Resenting your other half for eating crap when you're working your butt off
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No one is going to like this, but this is my opinion: It's your perspective on the issue that's the problem. He is his own person, just as you are. There is no reason why he has to have the same "diet" as you. His body has different needs than yours does. your expectations aren't what they should be. You're expecting him to stop eating what his body needs or wants to suit you. Now I admit, it would be very considerate of him to not eat that stuff in front of you, and that you might even be kind enough not to eat that stuff in front of him, if he were to be the one on the diet instead of you, but to say it's driving a wedge in your marriage? Really? Why did you marry him? so you could get your way? or because you love him? Remember your love for your husband, and over look his inconsideration. He was that way before you married him, you're not going to change it. He will have to change it, but will only do so if he wants to.. not because you're nagging and snarling at him. I've heard and seen many a forum thread saying you CAN have anything, as long as it's in moderation, so go ahead and have a little something that you dont' think you can have, just a small bit. Go for a walk after dinner to burn a few calories if it makes you feel better. Build yourself up, build your husband up instead of tearing him down, and thus build your relationship to make it stronger. Sorry, I know you don't like this. But it's selfish of you to think he has to change his ways, just because you decided to change something about yourself.
This. All of this.0 -
I don't resent my husband or son for burning more calories a day due to size and being male, but I do resent restaurants catering only to their needs. I 'm stuck either ordering the low cal stuff or being stuck with asking for a doggie bag. I don't actually want a load of leftovers to eat later or waste. Restaurants seem to aim their portion sizes for men your husband's size. It makes me not want to eat out even when my husband does, so that is a bit of a source of conflict. He doesn't understand, and always tells me I don't need to lose weight.
But even tall men's metabolisms slow down over time, and their arteries eventually clog. I don't think the OP is totally out of line to try to encourage somewhat more healthy eating habits. Just don't be surprised when he ignores you and fills his car with soda and bags of chips that he will be scolded for bringing into the house.
Good luck with your weight loss.2 -
When I "dieted" for various reasons other than for me,I resented my husbands food choices.
This time it's about me and for me only, so I give zero cares what he eats now.
It also helps I allow a few bites of his food now and again if it's something I don't eat often:)2 -
Why don't you manage your food diary so you still have enough calories available in the evening to be able to have a snack when he is... but make yours slightly healthier - popcorn, or fruit, apple slices or oatcakes with peanut butter... orrrr work out during the day and have that bar of chocolate or a smaller portion of crisps.
You might be limiting the amount you're putting in your mouth, but you don't really have to limit your choices that much... if you're snacking at the same time he is, you might not feel that resentment
I'm in no way comparing you to my dog here... (sorry
) but I give her a carrot when I'm eating my dinner so she feels included... and it stops her wanting what I'm eating... (I would do this with my man but I can't find one haha) 2 -
He's going to get older then his metabolism is going to slow way down. He's going to balloon up and start having severe health problems, go bald and look terrible. Might as well leave him now.
(I'm being ultra sarcastic lol sorry...)1 -
Traveler120 wrote: »Family members who bring crap and junky foods home when someone in the house is struggling with weight loss or willpower to resist, are *kitten*! Don't waste your time trying to make him eat healthy but I would insist that he eats those things elsewhere and doesn't bring them home.
If he doesn't care about helping you achieve your health goals and instead has no problem sabotaging your efforts, then....get rid of him. I bet if he's a decent guy, he will eat that stuff elsewhere.
It's his house too, he shouldn't have to go sneaking around food.8 -
My husband loves to eat out on his days off (he has rotating days off). So he'll pick me up at work and take me to lunch. Luckily he only likes a few restaurants and I have done my research so I know what to order that will fit in my calories. But he knows that I get one big meal a day. So if he takes me to lunch we have a very light dinner. Like everything in marriage, it's a compromise.
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My husband and I have both talked about losing weight and wanting to get more active, but I have been working toward that more than he has...and honestly that is fine with me. He makes his own decisions and he can eat whatever he wants. I don't tell him what he can or can't eat, but I do try and encourage him to be conscious of portion size...which is something we both struggle with.
I do the grocery shopping in our house and I will pick up snacks that he likes that are on the healthier side, and every Sunday I spend a couple of hours meal prepping for both of us. I have found a few things that he absolutely loves that are super healthy, filling meals...his favorite is cajun chicken sausage with sweet potato and peppers all baked together. We also spend time putting together a "snack basket"...basically it's whatever snacks we bought at the store, healthy and unhealthy, and we take the time to weigh and measure portion sizes so that we can easily grab them when we pack food for the day.
I try really hard to be supportive and helpful (because he does want to change his lifestyle), without being his mom...shoot he can eat whatever he wants, but I do try and make it as easy as it can be to choose some healthy things. I tend to go all in when I want to do something...losing weight included, so I go all healthy most of the time...but he needs a different route, and I don't resent him for eating things that I can't...in my opinion, that is one of the silliest things to drive a wedge between you for.1 -
Resenting your other half for their eating habits, which have nothing to do with yours, says more about you than him. I'm vegan, my husband is not. If I resented his food choices, which, lets face it, don't effect me at all, then we probably wouldn't be married. You don't have to share a lifestyle to share a life. Forcing your changes you want to make on someone else isn't fair to that person. If they can eat whatever they want, why should you force change on them?4
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Yep, I had this problem too but I just had to learn to let him munch away while I sip on water - not easy but thank goodness I was able to keep on being strong so it eventually became the norm for me not to care if he's snacking or not.
I worked darned hard to lose my weight and have kept it off for 4 years now, so sheer willpower wins in the end. I enjoy being slim too much which keeps me focused.0 -
I feel this so much. The reason I'm here is because I've been eating like my husband. I just got into the habit of giving us the exact same portion sizes and feeding us exactly alike ever since we got married, and while I've put on 20 pounds in a year, he dropped 15. We also eat at restaurants about four times a week, and when I was single, I only did that like four times a month. We just celebrated our one year anniversary and even though I've lost some weight, I'm still 20-25 pounds heavier than when we met. I've been on a weight loss journey, and it's sometimes tough because he's constantly bringing home sweets and having friends over who order pizza and bring sweets and booze.
I've started a new thing and it's working. When we eat together, if I'm hungry I eat half of what he does. Now I'm losing weight and he's putting it back on. (He's 6 feet and 170 pounds, so he can afford to gain.)
Newlywed weight is real and a menace. Can't weight to drop it just like I dropped the freshman 15. Just remember that there are sometimes that we gain weight and it's our body telling us we need it (pregnancy, puberty, hormonal changes) and sometimes we gain weight because of situations that have nothing to do with our natural metabolism (getting married, changing to a desk job, the freshman 15) and situational weight gain is much easier and healthier to reverse if you catch it in time.0 -
nvm lol0
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There's no such thing as "your other half". You're a whole person. He is a whole person and you can only live for yourself, not someone else. You can only change yourself and not someone else. If he's being inconsiderate it's something you should discuss, not repress your unhappiness about it and resent him for it. Hopefully with good communication and respectful appreciation a happy compromise can be reached. If he's purposely trying to sabotage you because of he's not willing to face his own dietary habits that's something that needs to come out into the open before it can be addressed. If he's just not mindful of the fact that it's making things more difficult for you that too needs to be addressed before it can be changed. Talk about it. HTH.1
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I am 220lbs and maintain at 3500-4000 calories, my girlfriend is 140lbs and maintains at 1900 calories.
We either cook together and split the portions appropriately or cook our own meals. There is no issue from either party.
OP if you want to maintain weight at the same calorie intake as your husband then I would advise gaining 100+lbs.2 -
There's no such thing as "your other half". You're a whole person. He is a whole person and you can only live for yourself, not someone else. You can only change yourself and not someone else. If he's being inconsiderate it's something you should discuss, not repress your unhappiness about it and resent him for it. Hopefully with good communication and respectful appreciation a happy compromise can be reached. If he's purposely trying to sabotage you because of he's not willing to face his own dietary habits that's something that needs to come out into the open before it can be addressed. If he's just not mindful of the fact that it's making things more difficult for you that too needs to be addressed before it can be changed. Talk about it. HTH.
Yes. There is. At least that's the way it should be. When that other person makes you feel complete and without them you feel a hole in your life, that is your other half. This does not mean you live "for" that other person. It means they are an essential part of your life much like the air you breathe. You can argue that "it shouldn't be that way" and that we should feel complete on our own, but that's not how it works. Unless you happen to be a person who has become embittered from having been burned by a bad relationship. At that point a person may very likely feel determined to find a feeling of completion with out another person.0 -
ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »
Yes. There is. At least that's the way it should be. When that other person makes you feel complete and without them you feel a hole in your life, that is your other half. You can argue that "it shouldn't be that way" and that we should feel complete on our own, but that's not how it works. Unless you happen to be a person who has become embittered from having been burned by a bad relationship. At that point a person may very likely feel determined to find a feeling of completion with out another person.
I believe the person said/ meant that the husband and wife together make a whole person.0 -
Nope. They said, "There is no such thing as your other half."ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »
Yes. There is. At least that's the way it should be. When that other person makes you feel complete and without them you feel a hole in your life, that is your other half. You can argue that "it shouldn't be that way" and that we should feel complete on our own, but that's not how it works. Unless you happen to be a person who has become embittered from having been burned by a bad relationship. At that point a person may very likely feel determined to find a feeling of completion with out another person.
I believe the person said/ meant that the husband and wife together make a whole person.0 -
There's no such thing as "your other half". You're a whole person. He is a whole person and you can only live for yourself, not someone else. You can only change yourself and not someone else. If he's being inconsiderate it's something you should discuss, not repress your unhappiness about it and resent him for it. Hopefully with good communication and respectful appreciation a happy compromise can be reached. If he's purposely trying to sabotage you because of he's not willing to face his own dietary habits that's something that needs to come out into the open before it can be addressed. If he's just not mindful of the fact that it's making things more difficult for you that too needs to be addressed before it can be changed. Talk about it. HTH.
Of course there is your other half. She's just referring to the other person in her relationship. Doesn't mean they aren't separate people, but the two of them make the relationship.
But that being said. You (OP) are looking at it all wrong, and are under some assumption that your way is the only and correct way to eat. He seems to be doing fine with his eating and not gaining weight, and he's not resenting anyone because he figured out away to have the foods he likes, and still maintain his weight. Maybe not having such a restrictive diet on your part would help you in the long run if it's so hard for you to resist those foods? You just have to realize food doesn't always correlate to ones overall health. If he is eating healthy well balanced meals, and also having his snacks, and soda while still burning it all off, then he's doing a pretty damn good job. Now chances are when he gets older he might have to adjust that, but that's a future conversation. So I would say stop projecting your hunger issues on him.2
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