uncaring spouse
Replies
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thats horrible. Tell him to go F himself and find a real man who loves all of you.2
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dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.10 -
EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!3 -
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Have the two of you tried counseling?0
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DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
I didn't but I am not, sure whom; got that or if, it was sold & the, profits split but since she did indicate that she sold "my" horses she, most likely herself pocketed all of those profits since; the horses were solely hers!0 -
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
That must be so easy right. No.DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
It is more difficult to leave when financial assets are involved. It's actually a nightmare. To be honest, it may be easier if you don't have much. As long as you can line up a temp job and pack the things in haste, the logistics are much smaller.
But to be fair, it is difficult to leave the status quo in any situation. Takes a lot of courage and determination. Money and resources do not always translate towards higher resolve.
I agree but the poster that, she was responding to me concerning seemed to've this, holier than thou: "If I am able to, do it; you're also" as if she was entirely financially destitute when, clearly she wasn't especially; since the horses weren't a shared material asset! Which means, they were; quickly/easily sold!1 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
This is not true at all for the average horse, yeah you hear about those million dollar race horses and the fancy show horses in the media, but for your average backyard horse you'd be lucky to get $500 , most of the time they are being given away just to save someone the cost of feeding them. This is speaking from American standards, not sure if it is any different in Austrailia, but I find it very hard to believe she left with a nice chunk of change from selling horses. But to give you an idea, I have literally bought two perfectly sound horses for $1.00 before.3 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Duchess, I see the point. But it may not really be holier than thou. During my old social activist days, we'd assist women who are in strife, esp. domestic abuse and inner city single moms - and some of our co-activists who actually ran the organization full time (I was a partime volunteer) were women who once left the same things behind and they often exhibit attitudes of tough love and get visibly volatile when the victims wallow in self-pity and never muster up the courage - because it is not scaleable to provide financial assistance forever unless the person uses it and emancipates herself.DeficitDuchess wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
That must be so easy right. No.DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
It is more difficult to leave when financial assets are involved. It's actually a nightmare. To be honest, it may be easier if you don't have much. As long as you can line up a temp job and pack the things in haste, the logistics are much smaller.
But to be fair, it is difficult to leave the status quo in any situation. Takes a lot of courage and determination. Money and resources do not always translate towards higher resolve.
I agree but the poster that, she was responding to me concerning seemed to've this, holier than thou: "If I am able to, do it; you're also" as if she was entirely financially destitute when, clearly she wasn't especially; since the horses weren't a shared material asset! Which means, they were; quickly/easily sold!
A lot of people just stay because getting out of the status quo is scary to them.
Totally understandable but most of them leave with nothing she, seems to've at least left with; some finances!0 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
This is not true at all for the average horse, yeah you hear about those million dollar race horses and the fancy show horses in the media, but for your average backyard horse you'd be lucky to get $500 , most of the time they are being given away just to save someone the cost of feeding them. This is speaking from American standards, not sure if it is any different in Austrailia, but I find it very hard to believe she left with a nice chunk of change from selling horses. But to give you an idea, I have literally bought two perfectly sound horses for $1.00 before.
It seems to me that the point of selling them'd be to've money to leave with, otherwise with a 10 acre property why; not just leave them with her ex?1 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
This is not true at all for the average horse, yeah you hear about those million dollar race horses and the fancy show horses in the media, but for your average backyard horse you'd be lucky to get $500 , most of the time they are being given away just to save someone the cost of feeding them. This is speaking from American standards, not sure if it is any different in Austrailia, but I find it very hard to believe she left with a nice chunk of change from selling horses. But to give you an idea, I have literally bought two perfectly sound horses for $1.00 before.
It seems to me that the point of selling them'd be to've money to leave with, otherwise with a 10 acre property why; not just leave them with her ex?
your assuming he would allow the horses to stay, would pay to feed them since it sounds like she didnt have to money to without him, would take care of them (since I assume he is not going to just let her come visit every day once she left him), and wouldn't just sell them off to the highest bidding kill buyer out of spite
Leaving an animal behind to be neglected or abused is often a reason women feel they cannot leave a bad situation. In an average situation having horses would add an extra obstacle to the situation, not an asset.4 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
This is not true at all for the average horse, yeah you hear about those million dollar race horses and the fancy show horses in the media, but for your average backyard horse you'd be lucky to get $500 , most of the time they are being given away just to save someone the cost of feeding them. This is speaking from American standards, not sure if it is any different in Austrailia, but I find it very hard to believe she left with a nice chunk of change from selling horses. But to give you an idea, I have literally bought two perfectly sound horses for $1.00 before.
It seems to me that the point of selling them'd be to've money to leave with, otherwise with a 10 acre property why; not just leave them with her ex?
your assuming he would allow the horses to stay, would pay to feed them since it sounds like she didnt have to money to without him, would take care of them (since I assume he is not going to just let her come visit every day once she left him), and wouldn't just sell them off to the highest bidding kill buyer out of spite
Leaving an animal behind to be neglected or abused is often a reason women feel they cannot leave a bad situation. In an average situation having horses would add an extra obstacle to the situation, not an asset.
I doubt that, if she was; leaving him because of abuse she'd have a conversation with him concerning leaving the, horses to know if he'd allow; them to stay because then he'd be, aware of her plan to; leave him!
As we've seen during Hurricane Katrina we, had those that; stayed & survived/died with, their pets but also those whom abandoned them, when shelters refused to; take them to save themselves/their children!
By law people're valued over animals meaning that, a court isn't going to sympathize with a woman whom; allowed her children to be abused because she had to stay to protect her pets until, she could find somewhere else safe for; them to go!0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »
I doubt that, if she was; leaving him because of abuse she'd have a conversation with him concerning leaving the, horses to know if he'd allow; them to stay because then he'd be, aware of her plan to; leave him!
As we've seen during Hurricane Katrina we, had those that; stayed & survived/died with, their pets but also those whom abandoned them, when shelters refused to; take them to save themselves/their children!
By law people're valued over animals meaning that, a court isn't going to sympathize with a woman whom; allowed her children to be abused because she had to stay to protect her pets until, she could find somewhere else safe for; them to go!
honestly, I don't really understand the first two parts of your post, but based on what I think you are saying you basically further uphold why someone would chose to sell their horses than leave them behind with a potentially neglectful owner.
My point is just that the horses were probably more of a hassle than an asset in this situation, whether or not putting animal welfare above your child's is against the law or not doesn't change that.
Also, going to stop arguing over the value of horses in leaving a person as it doesn't actually apply to the OP so I feel we are starting to hijack her thread.
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wanna_be_free wrote: »Thankyou for all your kind words. It may well be cause I'm loosing weight and he doesn't like it. It's hard when there's kids involved to leave
It's better for a child to be from a broken family than be in a broken family.
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Just checking in to see if you are ok.. thinking of you ..1
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DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
No actually I left with my clothes, a few items of furniture, my car and no job. Nice of you to assume though. Property settlement wasn't done until 2 years later and I did not end up with "a good chunk of change". Today, 7 years down the track, my partner and I are looking at buying our own house with a deposit we saved ourselves through hard work and going without luxuries.
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DeficitDuchess wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
I didn't but I am not, sure whom; got that or if, it was sold & the, profits split but since she did indicate that she sold "my" horses she, most likely herself pocketed all of those profits since; the horses were solely hers!
Aren't we a nasty judgemental lot? Ever heard of debt? Mortgage? Money borrowed on the house to start up my husband's business? The horses were sold off over a period of months, and they were not elite show horses, just average trail riding horses, not worth a heap of money at all.0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
That must be so easy right. No.DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
It is more difficult to leave when financial assets are involved. It's actually a nightmare. To be honest, it may be easier if you don't have much. As long as you can line up a temp job and pack the things in haste, the logistics are much smaller.
But to be fair, it is difficult to leave the status quo in any situation. Takes a lot of courage and determination. Money and resources do not always translate towards higher resolve.
I agree but the poster that, she was responding to me concerning seemed to've this, holier than thou: "If I am able to, do it; you're also" as if she was entirely financially destitute when, clearly she wasn't especially; since the horses weren't a shared material asset! Which means, they were; quickly/easily sold!
So easy to assume things about a person's life you know nothing about. No holier than thou attitude here, but definitely if I can do it you can too. Or continue to live in a miserable situation where your self esteem is stripped away and you end up being a shell of what you could be. Up to you.3 -
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EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
No actually I left with my clothes, a few items of furniture, my car and no job. Nice of you to assume though. Property settlement wasn't done until 2 years later and I did not end up with "a good chunk of change". Today, 7 years down the track, my partner and I are looking at buying our own house with a deposit we saved ourselves through hard work and going without luxuries.
Even a, car could be considered; shelter/housing & many don't even, leave with; that luxury!0 -
EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
I didn't but I am not, sure whom; got that or if, it was sold & the, profits split but since she did indicate that she sold "my" horses she, most likely herself pocketed all of those profits since; the horses were solely hers!
Aren't we a nasty judgemental lot? Ever heard of debt? Mortgage? Money borrowed on the house to start up my husband's business? The horses were sold off over a period of months, and they were not elite show horses, just average trail riding horses, not worth a heap of money at all.
Then what was the, point of staying long enough to; sell them? Also I am unable to judge/question someone's life if, they don't make it; public knowledge!0 -
dylans1789 wrote: »
Nope, very easy. I did it after years of abuse. Got to be a single parent of two under 10 while battling depression and PTSD from my POS ex. Once you realize you "need" a divorce instead of "want" a divorce, you find a way.
ETA: The handsome man in my profile pic is the man who saved me from myself post-divorce.3 -
wanna_be_free wrote: »Thankyou all so much. It will be a red hot pie. And hopfully he will just meet someone else and leave me to it. That's how little I feel for him. If I saw him with someone else it wouldn't hurt in the slightest.
I felt that for years...hoping he would be the one to leave. Eventually I told him to pack his crap, he had 24 hours to get out of my house. It's pretty sad when you realize you no longer love your partner and that them cheating would be the best possible thing to happen.0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
I didn't but I am not, sure whom; got that or if, it was sold & the, profits split but since she did indicate that she sold "my" horses she, most likely herself pocketed all of those profits since; the horses were solely hers!
Aren't we a nasty judgemental lot? Ever heard of debt? Mortgage? Money borrowed on the house to start up my husband's business? The horses were sold off over a period of months, and they were not elite show horses, just average trail riding horses, not worth a heap of money at all.
Then what was the, point of staying long enough to; sell them? Also I am unable to judge/question someone's life if, they don't make it; public knowledge!
No, you assumed. And the horses were sold after I left - I did not receive any money for them at the time. Again you assumed. I in fact left everything I cared about, my whole life, to escape a controlling relationship and become me again. I did so with no resources other than my own determination and willingness to change things.
The ONLY reason I posted my story was to let you know that you are not alone, and that even though it's hard there are options, and you do have control over your life. The only intention I had was to give you some encouragement and support and maybe something to think about so that you are not stuck in a miserable situation for the rest of your life.
If all you can do in return is be nasty and judgemental towards me then fine. I wish you a long and happy life.2 -
EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
That must be so easy right. No.DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
It is more difficult to leave when financial assets are involved. It's actually a nightmare. To be honest, it may be easier if you don't have much. As long as you can line up a temp job and pack the things in haste, the logistics are much smaller.
But to be fair, it is difficult to leave the status quo in any situation. Takes a lot of courage and determination. Money and resources do not always translate towards higher resolve.
I agree but the poster that, she was responding to me concerning seemed to've this, holier than thou: "If I am able to, do it; you're also" as if she was entirely financially destitute when, clearly she wasn't especially; since the horses weren't a shared material asset! Which means, they were; quickly/easily sold!
So easy to assume things about a person's life you know nothing about. No holier than thou attitude here, but definitely if I can do it you can too. Or continue to live in a miserable situation where your self esteem is stripped away and you end up being a shell of what you could be. Up to you.
Since it appears that, you find my judgement of; you offensive & you're no longer in that situation how does your judgement not, contribute to the further stripping away of someone's self esteem whose; still going through it?0 -
EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
I didn't but I am not, sure whom; got that or if, it was sold & the, profits split but since she did indicate that she sold "my" horses she, most likely herself pocketed all of those profits since; the horses were solely hers!
Aren't we a nasty judgemental lot? Ever heard of debt? Mortgage? Money borrowed on the house to start up my husband's business? The horses were sold off over a period of months, and they were not elite show horses, just average trail riding horses, not worth a heap of money at all.
Then what was the, point of staying long enough to; sell them? Also I am unable to judge/question someone's life if, they don't make it; public knowledge!
No, you assumed. And the horses were sold after I left - I did not receive any money for them at the time. Again you assumed. I in fact left everything I cared about, my whole life, to escape a controlling relationship and become me again. I did so with no resources other than my own determination and willingness to change things.
The ONLY reason I posted my story was to let you know that you are not alone, and that even though it's hard there are options, and you do have control over your life. The only intention I had was to give you some encouragement and support and maybe something to think about so that you are not stuck in a miserable situation for the rest of your life.
If all you can do in return is be nasty and judgemental towards me then fine. I wish you a long and happy life.
Yes I, made assumptions but you, did also! You assume that if, there's a will there's always; a way & that; simply's untrue!
An analogy:
2 men were, shot in the head within; the same area. 1 survives, the other; dies. The 1 whom died was, happily married, had 2 children, a great career & friends. While the 1 whom, survived was; homeless & recently attempted suicide. Would you, be suggesting that; it wasn't fate but rather that the successful man didn't have, enough of a will to live as; the homeless man did to survive & therefore it's the, deceased man's fault for; not surviving because a homeless man with, nothing to live for survived the; same injury? Sometimes just because there's a will, doesn't mean there's always a way to; achieve something & it doesn't mean that, it's our fault if; we're unable to!0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
I didn't but I am not, sure whom; got that or if, it was sold & the, profits split but since she did indicate that she sold "my" horses she, most likely herself pocketed all of those profits since; the horses were solely hers!
Aren't we a nasty judgemental lot? Ever heard of debt? Mortgage? Money borrowed on the house to start up my husband's business? The horses were sold off over a period of months, and they were not elite show horses, just average trail riding horses, not worth a heap of money at all.
Then what was the, point of staying long enough to; sell them? Also I am unable to judge/question someone's life if, they don't make it; public knowledge!
No, you assumed. And the horses were sold after I left - I did not receive any money for them at the time. Again you assumed. I in fact left everything I cared about, my whole life, to escape a controlling relationship and become me again. I did so with no resources other than my own determination and willingness to change things.
The ONLY reason I posted my story was to let you know that you are not alone, and that even though it's hard there are options, and you do have control over your life. The only intention I had was to give you some encouragement and support and maybe something to think about so that you are not stuck in a miserable situation for the rest of your life.
If all you can do in return is be nasty and judgemental towards me then fine. I wish you a long and happy life.
Yes I, made assumptions but you, did also! You assume that if, there's a will there's always; a way & that; simply's untrue!
An analogy:
2 men were, shot in the head within; the same area. 1 survives, the other; dies. The 1 whom died was, happily married, had 2 children, a great career & friends. While the 1 whom, survived was; homeless & recently attempted suicide. Would you, be suggesting that; it wasn't fate but rather that the successful man didn't have, enough of a will to live as; the homeless man did to survive & therefore it's the, deceased man's fault for; not surviving because a homeless man with, nothing to live for survived the; same injury? Sometimes just because there's a will, doesn't mean there's always a way to; achieve something & it doesn't mean that, it's our fault if; we're unable to!
Maybe the married guy really, really wanted to die?
It's a plausible, if not probable, thought.0 -
Motorsheen wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
I didn't but I am not, sure whom; got that or if, it was sold & the, profits split but since she did indicate that she sold "my" horses she, most likely herself pocketed all of those profits since; the horses were solely hers!
Aren't we a nasty judgemental lot? Ever heard of debt? Mortgage? Money borrowed on the house to start up my husband's business? The horses were sold off over a period of months, and they were not elite show horses, just average trail riding horses, not worth a heap of money at all.
Then what was the, point of staying long enough to; sell them? Also I am unable to judge/question someone's life if, they don't make it; public knowledge!
No, you assumed. And the horses were sold after I left - I did not receive any money for them at the time. Again you assumed. I in fact left everything I cared about, my whole life, to escape a controlling relationship and become me again. I did so with no resources other than my own determination and willingness to change things.
The ONLY reason I posted my story was to let you know that you are not alone, and that even though it's hard there are options, and you do have control over your life. The only intention I had was to give you some encouragement and support and maybe something to think about so that you are not stuck in a miserable situation for the rest of your life.
If all you can do in return is be nasty and judgemental towards me then fine. I wish you a long and happy life.
Yes I, made assumptions but you, did also! You assume that if, there's a will there's always; a way & that; simply's untrue!
An analogy:
2 men were, shot in the head within; the same area. 1 survives, the other; dies. The 1 whom died was, happily married, had 2 children, a great career & friends. While the 1 whom, survived was; homeless & recently attempted suicide. Would you, be suggesting that; it wasn't fate but rather that the successful man didn't have, enough of a will to live as; the homeless man did to survive & therefore it's the, deceased man's fault for; not surviving because a homeless man with, nothing to live for survived the; same injury? Sometimes just because there's a will, doesn't mean there's always a way to; achieve something & it doesn't mean that, it's our fault if; we're unable to!
Maybe the married guy really, really wanted to die?
It's a plausible, if not probable, thought.
That's why, I said "happily" to; remove that doubt but nice try; though!
0 -
DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »DeficitDuchess wrote: »EbonyDahlia wrote: »dylans1789 wrote: »
This is an excuse for allowing someone to treat you like cr@p. 7 years ago, I was married, had a 10 acre property, several horses, a couple of kids, a great group of friends (small country town), a financial dependency on my husband. Don't think for a second it didn't break my heart to sell my horses, move away from my friends, support myself financially (alimony is not a thing in Australia) and parent my children. But it was not impossible. The fear of doing it was the worst. Doing it was easy. Today, 7 years on I am in a relationship where I'm not lonely and depressed. My OH is my best friend. I'm happy (as happy as a parent of teens can be). I no longer have to feed the self loathing with food. It wasn't me, it was him.
My dad said to me when I was little, you only get one life - it's up to you what you make of it. This has stuck with me. Be bold, do the hard thing - or wake up one day when you're 70 and realise you wasted your life being miserable.
Not everyone has, resources to sell! Horses're expensive to buy so, you obviously left with; a good chunk of change!
Yep. And don't forget the 10 acre property.
I didn't but I am not, sure whom; got that or if, it was sold & the, profits split but since she did indicate that she sold "my" horses she, most likely herself pocketed all of those profits since; the horses were solely hers!
Aren't we a nasty judgemental lot? Ever heard of debt? Mortgage? Money borrowed on the house to start up my husband's business? The horses were sold off over a period of months, and they were not elite show horses, just average trail riding horses, not worth a heap of money at all.
Then what was the, point of staying long enough to; sell them? Also I am unable to judge/question someone's life if, they don't make it; public knowledge!
No, you assumed. And the horses were sold after I left - I did not receive any money for them at the time. Again you assumed. I in fact left everything I cared about, my whole life, to escape a controlling relationship and become me again. I did so with no resources other than my own determination and willingness to change things.
The ONLY reason I posted my story was to let you know that you are not alone, and that even though it's hard there are options, and you do have control over your life. The only intention I had was to give you some encouragement and support and maybe something to think about so that you are not stuck in a miserable situation for the rest of your life.
If all you can do in return is be nasty and judgemental towards me then fine. I wish you a long and happy life.
Yes I, made assumptions but you, did also! You assume that if, there's a will there's always; a way & that; simply's untrue!
An analogy:
2 men were, shot in the head within; the same area. 1 survives, the other; dies. The 1 whom died was, happily married, had 2 children, a great career & friends. While the 1 whom, survived was; homeless & recently attempted suicide. Would you, be suggesting that; it wasn't fate but rather that the successful man didn't have, enough of a will to live as; the homeless man did to survive & therefore it's the, deceased man's fault for; not surviving because a homeless man with, nothing to live for survived the; same injury? Sometimes just because there's a will, doesn't mean there's always a way to; achieve something & it doesn't mean that, it's our fault if; we're unable to!
Um ... lol OK. I don't think you've been shot in the head. I do think that you have choices, as does everyone. That's not an assumption, or a judgement, it's a fact. Choices might not be easy, and you might have to give up something to get something else, but they are choices nonetheless. If you feel that staying in your current situation is your best choice, then do it. It's not for me to say. But like I said, sharing my situation was merely intended to make you think about options. Leaving was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. It was scary and difficult and harder maybe than staying. But it was worth it. There are two types of people in this world, those who things happen to, and those who make things happen.2
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