Parents on here I need advice, my daughter is seeing a guy way older than her
Replies
-
dwrightlaw wrote: »In the grand scheme of things, a nine year age gap is really insignificant. As the others have pointed out, your daughter is a grown woman yet you feel compelled to speak of her as if she's a child. After raising 5 kids myself, 2 sons 3 daughter's, I can tell you that the control you are trying to exert over you daughter will only backfire on you.
Trust that you raised her to be a smart, capable woman & let her learn from her own life experiences. You are trying to rob her from learning about who she is and what she wants because of your problem with the guys age. Give her the benefit of the doubt to figure out her own life.
Letting go of your adult child is the hardest thing for a parent to do, but there is a sense of joy when you sit back & watch how they have become really good men and women because you taught them values & then let them figure out the rest on their own.
It is significant he is a whole bother decade away from her. When she was 8 he was 18! As a parent it doesn't look or sound right at all
Whoopty f.ucking doo! Honestly, she's not 8 now she's a 22 yr old ADULT woman who I am sure would be horrified to learn that her dad is posting her personal biz on this forum.
You asked for advice & that's what you are getting but you just want to argue the same point over & over.
If you think the fact that she lives under your roof, for which she pays rent, gives you some "rights" to dictate who she dates you are sadly mistaken.
1 -
This content has been removed.
-
Unfortunately she's an adult and can do as she pleases regardless of where she lives. Also, you cannot automatically assume his intentions are bad just because of his age. You can give her all the tools she needs in life and she will still make mistakes; it's part of becoming an adult.
You need to not be so controlling because YOU are just going to make the situation worse. Also, quit worrying about your daughter's sex life. Seriously, just eww. She's 22, she's probably had sex whether you know or not. That is her business and hers alone.
Story time.
Straight outta high school i started dating an older guy and even moved in with him because of circumstances I couldn't control. He turned into an abusive acehole. Could anyone have stopped me? No, I made an adult choice and wouldn't listen to others. I was escaping my controlling mother and looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places. I learned a valuable lesson and grew (but I still carry fleas from abuse) and moved on making better choices. My ex was only 26. His age didn't make him a predator, they come in all ages. Try to let her live and don't be so controlling.
As a parent it's your job to worry and try to guide your child until they are an adult. Even the smartest most well informed people will make mistakes. She needs to learn first hand. Be wary but give her space and let her figure it out. Be there for support if things turn south. If you push her away now she may not come to you in the future. Also remember you are human and may be mistaken in your judgement of this person. That is the best advice I can give you. Good luck.1 -
abetterme9366 wrote: »You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.
But as long as she's under my roof it's my business who comes to pick her up from my address
Nope. You are allowed to be weary, you are allowed to have an adult conversation about the relationship with her, but you can't really stop her. No good will come from any other action. It will only create a divide. Your daughter has found someone with which to spend her time, even if nothing comes of it she is learning valuable tools in how to be in an adult relationship, and that deserves your respect.
I'm 8 years older than my wife and the two of use met when we were a little older than your daughter is now. Sometimes the people that you want to spend time with aren't the same age as you.
That said, good luck to you and to her.abetterme9366 wrote: »You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.
But as long as she's under my roof it's my business who comes to pick her up from my address
Nope. You are allowed to be weary, you are allowed to have an adult conversation about the relationship with her, but you can't really stop her. No good will come from any other action. It will only create a divide. Your daughter has found someone with which to spend her time, even if nothing comes of it she is learning valuable tools in how to be in an adult relationship, and that deserves your respect.
I'm 8 years older than my wife and the two of use met when we were a little older than your daughter is now. Sometimes the people that you want to spend time with aren't the same age as you.
That said, good luck to you and to her.
That's the thing he's spending time with her for a reason and he's going to end up talking her into the bed room because he doesn't just want to be friends
And as an ADULT, she has EVERY right to make that mistake. It could happen with this guy or a guy closer to her age and guess what? Doesn't make it ANY better or worse. Get over the age thing and come to grips that you're daughter is a grown woman and needs to be able to make her own decisions/mistakes.0 -
This content has been removed.
-
carb_killer1 wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »carb_killer1 wrote: »id like to stay but jesse has to finish his work out and i need to watch giggles
Awesome
You know studies show when women are watching, men show less fatigue, work harder, and have more energy... Probably better protein synthesis too haha!
i said i was watching lol not pole dancing
Soright I'm Latino, doesn't take much to motivate me and I always work hard... Lol!0 -
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »I don't think the OP is real... The whole virginity comment sets of my Bs detector...
I am real and serious I told her if she is going to have sex either wait until marriage or until she finds someone near her age
Yeah, that'll stop her
2 -
10 years isn't much of an age of an age difference and she's 210
-
OK, I'm a parent and I'm older so I might be able to help you. Let's see, what did I say I was? 42? Yes, I'm 42.
So, my question is this. Is that too old should things not work out with this other guy?1 -
This content has been removed.
-
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »Unfortunately she's an adult and can do as she pleases regardless of where she lives. Also, you cannot automatically assume his intentions are bad just because of his age. You can give her all the tools she needs in life and she will still make mistakes; it's part of becoming an adult.
You need to not be so controlling because YOU are just going to make the situation worse. Also, quit worrying about your daughter's sex life. Seriously, just eww. She's 22, she's probably had sex whether you know or not. That is her business and hers alone.
Story time.
Straight outta high school i started dating an older guy and even moved in with him because of circumstances I couldn't control. He turned into an abusive acehole. Could anyone have stopped me? No, I made an adult choice and wouldn't listen to others. I was escaping my controlling mother and looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places. I learned a valuable lesson and grew (but I still carry fleas from abuse) and moved on making better choices. My ex was only 26. His age didn't make him a predator, they come in all ages. Try to let her live and don't be so controlling.
As a parent it's your job to worry and try to guide your child until they are an adult. Even the smartest most well informed people will make mistakes. She needs to learn first hand. Be wary but give her space and let her figure it out. Be there for support if things turn south. If you push her away now she may not come to you in the future. Also remember you are human and may be mistaken in your judgement of this person. That is the best advice I can give you. Good luck.
But he's not showing his face to prove me different so until otherwise I'll keep my opinion
Maybe because you blocked him in and probably seemed incredibly threatening. I wouldn't come back either.
Exactly what I was thinking. Or the daughter knows how her parents are going to act so out of embarrassment has told him not to come around them.
I know I would/did at that age. Tbh, the more my parents tried to control my decisions the more I rebelled and started not coming home for days at a time.5 -
Seriously though, if my 21yr old daughter brought home a 31yr old man... I'd have questions, like how did they meet and etc...
But I also know that Daddy didn't raise no fool either... So I would have an open mind about it and give him a chance... However I would definitely have my radar and Bs detector focused on him... I notice everything about people #infj we're basically future seeing, mind reading, ninja monks
2 -
Ahhh I see. This is actually an "OP is right, and everyone else in the universe is wrong" type of thread.... my mistake.2
-
This content has been removed.
-
There's a question of emotional maturity... I have a stepson with adhd... he's 30... emotionally he's around 15... seems like you lack trust in your parenting abilities... otherwise at 22 you would trust your daughter's decisions... a good friend in high school had a sister who at 17 became involved with a 40 year old... they have been married for 30 years raised a family and are happily retired... what difference does age make in the context of allowing your child to seek out her happiness... and for all you know she's using him for one thing... young adults are far more "precocious " than at anytime in our history0
-
This content has been removed.
-
This content has been removed.
-
My daughter is 22 she has been seeing a 31 year old male at her job in a warehouse for five months he is always coming over here and stopping by to see her and he takes her out about once a week every week for the past few months and I want to know what he sees in my daughter to want to take her out. My daughter is 22 and she still lives at home and my daughter doesn't have much guy experience either.
She works but that's about it. This guy from her job that takes her out has bought her a gift from bath and body works and he takes her out to eat and buys her food but, honestly I think he's using her my daughter eleven though she looks happy when she goes out with him and she talks about him a lot but I'm not sure. I'm weary because 9 times out of 10 when the age gap is this big I'm pretty sure he's after one thing and I wanna protect my daughter. I try to tell my daughter that she is being gullible and that he doesn't want her like she wants him. I feel like my daughter is desperate and putting herself on him. I rather her date someone who is at the most five years older.
I don't think his intentions are genuine and I'm pretty sure he can't find someone his age that's why he wants my daughter. I don't mind her dating but not a guy this older. I honestly think she is either being used or potentially going to get her feelings really her with this guy. She is emotionally immature and isn't ready for him. He is way far along in life than she is and I told my daughter to not lose her virginity to this old man!
I try to teach my daughter to not be impressed by the little things guys do but it seems like she fell for him and I have a bad feeling about this.
It sounds like he may genuinely be fond of your daughter and it might not be too fair of you to assume that his intentions are bad. I understand your discomfort in the age gap, but it really isn't a big deal, it's not like he's a 50 year old trying to date a teenager! Your Daughter is an adult, and you need to let her grow up and make and learn from her own decisions. Unless you have seen ill will or any actions that would be harmful to her, you really need to let her experience that which makes her happy without feeling like her parents are running her life and making decisions for her. We all take chances in relationships and an age gap rarely is the reason that they fail! This Man may or may not be your Daughter's Soul Mate, but only she can make that determination and needs to have the right to make That judgement on her own!
I really can relate and have four children of my own who are now all adults. I don't and haven't always agreed with every decision that they make in their lives, and its really hard to see them fall, but I have witnessed them all pick themselves up and become the happy, responsible People that they are today!
The Best of Wishes! 0 -
Unfortunately she's an adult and can do as she pleases regardless of where she lives. Also, you cannot automatically assume his intentions are bad just because of his age. You can give her all the tools she needs in life and she will still make mistakes; it's part of becoming an adult.
You need to not be so controlling because YOU are just going to make the situation worse. Also, quit worrying about your daughter's sex life. Seriously, just eww. She's 22, she's probably had sex whether you know or not. That is her business and hers alone.
Story time.
Straight outta high school i started dating an older guy and even moved in with him because of circumstances I couldn't control. He turned into an abusive acehole. Could anyone have stopped me? No, I made an adult choice and wouldn't listen to others. I was escaping my controlling mother and looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places. I learned a valuable lesson and grew (but I still carry fleas from abuse) and moved on making better choices. My ex was only 26. His age didn't make him a predator, they come in all ages. Try to let her live and don't be so controlling.
As a parent it's your job to worry and try to guide your child until they are an adult. Even the smartest most well informed people will make mistakes. She needs to learn first hand. Be wary but give her space and let her figure it out. Be there for support if things turn south. If you push her away now she may not come to you in the future. Also remember you are human and may be mistaken in your judgement of this person. That is the best advice I can give you. Good luck.
But he's not showing his face to prove me different so until otherwise I'll keep my opinion
He is not required to show his face and because of your actions is probably worried what will happen if he does. Plus your daughter may have told him not to.
You need to stop trying to control the situation because, guess what? You're not in control. Give your daughter some space and stop trying to be up her ace controlling her actions.
When you shift your focus off her things might change for the better.3 -
This content has been removed.
-
What does your wife say about this guy? Does she get an opinion?3
-
It's nonsensical to me that you're concerned of some guy, taking legal advantage of your daughter; all the while you yourself her own Father's committing actual crimes against her!4
-
Honesty, as an early twenties female, I try to look for men about 10 years older - just a preference.
If he's a scumbag, he was probably one at 25 as well.4 -
abetterme9366 wrote: »You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.
That doesn't make a mom stop worrying like every mom does and should. And the other poster is right. If it's under her roof, it's 100% her business. I had to stay with my parents for a brief stint of 6 months between houses and even though I was 28 and a mom with a kid... I followed their rules, their curfew, and paid them rent.
This situation would fully concern me as well. Did you miss the part where her daughter is a VIRGIN at 22 years old?2 -
My 23 yr old cousins married the 37yr old she worked with. 2 kids and 3 years later they're happy as clams.
Not going to be the same happy story for everyone, but happy stories do exist.
There's really nothing you can do about it. Just be supportive. Be there without the "I told you so" if it all falls apart.1 -
This content has been removed.
-
If you were his daughter, would you have been sharing any personal details about activity with previous boyfriends?WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.
That doesn't make a mom stop worrying like every mom does and should. And the other poster is right. If it's under her roof, it's 100% her business. I had to stay with my parents for a brief stint of 6 months between houses and even though I was 28 and a mom with a kid... I followed their rules, their curfew, and paid them rent.
This situation would fully concern me as well. Did you miss the part where her daughter is a VIRGIN at 22 years old?
0 -
hillaryflicka92 wrote: »Honesty, as an early twenties female, I try to look for men about 10 years older - just a preference.
If he's a scumbag, he was probably one at 25 as well.
That's a woman who ain't no fool right there!1 -
This content has been removed.
-
PikaJoyJoy wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.
But as long as she's under my roof it's my business who comes to pick her up from my address
Nope. You are allowed to be weary, you are allowed to have an adult conversation about the relationship with her, but you can't really stop her. No good will come from any other action. It will only create a divide. Your daughter has found someone with which to spend her time, even if nothing comes of it she is learning valuable tools in how to be in an adult relationship, and that deserves your respect.
I'm 8 years older than my wife and the two of use met when we were a little older than your daughter is now. Sometimes the people that you want to spend time with aren't the same age as you.
That said, good luck to you and to her.abetterme9366 wrote: »You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.
But as long as she's under my roof it's my business who comes to pick her up from my address
Nope. You are allowed to be weary, you are allowed to have an adult conversation about the relationship with her, but you can't really stop her. No good will come from any other action. It will only create a divide. Your daughter has found someone with which to spend her time, even if nothing comes of it she is learning valuable tools in how to be in an adult relationship, and that deserves your respect.
I'm 8 years older than my wife and the two of use met when we were a little older than your daughter is now. Sometimes the people that you want to spend time with aren't the same age as you.
That said, good luck to you and to her.
That's the thing he's spending time with her for a reason and he's going to end up talking her into the bed room because he doesn't just want to be friends
And as an ADULT, she has EVERY right to make that mistake. It could happen with this guy or a guy closer to her age and guess what? Doesn't make it ANY better or worse. Get over the age thing and come to grips that you're daughter is a grown woman and needs to be able to make her own decisions/mistakes.
My point is I rather her go through things with a guy near her age who's going
That may be what you want but it's not the reality of the situation. Things don't always work out how you want and even if she was with a guy closer to her age it guarantees absolutely nothing. Say she breaks up with this guy and dates someone you want her too and the guy beats her and treats her like crap. Is it automatically better because he's 22?
You need to get over yourself and let your daughter do her thing. If things get serious you'll meet the guy.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions