Unsupportive partners/spouses?

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  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    Happy Hump Day!
  • JenniYo
    JenniYo Posts: 10 Member
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    @Truvanessa Hello!!
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    JenniYo wrote: »
    @Truvanessa Hello!!

    Hi Jenni!
  • samuelgina91
    samuelgina91 Posts: 158 Member
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    My family. Everyone is overweight and has health issues but they just keep talking about being healthy, and don't make any changes or track. Which is fine cause that is on them. But then they individually pull me aside and put my sister's obesity on me like I can somehow caused it, or am responsible for it, or can exercise for her or remove her calories or such. Each and every single person is responsible for maintaining their own body and health. No one can take that on for you, and it isn't fair to ask that of someone else who cannot pick up that burden to do it.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    Who needs a partner who discourages or makes fun of their goals? That sounds miserable to me! :'(

    If it's just a matter of not being as interested in your efforts or unintentionally bringing you down, that's something you can deal with through better communication. But someone actively and purposefully tearing you down? GTFO! :p
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    Thanks everyone for sharing your stories.
  • sjwert
    sjwert Posts: 2 Member
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    I'm dealing with this right now. We moved in together not to long ago. He's a chef, so everything is about food. If I don't eat something he makes, he makes me feel guilty like I don't support him.
    Recently when I noticed my weight just kept climbing I finally decided to just say no. If he got upset, sorry dude. You'd be more upset if I died young because of my weight.
    It been rough, he says he's all for me losing weight, but complains when I don't eat dinner with him, or go out to eat with him, or have a beer with him, or go to the gym.
    Any suggestions on making him understand how important being healthy and losing weight means to me?
  • ZephieC
    ZephieC Posts: 162 Member
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    My family. Everyone is overweight and has health issues but they just keep talking about being healthy, and don't make any changes or track. Which is fine cause that is on them. But then they individually pull me aside and put my sister's obesity on me like I can somehow caused it, or am responsible for it, or can exercise for her or remove her calories or such. Each and every single person is responsible for maintaining their own body and health. No one can take that on for you, and it isn't fair to ask that of someone else who cannot pick up that burden to do it.

    My grandmother pulls me aside to express worry about my mother's weight and yet when we eat with her she is always pushing my mom to have seconds or 'just finish this bit' or is putting extra food on your plate. You are absolutely right that the only person you are responsible for is you.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    sjwert wrote: »
    I'm dealing with this right now. We moved in together not to long ago. He's a chef, so everything is about food. If I don't eat something he makes, he makes me feel guilty like I don't support him.
    Recently when I noticed my weight just kept climbing I finally decided to just say no. If he got upset, sorry dude. You'd be more upset if I died young because of my weight.
    It been rough, he says he's all for me losing weight, but complains when I don't eat dinner with him, or go out to eat with him, or have a beer with him, or go to the gym.
    Any suggestions on making him understand how important being healthy and losing weight means to me?

    It's awesome that he's a chef. I would totally take advantage of that and eat dinner with him! But...eat much smaller portions. :)
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    Yay!! It's the weekend!
  • MFP_Irina
    MFP_Irina Posts: 7 Member
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    Hi everyone :) so my spouse IS very supportive and sweet, I can't really complain! I even see him *slowly* adopting some lifestyle and food changes.

    HOWEVER, I was wondering how I can motivate HIM? I myself have no problem with motivation, I love working out 5 times a week. I would love him to come with me to the gym sometimes, but he's just not into that (he plays football once a week and occasionally does push-ups). I don't know if it sounds silly, but I would just LOVE it if he is more athletic and muscular (he's now rather thin).

    The only way I can think of is if I become more athletic, and it serves as an inspiration for him :) Well, I'm working on that but am also open to other ideas?

    (Oh and we also got some weights, resistance bands etc. to use at home, but for the moment it's only me who's using them.)
  • Truvanessa
    Truvanessa Posts: 327 Member
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    Hi guys! Thanks for sharing your stories and experiences. This forum was set up for people to share their stories and to support each other. Everyone is entitled to their opinions but please try not to be judgemental.
  • MFP_Irina
    MFP_Irina Posts: 7 Member
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    Sorry, it's probably not the right thread... maybe I should have posted a new one to COMPLAIN about how my Husband looks?!? Wow!
    I thought it's the one where we're talking about couples and motivation. And it seems to me that working out with the person you love would be amazing, just like everything else that a couple shares and has a passion for.
    And obviously, I only said that I would love it if he's more muscular (just as many women will agree, and just as - I'm sure! - he loves my body more now, as opposed to when I was not working out) ;)
  • unparalleledAF
    unparalleledAF Posts: 45 Member
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    My partner isn't unsupportive, but oblivious about these sorts of things. He'll worry that I'm not eating enough if he doesn't see me eating. I have never had disordered eating, so there isn't a basis for this. I also eat enough - sometimes a little bit more than I should, although that's been getting better since I've been tracking my food.
    Support from others is "nice" but should never dictate your outcome.

    I feel as if this is ignoring a lot of variables that come into play. I'm the type who can be hyperfocused on my goal, but I can sympathize with people who struggle because somebody else is outright trying to sabotage them, or whose lifestyle habits make it harder to effect change.

  • BaddS4
    BaddS4 Posts: 302 Member
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    I have found that an un-supportive partner is an insecure partner... I was in a toxic relationship like that years ago. I went to the gym a lot to work out and just workout. However my gf at the time would always say "You're just going there to pick up girls!" No matter how much I would try to tell her that I was there for me and my health and well being there was just no convincing her of that. I offered for her to come and join in with me and she refused..
    Thankfully that relationship is long history and I now have a wife who works out with me either at the same time or at a different time. No more insecure people for this guy!!! Of course this is just my opinion and how I was reading into it at the time time and still believe that the non support from your partner is their own insecurities with themselves..
  • Tazzie0208
    Tazzie0208 Posts: 66 Member
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    I think my husband supports me into exercising because of my many back problems, he doesn't complain when i leave the house 3 times per week. But he is not the one person that tells me let's go to the gym on weekends or let's eat salad for dinner. I don't push him to do them (i gave up trying!!) and i've learnt to respect his viewpoints mainly when it comes to eat better ; although I'd love for him to join me and do yoga and pilates with me. (he would benefit tremendously). So I say and affirm; this is my battle, my goals to reach and my desire, and I'm doing this without his full support. Hopefully by reading all these threads and befriend awesome supporters, i will keep motivated and reach my goals to become more fit.
  • VanVanDiane
    VanVanDiane Posts: 1,388 Member
    edited March 2017
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    jaenders06 wrote: »
    He makes me feel selfish because he has to help more with the housework because I want to make time for the gym.

    Isn't it his house as well? What decade is this?!

    My SO is supportive and complimentary of the changes I've made in the last 12 months, although he had a little bit of a wobble early on about me 'looking better & leaving him' (think this was a joke though :smiley: ). Like others have mentioned about their partners he can be a bit of a feeder, and would like me to weigh a bit more ( I'm 5'7" and 130lb so not underweight or anything) - I think he sees the weighing food as ED territory, despite acknowledging that it would do him good to watch his calorie intake himself. I think he misses his drinking buddy as well, as I've cut that as it encourages me to make poor food choices.

    In the end he has respect for me and my decisions (and does his share of the housework lol)