Family's Blatant Lack of Understanding of Basic Nutrition
siraphine
Posts: 185 Member
When I started, they kind of didn't take my needs into consideration with meal planning if they were going to have me for dinner. Now they kind of do, but it's almost worse than it was before. They've added veggies to the menu, but they cook them ALL in butter and tons of salt. Totally kills the low calorie aspect and *kitten* the nutrition. I may as well eat pizza but stop after one piece.
They are so proud of themselves too...
"Is this healthy?"
"Uh..no, not exactly.."
"But why? We have three kinds of veggies."
Yeah, you did. But you've smothered them in other unhealthy *kitten*...veggies are delicious why do you feel the need to kill them with grease?
They are so proud of themselves too...
"Is this healthy?"
"Uh..no, not exactly.."
"But why? We have three kinds of veggies."
Yeah, you did. But you've smothered them in other unhealthy *kitten*...veggies are delicious why do you feel the need to kill them with grease?
2
Replies
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Fat is good though!7
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They're trying to be nice. I get that it's frustrating if they're not getting it quite right, but they're going out of their way to accommodate you. (Believe me, I get it. I've been vegetarian since I was 11, and I've suffered through a LOT of meals that were just bland vegetables and/or iceberg lettuce. It sucks, but it means that they went out of their way to be considerate and have something I can eat. If someone is purposefully making something different just because of you, it's a sign of love).
1. Be more specific about what you mean by "healthy." It's not their fault that they think that means "contains vegetables" and you mean "must be low-calorie." Help them out by sending recipe ideas or just explaining that you don't want to eat that much butter right now. Or...
2. Offer to bring a side dish or salad that you'd like to eat. Or offer to come over early and make the veggies for the meal.17 -
Tell them you'll bring the accompaniments9
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queenliz99 wrote: »Fat is good though!
Everything is good. Just not if it puts you over your fat macro or calories for the day and I'm guessing that's why she's complaining.3 -
Are you trying to lose weight? Do you have medical reasons for limiting your sodium? Do you have medical reasons for limiting your fat intake? Are you trying to eat "perfectly nutritious" meals 100% of the time?
If you are trying to lose weight you can do that while eating veggies with salt & butter. You can lose weight while eating (gasp!) pizza. You can eat regular foods because weight loss is about calories. Many people here eat regular foods, they just watch their portions.
Dietary fat is not horrible from a nutritional stand point. Low fat dieting is a very old-fashioned idea that refuses to die. Plenty of people eat high fat and lose weight. Of course, there are medical exceptions for fat, as there are with sodium intake.
Lifestyle changes - learn to take the good with the not quite as good. You will have years of maintenance ahead of you. Certainly you don't expect to eat "perfectly nutritious" meals forever.3 -
How often are you eating there? If it's one time a week, I would be gracious and not expect everyone to cater to my desires. If it's more often, just eat less while you're there.
Nothing wrong with butter. I use butter or cream cheese on my broccoli or green beans or cooked cabbage, cauliflower, etc.6 -
You sound rather ungrateful toward you family. How about thanking them for caring enough to have you over for a home cooked dinner. I think it's a lot to expect your hosts to change the way they prepare and eat veggies just because you are changing yours. You could just not eat that part of the meal, eat a small portion or better yet offer to contribute the veggie dish prepped the way you like it. That way your are helping prepare dinner and not just criticizing them.
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2. Offer to bring a side dish or salad that you'd like to eat. Or offer to come over early and make the veggies for the meal.
This was my thought. Lots of people apparently don't know how to make vegetables tasty unless they add a lot of fat, so showing some alternative ways to cook them is a good idea, plus it will give you something you want to eat.
Adding butter and salt to veg isn't inherently a bad thing, though.7 -
extra_medium wrote: »queenliz99 wrote: »Fat is good though!
Everything is good. Just not if it puts you over your fat macro or calories for the day and I'm guessing that's why she's complaining.
What? You can't read my mind? LOL2 -
Good advice above.
Also, how often do you eat with them? I'd say plan for the extra calories and go with the flow. My MIL used to try to make me a separate side dish to accommodate me being lactose intolerant (her go to side was au gratin potatoes.) I can't tell you how many times she forgot what she was doing and added cheese to a veggie side because she loved to put cheese in things. (And no, this wasn't her being passive aggressive.) Anyway, I just learned to always pop a Lactaid before eating anything that she made. No big deal. Like I said, just plan ahead with the assumption that you'll be eating more butter than expected.3 -
foreverslim1111 wrote: »You sound rather ungrateful toward you family. How about thanking them for caring enough to have you over for a home cooked dinner. I think it's a lot to expect your hosts to change the way they prepare and eat veggies just because you are changing yours. You could just not eat that part of the meal, eat a small portion or better yet offer to contribute the veggie dish prepped the way you like it. That way your are helping prepare dinner and not just criticizing them.
The OP is 20, which is a strange age when it comes to family dynamics. She's probably in that weird transition phase where she's starting to act like and be treated as more of an adult, but she still probably gets treated as a child on occasion. I'd guess that this is one of those times when some finesse may be called for, from all parties.8 -
I don't like butter on my vegetables. My husband does. Our skinny kids benefit from it. So, we cook vegetables, plop some on my plate, add butter to the rest of them and serve everyone else. Problem solved.2
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In all situations if you want catering (heh) to specially, there has to be some forward movement on your own part to counter the effort you're asking of someone else.2
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Cooking something in butter doesn't negate the nutritional value....8
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How often do you eat with them? Every day? Once in a while?
If it's every day, you may want to make your own meals.
If it's once in a while, big deal. Just eat what they fix. One meal out of the rest of your life will not derail you.
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When I'm invited to someone's home for dinner I feel I have two choices - 1. offer to bring something and then take something I know I can eat within my cals/macro goals; or 2. Eat what they have prepared in smaller quantities. Being healthy should be an enjoyable lifestyle - and that includes time spent eating with friends and family.
As an example - my brother knows I love salad so he makes a Caesar - loaded with cheese and full fat dressing (and lots of it). I eat it, he made it for me and I can rework cals for a few days to make it all fit - without hurting his feelings. He's much more important than a few (even 100s) of extra calories on a given day.18 -
If you have a tasty way you like your vegetables that fits into your eating plan, why not offer to bring that to your family dinners to share with them? If recipes from Cooking Light fit into your meal plans, many of them actually have butter or small amounts of crumbled bacon for flavor. Or roasting them in olive oil or grilled?
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Wow, my bad. Apparently I'm an ungrateful *kitten* for expressing a frustration I'm sure many of you could relate to at some point. I'm so glad you strangers on the internet know me well enough from one post to set me straight.2
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It was a rant!?!? I'm sorry. We were trying to help.8
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@siraphine don't take this stuff personal. Folks are just trying to present you with some ideas maybe you haven't thought about, but maybe they don't sugar coat it or present it as you like to hear.
If you give it some thought - your family DID try to make something that would fit into your idea of a healthy meal, they likely aren't trying to hurt you otherwise they'd maybe have everything you hated.
- bringing your own dish does 2 things, you get what you want and they may learn what types of food you want to eat.
- there is so much misinformation about what is healthy or not healthy forgive your family
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Wow, my bad. Apparently I'm an ungrateful *kitten* for expressing a frustration I'm sure many of you could relate to at some point. I'm so glad you strangers on the internet know me well enough from one post to set me straight.
Maybe add some laugh/cry emoticons next time. Your post totally comes off as though you're mad at your family for not catering to you. It's text. Vocal inflections, facial expressions etc. don't come across.
Also, you seem to think butter is unhealthy, so you could definitely benefit from someone letting you know that's not true.15 -
Wow, my bad. Apparently I'm an ungrateful *kitten* for expressing a frustration I'm sure many of you could relate to at some point. I'm so glad you strangers on the internet know me well enough from one post to set me straight.
Perhaps you could not go to these dinners, if it's truly hindering your journey this badly.
Or you could go with the flow. Those folks that do not weigh food, count calories, don't understand.
Example: family.holiday get together.
"Holly, we're having hot dogs, chips and dip, potato salad, and banana pudding, can you eat that?"
"Of course, sounds great"
*serves self reasonable amount of the foods I like and want to eat. Overestimate calories, and doesn't worry, just enjoys the company. Maybe adds some extra cardio tomorrow*
"Thanks, auntie, that was delicious. I appreciate you having me here!"14 -
hollyrayburn wrote: »Wow, my bad. Apparently I'm an ungrateful *kitten* for expressing a frustration I'm sure many of you could relate to at some point. I'm so glad you strangers on the internet know me well enough from one post to set me straight.
Perhaps you could not go to these dinners, if it's truly hindering your journey this badly.
Or you could go with the flow. Those folks that do not weigh food, count calories, don't understand.
Example: family.holiday get together.
"Holly, we're having hot dogs, chips and dip, potato salad, and banana pudding, can you eat that?"
"Of course, sounds great"
*serves self reasonable amount of the foods I like and want to eat. Overestimate calories, and doesn't worry, just enjoys the company. Maybe adds some extra cardio tomorrow*
"Thanks, auntie, that was delicious. I appreciate you having me here!"
Exactly. I only see my family three or four times a year. They ask if I need something different or prepared a certain way.
"No, whatever you make is great."
That's my answer. I'm just happy to be there.11 -
Family's Blatant Lack of Understanding of Basic Nutrition Do they really not understand basic nutrition or just not understand that you need to eat a certain way to meet your goals. There is a big difference. Everyone, including me at over 3 times your age, is always learning about nutrition, mainly because they keep changing the rules. "Don't eat butter, eat margarine. Don't eat avocados, coconut, those fats are bad. Don't eat eggs. Carbs are good, fats are bad. Corn syrup is bad, no wait, it's ok. Salt is bad, now it's not." On and on. Don't get frustrated with them, explain to them what you're trying to do and like others have said, just eat what you want and don't stress over it. You're on the right path. Learning to eat for you is the first step, but don't be too critical of someone who doesn't "get it."9
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When I started, they kind of didn't take my needs into consideration with meal planning if they were going to have me for dinner. Now they kind of do, but it's almost worse than it was before. They've added veggies to the menu, but they cook them ALL in butter and tons of salt. Totally kills the low calorie aspect and *kitten* the nutrition. I may as well eat pizza but stop after one piece.
They are so proud of themselves too...
"Is this healthy?"
"Uh..no, not exactly.."
"But why? We have three kinds of veggies."
Yeah, you did. But you've smothered them in other unhealthy *kitten*...veggies are delicious why do you feel the need to kill them with grease?
I feel for you. I would want my family to feel appreciated but wouldn't want the butter and salt either. I remember being in a foreign country when somebody proudly gave me cookies cooked with lard (more lard than cookie). I ate one.
Options:
Eat before you go to their house so you aren't hungry and then eat a tiny amount.
Tell them you appreciate the vegetables, but ask if you can season your serving yourself.
Show up early to help cook and set some for yourself aside.
Bring a dish with food to share cooked the way you want it.
Eat some of it regardless. How often do you eat there and will it hurt you?
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I will try to say this as nicely as possible without trying to sound like an *kitten*. You changed. They didn't. You cannot (and should not) expect them to change to accommodate you. It sounds to me like they tried and it was not good enough. If our 21 year old son decided that he no longer likes the way we cook our food, then it will be up to him to feed himself.
Of course in my house him and I like to cook things together so I doubt it would ever come to that. Perhaps you could give that a try?17 -
Wow, my bad. Apparently I'm an ungrateful *kitten* for expressing a frustration I'm sure many of you could relate to at some point. I'm so glad you strangers on the internet know me well enough from one post to set me straight.
Sister, I am sorry. Sometimes these MFPers can be super judgmental and jump on the Judgement-Train pretty quickly. There is *nothing wrong* with wanting your veggies to be served without butter and salt. Heck, I have never made veggies with butter/salt for my kids, and I am nearly 50 years old. Just very kindly, politely ask them to set some aside without the fats/salts, and if they don't , you can easily just stop eating there.
Having said that, my daughters are 18 and 22 and I would be heartbroken if they stopped eating dinner with me because of a silly issue like butter and salt, and I would do my best to leave those (mostly unnecessary) items off of their vegetables. I am betting that your parents/family members love you just as much to do the same
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There's nothing wrong with wanting to eat a low fat/low sodium diet, but this is also your thing, not theirs. If I'm not sure that there will be something that I can/want to eat, I bring a dish to pass that I know fits within my own nutrition parameters. I've been on a variety of diets in the past, both for weight loss, and for medical issues, and I never expected people to cater to those diets when they invited me over. Maybe offer to come over and cook with your family?1
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The suggestion of bringing dishes to share or cooking for your family is good because it shows them what you like to eat and you get what you want in a non-threatening way. When someone else has bought the food and cooked the food you don't really have room to complain unless they serve you something they know you are deathly allergic to.
Butter doesn't destroy nutritional content of vegetables. It adds fat and calories but the nutrition is still there. If they are not used to cooking vegetables it can be difficult to figure out what way is best. Sounds like they were trying to accommodate you.
Healthy means different things to different people.
A relative lectured me recently that the only real salad is one with iceburg lettuce and tomato. I think iceburg lettuce is the worst salad in terms of nutrition and flavor. There are very strong preferences on both sides. I ate his salad and just said I usually preferred darker greens. This is not a hill to die on.6
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