Unsupportive partners/spouses?

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  • FroodleMum
    FroodleMum Posts: 15 Member
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    lvhuse wrote: »
    Mine is supportive in theory, but undermines my efforts every. single. time. If I actually tell him I have a structured plan to manage my eating habits, he will, without exception, come home that evening with cake or cookies or something that he has bought just for me! He doesn't even know he does this, but he does. So this time I'm just not saying anything and then doing all of the meal planning and shopping on my own.

    And don't even get me started with the sabotage that comes with trying to work out!

    Yup. Same here.
  • db81989
    db81989 Posts: 62 Member
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    I would say that I can relate to a lot of you here. Feel free to add me for support.
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and comments. Let's support each other! We can do this!
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    If you stick with it long enough they might BECOME supportive, or at least not sabotage you anymore. When I first started my husband was cautiously optimistic but also didn't seem to think I'd stick with it- but I did. Then he went through a slightly sabotage like stage where he would offer me unhealthy treats- pizza, chocolate, chips, wine... one time he even stuck a freshly poured glass of wine right under my nose when he knew I had decided to quit alcohol until I reach my goal weight! But each time I politely declined or if I did indulge would be sure to make a point of only having a small portion and entering it into myfitnesspal. He eventually stopped doing that stuff. Then he actually got inspired by me and wanted to start getting healthy and lose weight too- he did go to the gym for about a month and cut out a little junk food and drank a little less, but but when he realized it takes a lot of effort and results came very slowly, he quickly fell back into his old eating habits and cancelled his gym membership. That took a special kind of willpower to have my spouse decide to get on board and join me in my journey only to see him fail and relapse- but to keep going myself. Now he is excited for me that I am still going and getting results, but he constantly complains that he is fat and looks for validation from me that it's ok that he's overweight and that I love him anyways.

    I'm sure my experience is not unique. But I'm proud that I have been able to do this by myself, for myself.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I think we can all relate in some way. Good for you that you stuck with your routine! It is not an easy task.
  • packersfan0103
    packersfan0103 Posts: 250 Member
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    My husband is so sweet, but ever since we met, I've been telling him I was trying to eat healthy and lose weight. To this day he brings me home candy and sodas because he thinks he's doing something nice for me. I love that he's thinking about me, but I wish he'd bring me home an edible arrangement or a v8 or something instead. To top it off, the man LOVES junk food. So its a constant battle when were trying to compromise on what to eat.

    I have an insatiable sweet tooth. My husband knows this. Even when I'm trying to be good and he knows it he brings stuff more than usual. I think it's time for a serious conversation about this. I'm starting to think is consciously or subconsciously trying to SABOTAGE???

  • Hallie82
    Hallie82 Posts: 38 Member
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    Yes! I tell mine I'm working on eating better and working out and I can just read from the little grin he gives what he's thinking and it's so irritating. Then yes when I'm on a role he's like "let's go out to eat, I bought you some wine, let's have that spaghetti you love". It's not intentional but I think down inside they just are a little insecure/worried about the other half making healthy choices and they're not there yet. I decided that when I finally stick to it and make great changes he might do the same and at least I'll feel good and will be able to give him the support I know will make him do better.
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    A year ago when I began the journey he was openly skeptical as he'd seen me start stuff and give up so many times.

    His attitude was pretty stinky to be honest at the start and it actually added fuel to my determination to do it.

    Gradually he became more and more supportive and then my main cheerleader! I hit goal in the summer and that's when he suddenly decided to do it (MFP) himself and he hit his goal at Christmas! I couldn't believe my luck as I'd never nagged him to do it!

    Thanks for sharing your story. That is awesome that you stuck with your routine and met your goals! That is great that he is now on the bandwagon.
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
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    rambabean wrote: »
    Inspired by this tread to be a better girlfriend!! We are both trying to lose weight and gain muscle but yesterday he didn't gym before work because I was too tired and he doesn't drive, didn't swim in the evening instead because I didn't want to and then I made cake.

    Although he could learn to drive and he could've just had one slice instead of half the cake but it's easier much easier to be good if you do it together.

    Haha yes. I think you will both achieve your goals more quickly if you stop skipping workouts and start skipping the cake :wink:
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    Happy Hump Day!
  • Motherofship
    Motherofship Posts: 122 Member
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    Hey friend!!

    I do know the difficulty of an unsupportive partner. My guy is thin as a rail and has a metabolism like a bullet train! He eats like crap most of the time, and encourages me to join in saying it's OK here and there...until it turns into a regular occurrence. I put on a lot of weight in 2016, and he helped me do it--obviously my own choices, but he helped. Now that he's realized how bad my weight gain was, I can't lose fast enough for him. He thinks it should be easy for me to lose because it's hard for him to gain, and he thinks it should be "not overnight but faster than it's going" so he assumes I'm cheating my meals and not exercising enough, even though I work out with him 2-3 times a week and about as many times on my own. It's beyond frustrating, but it does help to remember that, even though it hurts that he isn't so patient or supportive of me, I'm doing the right stuff for myself and I will get to a better place with time.

    Anyhoo, I'm working on it, and I see you doing great things on my feed every day...just keep doing what you're doing! It's truly an inspiration to me when I see you and other friends being consistent and working hard. That's where I get my support and motivation from when I'm not finding it at home <3
  • Karen_can_do_this
    Karen_can_do_this Posts: 1,150 Member
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    My husband is a believer in the (stupid) myth that women can't lift heavy weights cause they'll bulk up.
    So needless to say I can't share my awesome personal bests or excitement at the doms afterwards etc. All of my food choices are apparently wrong...
    he does however enjoy our improved sex life. And my weight loss has done wonders for my confidence
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    Yes, it is sometimes true that men can be clueless and selfish when it comes to being supportive. I internalize a lot of what I think and feel. Sometimes it's better that way. You can only change you.
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    My husband is a believer in the (stupid) myth that women can't lift heavy weights cause they'll bulk up.
    So needless to say I can't share my awesome personal bests or excitement at the doms afterwards etc. All of my food choices are apparently wrong...
    he does however enjoy our improved sex life. And my weight loss has done wonders for my confidence

    I can totally relate to what you're saying. It sucks that he is not there throughout your journey, not just at the end.

    Weight loss does wonders in the confidence department and it's awesome!