Live together before getting married?

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  • Gimsteinn
    Gimsteinn Posts: 7,678 Member
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    People don't live together before marriage? That's very... 18th century
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
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    Absolutely. I've been "living in sin" with my guy for 11 years, together 23...we might get married this year...or not....lol!
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    You wouldn't buy a car without taking it for a test drive. I highly recommend living together first. You don't truly know that person until you have shared space.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    I lived with my wife and her sister for a year before we were married. Interestingly, I found out at the time she was definitely not ready for a serious commitment. So I moved out and we ended up back together at a later point.

    So definitely worth it.
  • denversillygoose
    denversillygoose Posts: 708 Member
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    We've lived together for 3 years. I don't know if we'll ever get married.
  • peteaxelson
    peteaxelson Posts: 1 Member
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    Noooooo! Just look at the statistics. Marraiges where people lived together first are twice as likely to end in divorce. That's because in living together first you've already made a compromise on your commitment level to the other person. If you are truely committed to your spouse to be, then you will make the effort necessary to get through the inevitable struggles once you are married. I say don't live together first but get some quality pre-maritial counseling to help both parties to go into the marriage on the right foot.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    peteaxelson wrote: »
    ...in living together first you've already made a compromise on your commitment level to the other person. If you are truely committed to your spouse to be, then you will make the effort necessary to get through the inevitable struggles once you are married.

    Too much religious overtone to consider this sound advice. Anecdotally I know a lot of friends who lived together before marriage without any issue, and I know plenty of friends who waited until marriage and wish they would have lived together before to get a glimpse of what they were in for.

    To each their own.
  • htimpaired
    htimpaired Posts: 1,404 Member
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    kschwab0203 wrote: »
    I say yes.

    That being said, I lived with my husband for 2 years prior to getting married and we divorced after 13 years of marriage.

    Exactly the same for me.
    I'd live with someone again. But why bother with the marriage part?
  • Nikki10129
    Nikki10129 Posts: 292 Member
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    Probably the way my family (including vast network of extended) is, but I've always seen marriage as that last step in affirming everything you both already know about your commitment to one another, like hey! We're both 100% committed to each other emotionally, financially and physically so now I guess we mine-swell make it official. My parents lived together for 9/10 years before getting married and having kids. Two of my cousins were living with and owned houses with their partners before they got married, and another cousin is currently living with, owns a house with, and has a 10 year old kid with her partner of 20 years, happily together not feeling the need to get married, and that's probably the direction I'll go in as well. I'd rather feel comfortable enough to do all those things with someone before we're married and then sort of celebrate all of that with a marriage at the end :lol:
  • thisonetimeatthegym
    thisonetimeatthegym Posts: 1,977 Member
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    vada44 wrote: »
    No sir. My husband wanted to live together then get married after a year. I politely told him that I would stay with my mother until he was ready to make the total commitment and not do a trial run. I never wanted someone to say to me while just living together "you are not my wife". We have been happily married for 25 years!!!

    Friend requested.
  • Heartisalonelyhunter
    Heartisalonelyhunter Posts: 786 Member
    edited December 2016
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    I think it's a good idea to live together first. You really don't know what someone is like until you live with them. It's a bit like not sleeping with someone until you're married - wtf would anyone do that? You could be totally incompatible.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    peteaxelson wrote: »
    Noooooo! Just look at the statistics. Marraiges where people lived together first are twice as likely to end in divorce. That's because in living together first you've already made a compromise on your commitment level to the other person. If you are truely committed to your spouse to be, then you will make the effort necessary to get through the inevitable struggles once you are married. I say don't live together first but get some quality pre-maritial counseling to help both parties to go into the marriage on the right foot.

    Those statistics are old. They also don't tend to take into account that a lot of the reason people don't live together before marriage is also a lot of the reason those same people don't get divorced - religious beliefs.

    So people who don't live together first are more likely to also not believe in divorce. So people who don't hold those religious beliefs and do believe in divorce are not going to find any advantage in not living together first.
  • elle_bear_11
    elle_bear_11 Posts: 246 Member
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    Yes. I respect those who dont..but i respect those who do.

    I got married at 19 without having lived together due to traditionalist family. I lived in a fake world to everyone under his control and in fear..with no love. I ran away after 3 years to never come back losing everything i owned to start over across the world. I always think..how did i not see it before?

    Now..i have the most amazing boyfriend and live with him..i am so lucky today..
  • TonyB0588
    TonyB0588 Posts: 9,520 Member
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    Haven't read this whole thread but my answer is based on Christian values I've upheld all my life. No I wouldn't live together before marriage, because the temptation would be too great to do the things married people do while alone together. So we got married at 22 and 23 without having touched each other, and each moved from our parent's houses straight in to our own together. That was 28 years ago and we're still married, in contrast to all the horror stories that are described as today's "normal".
  • ilfaith
    ilfaith Posts: 16,770 Member
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    My husband and I didn't officially move in together until we were engaged, but we spent most nights together in one apartment or the other beforehand. I would have probably moved in with him sooner...but my roommate was performing on a cruise ship, and I wanted to wait until her contract was up and she returned so she could find someone else to share the rent, rather than leave her stuck.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,574 Member
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    TonyB0588 wrote: »
    Haven't read this whole thread but my answer is based on Christian values I've upheld all my life. No I wouldn't live together before marriage, because the temptation would be too great to do the things married people do while alone together. So we got married at 22 and 23 without having touched each other, and each moved from our parent's houses straight in to our own together.
    But people don't have to married to touch each other. There are lots of christians that have had kids out of wedlock.
    That was 28 years ago and we're still married, in contrast to all the horror stories that are described as today's "normal".
    Well I know lots of christian families who are divorced after 30 years of marriage or less who married under traditional beliefs. Many stayed together that long because of religion and not because they were happy in their marriage. And could that be worse? Ask anyone dating after 40 if it's easier than when they were in their 20's.

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  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
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    YES - it's easier to get rid of them if you aren't married.
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
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    ninerbuff wrote: »
    TonyB0588 wrote: »
    Haven't read this whole thread but my answer is based on Christian values I've upheld all my life. No I wouldn't live together before marriage, because the temptation would be too great to do the things married people do while alone together. So we got married at 22 and 23 without having touched each other, and each moved from our parent's houses straight in to our own together.
    But people don't have to married to touch each other. There are lots of christians that have had kids out of wedlock.
    That was 28 years ago and we're still married, in contrast to all the horror stories that are described as today's "normal".
    Well I know lots of christian families who are divorced after 30 years of marriage or less who married under traditional beliefs. Many stayed together that long because of religion and not because they were happy in their marriage. And could that be worse? Ask anyone dating after 40 if it's easier than when they were in their 20's.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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    OMG, I don't think I could start the dating scene again at 47 years old. For so many reasons!

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