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I Need To Vent
Replies
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After so much discussion I realize this seems almost like a non sequitur, but have you considered a water birth. My ex-wife and I seriously considered it when we were getting ready to deliver our daughter. We ultimately went with a conventional delivery, but for reasons of other complications.
Just thought I'd throw that out to you...good luck to you.1 -
May I suggest seeking the advice of a professional such as a Psychiatrist? They are very good at what they do2
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janejellyroll wrote: »Hi -- I struggle with intrusive anxious thoughts about my husband getting angry with me or him asking me to leave. One thing that has helped me a lot is going through a series of questions my therapist suggested, they're designed for helping anxiety based on jumping to conclusions. You may be familiar with them already, but I'm typing them below in case you haven't seen them. Please feel free to ignore if you aren't looking for tips. They've just been useful for me. Wishing you well.
1. How do I know for certain that ___ will happen?
2. Am I 100% sure that these awful consequences will occur?
3. What evidence do I have for this fear or belief?
4. What has happened in this past with this situation?
5. Am I psychic? How can I be so sure about the answer?
6. Could there be any other explanation?
7. How much does it feel like ___ will happen? What is the true chance that ___ will happen?
8. Is my negative prediction being driven by the intense emotions that I am experiencing?
I was going to suggest something similar. I haven't seen a comprehensive list like this before, but I love it, and I'm going to save it for myself.
OP, the way you talk about your SOs sounds like depression speaking through you. (Specifically, this "I feel like if I don't get my act together and stop melting down all the time, I could be asked to leave, even though both have assured me that is not happening and won't ever happen" and this "Home is being supportive but I hate making them feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me."). The thing about depression is that it's different for everyone, but it tends to speak in very consistent language. I don't know you, but I've heard those same kinds of thoughts from a lot of friends. They were overwhelmingly not true.
If you can, talk to your SOs about what you're thinking. It's okay to tell them that you're feeling alone and vulnerable, and ask for more reassurance than you might need at other times. Let them know if you need to hear it verbally, or if you'd prefer physical reassurance like hugs.
Are you familiar with Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess? If not, Google her. She's amazing, and she speaks very openly about anxiety and depression. She says "Depression Lies," which is absolutely true and somehow helps me remember it.1 -
You need a doula! Google to see if there are any in your area. She'll be with you through the process and speak for you when you are cranky.4
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All the good stuff has been said already. Vent as much as you need.
I just will send you a
. h.
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Very good advice here. Except chamomile tea is actually on the "unsafe" list - so maybe a different tea.
Other ideas could be to take bath. I find it relaxing to turn on the shower, plug the drain, cover my face (except nose) with cloth and lay there as the tub fills. Perhaps you could get a pregnancy massage (either professional or from a partner) and see if you can get those muscles to relax a little. However, definitely watch your hydration levels!
Agreed don't worry about your SOs. Try to be kind, but also realize they DO know that you're in a stage of life where its not easy to control your emotions and will accept you for that. You could even talk to them about your worries if you're feeling up for it, just so they know what's going on with you.
And it does sound like your actual OB is very understanding, so try to put your trust in her. Do you have access to a midwife or a doula who could also offer support? Can you find a midwife or doula if you don't have one? Or even a friend who has used one. They may recall some of the good things that they were told during their pregnancies.
Thank you for the suggestions. The OB I go to has a midwife.
You are the second person to suggest a doula. Excuse my ignorance, but what exactly is a doula?0 -
Thank you for the suggestions. The OB I go to has a midwife.
You are the second person to suggest a doula. Excuse my ignorance, but what exactly is a doula?
"A doula is someone who provides non-clinical support and care to a person (and her partner if applicable) during childbirth and the postpartum period. People have complex needs during childbirth. In addition to the safety of modern obstetrical care, and the love and companionship provided by their partners, labouring people need consistent, continuous reassurance, comfort, encouragement and respect. They need individualized care based on their circumstances and preferences. To this end, a doula works with a labouring person and her family, physicians, midwives and nurses with an aim to enhance communication and understanding. With a Doula present, the pressure on the partner is also decreased, allowing participation at an optimum comfort level and increasing the enjoyment of the birth of the baby. Ideally, the Doula and the partner make the perfect support team, complementing each other’s strengths."
Edited to add source: http://www.ontariodoulas.org/1 -
vikinglander wrote: »After so much discussion I realize this seems almost like a non sequitur, but have you considered a water birth. My ex-wife and I seriously considered it when we were getting ready to deliver our daughter. We ultimately went with a conventional delivery, but for reasons of other complications.
Just thought I'd throw that out to you...good luck to you.
Not sure that would idea for me since I'm high risk.johnnylakis wrote: »May I suggest seeking the advice of a professional such as a Psychiatrist? They are very good at what they do
You may, but I already see one.
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I was going to suggest something similar. I haven't seen a comprehensive list like this before, but I love it, and I'm going to save it for myself.
OP, the way you talk about your SOs sounds like depression speaking through you. (Specifically, this "I feel like if I don't get my act together and stop melting down all the time, I could be asked to leave, even though both have assured me that is not happening and won't ever happen" and this "Home is being supportive but I hate making them feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me."). The thing about depression is that it's different for everyone, but it tends to speak in very consistent language. I don't know you, but I've heard those same kinds of thoughts from a lot of friends. They were overwhelmingly not true.
If you can, talk to your SOs about what you're thinking. It's okay to tell them that you're feeling alone and vulnerable, and ask for more reassurance than you might need at other times. Let them know if you need to hear it verbally, or if you'd prefer physical reassurance like hugs.
Are you familiar with Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess? If not, Google her. She's amazing, and she speaks very openly about anxiety and depression. She says "Depression Lies," which is absolutely true and somehow helps me remember it.
No, I'm not familiar with her but will look her up.
I can talk to my SOs and have been trying but it's hard for me to vocalize issues.middlehaitch wrote: »All the good stuff has been said already. Vent as much as you need.
I just will send you a. h.
Thank yousnickerscharlie wrote: »
"A doula is someone who provides non-clinical support and care to a person (and her partner if applicable) during childbirth and the postpartum period. People have complex needs during childbirth. In addition to the safety of modern obstetrical care, and the love and companionship provided by their partners, labouring people need consistent, continuous reassurance, comfort, encouragement and respect. They need individualized care based on their circumstances and preferences. To this end, a doula works with a labouring person and her family, physicians, midwives and nurses with an aim to enhance communication and understanding. With a Doula present, the pressure on the partner is also decreased, allowing participation at an optimum comfort level and increasing the enjoyment of the birth of the baby. Ideally, the Doula and the partner make the perfect support team, complementing each other’s strengths."
Edited to add source: http://www.ontariodoulas.org/
Oh okay. Will certainly try to find one.
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No, I'm not familiar with her but will look her up.
I can talk to my SOs and have been trying but it's hard for me to vocalize issues.
This might be easier than talking (or it might be harder), but you could consider showing them this thread. They care enough about you to want to be in a relationship with you, so there's a good chance they'll understand, or at least they'll try to understand.
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This might be easier than talking (or it might be harder), but you could consider showing them this thread. They care enough about you to want to be in a relationship with you, so there's a good chance they'll understand, or at least they'll try to understand.
Not sure I would want to show them the thread, but maybe if I write it down on and give it them it will be easier.0 -
((((Elphie))))
All the good advice has been given. I will just heartily second the recommendation for a doula. My second pregnancy was very stressful, and she was an amazing support person.0 -
@elphie754 is this the first baby in your home?
I ask because your partners may be a little worried about how things will change once the baby arrives, quite normal.
As you have a bit of trouble communicating at times, have you thought of all of you talking to a councillor?
This may help you all feel more confident and at ease with the changes that are naturally happening in your relationships.
Cheers, h.0 -
middlehaitch wrote: »@elphie754 is this the first baby in your home?
I ask because your partners may be a little worried about how things will change once the baby arrives, quite normal.
As you have a bit of trouble communicating at times, have you thought of all of you talking to a councillor?
This may help you all feel more confident and at ease with the changes that are naturally happening in your relationships.
Cheers, h.
Yes this is the first baby. I do already see someone.0 -
You already said it once yourself, but there is light at the end of this tunnel. You're more than half-way there, and any pregnant woman has more than enough license to cry/get angry/laugh uncontrollably/be cranky a time or two. I'm sorry about your illness - have the doctors figured out why you aren't able to hold down food? Is it due to hormones or are you sick? Sending hugs and calm wishes as you're going through all that.
Just thought I'd share that my sister has been diagnosed as bipolar, so while I don't have experience with the rollercoaster you could potentially be dealing with there, I did get to watch my sister battle the disorder along with all the hormonal craziness that happens during pregnancy. She managed, but it seemed much tougher on her that my pregnancies were on me. Seriously, sending hugs. You've got a lot going on.2 -
JustSomeEm wrote: »You already said it once yourself, but there is light at the end of this tunnel. You're more than half-way there, and any pregnant woman has more than enough license to cry/get angry/laugh uncontrollably/be cranky a time or two. I'm sorry about your illness - have the doctors figured out why you aren't able to hold down food? Is it due to hormones or are you sick? Sending hugs and calm wishes as you're going through all that.
Just thought I'd share that my sister has been diagnosed as bipolar, so while I don't have experience with the rollercoaster you could potentially be dealing with there, I did get to watch my sister battle the disorder along with all the hormonal craziness that happens during pregnancy. She managed, but it seemed much tougher on her that my pregnancies were on me. Seriously, sending hugs. You've got a lot going on.
My OB thinks it's a combination of hormones and stomach not having much room. Normally she would prescribe something for the nausea and vomiting, but last time she did, I ended up having an allergic reaction to the medication.0 -
An update with some good news
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We had our monthly family meeting tonight (which usually is about everyone's work schedule for the month, budget, who's grocery shopping, etc). I was able to bring up some of my concerns. They had no idea I felt so overwhelmed and said I should speak up more before it gets to the point I'm so upset. Felt kind of good. They also reassured me that being cast away lol and we worked some extra TLC in for me into the monthly schedule.
Thank you everyone for all the support.23 -
Hooray. h 1
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janejellyroll wrote: »Hi -- I struggle with intrusive anxious thoughts about my husband getting angry with me or him asking me to leave. One thing that has helped me a lot is going through a series of questions my therapist suggested, they're designed for helping anxiety based on jumping to conclusions. You may be familiar with them already, but I'm typing them below in case you haven't seen them. Please feel free to ignore if you aren't looking for tips. They've just been useful for me. Wishing you well.
1. How do I know for certain that ___ will happen?
2. Am I 100% sure that these awful consequences will occur?
3. What evidence do I have for this fear or belief?
4. What has happened in this past with this situation?
5. Am I psychic? How can I be so sure about the answer?
6. Could there be any other explanation?
7. How much does it feel like ___ will happen? What is the true chance that ___ will happen?
8. Is my negative prediction being driven by the intense emotions that I am experiencing?
I like that process very much
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So, what you are describing is yourself in almost a psychotic state. That is a really tough one to get out of without drugs as I am sure you are aware.
I would tell you to do biofeedback, meditation/breathing exercises many times a day right now. If you have a smartphone, you can download apps. Invest in some cheap headphones so you can focus on the breathing. It does help.
You have to bring yourself out of the "flight or fight" response you are in, as well as bring down those cortisol levels so you can sleep and eat.
Seeing a counselor would be ideal. I would encourage you to do so. On top of being unmedicated you are also dealing with pregnancy hormones.
It appears to me that you are having feelings of abandonment during this pregnancy. You mention being adopted and also you fear that your SO's will "kick you out". That is something that is VERY tough to handle emotionally for anyone.
I am glad your family and OB are supportive. HUGS
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SwankyTomato wrote: »So, what you are describing is yourself in almost a psychotic state. That is a really tough one to get out of without drugs as I am sure you are aware.
I would tell you to do biofeedback, meditation/breathing exercises many times a day right now. If you have a smartphone, you can download apps. Invest in some cheap headphones so you can focus on the breathing. It does help.
You have to bring yourself out of the "flight or fight" response you are in, as well as bring down those cortisol levels so you can sleep and eat.
Seeing a counselor would be ideal. I would encourage you to do so. On top of being unmedicated you are also dealing with pregnancy hormones.
It appears to me that you are having feelings of abandonment during this pregnancy. You mention being adopted and also you fear that your SO's will "kick you out". That is something that is VERY tough to handle emotionally for anyone.
I am glad your family and OB are supportive. HUGS
No, this is no where near a psychotic state. I've been in full blown psychotic states (many many years ago) as well as full blown manis states, and it is very different.
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Oh man, you have my sympathy! I've had 2 babies and pregnancy sucked *kitten* both times.1
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An update with some good news -
We had our monthly family meeting tonight (which usually is about everyone's work schedule for the month, budget, who's grocery shopping, etc). I was able to bring up some of my concerns. They had no idea I felt so overwhelmed and said I should speak up more before it gets to the point I'm so upset. Felt kind of good. They also reassured me that being cast away lol and we worked some extra TLC in for me into the monthly schedule.
Thank you everyone for all the support.
Communication is always the key
I'm glad you're in a better place in your relationship and that they both understand your concerns and emotional state.1 -
An update with some good news -
We had our monthly family meeting tonight (which usually is about everyone's work schedule for the month, budget, who's grocery shopping, etc). I was able to bring up some of my concerns. They had no idea I felt so overwhelmed and said I should speak up more before it gets to the point I'm so upset. Felt kind of good. They also reassured me that being cast away lol and we worked some extra TLC in for me into the monthly schedule.
Thank you everyone for all the support.
Glad to hear, I have someone close to me that also suffers from BP, stable now too for years with med. You were probably going thru hormones & BP symptoms. You will be ok. Good you have a place to vent, I do believe it helps. Keep the family meetings up! Hugs and good wishes1 -
Communication is always the key
I'm glad you're in a better place in your relationship and that they both understand your concerns and emotional state.
So am I.
Glad to hear, I have someone close to me that also suffers from BP, stable now too for years with med. You were probably going thru hormones & BP symptoms. You will be ok. Good you have a place to vent, I do believe it helps. Keep the family meetings up! Hugs and good wishes
I think it is a combination as well. Thankfully the BP symptoms haven't been too severe and hoping it stays that way.
Family meetings are must for us. We all have different schedules, one of which rotates (very annoying haha) on top of overtime, classes, meetings, doctors appointments etc. Thank god for white boards, we have huge calendar one in the kitchen. Makes life so much more simple.1 -
No, this is no where near a psychotic state. I've been in full blown psychotic states (many many years ago) as well as full blown manis states, and it is very different.
Oh good. It is hard to tell from posts you know.0 -
SwankyTomato wrote: »
Oh good. It is hard to tell from posts you know.
I know. If I was anywhere close to a manic or psychotic episode, both significant others would step in and intervene.2 -
An update with some good news -
We had our monthly family meeting tonight (which usually is about everyone's work schedule for the month, budget, who's grocery shopping, etc). I was able to bring up some of my concerns. They had no idea I felt so overwhelmed and said I should speak up more before it gets to the point I'm so upset. Felt kind of good. They also reassured me that being cast away lol and we worked some extra TLC in for me into the monthly schedule.
Thank you everyone for all the support.
Oh, that's wonderful to hear. I'm so happy to that you're surrounded by supportive loved ones and that open communication is working to make things easier for you.2 -
Nice update, elphie.
Gentle hugggggs. 2 -
GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »
Oh, that's wonderful to hear. I'm so happy to that you're surrounded by supportive loved ones and that open communication is working to make things easier for you.snickerscharlie wrote: »Nice update, elphie.
Gentle hugggggs.
Thank you both.1
This discussion has been closed.
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