Ladies, would you date a guy who dislikes gay people?
Replies
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Think about him as a father. (Seriously though, sounds like you already know this is a deal breaker for you. So just end it.)
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Deal breaker0
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bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So my question is this. My closest friend is a gay male. My brother is also gay and has a wonderful fiancé who I absolutely adore. We hang out often and usually do things together as a group. The guy ive been seeing says he doesn't approve of a gay lifestyle and doesn't even want to be in the same room with them because of this. Im thinking this is a deal breaker, but I was wondering if anyone had a similar experience? Im guessing there isn't a way to change his mind.
Is it really common still in modern society for Strait males to feel uncomfortable around gays? I didn't even think people still thought like that! People are people to me, regardless of orientation.
No, I don't think you will change his mind if he said it to you knowing your closest friend and brother are gay. He is telling you to choose between them or him as I see it. Do you want to be with someone like that?
I would not be compatible with someone with this mindset personally.0 -
Nope. While it's okay to date people who have different points of view than mine, this is different. Plus, I couldn't have a boyfriend who would be disrespectful of important people in my life. Deal breaker.0
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Yep deal breaker.0
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This only matters if you believe in the bible or god. If not, then the boyfriend is a homophobe and it should be a deal breaker based on the OP's position.FarmerCarla wrote: »Don't judge people just because their sins are different from yours. On the other hand, don't condone sin and call it good. There's a lot of Biblical truth in the saying, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." Only God can makes hearts obedient to His Word, and He only changes our hearts when we seek His will and ask for His help. I pray you and your boyfriend, both, will do that.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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This only matters if you believe in the bible or god. If not, then the boyfriend is a homophobe and it should be a deal breaker based on the OP's position.FarmerCarla wrote: »Don't judge people just because their sins are different from yours. On the other hand, don't condone sin and call it good. There's a lot of Biblical truth in the saying, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." Only God can makes hearts obedient to His Word, and He only changes our hearts when we seek His will and ask for His help. I pray you and your boyfriend, both, will do that.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
You forgot to capitalize: God
..... this probably won't go unpunished4 -
Motorsheen wrote: »
This only matters if you believe in the bible or god. If not, then the boyfriend is a homophobe and it should be a deal breaker based on the OP's position.FarmerCarla wrote: »Don't judge people just because their sins are different from yours. On the other hand, don't condone sin and call it good. There's a lot of Biblical truth in the saying, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." Only God can makes hearts obedient to His Word, and He only changes our hearts when we seek His will and ask for His help. I pray you and your boyfriend, both, will do that.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
You forgot to capitalize: God
..... this probably won't go unpunished
Ugh I promised to take my mom to church on Sunday day....I suspect I'll be punished.......
In the form of lightning bolts3 -
Motorsheen wrote: »
This only matters if you believe in the bible or god. If not, then the boyfriend is a homophobe and it should be a deal breaker based on the OP's position.FarmerCarla wrote: »Don't judge people just because their sins are different from yours. On the other hand, don't condone sin and call it good. There's a lot of Biblical truth in the saying, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." Only God can makes hearts obedient to His Word, and He only changes our hearts when we seek His will and ask for His help. I pray you and your boyfriend, both, will do that.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
You forgot to capitalize: God
..... this probably won't go unpunished
Ugh I promised to take my mom to church on Sunday day....I suspect I'll be punished.......
In the form of lightning bolts
Haha. Yeah, my mom would probably live at the church if they let her.
As a kid, I was dragged there waaay too often.
...... The upside is that I now have a ton of church going credits built up.
I'm probably a better person for it.
Well, maybe not.2 -
Motorsheen wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »
This only matters if you believe in the bible or god. If not, then the boyfriend is a homophobe and it should be a deal breaker based on the OP's position.FarmerCarla wrote: »Don't judge people just because their sins are different from yours. On the other hand, don't condone sin and call it good. There's a lot of Biblical truth in the saying, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." Only God can makes hearts obedient to His Word, and He only changes our hearts when we seek His will and ask for His help. I pray you and your boyfriend, both, will do that.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
You forgot to capitalize: God
..... this probably won't go unpunished
Ugh I promised to take my mom to church on Sunday day....I suspect I'll be punished.......
In the form of lightning bolts
Haha. Yeah, my mom would probably live at the church if they let her.
As a kid, I was dragged there waaay too often.
...... The upside is that I now have a ton of church going credits built up.
I'm probably a better person for it.
Well, maybe not.
I'm gonna wear a lot cut top. Why? Cause I suspect god would like to sneak a peek3 -
Motorsheen wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »
This only matters if you believe in the bible or god. If not, then the boyfriend is a homophobe and it should be a deal breaker based on the OP's position.FarmerCarla wrote: »Don't judge people just because their sins are different from yours. On the other hand, don't condone sin and call it good. There's a lot of Biblical truth in the saying, "Love the sinner, hate the sin." Only God can makes hearts obedient to His Word, and He only changes our hearts when we seek His will and ask for His help. I pray you and your boyfriend, both, will do that.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
You forgot to capitalize: God
..... this probably won't go unpunished
Ugh I promised to take my mom to church on Sunday day....I suspect I'll be punished.......
In the form of lightning bolts
Haha. Yeah, my mom would probably live at the church if they let her.
As a kid, I was dragged there waaay too often.
...... The upside is that I now have a ton of church going credits built up.
I'm probably a better person for it.
Well, maybe not.
I'm gonna wear a lot cut top. Why? Cause I suspect god would like to sneak a peek
Nobody could blame him.0 -
_unsteady_ wrote: »salembambi wrote: »KrazyDaizy wrote: »I wouldn't date ANYONE who didn't want to be in the same room with someone based on race, sex, sexual preference, religion etc. That's not ok. I think that makes them a POS.
Just because you don't agree with one's sexual preference (or political views or religion) doesn't mean you can't respect, love and have a personal relationship with them. That's ridiculous and makes the person who can't have a relationship with someone different than them a total *kitten*.
What if the persons religion is Lucifarian Satanisim and they frequently participate in human sacrifice rituals and baby breeding to please their gods?
I thought luciferian is enlightenment meant? From what I understand that man is responsible for his own actions or something like that
You sound like you are a Lavey follower0 -
Huge nope.0
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Frankly he sounds like a total drag. Life's too short to hang around with narrow-minded bigots, let alone date them.1
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No...I probably wouldn't even be friends with them, unless I found out after falling in love, but even then...0
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Deal breaker0
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That would be a total deal breaker for me.0
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No disrespect but if I was your gay friend/relative I would no longer be on speaking terms with you. You drew a line in the sand.
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_unsteady_ wrote: »ClubSilencio wrote: »No disrespect but if I was your gay friend/relative I would no longer be on speaking terms with you. You drew a line in the sand.
Water washes that sand off though
The entire ocean is affected by a pebble. -Pascal1 -
Gay people can do as they please just like straight people can . As long as no one gets harmed do as you please . If he does not like them , thats his choice . You might not like his choice but its up to you to stay or go .
The problem these days is putting people gay or straight up on a pedestal . Some gay people i know think everyone should put them on a pedestal just because they are gay . They need to come down off their high horse .
Anyone can be a total wanker gay or straight . I would put no one up on a pedestal and kiss their *kitten* just because they are gay . You are either a good person or you are not .5 -
finny11122 wrote: »Gay people can do as they please just like straight people can . As long as no one gets harmed do as you please . If he does not like them , thats his choice . You might not like his choice but its up to you to stay or go .
The problem these days is putting people gay or straight up on a pedestal . Some gay people i know think everyone should put them on a pedestal just because they are gay . They need to come down off their high horse .
Anyone can be a total wanker gay or straight . I would put no one up on a pedestal and kiss their *kitten* just because they are gay . You are either a good person or you are not .
That's interesting: I know many LGBT people, and none of them thinks of themselves as pedestal-worthy.
I wonder, though if there's an occasional reaction to the fact that it hasn't been all that long since the closet was mandatory (the US army), and being what they are was illegal (Oscar Wilde as a famous, if much older example) and sometimes fatal (Matthew Shepard). As this post shows, variations of this attitude are still active; so, what people may be characterizing as a negative may be a celebration of being able to survive while being true to self.
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I think the bigger issue is the inability to be in the room with someone he disagrees with. Mature people can be civil and polite without having their beliefs on their sleeves.
I have a couple family members that I loathe and there are no issues around the holidays when we're together. We act like adults.3 -
Huge deal breaker for me, and one reason is because it shows a lot of insecurity and lack of tolerance which are not things I personally have the energy to deal with. I'm fine with silently uncomfortable, but still not a super attractive quality to me.
Honestly, a huge turn on for me is a guy comfortable enough with himself to comfortably interact with people who are different from them (i.e. gay in this case). I remember being at the bar with my gay friend and an acquaintance who I had never found super attractive was brushing off my very drunk friends advances good-naturedly, totally comfortable and not in the way I'd seen a lot of other straight men brush him. Instantly that guy become super attractive to me, and it was a something I never realized I liked to see until I saw it but damn it was a hot quality.
In my experience the reason a lot of the homophobic men I know are really uncomfortable with gay men isn't religion or they're hidden sexuality, but the fact that they're uncomfortable with the idea of other men treating them the way they treat women. Not always the case but just something I've noticed.3 -
Definitely a deal breaker0
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Nikki10129 wrote: »Huge deal breaker for me, and one reason is because it shows a lot of insecurity and lack of tolerance which are not things I personally have the energy to deal with. I'm fine with silently uncomfortable, but still not a super attractive quality to me.
Honestly, a huge turn on for me is a guy comfortable enough with himself to comfortably interact with people who are different from them (i.e. gay in this case). I remember being at the bar with my gay friend and an acquaintance who I had never found super attractive was brushing off my very drunk friends advances good-naturedly, totally comfortable and not in the way I'd seen a lot of other straight men brush him. Instantly that guy become super attractive to me, and it was a something I never realized I liked to see until I saw it but damn it was a hot quality.
In my experience the reason a lot of the homophobic men I know are really uncomfortable with gay men isn't religion or they're hidden sexuality, but the fact that they're uncomfortable with the idea of other men treating them the way they treat women. Not always the case but just something I've noticed.
This has been my experience too. I don't put a lot of stock in the 'secretly gay' theory.4 -
OP: only you can decide if it will be a deal breaker. However, people can change. My husband did when he was faced with the reality that his daughter, who he loves with all his heart, is a lesbian. He had to do a lot of soul searching to come to terms with it. He has become a much better person in this process of acceptance. If he had rejected her like so many people do under those circumstances, I'd have followed her right out the door.2
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I would NEVER date a guy who dislikes gay people. My son happens to be gay, so NO, that would never work.3
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The only people I won't date are those people that aren't willing to keep it a secret from my wife.2
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