doing the stuff I'd rather not, like plumbing or messy tasks.2 -
BinaryPulsar wrote: »I don't think there is anything wrong with any marital arrangement, as long as both people are on board. I still think marriage will go better if you stay sexy for each other. That's just my personal opinion.
I was watching the Olympics and one of the athletes took time off to have a baby. She gained 50 lbs. If Olympic level athletes go through this too, then we can give ourselves a little grace in this area?2 -
Was married for 25 years. Have been divorced for 19. Been w/current GF for 10 years. She was married 25 yrs b4 too.
We're both happier together NOT being married. No demands or expectations except to be respectful and caring towards one another.
Either of us can call it off anytime w/o any legal or financial hassels which keeps each of us on our toes as long as we want it to work. That's the way it should be IMO.2 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »"Both men and women benefit from marriage, but men seem to benefit more overall. In addition to being happier and healthier than bachelors, married men earn more money and live longer. And men can reap such benefits even from mediocre marriages, while for women, the benefits of marriage are more strongly linked to marital quality."
From
http://family-studies.org/why-men-resist-marriage-even-though-they-benefit-the-most-from-it/
Home cooked meals, scrubbed gleaming toilets & tubs, knick knacks on shelves (like woven wicker ducks), framed pictures of kittens and Spanish beaches, clean lavender scented bedsheets and freshly laundered ironed clothes are nice. Even when there's nothing to talk about.
Yes! Exactly this, we are on the same page.
I provide the home and financial security. I treat her with love and respect. She keeps the home in order and does all those things you mentioned. It us how it used to be done and is alright by me.
I'm with you on all that.
But they're going to come out of the woodwork to tear you down brother. Stay strong.
Lol at 'stay strong' I believe if that work in your family dynamic and both agree on their roles there is no issue with that.1 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »I don't think there is anything wrong with any marital arrangement, as long as both people are on board. I still think marriage will go better if you stay sexy for each other. That's just my personal opinion.
I was watching the Olympics and one of the athletes took time off to have a baby. She gained 50 lbs. If Olympic level athletes go through this too, then we can give ourselves a little grace in this area?
Of course. People have babies (I have had two), get injured, sick, even depression, or major life stresses, get older, etc. Life is challenging and things are always going to happen, and always going to change. That's reasonable and completely different from intentionally deciding to let oneself go. I talked about that already. And that's why I said it's just my personal opinion. It's my personal choice. But, I don't mean "perfection", just a little effort (when able). We are all human. And the OP is a guy and isn't going to go through a pregnancy.0 -
BinaryPulsar wrote: »And the OP is a guy and isn't going to go through a pregnancy.
And thank heavens I don't have to worry abouy getting pregnant. Can you imagine the buzz in the tabloids if I did?
Women in my opion generally do have the tougher role/division of tasks. Plus have it tougher with all the curveballs Mother Nature throws at them. child birth, monthly body changes etc
For a guy, if he has a rewarding, enriching career providing financial/retirement security. If he isnt squimish about squishing bugs and does his part for family entertainment. while encouraging his wife positively, his role is easier.
There are ladies who love their careers and the thought of being a stay at home wife is appalling to them. Heck in this day and time, that may even be the majority of women who would have distaste for my comments. But there are also those that prefer more traditional (old fashioned ) courtship and roles in the marriage.
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I don't really believe that marriage itself makes a huge difference. You can be in a long term relationship and not married and it's pretty much the same IMO.
But yeah... things definitely change. People change. But staying for the kids? I don't know, growing up with parents who clearly don't love each other anymore really sucks too.3 -
I personally LOVED being married. Sure, we weren't perfect, but we learned to work through any issues we had. We were best friends. We did everything together. Inseparable from day one... It was truly til death did we part. I know our kind of love is not the "norm", but I do know it is possible. We made each other better. He showed me how it feels to be loved and accepted for who I am. Nine years with him was not enough. I hate cancer!2
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brandivestal wrote: »I personally LOVED being married. Sure, we weren't perfect, but we learned to work through any issues we had. We were best friends. We did everything together. Inseparable from day one... It was truly til death did we part. I know our kind of love is not the "norm", but I do know it is possible. We made each other better. He showed me how it feels to be loved and accepted for who I am. Nine years with him was not enough. I hate cancer!
I can't even imagine the pain you went through losing a beloved spouse. Your marriage was amazing. Finding one another and being best friends was a blessing and happy memory that you'll have for the rest of your life.
You have a wonderful spirit, and reading other posts from you, I see that you are strong for you and your daughter and living everyday to the fullest as you especially know that none of us are promised tomorrow.
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brandivestal wrote: »I personally LOVED being married. Sure, we weren't perfect, but we learned to work through any issues we had. We were best friends. We did everything together. Inseparable from day one... It was truly til death did we part. I know our kind of love is not the "norm", but I do know it is possible. We made each other better. He showed me how it feels to be loved and accepted for who I am. Nine years with him was not enough. I hate cancer!
I can't even imagine the pain you went through losing a beloved spouse. Your marriage was amazing. Finding one another and being best friends was a blessing and happy memory that you'll have for the rest of your life.
You have a wonderful spirit, and reading other posts from you, I see that you are strong for you and your daughter and living everyday to the fullest as you especially know that none of us are promised tomorrow.
Thank you so much, and you are right, I do try to live life to it's fullest. I have learned a lot!1 -
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NorthCascades wrote: »
I agree with these above comments. It's the same whether married or living together, or in a long-term committed relationship. The marriage only seems to change other people's perceptions (sometimes in good ways, sometimes in weird ways). Sometimes when I am out with my husband people refer to us as boyfriend and girlfriend. I kind of like that. I also don't wear a wedding ring because my rings are too big.0 -
If you only want to lose weight to have sex, just stop trying now. Give it up and don't bother. You're just going to give up once you find someone anyway, so why bother? You aren't doing this for you, so you're not going to keep it off.2
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If you only want to lose weight to have sex, just stop trying now. Give it up and don't bother. You're just going to give up once you find someone anyway, so why bother? You aren't doing this for you, so you're not going to keep it off.
If you think I want to get married just so that I can have sex, you must mistake me for someone whom wears crocs with black socks out in public.
No offense meant for those that wear crocs with black socks in public.0 -
If you only want to lose weight to have sex, just stop trying now. Give it up and don't bother. You're just going to give up once you find someone anyway, so why bother? You aren't doing this for you, so you're not going to keep it off.
If you think I want to get married just so that I can have sex, you must mistake me for someone whom wears crocs with black socks out in public.
No offense meant for those that wear crocs with black socks in public.
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brandivestal wrote: »I personally LOVED being married. Sure, we weren't perfect, but we learned to work through any issues we had. We were best friends. We did everything together. Inseparable from day one... It was truly til death did we part. I know our kind of love is not the "norm", but I do know it is possible. We made each other better. He showed me how it feels to be loved and accepted for who I am. Nine years with him was not enough. I hate cancer!
I'm so so sorry
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I was very overweight when I met my now spouse, and we did get married after I lost a good deal of weight. I don't think there was a correlation between the two events, because he had to mature some before being ready to get married. However, early in the relationship he said my weight did bother him a bit, and the fact I took control of it showed my own self respect, and he respected that.1
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