Eating When Hungry vs. Sticking to a Calorie Plan

Unknown · January 2017

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rankinsect · January 2017

RickyCoogin wrote: »

A lot of people are going to decide if they want to get to know you further based on their physical impression of you. I'm the same way...I wouldn't date someone I wasn't attracted to. The women into me stereotyped me as some big tough guy.

Not necessarily. Maybe she liked your smile. Or maybe she thought your shirt was interesting. Maybe she was just bored and decided to talk to you. Maybe there just isn't anyone more interesting around right now. Maybe she doesn't really like macho guys but gave you a chance anyway. Maybe you said a joke that made her laugh. Or maybe she read your profile on a dating site where you describe your actual personality.

You're really, really jumping to conclusions about what other people are thinking. Why not talk to them and actually discover what they are thinking?

And people could find you physically attractive without wanting someone who has a big, tough personality. What people find attractive in your body and what people find attractive in your personality are not really correlated. Women can want a big guy who is a total cuddly teddy bear that openly weeps over the death of Bambi's mother, or they could want someone who is short, scrawny, and aggressive.

dominique_paul · January 2017

I stick to my calorie goal. Listening to "hunger cues" doesn't work for me because I'll under eat a lot.

Unknown · January 2017

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MelanieCN77 · January 2017

RickyCoogin wrote: »

I don't buy the idea that you're encouraging people to stop talking to me for my own good.

At this point I'd say it's for their own good.

rankinsect · January 2017

RickyCoogin wrote: »

And those that do want big bald guys like them because they fit that stupid atavistic "badass" stereotype.

Some will. Others won't. You don't want women to stereotype you - don't stereotype them by lumping them all together and assuming that all women share the same preferences.

People can find big guys sexy without wanting a "badass". People can like petite women without wanting someone demure. Everyone's preferences are different, and you can find someone who likes almost every possible combination of physical appearances + personality traits.

Nony_Mouse · January 2017

Funny, I used to do internet dating, and neither height nor hair were criteria that I used to cull people. And I don't think I'm unusual in that respect. Again, stop projecting what you think onto others. You equate big and bald as 'badass', 'white trash', 'macho', etc etc (all your words), not everyone does.

Unknown · January 2017

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Nony_Mouse · January 2017

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Everyone stereotypes.

I don't want a woman that finds big bald guys sexy. It's gross. I don't know why people keep insisting I like it or that "women just love big tall guys."

What's so damn great about being a big guy?

It seems you're pretty screwed then sorry. You are tall and you are bald, and you have already written off any woman who would find you attractive as worthless because it is somehow wrong for her to find you physically attractive. Though possibly it's okay if she didn't find you attractive but then got to know you and decided she was into you?

AnvilHead · January 2017

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Obviously you think it's contemptuous that a tall/big guy would hate being that way, so why I am I supposed to like it?

I don't think it's contemptuous, but as a tall guy myself (6'6"), I definitely don't understand it. I've been 6'6" since my freshman year of high school and that was almost 40 years ago. Honestly, in my day to day life I don't even think about my height unless somebody else comments on it - it just is what it is. I don't feel superior (or inferior) to anybody else because of my height, anymore than I feel superior (or inferior) because I have brown eyes instead of blue, or anything else. I'm me and if I can't be happy with that, all I'd have to look forward to would be a pretty miserable, neurotic life. If you can't love yourself, you make it even harder for anybody else to love you.

I'd love to have the big "meathead" build. I'd like to be so big that I block out the sun wherever I walk. I'd like my nickname to be "The Eclipse". I think it would be awesome to compete as a bodybuilder at 6'6" and about 285 shredded pounds of pure muscle. But my genetics dictate that I'm long and lanky with not a huge amount of muscle mass. So my choice is to either go through life miserable and lamenting that I don't get to be "The Eclipse", or to suck it up, deal with it and be the best I can possibly be with what I've got. To me, it's a pretty simple choice because life is too short to be miserable and we only get one shot at it. So just call me the "Partial Eclipse" and I'll be over here in the weight room three days a week making my lanky azz look the best I can make it.

Unknown · January 2017

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Unknown · January 2017

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lynn_glenmont · January 2017

Christine_72 wrote: »

I think it's time to join the priesthood

I get that you're making a joke about celibacy, but priests exercise a great deal of personal and moral authority over believers, and are supposed to be able to advise people about personal, spritual, and relationship issues. I don't think anyone should be relying on the guidance of someone with OP's disordered views about the value of personal appearance, about rejecting people who like you because they like when you don't believe you're worthy of affection, and about what women like and think.

Nony_Mouse · January 2017

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Nony - LOL Nice that you took the time to show me a little contempt. i'm sure you tell everyone you would never engage in such a cruel thing.

What I don't get is at first you adopt a sarcastic attitude, like you're angry that I would dislike a woman finding me attractive.....yet then you sneer at the idea that I would prefer that she got to know me first??

"it's okay if she didn't find you attractive but then got to know you and decided she was into you?"

Well....yeah...that's the point. I don't like how I look because I think it makes people see me as someone different than how I am. I don't begrudge them for it, I just wish I didn't look that way.

I was being neither contemptuous nor sarcastic. That's once again you projecting. I was pointing out that you've created a Catch 22 situation for yourself. I'm not angry that you would dislike a woman for finding you attractive, I just think it signals that you have deep seated issues that you need to address if you ever want to date. Because as you yourself have pointed out, physical attraction, at least initially, is important (but not the be all and end all, as everyone else has pointed out. It may get you in the door, but it's personality that's going to dictate whether you get any further). If you can't accept that someone is physically attracted to you, and you've said some pretty distasteful things about women who have been or would be, then how are you going to form a relationship with them?

As for someone deciding they like you after they get to know you, do you see that this goes both ways? Yes, someone may have an initial attraction to you because they think you're the 'type' that you despise so much. But once they get to know you they are going to realise you are not. At that point they're either going to move on because you're not what they're looking for, or come to like you for who you are and stick around. If the latter, are you really going to write them off anyway? Because frankly, that would be ridiculous. Also, in the case of the person who isn't physically attracted initially but gets to know you, chances are they will become physically attracted to you. That's how it works. I can testify to this from personal experience. Are you going to have issues with their attraction to you at that point?

cerise_noir · January 2017

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Hey, thanks. It's really confidence-inspiring when someone comes on here to take a cheap shot. You could have offered me help, but you gave me so much more.

I think you need to calm down.

See the responses? People care. Stop it.

I agree...you can't possibly know what women want. Taller women don't necessarily go for taller men. Heck, I am 5'3" and my husband is 6'...I like guys with beards, bald guys, shorter guys, taller guys, muscly guys...but I LOVE a sweet, kind personality and intelligence of any age from 30 and above. I've seen many shorter women with shorter guys, taller women with shorter guys and so on. You cannot judge what women want. Hey, some women don't even like men.

Please stop judging us. Some of us like many different types of guys...and some of us even like girls, too.

If you keep rejecting women, what is left? Give them a chance. If they like you, take the chance and see where it goes.

Self hate really does radiate and gets pick up on by others.. You need to be kinder to yourself. Seriously. I know a LOT about self hate and deep dark depression. It took a lot to get out of that deep darkness.

If I call a guy a big cuddle bear, it is freakin' compliment. I LOVE to cuddle. It's not a bad thing. It's not about embracing largeness. You think everyone hates larger guys. My husband goes through phases and I love him no matter what size he is.

Have you ever stopped to think that maybe there are women out there that fall in love with a guy because of he sweet awesome personalty? That's how I fell in love with my husband. He's super sweet, caring and loving...and not self absorbed in the slightest. He cares about what I think and say. He has his moments, though as he is human.

You need to start gaining confidence in your self. Stop trying to be someone you are not. Enhance YOU. Fast weight loss will not give you the body you're after. Sagging skin comes to mind (my FIL lost a lot of weight recently and he has a LOT of sagging skin from fast weight loss). Take it slower, lift some weights....embrace YOU. Stop thinking about what women want...you're not a mind reader. Relax. You're unique. Don't fit yourself into a carbon copy.

2000 calories is NOT much. Believe me. I am 5'3" 35 and my maintenance is 1700 sedentary and around 2300 with exercise. Embrace these calories. You'll be glad that you did.

AnvilHead · January 2017

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Anvil - What I don't understand is how people cannot comprehend beyond their own personal beliefs, e.g., "I find this girl hot...why don't you?"

So you wish that you were really big...so that means you cannot understand how another guy would not want to be big? Would not see the big meathead look as not something to emulate?

Whether I understand it or not isn't relevant. I'm not you, so I don't have to understand or agree with your thoughts or goals and you don't have to understand or agree with mine. My friends and I disagree all the time about things and it's not a condition of our friendship that we think the exact same way and understand everything about what each other are doing. We still get along just fine.

The question is, what are you going to do to make yourself happy and comfortable in your own skin? What do you think your options are? You've painted yourself into a corner and it doesn't look like you've left yourself any way out. You find being tall repulsive, but you're tall. You find being bald repulsive, but you're bald. You find masculinity repulsive, but you're a man. Where do you plan to go from there? I'm curious about how you think you're going to resolve your issues.

lynn_glenmont · January 2017

AnvilHead wrote: »

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Anvil - What I don't understand is how people cannot comprehend beyond their own personal beliefs, e.g., "I find this girl hot...why don't you?"

So you wish that you were really big...so that means you cannot understand how another guy would not want to be big? Would not see the big meathead look as not something to emulate?

Whether I understand it or not isn't relevant. I'm not you, so I don't have to understand or agree with your thoughts or goals and you don't have to understand or agree with mine. My friends and I disagree all the time about things and it's not a condition of our friendship that we think the exact same way and understand everything about what each other are doing. We still get along just fine.

The question is, what are you going to do to make yourself happy and comfortable in your own skin? What do you think your options are? You've painted yourself into a corner and it doesn't look like you've left yourself any way out. You find being tall repulsive, but you're tall. You find being bald repulsive, but you're bald. You find masculinity repulsive, but you're a man. Where do you plan to go from there? I'm curious about how you think you're going to resolve your issues.

I settled on insightful, but this is awesome, too. And I like it.

cerise_noir · January 2017

lynn_glenmont wrote: »

AnvilHead wrote: »

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Anvil - What I don't understand is how people cannot comprehend beyond their own personal beliefs, e.g., "I find this girl hot...why don't you?"

So you wish that you were really big...so that means you cannot understand how another guy would not want to be big? Would not see the big meathead look as not something to emulate?

Whether I understand it or not isn't relevant. I'm not you, so I don't have to understand or agree with your thoughts or goals and you don't have to understand or agree with mine. My friends and I disagree all the time about things and it's not a condition of our friendship that we think the exact same way and understand everything about what each other are doing. We still get along just fine.

The question is, what are you going to do to make yourself happy and comfortable in your own skin? What do you think your options are? You've painted yourself into a corner and it doesn't look like you've left yourself any way out. You find being tall repulsive, but you're tall. You find being bald repulsive, but you're bald. You find masculinity repulsive, but you're a man. Where do you plan to go from there? I'm curious about how you think you're going to resolve your issues.

I settled on insightful, but this is awesome, too. And I like it.

It's also quite inspiring.

nutmegoreo · January 2017

lynn_glenmont wrote: »

AnvilHead wrote: »

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Anvil - What I don't understand is how people cannot comprehend beyond their own personal beliefs, e.g., "I find this girl hot...why don't you?"

So you wish that you were really big...so that means you cannot understand how another guy would not want to be big? Would not see the big meathead look as not something to emulate?

Whether I understand it or not isn't relevant. I'm not you, so I don't have to understand or agree with your thoughts or goals and you don't have to understand or agree with mine. My friends and I disagree all the time about things and it's not a condition of our friendship that we think the exact same way and understand everything about what each other are doing. We still get along just fine.

The question is, what are you going to do to make yourself happy and comfortable in your own skin? What do you think your options are? You've painted yourself into a corner and it doesn't look like you've left yourself any way out. You find being tall repulsive, but you're tall. You find being bald repulsive, but you're bald. You find masculinity repulsive, but you're a man. Where do you plan to go from there? I'm curious about how you think you're going to resolve your issues.

I settled on insightful, but this is awesome, too. And I like it.

Your ambiguity is inspiring.

Unknown · January 2017

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Nony_Mouse · January 2017

RickyCoogin wrote: »

Nony - I don't want a girl who finds big bald guys attractive. Whether I like it or not, big bald guys are seen as hypermasculine, which I think is stupid and one thing I really, really value is the woman's taste. I don't want a woman who thinks that it's hot for a guy to be big and bald.

The hard part is getting the right woman to notice you. In my experience, the women into me wanted some big protective meathead type. I want someone who doesn't notice that I'm a big bald guy. I don't want a girl who actively WANTS a big bald guy.

I don't automatically consider big, bald men to be hyper masculine. Last I checked, I'm a woman. But thanks for assuming you know what I think.

And again, you're contradicting yourself. You say physical attraction is important, presumably you want to be with someone you're physically attracted to, but you don't want them to be physically attracted to you.

And I have a hard time believing you value anything about women. Your posts here and some of the horrible things you've said certainly don't give that impression.

Unknown · January 2017

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AnvilHead · January 2017

RickyCoogin wrote: »

...I want someone who doesn't notice that I'm a big bald guy...

Maybe consider dating a blind girl? *shrug* That's about the only suggestion I could possibly offer at this point, given the multitude of parameters you've set forth. I also agree with @Nony_Mouse that you've made some incredibly insulting, misogynistic and sweeping statements about women.

BTW, who's profile picture are you using? Because that guy has hair.

Nony_Mouse · January 2017

AnvilHead wrote: »

RickyCoogin wrote: »

...I want someone who doesn't notice that I'm a big bald guy...

Maybe consider dating a blind girl? *shrug* That's about the only suggestion I could possibly offer at this point, given the multitude of parameters you've set forth. I also agree with @Nony_Mouse that you've made some incredibly insulting, misogynistic and sweeping statements about women.

BTW, who's profile picture are you using? Because that guy has hair.

It's Alex Winter

(of Bill and Ted fame).

Unknown · January 2017

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cerise_noir · January 2017

RickyCoogin wrote: »

I think physical attraction is important. I don't want a woman who finds me physically attractive because I don't like how I look. That goes with what I said before.

*sigh*

You want to find a women who will like and love you no matter what size you are. Once again, stop thinking for women. We hate that.

I was 270lbs when my husband fell in love with me.
I was that heavy when we got married.

We've been married for 10 years.

I didn't lose weight for anyone. I lost weight for me?
Why?
I lost my mother due to heart disease in April. I don't want to follow suit.

Unknown · January 2017

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sugaraddict4321 · January 2017

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Eating When Hungry vs. Sticking to a Calorie Plan

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