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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?
Replies
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Perhaps stop judging people and just do what suits you!
This is silly.
How do you tap into someones thought process though? If you go around assuming people are thinking or in words judging you then isnt that your problem and not someone elses?
If you are scared to go to the gym because you *think* others find you fat then surely that is your problem?
To respond by suggesting others shouldn't judge - how do you know you are being judged?
bizarre
No, it is not silly. I'm not tapping into someone else's thought process (I don't have to)- it is clearly evident in this thread how 'fat' people are viewed by some. She was being mean and snarky and I responded the same way. That's how that worked.
Stop the fat shaming and maybe 'more' obese people confidence would rise.
meh.
There's a difference between fat shaming and having a preference. Everyone has preferences. There's nothing wrong with my preferences, there's nothing wrong with your preferences. If my preference is for thin/fit/strong/whatever, and that preference impacts how I live... that's not fat shaming.
Is fat shaming a thing? Yes, for sure. But I haven't seen that here, at least not in the last handful of pages.
For the record... I don't think you fat shamed...
And it's possible you skipped a few pages....LOL1 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Perhaps stop judging people and just do what suits you!
This is silly.
How do you tap into someones thought process though? If you go around assuming people are thinking or in words judging you then isnt that your problem and not someone elses?
If you are scared to go to the gym because you *think* others find you fat then surely that is your problem?
To respond by suggesting others shouldn't judge - how do you know you are being judged?
bizarre
Well how amusing you are rying to tap into mine without reading my post properly.
"i agree with the different people different preferences, but to deny a whole group of people and make like they are faulty goods who will be left on the shelf (this isnt aimed at your post).
See now i understand why people post about being scared to jog, being scared to go to the gym etc, because there are posters like we have seen that think unpleasant things about them."
you're going to lead your entire life based on what others might/might not be thinking? Fine, do that.
Just don't shift the weight of responsibility on others since you can't control what others are thinking and have no right to it either.
I don't even know what you are typing back to me
wow. it's a direct response to your comment.
Didn't think it was so difficult to track back.
0 -
RemoteOutpost wrote: »You be what I want you to be or I won't love you anymore.
Don't know whether to laugh or cry.0 -
It can't beSpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Perhaps stop judging people and just do what suits you!
This is silly.
How do you tap into someones thought process though? If you go around assuming people are thinking or in words judging you then isnt that your problem and not someone elses?
If you are scared to go to the gym because you *think* others find you fat then surely that is your problem?
To respond by suggesting others shouldn't judge - how do you know you are being judged?
bizarre
Well how amusing you are rying to tap into mine without reading my post properly.
"i agree with the different people different preferences, but to deny a whole group of people and make like they are faulty goods who will be left on the shelf (this isnt aimed at your post).
See now i understand why people post about being scared to jog, being scared to go to the gym etc, because there are posters like we have seen that think unpleasant things about them."
you're going to lead your entire life based on what others might/might not be thinking? Fine, do that.
Just don't shift the weight of responsibility on others since you can't control what others are thinking and have no right to it either.
I don't even know what you are typing back to me
wow. it's a direct response to your comment.
Didn't think it was so difficult to track back.0 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
yes some have suggested they dont find larger people attractive
others have said larger people smell moreso than slim people
whats unsavory? Preferences and experiences?2 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...1 -
SpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
yes some have suggested they dont find larger people attractive
others have said larger people smell moreso than slim people
whats unsavory? Preferences and experiences?
Ok then.0 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
Spotlight has named some just now but and if you go back a few pages there was a quick summary0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »RemoteOutpost wrote: »You be what I want you to be or I won't love you anymore.
Don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Laugh2 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
lol, good luck0 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
Spotlight has named some just now but and if you go back a few pages there was a quick summary
OK, since those are right here, let's start there.
I don't find fat people sexually attractive.
Is that fat shaming? I don't think it is. It's a preference... I'm not condemning who they are as a person, I'm just saying I'm less apt to want to have sex with them, everything else being equal.
If someone said they didn't find bald people attractive, I wouldn't be offended. It's not a judgement on who I am, it's a judgement on my hairline, which I'm well aware of, and they have every right to have that opinion.
The smell thing... I'm not even sure what to make of that.1 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
Spotlight has named some just now but and if you go back a few pages there was a quick summary
OK, since those are right here, let's start there.
I don't find fat people sexually attractive.
Is that fat shaming? I don't think it is. It's a preference... I'm not condemning who they are as a person, I'm just saying I'm less apt to want to have sex with them, everything else being equal.
If someone said they didn't find bald people attractive, I wouldn't be offended. It's not a judgement on who I am, it's a judgement on my hairline, which I'm well aware of, and they have every right to have that opinion.
The smell thing... I'm not even sure what to make of that.
Preference and experience0 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
Spotlight has named some just now but and if you go back a few pages there was a quick summary
OK, since those are right here, let's start there.
I don't find fat people sexually attractive.
Is that fat shaming? I don't think it is. It's a preference... I'm not condemning who they are as a person, I'm just saying I'm less apt to want to have sex with them, everything else being equal.
If someone said they didn't find bald people attractive, I wouldn't be offended. It's not a judgement on who I am, it's a judgement on my hairline, which I'm well aware of, and they have every right to have that opinion.
The smell thing... I'm not even sure what to make of that.
Preference and experience
you still haven't explained what's unsavory about them?
1 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
Spotlight has named some just now but and if you go back a few pages there was a quick summary
OK, since those are right here, let's start there.
I don't find fat people sexually attractive.
Is that fat shaming? I don't think it is. It's a preference... I'm not condemning who they are as a person, I'm just saying I'm less apt to want to have sex with them, everything else being equal.
If someone said they didn't find bald people attractive, I wouldn't be offended. It's not a judgement on who I am, it's a judgement on my hairline, which I'm well aware of, and they have every right to have that opinion.
The smell thing... I'm not even sure what to make of that.
I brought up fat shaming because that is a real thing and it makes it difficult for an obese person to want to go out in public, work out in a gym or do other physical activities. Most of the time an obese person is already unhappy with the way that they look and have to deal with that 24/7 from their own perspective and then have to hear it or get the stares, etc. adds another layer to it.
1 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
Spotlight has named some just now but and if you go back a few pages there was a quick summary
OK, since those are right here, let's start there.
I don't find fat people sexually attractive.
Is that fat shaming? I don't think it is. It's a preference... I'm not condemning who they are as a person, I'm just saying I'm less apt to want to have sex with them, everything else being equal.
It's no more fat shaming than it is to say you're not attracted to $gender is sexist or $race as racist. If you look at someone and get turned on by what you see, it's an involuntary physical response.If someone said they didn't find bald people attractive, I wouldn't be offended. It's not a judgement on who I am, it's a judgement on my hairline, which I'm well aware of, and they have every right to have that opinion.
There are plenty of people who aren't attracted to me because of some characteristic or another that turns them off. They're not shaming or insulting me because of it. Maybe they like really short people, and I'm too tall for them. It doesn't offend me.The smell thing... I'm not even sure what to make of that.
Folds and rolls trap sweat and bacteria which can cause increased odor.1 -
SpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
Spotlight has named some just now but and if you go back a few pages there was a quick summary
OK, since those are right here, let's start there.
I don't find fat people sexually attractive.
Is that fat shaming? I don't think it is. It's a preference... I'm not condemning who they are as a person, I'm just saying I'm less apt to want to have sex with them, everything else being equal.
If someone said they didn't find bald people attractive, I wouldn't be offended. It's not a judgement on who I am, it's a judgement on my hairline, which I'm well aware of, and they have every right to have that opinion.
The smell thing... I'm not even sure what to make of that.
Preference and experience
you still haven't explained what's unsavory about them?
Which one all large people are unattractive or that all large people smell2 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
Spotlight has named some just now but and if you go back a few pages there was a quick summary
OK, since those are right here, let's start there.
I don't find fat people sexually attractive.
Is that fat shaming? I don't think it is. It's a preference... I'm not condemning who they are as a person, I'm just saying I'm less apt to want to have sex with them, everything else being equal.
If someone said they didn't find bald people attractive, I wouldn't be offended. It's not a judgement on who I am, it's a judgement on my hairline, which I'm well aware of, and they have every right to have that opinion.
The smell thing... I'm not even sure what to make of that.
I brought up fat shaming because that is a real thing and it makes it difficult for an obese person to want to go out in public, work out in a gym or do other physical activities. Most of the time an obese person is already unhappy with the way that they look and have to deal with that 24/7 from their own perspective and then have to hear it or get the stares, etc. adds another layer to it.
I get that, and I'm not trying to take away from that.
But the flip side is that there are going to be *kitten* everywhere. That doesn't mean they are the majority. Most people aren't giving you a second thought. But if you assume people are judging you, then that's on you. Are some of them? Probably. Are all of them? Definitely not. If you're going to let the minority of people impact your daily life, then that's something you need to work on because it's not realistic to hope everyone is going to awesome all the time. People suck. But not as much as you think they do.
I guess I continue to not understand what the problem is. I should probably just back out of this conversation.4 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
Spotlight has named some just now but and if you go back a few pages there was a quick summary
OK, since those are right here, let's start there.
I don't find fat people sexually attractive.
Is that fat shaming? I don't think it is. It's a preference... I'm not condemning who they are as a person, I'm just saying I'm less apt to want to have sex with them, everything else being equal.
If someone said they didn't find bald people attractive, I wouldn't be offended. It's not a judgement on who I am, it's a judgement on my hairline, which I'm well aware of, and they have every right to have that opinion.
The smell thing... I'm not even sure what to make of that.
Preference and experience
you still haven't explained what's unsavory about them?
Which one all large people are unattractive or that all large people smell
will it make you happy if the posters lied and said *some* occasional large person breaks the mold and I somehow find them irresistibly charming?1 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
Spotlight has named some just now but and if you go back a few pages there was a quick summary
OK, since those are right here, let's start there.
I don't find fat people sexually attractive.
Is that fat shaming? I don't think it is. It's a preference... I'm not condemning who they are as a person, I'm just saying I'm less apt to want to have sex with them, everything else being equal.
If someone said they didn't find bald people attractive, I wouldn't be offended. It's not a judgement on who I am, it's a judgement on my hairline, which I'm well aware of, and they have every right to have that opinion.
The smell thing... I'm not even sure what to make of that.
I brought up fat shaming because that is a real thing and it makes it difficult for an obese person to want to go out in public, work out in a gym or do other physical activities. Most of the time an obese person is already unhappy with the way that they look and have to deal with that 24/7 from their own perspective and then have to hear it or get the stares, etc. adds another layer to it.
wtf, now we cant look around because it can offend a larger person?1 -
Im sure theres plenty of people that dont find me attractive due to my dark hair/race/size in general.
Shall I consider them discriminators and get insecure about it?1 -
SpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
Spotlight has named some just now but and if you go back a few pages there was a quick summary
OK, since those are right here, let's start there.
I don't find fat people sexually attractive.
Is that fat shaming? I don't think it is. It's a preference... I'm not condemning who they are as a person, I'm just saying I'm less apt to want to have sex with them, everything else being equal.
If someone said they didn't find bald people attractive, I wouldn't be offended. It's not a judgement on who I am, it's a judgement on my hairline, which I'm well aware of, and they have every right to have that opinion.
The smell thing... I'm not even sure what to make of that.
Preference and experience
you still haven't explained what's unsavory about them?
Which one all large people are unattractive or that all large people smell
will it make you happy if the posters lied and said *some* occasional large person breaks the mold and I somehow find them irresistibly charming?
See that's good. Sometimes people can break the rules for the right person regardless of feature0 -
SpotLighttt wrote: »Im sure theres plenty of people that dont find me attractive due to my dark hair/race/size in general.
Shall I consider them discriminators and get insecure about it?
Discriminators yes insecure no1 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »Im sure theres plenty of people that dont find me attractive due to my dark hair/race/size in general.
Shall I consider them discriminators and get insecure about it?
Discriminators yes insecure no
Oh gawd, you will definitely hate me now because I have lots of preferences.0 -
SpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »Im sure theres plenty of people that dont find me attractive due to my dark hair/race/size in general.
Shall I consider them discriminators and get insecure about it?
Discriminators yes insecure no
Oh gawd, you will definitely hate me now because I have lots of preferences.
I don't hate you. It's really not that important2 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »Im sure theres plenty of people that dont find me attractive due to my dark hair/race/size in general.
Shall I consider them discriminators and get insecure about it?
Discriminators yes insecure no
Oh gawd, you will definitely hate me now because I have lots of preferences.
I don't hate you. It's really not that important
yeah I know - I didn't mean it literally.0 -
I was at my heaviest when I married my husband- he said I was beautiful and was very supportive. He was also really excited when I started making healthy changes and we would have open discussions on it- he's my teammate in it and being able to talk to him about it has been invaluable. As far as a "say" in how I look- I want his opinion because I think he is a great barometer of progress or backsliding.
He would never be mean, but he would certainly remind me of my goals and tell me how far I have come. I think it is important to be able to have those conversations.7 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
Spotlight has named some just now but and if you go back a few pages there was a quick summary
OK, since those are right here, let's start there.
I don't find fat people sexually attractive.
Is that fat shaming? I don't think it is. It's a preference... I'm not condemning who they are as a person, I'm just saying I'm less apt to want to have sex with them, everything else being equal.
If someone said they didn't find bald people attractive, I wouldn't be offended. It's not a judgement on who I am, it's a judgement on my hairline, which I'm well aware of, and they have every right to have that opinion.
The smell thing... I'm not even sure what to make of that.
Preference and experience
you still haven't explained what's unsavory about them?
Which one all large people are unattractive or that all large people smell
will it make you happy if the posters lied and said *some* occasional large person breaks the mold and I somehow find them irresistibly charming?
See that's good. Sometimes people can break the rules for the right person regardless of feature
Some people do. Some don't. I don't, and I don't lie about it.4 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »SpotLighttt wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »Definitely been some unsavoury comments been said re larger people. You will have to read back
I'm interested... but with 27 pages in this thread, can you help me narrow the search? Are we talking half way back? early on? 2 days ago?
Not trying to put you on the spot/make you call out names...
Spotlight has named some just now but and if you go back a few pages there was a quick summary
OK, since those are right here, let's start there.
I don't find fat people sexually attractive.
Is that fat shaming? I don't think it is. It's a preference... I'm not condemning who they are as a person, I'm just saying I'm less apt to want to have sex with them, everything else being equal.
If someone said they didn't find bald people attractive, I wouldn't be offended. It's not a judgement on who I am, it's a judgement on my hairline, which I'm well aware of, and they have every right to have that opinion.
The smell thing... I'm not even sure what to make of that.
Preference and experience
you still haven't explained what's unsavory about them?
Which one all large people are unattractive or that all large people smell
will it make you happy if the posters lied and said *some* occasional large person breaks the mold and I somehow find them irresistibly charming?
See that's good. Sometimes people can break the rules for the right person regardless of feature
Some people do. Some don't. I don't, and I don't lie about it.
Who said you did3 -
I love it when it all gets down to athlete pics to "prove" that BMI does not work for us common people. The sad truth is that for most of us, at a BMI of 25 or even 24 or for many 23, we are not looking that good any more. The fact that there are lots of people in whatever country one might be who are very overweight, it really does not change anything.
Reese Witherspoon is supposedly at a 25 bmi, Tom Cruise is at 26. they look pretty good to me, and would still look good with a few more pounds. ashley graham comes in at 29 and i would not kick her out of bed; same with denise bidot. these arbitrary lines in the sand are sad.
personally, i tend more towards sapio-sexual considerations than i am concerned whether my partner is carrying extra weight. if it's a health concern, if it inhibits sex drive (not performance, but obesity can impact that too) then i would address those issues with him, but the aesthetics aren't a driving force for me. **unless we're talking tinder.7 -
I so want to post a dead horse meme here but I've already been warned this week, so I'd better not...13
This discussion has been closed.
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