Sabotaging sister in law :(
SalmonSister
Posts: 37 Member
As soon as my SIL finds out I'm trying to eat healthy and on a diet, the keyword she zooms into is the word 'diet'. She always tries to encourage bad dieting by having many multiple cheat days and how she makes it her priority to also "help" her friends when she finds out they are on a diet by cooking/inviting to fast foods/alcohol parties. I'm pretty sure she wants people to fail. Which is sad. I just don't know what to do that isn't rude, but I have told her many times, that I'm sticking to my own life changing experience. Any advice? Rant over. Sorry!
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Replies
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Yep. They are out there. Pay them no mind.7
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Tell her to *kitten* off7
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Show her by your actions (sticking to your goal ) that you're serious .. it'll hit the mark for both of you!11
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That is sad. Unfortunately, many users on MFP have encountered those who both purposefully and unintentionally suddenly make sure that whenever someone tries to become healthier, temptations are more present. Consistency is key. Stay strong. Repeat your resolve as necessary AND prove that you mean it by sticking to a reasonable calorie deficit. After all, no matter the environment, it is ultimately you who decides what goes into your body.
If your SIL is also a hindrance in other areas of life, try to distance yourself from her as much as possible.
Good luck!13 -
Try jokingly accusing her of sabotage ever time she tries to push food you don't want, you can probably train her to stop if you're consistent.
:-)14 -
Thanks everyone! It's hard because she admits she like to sabotage healthy eating, but it is up to me to keep my guns strong and stick with my diet!5
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I've learned in this process that I must "drown out the noise" to succeed. I mean all the noise. In laws, over commitment, stress, really anything.
One of my favorite people in the world told me something about my journey that hurt me and I stewed for about 24 hours. Then the light came on and I thought to myself, as much as I'd like support I'm not going to get it. For this weight loss journey, it is a party of one. My rules, my decisions, my life...I love them all dearly but for me to do this I need to keep my head clear.
Usually if someone is giving you a hard time it is simply a reflection of their struggle, shake it off...move on...and keep doing what you're doing. You won't change them.13 -
If it were me, and she actually flat out admits that she likes to sabotage healthy eating, I'd be asking her what the *kitten* her issue is. That's just flatout asshat behaviour.22
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My aunt is pretty infamous on these forums as a sabotager....a true one. She melts butter into my coffees when i pee....
Anyway unless shes packing lard into your food when your not looking she cant harm your efforts. just ignore it :P5 -
JaydedMiss wrote: »My aunt is pretty infamous on these forums as a sabotager....a true one. She melts butter into my coffees when i pee....
Anyway unless shes packing lard into your food when your not looking she cant harm your efforts. just ignore it :P
Unless you SIL is stooping to this level the phrase "No, thank you" should work just fine. Practice saying it in front of the mirror if you have to.4 -
Why are you even discussing your diet with her? You know how she is - what you eat shouldn't even be a topic of discussion with her.13
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I'd politely decline all but one gathering a week or couple of weeks, bank some calories for it and eat whatever is served within my calorie allotment.
You wiill confound her by eating "sabotaged food" and still lose:).
At least that's what I do with similar situations.
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Stop talking about your food. She will move on to something /someone else maybe.
In the meantime, stopping hanging around her. She might not be a good person to have in your life right now.5 -
Ignore her
Don't eat the food
Your responsible for you
She needs help4 -
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You don't have to be rude or aggressive but you do need to be assertive. By being consistently assertive and not giving in she will likely give up.
Don't be timid, stand up for yourself.
At the end of the day though, if rude gets the message across, maybe you need to be rude
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shandalynnr wrote: »Thanks everyone! It's hard because she admits she like to sabotage healthy eating, but it is up to me to keep my guns strong and stick with my diet!
She admits it? Seriously? What on earth is going thorough her head? Does she think it's funny to encourage habits that can cut lives short by 10 or 20 years?5 -
shandalynnr wrote: »Thanks everyone! It's hard because she admits she like to sabotage healthy eating, but it is up to me to keep my guns strong and stick with my diet!
If she knows she's being an asshat, just dump the food in her lap and walk away. Certain people don't understand subtleties and/or "no thanks" and need to be, theoretically, hit over the head with a baseball bat before they knock it off.6 -
You can always go and pick suitable resturant, and if she's too much of an annoyance, don't ever see her again. Simple.1
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Ready2Rock206 wrote: »Why are you even discussing your diet with her? You know how she is - what you eat shouldn't even be a topic of discussion with her.
Agree with this - if she is carrying on this way as soon as she finds out you're trying to eat healthier, just don't tell her - simples!1 -
Its called jealously1
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Avoid her like the plague. Her negative energy is enough to send me binging1
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Tell her that while yr minding your business and worrying about what you put in your mouth she should mind hers and worry what's comes out of hers.6
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shandalynnr wrote: »As soon as my SIL finds out I'm trying to eat healthy and on a diet, the keyword she zooms into is the word 'diet'. She always tries to encourage bad dieting by having many multiple cheat days and how she makes it her priority to also "help" her friends when she finds out they are on a diet by cooking/inviting to fast foods/alcohol parties. I'm pretty sure she wants people to fail. Which is sad. I just don't know what to do that isn't rude, but I have told her many times, that I'm sticking to my own life changing experience. Any advice? Rant over. Sorry!
I'm going to put this back on you. You don't need a diet, you need a lifestyle change. If you have a healthy lifestyle, an occasional cheat meal or party won't kill you just like having a salad here and there won't make you drop 20lbs! When she realizes you're in this for the long run she'll give up.3 -
shandalynnr wrote: »Thanks everyone! It's hard because she admits she like to sabotage healthy eating, but it is up to me to keep my guns strong and stick with my diet!
The only appropriate response to that is to admit that you don't spend time with people that like to sabotage your goals, and then follow through on it by not spending time with her.2 -
Why are you even hanging out with her? I never understand why people stick around people who are negative in their life and then complain about it. :noway:6
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Sad as it is there are people who do this. Question though, is she in need of a change also? Is she over weight or unhealthy in general? Sometimes people who really need to change their own habits and lose some unhealthy weight feel threatened by people who make an effort and see success. Worse still sometimes people who are in excellent shape do this also because they want to be the only one looking good. People do crazy things when they perceive a threat or challenge that isn't actually there. All that being said I would advise throwing your own party full of healthful options. If you have a lot of family or mutual friends using a fitness tracker host a fitness party and invite her along. Then everyone head out for a speed walk or something like that. Maybe she will feel a sense of wanting to be included and maybe even make some good changes for her self. If you can't beat them tempt them into joining you.3
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I find the best way to get someone not to want to talk to me is to loan him money. . .18
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Stick to your plan. You are in control of what goes in you mouth. You have goals to reach. You can and you will. She will eventually see your progress. Maybe she'll want to pick up your habits. Giving in and eating what you want to is will only keep you from reaching the goals you have and satisfy her desire to bring other people down.1
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Use your will power. Decline the invite, or have a salad. It's a LIFESTYLE change. I used to say I have a sabotaging spouse... but it's MY decision what I put into my mouth... not hers. You can't blame others.2
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