Marriage Issue...Thoughts??

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Replies

  • FireTurtle75
    FireTurtle75 Posts: 2,014 Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    married men die first because we want to.

    Hell yeah!
  • clicketykeys
    clicketykeys Posts: 5,891 Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    nevadavis1 wrote: »
    Marriage is a losing proposition for men. You ARE in fact (not opinion) backing him into a corner if you realize it or not.

    Actually most studies show that married men are healthier and financially better off than single men. Divorced men though... not as healthy or as wealthy. Getting married and staying married IS a winning proposition for men.


    If that is true why is it woman live longer then men ?

    married men die first because we want to.

    And yet they still live longer than unmarried men. So the ones who "die first" are the ones without wives.
  • nevadavis1
    nevadavis1 Posts: 339 Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    If that is true why is it woman live longer then men ?

    married men die first because we want to.

    And yet they still live longer than unmarried men. So the ones who "die first" are the ones without wives.

    Men overall have lower life expediencies, but that is largely due to the following factors: 1) men are more likely to die in accidents, violence, or suicide than women, 2) estrogen provides a protective effect against cardiovascular disease in women prior to menopause....

    Married men do have a longer life expectancy than single and divorced men.

    Here is from an article Seven Reasons Men Die First



    1. Males are burdened with natural genetic deficits.
    While every cell in a woman's body has two large X chromosomes, men have one X and one smaller Y chromosome; the Y is half the size. The "spare" X chromosomes allow women's bodies to compensate when faced with damage in ways that men's cells cannot. In addition, mutations are three to six times more likely in a Y chromosome than an X chromosome. This genetic deficit could be part of the reason why miscarriages, infections, birth defects, cancers, and many other health problems strike males especially hard.

    2. The womb is more treacherous for boys.
    Baby boys are one-and-a-half to two times more likely to die at birth than girls. A weaker immune system, a tendency for immature lung development, inadequate blood flow to male fetuses, and high vulnerability to maternal stresses seem to be the culprits. Brain hemorrhages, congenital malformations, pneumonia, and urinary tract infections are all more common among male newborns.

    3. Males are more likely to have developmental disorders.
    An article published in the British Medical Journal notes that a variety of disorders—including reading delays, deafness, autism, ADHD, blindness, seizure disorders, hyperactivity, clumsiness, stammering, and Tourette's syndrome are three to four times more common in boys than girls. There are 10 males for every female with Asperger's syndrome, a mild form of autism.

    4. They're biologically more prone to risky behavior.
    Slower development of the area of the brain that governs judgment makes males—especially adolescents—more likely than girls to die in accidents. According to a National Safety Council statistics, males were involved in 82 percent of accidental deaths associated with firearms, 87 percent of bicycle-related fatalities, nearly double the number of poisoning deaths, and almost four times as many homicides in 2004. Likewise, in 2006 they were in 81 percent of fatal crashes involving drunken driving.

    5. A "suck-it-up" culture means men often languish with depression.
    Although women are more likely to make suicide attempts, the ratio of men to women who actually kill themselves is nearly 4 to 1. For men ages 20 to 24, fully 15 percent of all deaths are suicides.

    6. Men choose more dangerous occupations.
    The bulk of sailors, firefighters, police officers, construction workers, and farmers are men. Of the 5,734 fatalities that occurred on the job in 2005, men were the victims in the vast majority—5,328. And men still do the vast majority of the fighting during military conflicts.

    7. Coronary artery disease strikes men early.
    Estrogen seems to protect women from heart disease until they are well into midlife, but it is common for symptoms to begin in men by the age of 35. Making matters worse, men have naturally low levels of protective HDL cholesterol. The result: Between 70 percent and 89 percent of all sudden cardiac events occur in men, and men die three times more frequently of coronary artery disease than women.
  • sw33tp3a1
    sw33tp3a1 Posts: 5,067 Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    nevadavis1 wrote: »
    Marriage is a losing proposition for men. You ARE in fact (not opinion) backing him into a corner if you realize it or not.

    Actually most studies show that married men are healthier and financially better off than single men. Divorced men though... not as healthy or as wealthy. Getting married and staying married IS a winning proposition for men.


    If that is true why is it woman live longer then men ?

    married men die first because we want to.

    I read this and all I can think about is all the smiley faces on those unhappy woman who received their late husbands life insurance money.
  • peckchris3267
    peckchris3267 Posts: 368 Member
    Why get married at all? There is more liability to marriage than benefits.
  • dc8066
    dc8066 Posts: 1,439 Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    nevadavis1 wrote: »
    Marriage is a losing proposition for men. You ARE in fact (not opinion) backing him into a corner if you realize it or not.

    Actually most studies show that married men are healthier and financially better off than single men. Divorced men though... not as healthy or as wealthy. Getting married and staying married IS a winning proposition for men.


    If that is true why is it woman live longer then men ?

    married men die first because we want to.

    Life expectancy of married women is shorter than for single ladies. Is it because married women want to die sooner too?
    More women than men want to get married. Because life expectancy for married women is shorter, are all these women wanting to get married just being suicidal? And, being married is a guaranteed way to die faster for these women ?
    We need to discuss that :D
  • vikinglander
    vikinglander Posts: 1,547 Member
    Just adding my two cents based on the OP's original post, without having read through the entire thread...find yourself a decent therapist and work out your issues, together, and individually. You most likely won't get any real answers on an internet weight loss forum.
  • clicketykeys
    clicketykeys Posts: 5,891 Member
    Why get married at all? There is more liability to marriage than benefits.

    Depends on the kind of person you marry... and the kind of person you ARE.
  • Carillon_Campanello
    Carillon_Campanello Posts: 726 Member
    nevadavis1 wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    If that is true why is it woman live longer then men ?

    married men die first because we want to.

    And yet they still live longer than unmarried men. So the ones who "die first" are the ones without wives.

    Men overall have lower life expediencies, but that is largely due to the following factors: 1) men are more likely to die in accidents, violence, or suicide than women, 2) estrogen provides a protective effect against cardiovascular disease in women prior to menopause....

    Married men do have a longer life expectancy than single and divorced men.

    Here is from an article Seven Reasons Men Die First



    1. Males are burdened with natural genetic deficits.
    While every cell in a woman's body has two large X chromosomes, men have one X and one smaller Y chromosome; the Y is half the size. The "spare" X chromosomes allow women's bodies to compensate when faced with damage in ways that men's cells cannot. In addition, mutations are three to six times more likely in a Y chromosome than an X chromosome. This genetic deficit could be part of the reason why miscarriages, infections, birth defects, cancers, and many other health problems strike males especially hard.

    2. The womb is more treacherous for boys.
    Baby boys are one-and-a-half to two times more likely to die at birth than girls. A weaker immune system, a tendency for immature lung development, inadequate blood flow to male fetuses, and high vulnerability to maternal stresses seem to be the culprits. Brain hemorrhages, congenital malformations, pneumonia, and urinary tract infections are all more common among male newborns.

    3. Males are more likely to have developmental disorders.
    An article published in the British Medical Journal notes that a variety of disorders—including reading delays, deafness, autism, ADHD, blindness, seizure disorders, hyperactivity, clumsiness, stammering, and Tourette's syndrome are three to four times more common in boys than girls. There are 10 males for every female with Asperger's syndrome, a mild form of autism.

    4. They're biologically more prone to risky behavior.
    Slower development of the area of the brain that governs judgment makes males—especially adolescents—more likely than girls to die in accidents. According to a National Safety Council statistics, males were involved in 82 percent of accidental deaths associated with firearms, 87 percent of bicycle-related fatalities, nearly double the number of poisoning deaths, and almost four times as many homicides in 2004. Likewise, in 2006 they were in 81 percent of fatal crashes involving drunken driving.

    5. A "suck-it-up" culture means men often languish with depression.
    Although women are more likely to make suicide attempts, the ratio of men to women who actually kill themselves is nearly 4 to 1. For men ages 20 to 24, fully 15 percent of all deaths are suicides.

    6. Men choose more dangerous occupations.
    The bulk of sailors, firefighters, police officers, construction workers, and farmers are men. Of the 5,734 fatalities that occurred on the job in 2005, men were the victims in the vast majority—5,328. And men still do the vast majority of the fighting during military conflicts.

    7. Coronary artery disease strikes men early.
    Estrogen seems to protect women from heart disease until they are well into midlife, but it is common for symptoms to begin in men by the age of 35. Making matters worse, men have naturally low levels of protective HDL cholesterol. The result: Between 70 percent and 89 percent of all sudden cardiac events occur in men, and men die three times more frequently of coronary artery disease than women.

    Shhhhhhhhhhh....youre sounding far too much like an actual MRA.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,402 Member
    nevadavis1 wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    If that is true why is it woman live longer then men ?

    married men die first because we want to.

    And yet they still live longer than unmarried men. So the ones who "die first" are the ones without wives.

    Men overall have lower life expediencies, but that is largely due to the following factors: 1) men are more likely to die in accidents, violence, or suicide than women, 2) estrogen provides a protective effect against cardiovascular disease in women prior to menopause....

    Married men do have a longer life expectancy than single and divorced men.

    Here is from an article Seven Reasons Men Die First:



    1. Males are burdened with natural genetic deficits.
    While every cell in a woman's body has two large X chromosomes, men have one X and one smaller Y chromosome; the Y is half the size. The "spare" X chromosomes allow women's bodies to compensate when faced with damage in ways that men's cells cannot. In addition, mutations are three to six times more likely in a Y chromosome than an X chromosome. This genetic deficit could be part of the reason why miscarriages, infections, birth defects, cancers, and many other health problems strike males especially hard.

    2. The womb is more treacherous for boys.
    Baby boys are one-and-a-half to two times more likely to die at birth than girls. A weaker immune system, a tendency for immature lung development, inadequate blood flow to male fetuses, and high vulnerability to maternal stresses seem to be the culprits. Brain hemorrhages, congenital malformations, pneumonia, and urinary tract infections are all more common among male newborns.

    3. Males are more likely to have developmental disorders.
    An article published in the British Medical Journal notes that a variety of disorders—including reading delays, deafness, autism, ADHD, blindness, seizure disorders, hyperactivity, clumsiness, stammering, and Tourette's syndrome are three to four times more common in boys than girls. There are 10 males for every female with Asperger's syndrome, a mild form of autism.

    4. They're biologically more prone to risky behavior.
    Slower development of the area of the brain that governs judgment makes males—especially adolescents—more likely than girls to die in accidents. According to a National Safety Council statistics, males were involved in 82 percent of accidental deaths associated with firearms, 87 percent of bicycle-related fatalities, nearly double the number of poisoning deaths, and almost four times as many homicides in 2004. Likewise, in 2006 they were in 81 percent of fatal crashes involving drunken driving.

    5. A "suck-it-up" culture means men often languish with depression.
    Although women are more likely to make suicide attempts, the ratio of men to women who actually kill themselves is nearly 4 to 1. For men ages 20 to 24, fully 15 percent of all deaths are suicides.

    6. Men choose more dangerous occupations.
    The bulk of sailors, firefighters, police officers, construction workers, and farmers are men. Of the 5,734 fatalities that occurred on the job in 2005, men were the victims in the vast majority—5,328. And men still do the vast majority of the fighting during military conflicts.

    7. Coronary artery disease strikes men early.
    Estrogen seems to protect women from heart disease until they are well into midlife, but it is common for symptoms to begin in men by the age of 35. Making matters worse, men have naturally low levels of protective HDL cholesterol. The result: Between 70 percent and 89 percent of all sudden cardiac events occur in men, and men die three times more frequently of coronary artery disease than women.


    1. wives
    2. kids


    .
  • kschwab0203
    kschwab0203 Posts: 610 Member
    Why get married at all? There is more liability to marriage than benefits.

    I so feel this right now! I was nervous about ever getting married again to begin with...to anyone.
  • wesley58
    wesley58 Posts: 129 Member
    Marriage is about committment, to each other, nothing else matters, that is how it should be viewed. If he doesn't want ot get married until you buy a house, to me that is a wrong reason, but that is me. I have been married and divorced twice, and they were both about money. I have learned a lot, been in a relationship for 2 years, and I do not want it to end, so I am really trying to learn as much about her, and what it takes for me to maintain her trust and her love for me. We don't have finacial issues, as I and her don't bring them in as issues, we both own houses, and other property.
    Being divorced 2 times, my understanding of any relationship is that legally married is just a committment to each other. Living together after 1 day is a 50/50 split in monetary terms, you might be able to maintain something that you owned before the relationship, but by the time you fight about it with lawyers, the lawyers end up owning it.
    If you want to be with him, I don't feel marriage is a big issue
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,427 Member
    If 2 men marry each other do they live forever?
  • peckchris3267
    peckchris3267 Posts: 368 Member
    Why get married at all? There is more liability to marriage than benefits.

    Depends on the kind of person you marry... and the kind of person you ARE.
    It has nothing to do with that. Marriage is a financial liability.
    One example; my daughter starts college in the fall. Since I am a single father with full custody of my two daughters, financial aid is based solely upon my income. If I married my girlfriend her income would be added to the equation and I would get less financial aid so either I would have to pay more for my daughters college of my girlfriend would have to pay also even though they aren't her children.
    Since my ex wife isn't the custodial parent she was free to re marry without consequence. ( my ex also refuses to help pay for our daughters college and legally doesn't have to).

    That is just one of the many liabilities to marriage.

  • lessismoreohio
    lessismoreohio Posts: 917 Member
    Follow your instincts. Sounds like it might not be a good idea to commit further to this charmer.

    This sounds like sound advice to me. Go with your instincts on what you should do.
  • nevadavis1
    nevadavis1 Posts: 339 Member
    It has nothing to do with that. Marriage is a financial liability.
    One example; my daughter starts college in the fall. Since I am a single father with full custody of my two daughters, financial aid is based solely upon my income. If I married my girlfriend her income would be added to the equation and I would get less financial aid so either I would have to pay more for my daughters college of my girlfriend would have to pay also even though they aren't her children.
    Since my ex wife isn't the custodial parent she was free to re marry without consequence. ( my ex also refuses to help pay for our daughters college and legally doesn't have to).

    That is just one of the many liabilities to marriage.

    But that's just one example.... If your girlfriend didn't or couldn't work it might be in your financial interests to marry, if you were cohabiting anyway, OR if she earned so little that it would result in a significant tax break to combine.

    But you are correct that in many cases where both people work it is a financial liability from a tax standpoint and from a financial aid standpoint, and in cases where someone is getting money from another source that could be affected by the marriage, like disability or alimony (though really alimony is a whole different can of worms to discuss).

    Getting married can also protect a lower-earning spouse if faced with the death of the higher earning spouse via social security. This is important if/when one spouse takes a significant amount of time away from work for child rearing, or works part time/less demanding work to be the primary care-giver for the children.

    Married men pay less for car insurance than single men. In some cases they pay less for health insurance but not always. Though for people who get their insurance through work it's often cheaper to cover everyone under one family plan than having different policies.

    IRA rollover and gift tax exemptions are also available to spouses. Inheritance is usually much simpler, less expensive, and with much less red tape.

    Also, should this apply to anyone, it's easier to protect your assets when they're "held jointly" than when they're not.

    But each person would have to weigh their own situation to decide what benefits them most. A friend keeps saying the marriage tax penalty is killing her because both of them make so much money (wish I had that problem).

    For me though the primary benefit was not financial but in terms but I wanted my partner to be the one to make medical decisions should I be incapacitated as opposed to having other family intrude on that situation, should it happen.
  • peckchris3267
    peckchris3267 Posts: 368 Member
    nevadavis1 wrote: »
    It has nothing to do with that. Marriage is a financial liability.
    One example; my daughter starts college in the fall. Since I am a single father with full custody of my two daughters, financial aid is based solely upon my income. If I married my girlfriend her income would be added to the equation and I would get less financial aid so either I would have to pay more for my daughters college of my girlfriend would have to pay also even though they aren't her children.
    Since my ex wife isn't the custodial parent she was free to re marry without consequence. ( my ex also refuses to help pay for our daughters college and legally doesn't have to).

    That is just one of the many liabilities to marriage.

    But that's just one example.... If your girlfriend didn't or couldn't work it might be in your financial interests to marry, if you were cohabiting anyway, OR if she earned so little that it would result in a significant tax break to combine.

    But you are correct that in many cases where both people work it is a financial liability from a tax standpoint and from a financial aid standpoint, and in cases where someone is getting money from another source that could be affected by the marriage, like disability or alimony (though really alimony is a whole different can of worms to discuss).

    Getting married can also protect a lower-earning spouse if faced with the death of the higher earning spouse via social security. This is important if/when one spouse takes a significant amount of time away from work for child rearing, or works part time/less demanding work to be the primary care-giver for the children.

    Married men pay less for car insurance than single men. In some cases they pay less for health insurance but not always. Though for people who get their insurance through work it's often cheaper to cover everyone under one family plan than having different policies.

    IRA rollover and gift tax exemptions are also available to spouses. Inheritance is usually much simpler, less expensive, and with much less red tape.

    Also, should this apply to anyone, it's easier to protect your assets when they're "held jointly" than when they're not.

    But each person would have to weigh their own situation to decide what benefits them most. A friend keeps saying the marriage tax penalty is killing her because both of them make so much money (wish I had that problem).

    For me though the primary benefit was not financial but in terms but I wanted my partner to be the one to make medical decisions should I be incapacitated as opposed to having other family intrude on that situation, should it happen.
    Considering that over 50% of marriages end in divorce, many of the situations you provided become liabilities.

  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,592 Member
    MrStabbems wrote: »
    My fiance and I got engaged 6 months ago. At that time, we both agreed that we would wait to get married until we moved.

    We recently moved into a new house (rental) a little over a month ago. Last week I asked him if he he'd like to talk about wedding dates. I told him i was not in a rush to get married we could even plan for a year or so from now, but just wanted his thoughts. He said that he doesn't want to get married until we buy a house. That's not what he said 6 months ago although he maintains that it is.

    I told him that I was not comfortable buying a house together if we are not married. I was married for 15 years, had 3 kids, and was left with nothing after the divorce because I stupidly let my ex-husband put everything in his name only. Due to my divorce, my credit is not good enough to be on the loan and will stay that way for quite some time. I just don't want to put my money into something again that I have no rights to.

    Now my fiance is pissed and thinks that I am trying to back him into a corner with the whole marriage thing, but I am really not. I'm just trying to be smarter about things this time around.

    He says he shouldn't have to pay for another person's mistakes. Sometimes I feel like a house is the only thing that is important to him. I feel that he should not have ever asked me if he was going to put stipulations on it. He says he just wants a forever home first.

    Now I don't want to discuss a wedding or a house any time soon. What's the compromise? Am I being unrealistic?

    Thoughts?

    Marriage is a losing proposition for men. You ARE in fact (not opinion) backing him into a corner if you realize it or not.

    I always considered mine an equal partnership. We're a family and we do the best for our family. if you're considering the prospect of winning or losing in a marriage (even relationships) then I don't think it's the concept that's wrong...it's you.

    So very much this.
  • peckchris3267
    peckchris3267 Posts: 368 Member
    nevadavis1 wrote: »
    It has nothing to do with that. Marriage is a financial liability.
    One example; my daughter starts college in the fall. Since I am a single father with full custody of my two daughters, financial aid is based solely upon my income. If I married my girlfriend her income would be added to the equation and I would get less financial aid so either I would have to pay more for my daughters college of my girlfriend would have to pay also even though they aren't her children.
    Since my ex wife isn't the custodial parent she was free to re marry without consequence. ( my ex also refuses to help pay for our daughters college and legally doesn't have to).

    That is just one of the many liabilities to marriage.

    But that's just one example.... If your girlfriend didn't or couldn't work it might be in your financial interests to marry, if you were cohabiting anyway, OR if she earned so little that it would result in a significant tax break to combine.

    But you are correct that in many cases where both people work it is a financial liability from a tax standpoint and from a financial aid standpoint, and in cases where someone is getting money from another source that could be affected by the marriage, like disability or alimony (though really alimony is a whole different can of worms to discuss).

    Getting married can also protect a lower-earning spouse if faced with the death of the higher earning spouse via social security. This is important if/when one spouse takes a significant amount of time away from work for child rearing, or works part time/less demanding work to be the primary care-giver for the children.

    Married men pay less for car insurance than single men. In some cases they pay less for health insurance but not always. Though for people who get their insurance through work it's often cheaper to cover everyone under one family plan than having different policies.

    IRA rollover and gift tax exemptions are also available to spouses. Inheritance is usually much simpler, less expensive, and with much less red tape.

    Also, should this apply to anyone, it's easier to protect your assets when they're "held jointly" than when they're not.

    But each person would have to weigh their own situation to decide what benefits them most. A friend keeps saying the marriage tax penalty is killing her because both of them make so much money (wish I had that problem).

    For me though the primary benefit was not financial but in terms but I wanted my partner to be the one to make medical decisions should I be incapacitated as opposed to having other family intrude on that situation, should it happen.
    A power of attorney would take care of that. For legal matters a power of attorney can take place of all legal issues that a marriage would create, no marriage needed.
  • nevadavis1
    nevadavis1 Posts: 339 Member
    Considering that over 50% of marriages end in divorce, many of the situations you provided become liabilities.

    True. I suppose most people don't expect to get divorced but then a lot do.