Any 'child-free by choice' people out there?

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  • Ge0rgiana
    Ge0rgiana Posts: 1,649 Member
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    I just realized I'm wearing my Albert Fish "I like children. They are tasty." t-shirt. :embarassed:

    AW, NO!!! I catch the reference! *shaking head to try to dislodge from brain* :laugh:
  • quixoticmantis
    quixoticmantis Posts: 297 Member
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    I hear this from almost everyone with kids ... "I love my kids but if I had to do it again, I wouldn't."

    really? how sad.
    i don't feel that way and none of my mommy-friends do either (we have talked bout it and none of us would change a thing). we must be very blessed.


    (by the way, i started out not wanting kids for a minimum of 10 years after of our marriage, but got a surprise after 4 months and then another oops 19 months after the first was born. they added so much joy, they changed our whole outlook and now i'm desperate for more.)

    No, I don't think it's sad at all. It's all in how you look at it.

    I think it's terribly refreshing to hear people with kids being HONEST and telling others that children are hard, hard, work. Those people who say they wouldn't do it again aren't sad, they should be applauded for making the best out of their situation AND knowing how they truly feel, rather than what others THINK they should feel.

    Good for you though. Different strokes.
  • quixoticmantis
    quixoticmantis Posts: 297 Member
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    now i'm desperate for more

    Because a "surprise" and an "oops" is not the way I want to live my life.

    THIS.
  • quixoticmantis
    quixoticmantis Posts: 297 Member
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    Hallo!

    I'm 33, have been in a fantastic relationship for 15 years, and have no desire to pass on my genetic material.

    In fact I've just got a job after being a skint student for 2 years, so am looking forward spending a bit of dough on a nice holiday and meals out and all those things that kids get in the way of. Not that I'm smug. Well...maybe a bit :)

    Hallo there!! :drinker:

    Nothing wrong with bein' a bit smug!
  • hush7hush
    hush7hush Posts: 2,273 Member
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    I'm only 20 but I seem to be the only girl from my high school class year that doesn't have a kid/is pregnant. I'm cool with other people's kids but for me, kids just don't fit into my little plan anywhere.
    That and if I have kids I lose the luxury of being able to afford stuff for myself.... selfish but meh.


    I am also 20.
    And I AM the only girl from my graduating class that has never been pregnant.
  • quixoticmantis
    quixoticmantis Posts: 297 Member
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    This is my kind of topic! I blogged about this about a year ago, and my opinion still stands:

    http://leylash.wordpress.com/2010/08/06/why-ill-pass-on-motherhood/

    This is so awesome!
  • ShellyLee
    ShellyLee Posts: 293 Member
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    Vet Tech here as well with no kids planned for the future, 26 y/o. I'm actually what I call "indifferent"... hubby is 23 and doesn't want kids. I'm cool with no kids, but if he suddenly hits 25-30 and decides that yeah he wants them I'm ok with that too lol. But I'm quite happy with our animal children... 1 cat and 2 dogs (one 7 month black lab and one 4y/o Pembroke Corgi). I also ride horses. We both have fairly expensive hobbies that we would rather not give up. We also both love travelling so.. children obviously would restrict the things we love to do.
  • Swimgoddess
    Swimgoddess Posts: 711 Member
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    Mom of 3 here and found the whole discussion fascinating. More power to all of you! Just wondering what PC response you would like to get when you say you're child-free-by-choice? Basically anything except questioning your position, right? 'Cause I think I have that part down. The only thing I don't have down to a science is having a full conversation without them coming up at least in passing. It's like mom-Tourettes. For those that get the "not really a woman unless" thing, I can offer a flip side :D Just ask hypothetical smug mom who's looking at you like you have 5 heads, "So, what do you do for fun?", because it certainly makes me feel like an inferior person when SO much of my life is taken up with kids that I honestly forgot what I even USED to do for fun. AWKWARD.

    Can I say that I HATE kids (in some cases, "too")? I mean, I really do hate them, OTHER people's kids I mean. Grate on my every last nerve. There's a 4 year old across the street who is such a spoiled little drama queen (think high-pitched screams, stomping, throwing things, etc.) that my hubby and I had a candid conversation about using the hole our Sis-in-law's boxer dug in the backyard to bury her in. (Too soon?) Love MY kids to bits though. That's totally different! Lol.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KVHXmu2rNc&feature=youtube_gdata_player
  • rob_base
    rob_base Posts: 97
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    right now I am having enough trouble with my dog, I can only imagine what kids would be like
  • Jennwith2ns
    Jennwith2ns Posts: 296 Member
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    For those of you saying you are still young, but dont want them.. it has been my experience you probably wont change your mind :) I have wanted them since I was 5 (and am infertile, irony is a b*tch), and that hasnt changed. But my sister on the other hand has always HATED kids, like bad, lol. She will tolerate other peoples kids, but has always been against them.. She is now 33 and hasnt changed her mind a bit over the last 20 years or so. And unfortunately has lost a lot of potentially good relationships because of it.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    I have kids as well, but I honestly never wonder why someone *doesn't* have any. I hope I'm not being insensitive to the people who actually want to be asked, but I haven't encountered that yet. Maybe if other parents can get to the place where not having children is actually a normal and valid choice, it doesn't shock the system when someone comes along and doesn't have any.

    I can say that my CFBC friends find it very rude when other people assume that selfishness causes them to not want to have children. So, any other parents out there might want to remember to refrain from making that assumption.

    Something I admire about CFBCers is the fact that they thought it out first. Most of us don't question becoming a parent. It's just something you're "supposed" to do, or something that happens before you've given thought to the fact that there is the option to not do this. When someone takes the time to think it over or to understand the feeling culminating over the years, it's impressive to me.
  • kenzietea
    kenzietea Posts: 614 Member
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    although I am only 21, I really don't think I will ever have children. I love my niece, but she is an exception. I am just not motherly material... I prefer dogs or horses =P
  • whitney22blue
    whitney22blue Posts: 29
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    I turned 40 this year, and just never got around to thinking about having kids, I love being able to sleep in, getting 8 hours sleep, I have travelled around the world, the only constraint i have is work and my mortgage, I have been with my husband 20 years, married 13 and we struggle looking after a cat, so image if we had to look after kids. I do have some great nephews though, that I see regularly, whom I love immensly, but I love the fact I can do what I like with my life.:wink::wink: :wink:
  • Andythefitfamilyman
    Andythefitfamilyman Posts: 420
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    First off I would like to say I'm a happy father of three but I used to never wanted to have kids so I can understand where most of you people are coming from and more power to ya, but I so think its funny think that just because I'm a parent I don't have fun anymore or do what I want. To each there own, you guyz have a good one.
  • messy_jessie98
    messy_jessie98 Posts: 23
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    Me! :happy:

    My husband and I (We are just common-law, been together 13 years) have been saying since we were teenagers that kids are not for us. Everyone said, "You will change your mind". 29 years old right now, hubby is 30....we haven't changed our minds at all.

    It's not that I dislike kids, I just don't want my own. I will be most likely working with kids when I become a Social Worker. My work placement in September is actually in Child Protection.

    My husband and I have an amazing cat right now and we plan on getting a dog or two once we get our own home. But kids...not happening...ever! :smile:
  • bjajdtk
    bjajdtk Posts: 25
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    As I have 4, I won't be joining, but wanted to share for those who are frustrated with public reactions. People question and judge regardless of what your choices are. It doesn't matter, none, 1, 3, 12 or 20 someone always has an opinion on your life and how you live it. Just enjoy whats yours and let others live with and enjoy theirs. Rough spots and all. :smile:
  • voluptas63
    voluptas63 Posts: 602 Member
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    I'm 27(28 in October) with 8 nieces and nephews. I've worked with kids since I was 16... my man friend, worked with those same children. We blame them for us not wanting children:) I love kids, I do. But I'm much happier knowing I can give them back. I'm far too selfish with my time and my money to have a child. And that's just blunt honest truth:) I want to be able to leave whenever I want to, spend whatever I want to etc. I don't like having restraints on myself, not even my JOB is as time constraining as a child.

    I think it hurts my Mom a little bit that I won't give her grandchildren but alas, it's what I've chosen to do:)
  • sauerkrautpolka
    sauerkrautpolka Posts: 266 Member
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    I was hardcore "childfree" for the longest time (even before I didn't think I could have any children), but once I hit my 30s and started thinking about the 'what ifs' and knowing that my husband, who is nearing 40, has always wanted children, I started to lean more towards being 'okay' if we had a kid. I still don't think I'm mother material, but I'm okay if we do end up having a child. I'm also okay if we don't. I honestly don't think we can, though. Aside from having PCOS, I don't think anything is working the way it should down there. Heh.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    I'm not child free by choice.. afterall I did try for over 7 years to conceive. It didn't happen and we've been on break for 3 years now. Not sure where to go from here.
    I'm 32 and in my 20's all I wanted was to be a mother. I lost all my years being consumed on trying and going to the doctor. In the end, I didn't get my pay off. I lost all that time for nothing. When I turned 29, I vowed to NEVER spend another day, year, month whatever, of my time like that... and I haven't!!!

    And I'm now here wondering.. do I really want children? I have become accustomed to our lifestyle now, which is going wherever we please, playing sports, taking fun classes, going to the grocery store at 12am if we please, etc. I wake up around 10am on Saturdays and we decide what we want to do. It's awesome. We got up and moved, left our hold home to a brand new city where we knew nobody, just because. I think that has been the favorite part of my life so far!!

    So as I get older, I wonder, do I really want to change this NOW? I've pretty much accepted not having children so I turned that page. Should I return to that page?

    In ending, I wish I knew one way or the other. I wish I had a decision made, although it sorta seems like my decision has been made for me but still, if I can't have kids then I want the desire to go away completely, not just 95%. We shall see what happens but I do envy you as you KNOW what you want. I don't.
  • Riebop
    Riebop Posts: 275
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    I've been with my husband for 11 years and married a little over 4. I've been saying that I don't want kids since my early 20's. My aunts keep telling me I'll change my mind. I guess I'm waiting for the clock to start ticking. I just turned 30 and I'm still on the fence about it and say "no" to having kids. When I ask my husband if he wants kids, he keeps saying eventually. Maybe one day... I guess... We really haven't come to definite decision on it yet. For the time being, we're enjoying our child-free lifestyle.

    However, I love being an aunt. I adore my nephews and niece, but definitely like coming home to my quiet child free house. My decision right now is more about all the work involved with having children. I have a hard enough time keeping up with my house and my 2 cats. That being said. I do think we'd be good parents, but we are definitely not ready to give up our leisurely lifestyle at the moment. We'll just have to wait and see what happens in the future.

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