Resenting your other half for eating crap when you're working your butt off

If he's not overweight he can eat what ever he wants. My bf is about to start a bulk and he'll probably eat 4K calories of food I can't dream of fitting into my day multiple times a day... that's life.

I understand this completely. It's hard to live in the same house as someone who doesn't have to work to stay in shape. My boyfriend is 6' and has an active job which keeps him in line, I have a desk job and nearly a foot shorter. After 5 years of living together it's hard to bring back the "you do you, I do me" mentality but that's exactly what I've been taking a whack at. I do cook dinner, so he has the option of eating what I've made (usually what happens because, why would you want to spend the time to cook something else when you work until 7PM?) and we have our individual snacks. He eats Doritos, I eat something less Dorito-y. I've also cut back my liquor intake, but he still has a drink mostly ever night and I usually have seltzer water. Of course, weekends and pizza nights are harder, but I still just eat less pizza than I normally would.

If he's verbally discouraging you from your goals you need to have a sit down and tell him how important this is to you. He doesn't have to change, but he has to be supportive or at least understanding.

Agreed with those that say "you do you, and he can do him". Also, there are no "bad" foods when it comes to weight loss. You can lose weight and have your cake, too. Perhaps the issue here is your cutting out the foods that you enjoy and getting upset when your husband eats them.

That can be a challenge. Say you two are watching a movie and he is pigging out on all the things you are trying not to pig out on it can be exceedingly difficult NOT to pig out and just have some dinky little portion. Personally, when I know someone is trying to avoid temptation I have the consideration to avoid waving said junk in front of them. I mean sure. The one not trying to watch what and how much they eat is totally free to eat what they want when they want to eat it and in what ever quantity but eventually there will be a clash. There has to be a way to a happy medium where both give a little effort without having to give up what they need or want entirely.

I hate to say however, you may have to resort to avoidance. Don't do anything together that involves food if you feel like you don't have the will power to resist or if you feel resentment. You may get to the point that it no longer bothers you so much.

It gets easier. My husband is on the high side of "healthy" on the BMI scale, probably, and he complains about his weight. But he refuses to eat differently - he runs and cycles and plays basketball with his buddies and he's started lifting and he's convinced that his activity level is such that he shouldn't have to think about his eating habits.

And that's okay. It drove me crazy when I first started mfp, because here I was counting calories and he would order that jumbo popcorn at the movies with extra butter and his full-sugar coke, and he'd expect me to share, and I just couldn't. But as I got into the habit of eating differently, it's gotten easier for me to have a handful of popcorn and stop. Or order the grilled snapper when he's getting his burger and fries. I'm not about to start lecturing him on his eating habits, because it's just not worth it - we'd both be frustrated but nothing else would really change.

Fat_Fighter87 wrote: »

My other half is 6,4 and can literally eat what he wants without gaining weight! Me on the other hand.... well I'm here so evidently I can't!

Whilst I'm trying really hard to change my eating habits and exercise, my other half does no exercise and is constantly bringing home big bags of chocolate, crisps and biscuits. I'm really really starting to resent him and find myself angry with him a lot and I think it's because of this. When I try and tell him about how nutritionally he needs to eat better, he boo hoos me.

Anyone else have this problem and how do I deal with it? It lbs starting to drive a wedge between us

You really don't have the right to ask someone to do something that would inconvenience them just because you have some type of problem. Now, as your husband, he should take it upon himself to WANT to help you, at one end of the spectrum because you are his wife and its the right thing to do, and at the other end of the spectrum because why would he wanna be married to a fat chick? But I think your anger and resentment is causing you to approach him the wrong way and instead of instinctively being supportive, he is instinctively being defensive. Work hard, do your best, and most of all, show some progress despite whatever else is going on around you. Perhaps he'll see this and become more supportive.

Yep, that's my husband too. I pretty much have to do my own meal prepping on weekdays but we make sure we cook and eat together on weekends. He can eat a whole box of kraft mac n cheese at midnight. I just openly judge him for being a degererate and express my superiority in grit, perseverance and self-discipline. All in good humor, of course bottomline is - it's not fair to ask him to change his lifestyle. You just do what you need to do!

Fat_Fighter87 wrote: »

My other half is 6,4 and can literally eat what he wants without gaining weight! Me on the other hand.... well I'm here so evidently I can't!

Whilst I'm trying really hard to change my eating habits and exercise, my other half does no exercise and is constantly bringing home big bags of chocolate, crisps and biscuits. I'm really really starting to resent him and find myself angry with him a lot and I think it's because of this. When I try and tell him about how nutritionally he needs to eat better, he boo hoos me.

Anyone else have this problem and how do I deal with it? It lbs starting to drive a wedge between us

Assuming that he's maintaining a healthy weight (rather than gaining), nutritionally, he *needs* calorie dense foods. He probably needs well over 3,000 calories/day just to maintain his weight. He's not going to get that on veggies and lean protein. Now, I'm not saying that he needs to be eating chips and soda - but, frankly, if he doesn't have diabetes and is maintaining his weight and is eating nutrient-rich foods at meals, he needs to eat *something* calorie dense to meet his daily calorie needs. And, yeah, it'd be more nutritious to do that with nuts and avocado and full fat dairy - but that's his call.

My husband is 7" taller than me and 60 pounds heavier. He burns at least 1,000 calories/day more than me if we are roughly equally active that day. Usually, I'm significantly more active, and he *still* burns at least 500 calories/day more. So, I get to watch him chow down on huge evening snacks. The amount of butter he slathers on a cracker! It's thicker than the cracker is! But we mostly eat healthy meals and he's lost 30 pounds in the last 6 months. So I'm not going to get on his case about his snacks.

He eats his snacks; I eat mine. And, really, the only time it bugs me is if I go looking for a treat I bought a few days ago, and he's already eaten the whole thing.

It also helps that he's really supportive of my need to know exactly what I'm eating. So, the kids steal his food when they want seconds because mommy's already weighed hers. And he usually remembers to write down how much of everything went into a recipe. I think that helps a lot. How can I resent someone who's helping me out just because he needs more food than me?

Skinny people get pre-diabetes too. Just cause my markers are in range doesn't mean I'm going to eat bunches of junk food just hoping the diagnosis never comes. Not saying he has anything to worry about, I don't know the guys medical history. But I could understand why op would be concerned if it's that large of a volume of junk food. My hubby is tall and thin and used to eat bunches of junk, but he has diabetes in the family and when he turned 30 he decided to eat better anyway. We each eat our own foods since he wants to bulk up and I want to slim down. And I don't get jealous or nag him if he eats crap. But if the bulk of his calories was pop and cookies I might be concerned too. Food isn't everything but healthy food can't hurt either.