Live together before getting married?

ninerbuff

My personal opinion:

YES. So glad I did because with 2 females I lived with before marriage, one of them had a habit that was a deal breaker. The other is now my wife.

So yes or no?

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km8907

Traditionalists in my family. Big no-no.

angelxsss

I think so

peaceout_aly

YES. Absolutely live together before marriage. I understand the reasoning behind NOT living together pre-marriage, and respect those who follow through with this, but in my personal experience it was a lifesaver. My ex was a complete controlling A-hole and I didn't realize it until he isolated me in our apartment, started complaining about the dinner I would make, the way I would clean, how my job would never amount to his and even though I worked 10-hour days and paid for everything, I should still clean/cook/pay for mostly everything because he was the one who could make more money x hour. OKAY. Glad I didn't find out he was that way AFTER marriage.

RoxieDawn

Yes. I lived with mine 2 1/2 years, got married and still married at 18 years later.

NorthCascades

Of course people should live together before they commit to living together for the rest of their lives.

But then I'm usually a "more info makes for better decisions" kind of guy.

ninerbuff

peaceout_aly wrote: »

YES. Absolutely live together before marriage. I understand the reasoning behind NOT living together pre-marriage, and respect those who follow through with this, but in my personal experience it was a lifesaver. My ex was a complete controlling A-hole and I didn't realize it until he isolated me in our apartment, started complaining about the dinner I would make, the way I would clean, how my job would never amount to his and even though I worked 10-hour days and paid for everything, I should still clean/cook/pay for mostly everything because he was the one who could make more money x hour. OKAY. Glad I didn't find out he was that way AFTER marriage.

When I hear stories like this, it brings to reality that it's just not in the movies that this happens. I've had 2 female friends who were in "controlled" relationships and one nearly broke because of it.

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ninerbuff

NorthCascades wrote: »

Of course people should live together before they commit to living together for the rest of their lives.

But then I'm usually a "more info makes for better decisions" kind of guy.

Lots of "old school" traditionalists think it's a bad idea.
I figure in another 50 years, it will be the norm.

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PowerMan40

YES DO

kschwab0203

I say yes.

That being said, I lived with my husband for 2 years prior to getting married and we divorced after 13 years of marriage.

Alatariel75

It kind of messes with my head that there's still a strong "no" contingent on this one. I guess living in a very secular country and not having any particularly religious friends or associates, the idea that you wouldn't live with someone before marriage is quite foreign to me.

The closest I ever saw was that apparently my Grandma used to send letters to her grandkids when they moved in with their partners before marriage, telling them off. But as the second youngest of her 34 grandkids, by the time it got to me she'd gotten used to it. I think she was relieved I got married at all, even if it was by Elvis in Vegas.

cwolfman13

Yes...I lived with my wife for a little over a year before we were married. It was an eye opener and allowed us both to work on a lot of things.

NorthCascades

Alatariel75 wrote: »

It kind of messes with my head that there's still a strong "no" contingent on this one. I guess living in a very secular country and not having any particularly religious friends or associates, the idea that you wouldn't live with someone before marriage is quite foreign to me.

It used to be a crime, called cohabitation. The law was used to prosecute Mormons, who disagreed with the government about having multiple wives and so practiced "celestial marriage" outside the law. Having a ceremony wasn't illegal but living in a sinful arrangement was.

Espressocycle

They say couples that cohabitate are more likely to get dovorced, but people who are against cohabitation are probably against divorce too. However, there is the problem that cohabitation is not something people think about too hard, but that sort of pushes people towards marriage as an inevitable next step when they should probably break up instead.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

Nope. I'm totally old-school. Any potential benefit from living together beforehand can be just as easily achieved with proper communication and respect before the marriage. JMO.

thisonetimeatthegym

No.

I lived with my husband before we even considered marriage and got daily "reminders" from a close relative that I knew better and was living in sin.

My values have changed since I was but a young lass - I have become more personally conservative. I also realize that many have not chosen these values, and it's a free country, so I don't judge.

KyleGrace8

I live with my significant other but I'm not sold on the idea of marriage in general.

kschwab0203

Espressocycle wrote: »

They say couples that cohabitate are more likely to get dovorced, but people who are against cohabitation are probably against divorce too. However, there is the problem that cohabitation is not something people think about too hard, but that sort of pushes people towards marriage as an inevitable next step when they should probably break up instead.

Agree!

I started living with my ex-husband after like a month of dating. Moving in too soon may have put us on the fast track to marriage.

My current BF and I lived separate for over a year before we decided to move in together. We've been living together for 2.5 years now. Best not to rush.

Francl27

IMO it doesn't matter. What matters is how long/how well you know someone before you move in with them... whether you're married or not.

Lounmoun

I think it is valuable before getting married to live together. It isn't the only way but really living with someone and managing a household is a good indicator of your life together. So my answer is yes.
My dh and I lived together before marriage for about 8 months and have been married 17 years. Pretty sure we would be married the same if we hadn't lived together first but it made it easier I think.