Losing Vanity Weight... HELP

13

Replies

  • zorander6
    zorander6 Posts: 2,713 Member
    Ok, based on you are actually slightly below weight. I set the numbers to Heavy Exercise because you seem to be doing a lot of exercise and the recommendation is 2500 calories per day. You definitely should bump to a minimum of 2200/2300 in that case. Don't panic if you "gain weight" for a couple weeks. If you are going to build muscle you will definitely need to add protien.

    As it is you are where you should be. STOP FOR THE LOVE OF $DIETY. Get your head straight, and ignore advertising and all the rest of the BS out there that tells you that you should be a stick figure.
  • sfaust2196
    sfaust2196 Posts: 30 Member
    zorander6 wrote: »
    1. Ok, to be blunt if you weren't loosing stupid fast on 900-1200 you are measuring wrong. Furthermore if you were only losing half pound a week on that you were really only about 125 calories below maintenance. There is no such thing as "reverse diet."
    2. "He just doesn't get it." Ok, I'm sure he's probably heard everything under the sun. As for the peer pressure, ignore it. Sure it's bull all around but there are guys who like curvy women. It's what is inside that counts. It can be hard socially but once you realize all of this "pressure put on young women" is a bunch of bull manure and can accept the fact that you are at the right weight for yourself you will be much happier.
    3. Your sister may be burning more than you realize if she's eating that much. Without knowing her and her details we cannot give you a reason (and unless she chooses to tell us it isn't our business.) Quit comparing yourself to your sister. You are two different people
    4. Keep exercising but EAT HALF WHAT YOU BURN OR THE WRATH OF GOND WILL FALL. Ok maybe not quite but still.
    5. Up your protiens and get up to 2200 calories a day minimum. Honestly at this point I'd go for maintenance after eating half your burn back. You will be slightly below maintenance but I'm not sure your numbers are right. If you do this for a month and gain more than 2 lbs then adjust down by 50 calories. You need to be at maintenance. Not below.

    When I was doing 900-1200, I was having one 180 calorie Luna bar, one 4oz chicken breast, one cup of broccoli, one cup of vegan chili, and one cup of Greek yogurt a day. There is no way that is over 1200. I was eating at a dining hall and had limited choices so stuck to what I knew.
    I had a hormonal imbalance that was messing with my metabolism. Yes I was losing weight, but not fast. It isn't all just about the number of calories... people all are different and the number the calculator says you need to lose weight does not work for everyone
  • sfaust2196
    sfaust2196 Posts: 30 Member
    VeryKatie wrote: »
    When you have a large chest naturally, chances are you don't really have the type of body that should be so low on the BMI scale (you're aiming for 19.4). Perhaps the weight you're at is the weight that you should be. You might be better off starting a strength routine to increase muscle (and firmness) and to revamp your wardrobe. The clothes we wear can often have a bigger impact than those last 5-10 lbs. Make sure they fit you and that they flatter you.

    However - if you're looking for a place you might be going wrong? I doubt you're burning 450 calories doing 45 minutes of elliptical unless you're on max resistance. Don't trust the number Fitbit gives you. Or the machine. Or MFP. The best estimate you can get without doing special tests is to take what MFP gives you and divide it in half.

    Diet pills don't work. Unless you get ones prescribed by a doctor. But any medically competent doctor would never prescribe them to you since you're a healthy weight.

    You are right! The 450 is for when I do 64 minutes on elyptical (2 rounds with cool down) the machine tells me I burned something crazy like 620.. Fitbit says 450.. and it doesn't matter because I always eat 1400-1600 no matter how much the Fitbit says I burn. Good advice though- some people just eat back all the calories the machine says they burn and gain so much weight
  • Traveler120
    Traveler120 Posts: 712 Member
    sfaust2196 wrote: »
    5. Everywhere I look says that my maintence is about 2300 a day with just moderate exercise- I walk so much around campus and work out. But I will gain weight on this. What do you suggest increasing to now if I continue with weight lifting trying to lose fat and gain muscle? Is 1700-1800 reasonable?
    Since your goal is short term (weeks), it's unrealistic to expect to gain any significant muscle. But you can still add some resistance training 3x/week. It's not going to boost your calorie deficit by any significant amount though.

    If you're determined to lose 5 lbs, you need a bigger deficit or a longer time frame. Due to your lack of period, I would not eat less than 1700-1800 cals (health comes first). I would increase your deficit through exercise instead of starving yourself on say 1400. And make sure that you have adequate carbs. Exercising hard on low carb is not ideal. You need energy to push harder.

    On your elliptical workout, since you're already spending an hour on it, boost your workout by increasing your resistance (if the range is 1-20, go for 10-15 if you can). This will simulate an uphill climb and requires a lot of effort and will increase your calorie burn by A LOT. Maybe even add another 30 minutes.
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
    sfaust2196 wrote: »
    VeryKatie wrote: »
    When you have a large chest naturally, chances are you don't really have the type of body that should be so low on the BMI scale (you're aiming for 19.4). Perhaps the weight you're at is the weight that you should be. You might be better off starting a strength routine to increase muscle (and firmness) and to revamp your wardrobe. The clothes we wear can often have a bigger impact than those last 5-10 lbs. Make sure they fit you and that they flatter you.

    However - if you're looking for a place you might be going wrong? I doubt you're burning 450 calories doing 45 minutes of elliptical unless you're on max resistance. Don't trust the number Fitbit gives you. Or the machine. Or MFP. The best estimate you can get without doing special tests is to take what MFP gives you and divide it in half.

    Diet pills don't work. Unless you get ones prescribed by a doctor. But any medically competent doctor would never prescribe them to you since you're a healthy weight.

    You are right! The 450 is for when I do 64 minutes on elyptical (2 rounds with cool down) the machine tells me I burned something crazy like 620.. Fitbit says 450.. and it doesn't matter because I always eat 1400-1600 no matter how much the Fitbit says I burn. Good advice though- some people just eat back all the calories the machine says they burn and gain so much weight

    you arent going to gain weight,if you eat back some of your calories(its how MFP is designed),eat back about 50%. MFP is designed with a deficit built in,so you are supposed to eat back some of the calories,some people can eat back all of them,some only a portion you have to find whats best for you. machines overestimate calories burned,so thats why most people only eat back 25-50%.. also stop comparing yourself to others and wanting to look like them. models have cellulite and rolls,they are just airbrushed out in pics and magazines.You are you and you cant have the body others have unless you have the same body type,shape,height,weight,genetics,etc no matter how hard you try or work at it.

    look at these people who keep getting plastic surgery to look like their favorite celebrity, many of them were decent looking before the surgeries, they keep getting more and more surgeries because they want to look like they do, not taking into consideration that no matter how hard they try its not going to happen. Im not trying to be debbie downer here but,its the truth.I wish drs would make them go through counseling first before agreeing to these surgeries,but its all about money with a lot of them.You need to try and be the best you that YOU can be,stressing yourself out over something you cannot control is not helping how you feel either,stop stressing and work on your body issues,whether its doing a recomp,building muscle or whatever it is.sure I wish I could look like a lot of fitness gurus body wise,but I know I cant because Im not them,Im me.

    The best I can do is to get as fit as I can and as healthy as I can and love me for me. sure I have flaws I would love to change,everyone does. But some things I wont be able to change and I have to accept that. so do you.you are a very pretty girl and have many good years ahead of you. you have time to get fit and get your health and other issues on track.fit and healthy is better than thin and unhealthy.
  • zorander6
    zorander6 Posts: 2,713 Member
    psuLemon wrote: »
    You should probably do a lot more research before making such sweeping generalizations. Telling someone to increase calories based on calculators is a poor recommendation. At best, it's an ok estimate to start upon. Second, you are failing to recognize that IR/PCOS has additional variables and has a potential effect on metabolism, especially when uncontrolled and combined with other periods of aggressive dieting. Below is some of the research regarding PCOS, which shows a potential of metabolic rate reductions in the realm of 200.

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1307008/slow-metabolism-maybe-related-to-pcos-or-insulin-resistance/p1


    Also, muscle gains are extremely slow. Being female, the OP is going to be limited to around 1/4 lb per week, and that is if she is following a really good progressive overload program.... something she is currently not doing. And considering the fears that the OP has already expressed, a bulk is the last thing she needs to look into. How in the world do you think she is going to respond to new fat, which is going to be about 75% of her gains? Bulking is just not an option for the OP. Recomp, modifying her macronutrients to address the requirements for IR/PCOS, and getting onto a solid progressive overload lifting program is where the OP needs to go. That will address her goals of staying lean, addressing her medical needs and hopefully allow her to be consistent enough to help her reach her goals. The only thing that needs to be addressed is the timely for the OP. Recomps can take awhile but progress can be made in the short term. Maybe people can take a year or more to get to their goals, but long term it's more beneficial than many other paths.

    Very well, you can delete my posts if you like. Frankly I feel you missed the point of my posts which means I was not being clear. That being said I wish the OP luck.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    sfaust2196 wrote: »
    Thanks for the advice everyone. Wanted to say a few things
    1. I don't think I lost the weight quickly. It seemed to drag on forever. I was eating 900-1200 a day for months last year to lose 8 pounds in four months. It was not until I started metformin that I upped my calories to 1200. It took me about 18 months to lose 35 pounds- that is about .5 pounds a week. Not quick. I am now at 1400-1600 a day as requested by my nutritionist to "reverse diet" and boost my metabolism.
    2. I am going to therapy but it is not helping. My therapist is a man and just doesn't get it. He keeps asking me things like "why is it better to be thin" um I'm pretty sure everyone thinks that thin people are generally more attractive but he says that that isn't true. Maybe I'll try a new therapist that better understands the pressure put on young women these days.
    3. I want to look thin. I don't need to look like Kendall Jenner- she is 128 and I agree that is too light for me. But for all my hard work I should be in the 130s. My sister eats at least 3500 calories a day, doesn't work out, and is thinner than me. All my roommates eat and bake the most unhealthy foods and drink all the time and are all the same or thinner than me. Everyone always says that fat people are lazy and to just "put your fork down" and you'll look better but they don't get how hard it was! I was so disciplined and did not take days off. But I still look like your average college student, I want to look great!
    4. I appreciate all the advice. I tried just running a Mile and then doing machines and weights at the gym this morning. I will keep at it.
    5. Everywhere I look says that my maintence is about 2300 a day with just moderate exercise- I walk so much around campus and work out. But I will gain weight on this. What do you suggest increasing to now if I continue with weight lifting trying to lose fat and gain muscle? Is 1700-1800 reasonable?
    6. Thank you!!!!!!!

    2. If you are not getting help from your therapist, I suggest you find another one, someone you'll listen to. Would you listen to a woman more than a man? There is *some* pressure on young women these days but not as much as you are putting on yourself. This is all coming from you. You don't HAVE to be thinner than you already are. You are perfectly healthy. Smaller isn't better.

    3.Stop comparing yourself to your sister, or your roommates, focus on yourself. Focus on what your body can do, not what it looks like, focus on your brain, your personality, etc. I'm sure you already do look great.

    5. I am only 5'8" and maintain at 2500 calories a day.
  • psuLemon
    psuLemon Posts: 38,427 MFP Moderator
    sfaust2196 wrote: »
    Thanks for the advice everyone. Wanted to say a few things
    1. I don't think I lost the weight quickly. It seemed to drag on forever. I was eating 900-1200 a day for months last year to lose 8 pounds in four months. It was not until I started metformin that I upped my calories to 1200. It took me about 18 months to lose 35 pounds- that is about .5 pounds a week. Not quick. I am now at 1400-1600 a day as requested by my nutritionist to "reverse diet" and boost my metabolism.
    2. I am going to therapy but it is not helping. My therapist is a man and just doesn't get it. He keeps asking me things like "why is it better to be thin" um I'm pretty sure everyone thinks that thin people are generally more attractive but he says that that isn't true. Maybe I'll try a new therapist that better understands the pressure put on young women these days.
    3. I want to look thin. I don't need to look like Kendall Jenner- she is 128 and I agree that is too light for me. But for all my hard work I should be in the 130s. My sister eats at least 3500 calories a day, doesn't work out, and is thinner than me. All my roommates eat and bake the most unhealthy foods and drink all the time and are all the same or thinner than me. Everyone always says that fat people are lazy and to just "put your fork down" and you'll look better but they don't get how hard it was! I was so disciplined and did not take days off. But I still look like your average college student, I want to look great!
    4. I appreciate all the advice. I tried just running a Mile and then doing machines and weights at the gym this morning. I will keep at it.
    5. Everywhere I look says that my maintence is about 2300 a day with just moderate exercise- I walk so much around campus and work out. But I will gain weight on this. What do you suggest increasing to now if I continue with weight lifting trying to lose fat and gain muscle? Is 1700-1800 reasonable?
    6. Thank you!!!!!!!


    To address the bold, you don't know how many calories they are actually eating. You don't track their calories or what they eat. You have perceptions which are probably highly skewed. And if they are eating that much, I would be highly impressed considering most guys don't even maintain at that level (hell, I only maintain at 3k). So comparing yourself against others, who you do not see everything they are doing and eating, is only a recipe for failure.
  • jessiferrrb
    jessiferrrb Posts: 1,758 Member
    if you have pcos and are insulin resistant the harsh reality is that there are always going to be a majority of people around you who can eat more and move less and have it way easier than you in losing weight. that's how it goes for you and that's how it goes for me. but the good news is that it doesn't matter a rat's *kitten* what other people are doing and how they look. what matters is how you feel about yourself, and how you get to a better place where you're not obsessing over the scale and minor, natural fluctuations. also, comparing yourself to others does not, unfortunately, burn calories so you may as well give it up.

    your weight is going to go up and down all the damn time. two weeks ago i got sick, and i took alka-seltzer cold and cough for 3 days straight. it was the only thing that made me feel better but it's full of sodium. i gained seven pounds. i'm back down now. the world didn't end.

    i agree that you'll have better results in achieving the aesthetic you want by starting a recomp. ignore the calculators and figure out your TDEE on your own by trial and error. if you're super nervous about weight gain, slowly move your calories up. increase by 100 for two weeks, see what happens, then up again, and so on until you find where YOU maintain.

    start progressive strength training. this will slowly replace fat with muscle giving you a leaner look. it takes time. but if you're into numbers maybe try to focus on your strength and personal records. pick a structured program and follow it. allow yourself to appreciate what you've accomplished and what you can accomplish. you will see results. but you have to fuel your workouts.

    find a new therapist if you don't connect with this one, but stay in therapy. therapy can be GREAT!

    you're at a healthy weight, but maybe not at a healthy relationship with your weight.
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 14,254 Member
    sfaust2196 wrote: »
    Thanks for the answer! I definitely just want to look smaller and thought being in the 130s would achieve that but if I could look skinnier in the 140s I would take it! What is a recomp? My maintenance is 2491 calories which I CANNOT eat, I would gain five pounds in a day and 10 pounds by the end of the week. I ate 1700 by accident last week because I forgot to add a snack and gained .8 pounds. What do you suggest as a calorie intake? If I cut back on cardio can I just keep doing 1500?
    Thanks!!

    You don't gain 0.8lbs of fat in a day by eating 1700 calories by accident unless that is an extra 1700 calories above your maintenance and even then.

    You have an unrealistic expectation of how weight fluctuates.

    Start weighing every day in the morning under the same conditions and after using the bathroom and before eating or drinking and record the information in a trending weight app. Get past the scale weight obsession of thinking that there will be no fluctuations on a day to day basis and focus on your weight level.

    You are at a normal body weight. Whether your goals make any sense or not, I cannot know. One thing I DO know and that is that the rate/speed you want to achieve them at is NOT achievable. The more firmly you are in the normal weight spectrum, and you are, the more effort is required for marginal changes.

    Recomp has been mentioned. Might make you much happier...
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 14,254 Member
    sfaust2196 wrote: »
    I just got my maintenance from putting my height, weight, and activity level on a website from google. I know it's not accurate as I would blow up on that!
    I am ABSOLUTELY not eating more than I say I am eating. I measure everything and then round up further. My chicken may be off day to day, but I make one pound at a time so it definitely averages out over the course of the few days I eat the chicken. Everything else- sweet potatoes, rice, cereal, veggies- I measure with cups. Even yogurt I measure with measuring cups every morning- my roommates all think I'm crazy. But I want to make sure I can accurately log!
    I'm not naive or making anything up. I really never ever eat over 1600 except in a case like last week where I made a mistake. I'm so frustrated and know it should not be this hard... my roommates eat like crap it's disgusting and many of them are thinner than me. It's so not fair for my age I should look great without trying this hard! It has consumed my life and I am still not happy.

    a) absolute accuracy is not achieved by cups. HOWEVER:
    b) you're right that the 1lb of chicken averages over a few days and frankly, the 1600 is low enough that it really doesn't matter if it is actually 1800 in reality because of cups vs grams.

    The bolded statement is VERY disquieting and it does NOT point to a healthy state of mind.

    No, aspiring to look like an airbrushed model until someone takes your picture and then airbrushes you is NOT normal. OR healthy.
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 14,254 Member
    edited December 2016
    Maybe next time I will first read the whole thread :smiley:

    Stephanie do play that what if game.

    Your answers and reasons that you have given so far are not good enough to warrant taking risks with your health. Yet you are taking risks with your health in spite of that.

    At the risk of contradicting someone more knowledgeable than myself I would disagree with @psuLemon's advice to not eat back exercise calories while eating 1600, especially if you continue to do cardio like you have been.

    Yes, PCOS means less calories; knock 200 from ~2500.
    Yes, VLCD level weight loss means adaptation, knock another 200-300.
    Yes, non accurate measurement = maybe knock another ~50 (given that she should average close to the bag weights over time and accounting for some overfilling of said bags)

    Still, Stephanie ends up closer to 1900 than 1600. Plus the cardio.

    So I can see you advising 1900 and ignore the cardio or 1600 and add exercise; but not agreeing with your 1600 plus no exercise. At least not long term.

    Reverse dieting as per campus nutrition person sounds like a great idea!

    Your original post Stephanie does not sound like you're listening to said good advice given that losing 50 million lbs by Christmas does not jive with you reverse dieting to a higher calorie maintenance!

    These people are paid to give you good advice... they don't seem to be steering you wrong... may be worthwhile to listen to them!
  • sfaust2196
    sfaust2196 Posts: 30 Member
    PAV8888 wrote: »
    sfaust2196 wrote: »
    Thanks for the answer! I definitely just want to look smaller and thought being in the 130s would achieve that but if I could look skinnier in the 140s I would take it! What is a recomp? My maintenance is 2491 calories which I CANNOT eat, I would gain five pounds in a day and 10 pounds by the end of the week. I ate 1700 by accident last week because I forgot to add a snack and gained .8 pounds. What do you suggest as a calorie intake? If I cut back on cardio can I just keep doing 1500?
    Thanks!!

    You don't gain 0.8lbs of fat in a day by eating 1700 calories by accident unless that is an extra 1700 calories above your maintenance and even then.

    You have an unrealistic expectation of how weight fluctuates.

    Start weighing every day in the morning under the same conditions and after using the bathroom and before eating or drinking and record the information in a trending weight app. Get past the scale weight obsession of thinking that there will be no fluctuations on a day to day basis and focus on your weight level.


    You are at a normal body weight. Whether your goals make any sense or not, I cannot know. One thing I DO know and that is that the rate/speed you want to achieve them at is NOT achievable. The more firmly you are in the normal weight spectrum, and you are, the more effort is required for marginal changes.

    Recomp has been mentioned. Might make you much happier...

    I do weigh myself every day... about 6-8 times a day actually! ALWAYS every morning when I get up after using the bathroom, naked. This is where I got the .8 pound difference. I weigh myself throughout the day as well, and always at night before going to sleep (again naked after using bathroom). I gain as much as 6-10 pounds throughout the day in water and food, and then usually pee it all out and am 2-3 pounds heavier at night. Then I lose this. The 2 pounds I gained is from morning to morning weight so should be somewhat accurate.
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,743 Member
    Y'all are way too nice.

    OP, you weigh yourself too damned much. If an increase in weight when weighing on the same day or a couple days in between freaks you out that much, once a week will keep you saner.

    If you don't like your current therapist, find someone else you're more comfortable with but don't expect the new therapist to see things the way you do. Your current one wasn't off the mark in his questions.

    You're wayyyy too concerned about looking "great". First of all, if that's you in your icon, there's nothing wrong with you. Second, looks aren't everything and a FEMALE with that kind of attitude....ugh, I just can't. I do agree it's more time for a recomp than to lose more weight.

    Also, are you on birth control? I had (have? Does it go away?) Pcos and I was put on the Pill to make my periods regular otherwise it could have turned cancerous.
  • Muscleflex79
    Muscleflex79 Posts: 1,917 Member
    misskarne wrote: »
    sfaust2196 wrote: »
    PAV8888 wrote: »
    sfaust2196 wrote: »
    Thanks for the answer! I definitely just want to look smaller and thought being in the 130s would achieve that but if I could look skinnier in the 140s I would take it! What is a recomp? My maintenance is 2491 calories which I CANNOT eat, I would gain five pounds in a day and 10 pounds by the end of the week. I ate 1700 by accident last week because I forgot to add a snack and gained .8 pounds. What do you suggest as a calorie intake? If I cut back on cardio can I just keep doing 1500?
    Thanks!!

    You don't gain 0.8lbs of fat in a day by eating 1700 calories by accident unless that is an extra 1700 calories above your maintenance and even then.

    You have an unrealistic expectation of how weight fluctuates.

    Start weighing every day in the morning under the same conditions and after using the bathroom and before eating or drinking and record the information in a trending weight app. Get past the scale weight obsession of thinking that there will be no fluctuations on a day to day basis and focus on your weight level.


    You are at a normal body weight. Whether your goals make any sense or not, I cannot know. One thing I DO know and that is that the rate/speed you want to achieve them at is NOT achievable. The more firmly you are in the normal weight spectrum, and you are, the more effort is required for marginal changes.

    Recomp has been mentioned. Might make you much happier...

    I do weigh myself every day... about 6-8 times a day actually! ALWAYS every morning when I get up after using the bathroom, naked. This is where I got the .8 pound difference. I weigh myself throughout the day as well, and always at night before going to sleep (again naked after using bathroom). I gain as much as 6-10 pounds throughout the day in water and food, and then usually pee it all out and am 2-3 pounds heavier at night. Then I lose this. The 2 pounds I gained is from morning to morning weight so should be somewhat accurate.

    You try and claim you don't have disordered thinking but you think this is normal behaviour?!

    this! OP, you can't possibly think weighing yourself 6-8 times per day is ideal/healthy/"normal" behaviour??
  • sfaust2196
    sfaust2196 Posts: 30 Member
    glassyo wrote: »
    Y'all are way too nice.

    OP, you weigh yourself too damned much. If an increase in weight when weighing on the same day or a couple days in between freaks you out that much, once a week will keep you saner.

    If you don't like your current therapist, find someone else you're more comfortable with but don't expect the new therapist to see things the way you do. Your current one wasn't off the mark in his questions.

    You're wayyyy too concerned about looking "great". First of all, if that's you in your icon, there's nothing wrong with you. Second, looks aren't everything and a FEMALE with that kind of attitude....ugh, I just can't. I do agree it's more time for a recomp than to lose more weight.

    Also, are you on birth control? I had (have? Does it go away?) Pcos and I was put on the Pill to make my periods regular otherwise it could have turned cancerous.

    I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to look your best if you work hard for it :)
    And they tried the pill but it did not work. I am aware of the cancer risks but unfortunately nothing is working so I do not have many options or control over the situation. What I do have control over is my body and eating healthy.
  • sfaust2196
    sfaust2196 Posts: 30 Member
    Honey who made you feel like you are so far from good enough that you need to treat yourself like this. It can't feel very nice.

    Don't you remember a time when you weren't feeling a compulsion to weigh yourself in case it had changed? When your days and thoughts weren't constantly about fear of weight and not trusting yourself with it?

    Going on the way you are I think you know isn't going to end well for you. It's not going to end with you happy and safe. It's not going to result in you feeling loved or valued or anything like it.

    It's like an addiction. Food obsessing. Whether witholding or binging. It's exactly the same headset. It's just expressed outwardly in different ways. And it's a prison that you lock yourself in and need someone else to help you get out of.

    Don't listen to the judgment of the previous replies. This is not your fault. You are not to blame. This is the result of a whole series of things that other people did wrong. You just got trapped into perpetuating it.

    It doesn't sound like you are at all ready to recognise that there is something wrong with how your life works right now. But you posted so openly I can't help but hear a small voice asking for help. Asking to be told she is ok.

    You are ok and you can be better.
    It's not your body or how it looks that is making you feel unhappy.
    Find a therapist that specialises in the complexity of eating disorders. If you aren't ready for that then start finding people to talk to about it that are emotionally authentic and emotionally mature.

    Thank you for your advice ❤️
  • sfaust2196
    sfaust2196 Posts: 30 Member
    Thank you guys for your advice.
    Growing up, I have never been naturally thin. My grandma made sure well I knew that I was the "big sister," that she was worried about my clothes fitting, that I was "built heavy," that my sister and I could never possibly share clothes because there was "no way" they would fit us both. I am seeing her this Christmas for the first time in over a year and want nothing more than her approval. Don't ask me why- I know she is just a judgmental, posssibly insecure, old woman. That does not stop the pain.
    I was sick of being "bigger"," being worse, not good enough. I was sick of worrying if I would hurt people by sitting on their lap, or having to be lifted during spirit games in high school, or god forbid accidentally stepped on someone's toes. I was sick of having fear of eating dessert in front of others in case they were all thinking, "why is that chubby girl doing that to her body?!" I was sick of being afraid to ever have a boyfriend or get close to everyone because God forbid, they had to see my stomach. Not to mention having anxiety about going to the beach with friends and having anyone see my pudge. I was sick of being the one that obese friends thought they could relate to- asking me to borrow a shirt, or joke about how much we love food. I was sick of hating myself and what I saw in the mirror everyday and not being able to do anything about it.

    I was sick of it all and most of all sick of being disgusted with my own body, and I needed a change and maybe now I am sick in my mind according to some of you but I'm not sure what else is to be done about it. Please know that I am not a girl self-absorbed with herself, or her looks. I am generous and thoughtful and smart and funny and caring and I sometimes wish that this didn't happen to me but it did.

    I really did not think I was doing anything wrong but now that you point it out I see how it can be viewed as borderline obsessive. I'm sorry and I will try to be better.

    Thank you.
  • Eleniala
    Eleniala Posts: 87 Member
    You say you lost 35 pounds in 18 months. That's less than half a pound per week. Why do you expect to suddenly lose several pounds by Christmas (less than two weeks away)?

    You lost slow and steady and presumably in a healthy manner before. Why are you in such a rush now?
  • VeganFaceHole
    VeganFaceHole Posts: 39 Member
    edited December 2016
    You seem very scared about weight and calories in general.
    I recommend reevaluating your goals in life (outside of appearance), and then maybe talk to a therapist.
  • rachelr1116
    rachelr1116 Posts: 334 Member
    sfaust2196 wrote: »
    Thank you guys for your advice.
    Growing up, I have never been naturally thin. My grandma made sure well I knew that I was the "big sister," that she was worried about my clothes fitting, that I was "built heavy," that my sister and I could never possibly share clothes because there was "no way" they would fit us both. I am seeing her this Christmas for the first time in over a year and want nothing more than her approval. Don't ask me why- I know she is just a judgmental, posssibly insecure, old woman. That does not stop the pain.
    I was sick of being "bigger"," being worse, not good enough. I was sick of worrying if I would hurt people by sitting on their lap, or having to be lifted during spirit games in high school, or god forbid accidentally stepped on someone's toes. I was sick of having fear of eating dessert in front of others in case they were all thinking, "why is that chubby girl doing that to her body?!" I was sick of being afraid to ever have a boyfriend or get close to everyone because God forbid, they had to see my stomach. Not to mention having anxiety about going to the beach with friends and having anyone see my pudge. I was sick of being the one that obese friends thought they could relate to- asking me to borrow a shirt, or joke about how much we love food. I was sick of hating myself and what I saw in the mirror everyday and not being able to do anything about it.

    I was sick of it all and most of all sick of being disgusted with my own body, and I needed a change and maybe now I am sick in my mind according to some of you but I'm not sure what else is to be done about it. Please know that I am not a girl self-absorbed with herself, or her looks. I am generous and thoughtful and smart and funny and caring and I sometimes wish that this didn't happen to me but it did.

    I really did not think I was doing anything wrong but now that you point it out I see how it can be viewed as borderline obsessive. I'm sorry and I will try to be better.

    Thank you.

    Is your sister as tall as you? I'm 5'11" and in high school, when I was close to underweight, I still felt huge next to the "tiny" 5'5" girls in my class. You're tall, you're going to weigh more than someone shorter because you will always have more body than someone shorter. This is one of the cases where it is a good idea to take a look at the BMI chart. If you started out around 180 then you were barely overweight according to the BMI chart, surely not overweight enough that anyone considered you the chubby girl.

    Please continue seeing a therapist, if you feel you can't relate to the one you're currently seeing find another one. I wish I'd had that opportunity when I was young and had the wrong ideas of what healthy looked like.
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