Sabotaging sister in law :(

2

Replies

  • TARGET65K
    TARGET65K Posts: 150 Member
    Its called jealously
  • amuslimahh
    amuslimahh Posts: 15 Member
    Avoid her like the plague. Her negative energy is enough to send me binging
  • joemac1988
    joemac1988 Posts: 1,021 Member
    As soon as my SIL finds out I'm trying to eat healthy and on a diet, the keyword she zooms into is the word 'diet'. She always tries to encourage bad dieting by having many multiple cheat days and how she makes it her priority to also "help" her friends when she finds out they are on a diet by cooking/inviting to fast foods/alcohol parties. I'm pretty sure she wants people to fail. Which is sad. I just don't know what to do that isn't rude, but I have told her many times, that I'm sticking to my own life changing experience. Any advice? Rant over. Sorry!

    I'm going to put this back on you. You don't need a diet, you need a lifestyle change. If you have a healthy lifestyle, an occasional cheat meal or party won't kill you just like having a salad here and there won't make you drop 20lbs! When she realizes you're in this for the long run she'll give up.
  • sbrandt37
    sbrandt37 Posts: 403 Member
    edited March 2017
    Thanks everyone! It's hard because she admits she like to sabotage healthy eating, but it is up to me to keep my guns strong and stick with my diet!

    The only appropriate response to that is to admit that you don't spend time with people that like to sabotage your goals, and then follow through on it by not spending time with her.
  • Sad as it is there are people who do this. Question though, is she in need of a change also? Is she over weight or unhealthy in general? Sometimes people who really need to change their own habits and lose some unhealthy weight feel threatened by people who make an effort and see success. Worse still sometimes people who are in excellent shape do this also because they want to be the only one looking good. People do crazy things when they perceive a threat or challenge that isn't actually there. All that being said I would advise throwing your own party full of healthful options. If you have a lot of family or mutual friends using a fitness tracker host a fitness party and invite her along. Then everyone head out for a speed walk or something like that. Maybe she will feel a sense of wanting to be included and maybe even make some good changes for her self. If you can't beat them tempt them into joining you.
  • lindarpolk
    lindarpolk Posts: 70 Member
    Stick to your plan. You are in control of what goes in you mouth. You have goals to reach. You can and you will. She will eventually see your progress. Maybe she'll want to pick up your habits. Giving in and eating what you want to is will only keep you from reaching the goals you have and satisfy her desire to bring other people down.
  • phildog50
    phildog50 Posts: 30 Member
    Use your will power. Decline the invite, or have a salad. It's a LIFESTYLE change. I used to say I have a sabotaging spouse... but it's MY decision what I put into my mouth... not hers. You can't blame others.
  • phildog50 wrote: »
    Use your will power. Decline the invite, or have a salad. It's a LIFESTYLE change. I used to say I have a sabotaging spouse... but it's MY decision what I put into my mouth... not hers. You can't blame others.

    She isn't blaming anyone, she said she is sticking to her plan but she is irritated by this behavior and wants a way to address it that isn't rude.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,427 Member
    As soon as my SIL finds out I'm trying to eat healthy and on a diet, the keyword she zooms into is the word 'diet'. She always tries to encourage bad dieting by having many multiple cheat days and how she makes it her priority to also "help" her friends when she finds out they are on a diet by cooking/inviting to fast foods/alcohol parties. I'm pretty sure she wants people to fail. Which is sad. I just don't know what to do that isn't rude, but I have told her many times, that I'm sticking to my own life changing experience. Any advice? Rant over. Sorry!

    When someone is rude or harmful to you stop worrying about being rude to them. This is when it is okay to be blunt.

    Say no consistently, toss things in the trash, walk away, or tell her she is *kitten* up trying to play these games.
    You are not obligated to tell anyone you are on a diet. Don't tell her.
    You can decline invitations from her.

    You are responsible for what goes in your body though. There will always be fast food or alcohol on offer from somewhere. It can be part of a healthy diet and weight loss though. Learn appropriate portion sizes for you and if you enjoy those things have them in moderation. She no longer has anything.
  • GYATagain
    GYATagain Posts: 141 Member
    Why are you even discussing your diet with her? You know how she is - what you eat shouldn't even be a topic of discussion with her.

    ^^This. I have learned the hard way - people don't "really" want to know how you have gotten healthier. When my husband and I reached our goal - people (relatives, friends & even just acquaintances) asked constantly, how did you do it? And then make fun of our WOE. Why did you do it? Are you sick? And then would try their best to sabotage. So, we just don't talk about it anymore with anyone. Figure they are all adults, they can figure it out for themselves and the best way to get there. Go about your business, get healthy and *kitten* all the naysayers!
  • Tacklewasher
    Tacklewasher Posts: 7,122 Member
    JaydedMiss wrote: »
    My aunt is pretty infamous on these forums as a sabotager....a true one. She melts butter into my coffees when i pee....

    Anyway unless shes packing lard into your food when your not looking she cant harm your efforts. just ignore it :P

    Yeah, what's she done lately?
  • StealthHealth
    StealthHealth Posts: 2,417 Member
    • Avoid contact
    • Ensure that you continue to stay in contact with your brother
    • Keep quite about your weight/fitness goals
  • Spliner1969
    Spliner1969 Posts: 3,233 Member
    Try not to sweat it so much. Take her up on the invites, but eat/drink responsibly. The sad truth is that there will always be people like that around you. The point of a new lifestyle is to learn to live with your new choices permanently so that you don't re-gain the weight after you lose it. Many people fail at this, and sometimes you have to fail several times to learn how to go forward and maintain. But, at some point you have to learn how not to count calories, how to prepare for excess calories in advance or how to pay for those excess calories after the fact. Because there are always going to be occasions where you'll eat more, or eat foods you wouldn't normally eat. What you do with that influx of calories make the difference between a person who keeps the weight off, and a person who gains it back and has to come 'diet' again. For me, I expect my journey to take several years. I managed to lose the weight in the first year, the second I managed to maintain it using the tools I have here at MFP. I'm in my third year now and thinking about the future, how I will transition away from counting calories and still maintain my weight. I'm not there yet. But part of it all is realizing that we're not perfect and stuff happens. If you can get past the sabotage and maintain your losses or your weight then you've already a step ahead of some of us. So I say use this person as the ultimate test. Eventually if she realizes she can't sabotage you, she'll probably give up.
  • kenyonhaff
    kenyonhaff Posts: 1,377 Member
    edited March 2017
    Thanks everyone! It's hard because she admits she like to sabotage healthy eating, but it is up to me to keep my guns strong and stick with my diet!

    She at least is being honest about what she does even if it's messed up. And you know what she does...that is huge. Sometimes people don't even realize that people are trying to sabotage them or how...and that's worse.

    She is a challenge to your weight loss, and so you just need a plan. You can't always avoid this person because it's a family member and this isn't something worth alienating you, your spouse, or other family members.

    What does she do that suckers you into eating? Guilt? Trying to please her? Not trying to look "anti-social"? She has some way to key into a need of yours...what is it?

    Then, figure out how to run a new plan.
    If you are invited to a party, you don't have to go.
    You can invite her to your house instead.
    You can bring your own dish to the party.
    Invite her to Panera (or other eatery) where there are lots of great healthy choices.
    Learn the phrases, "No thank you." "I appreciate your concern, but I've got an eating plan that works for me."
    Get your spouse to run interference. You're a team.
    Do a massive workout the day before the party, eat with relative abandon.

    You have a lot of options you can take. It's best to have a bunch of tactics rather than just "stay strong"...it's more practical. The idea is to simply take control of yourself, your reactions, and the situation as much as possible rather than depend on "willpower".

  • kenyonhaff
    kenyonhaff Posts: 1,377 Member
    edited March 2017
    Why are you even discussing your diet with her? You know how she is - what you eat shouldn't even be a topic of discussion with her.

    Agree with this - if she is carrying on this way as soon as she finds out you're trying to eat healthier, just don't tell her - simples!

    ^ Agreed. You don't have to share you are dieting with everyone. And this sort of person I certainly wouldn't...that's giving her a lot of power that she doesn't deserve. She doesn't use that information to the other's person's benefit.

    But the info is out and so that's a moot point now.

    Anyway, I'd also add that this sort of dysfunctional person sometimes has a way to just sense a person is dieting.
  • pinksparklefairy
    pinksparklefairy Posts: 97 Member
    Just act super smug around her to wind her up. And give her lots of food facts e.g. someone you know with diabetes because they ate too much sugar and got fat.
  • AgidGirl
    AgidGirl Posts: 138 Member
    edited March 2017
    size102b wrote: »
    Ignore her

    Don't eat the food

    Your responsible for you

    She needs help

    This!