Parents on here I need advice, my daughter is seeing a guy way older than her

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  • Barbs2222
    Barbs2222 Posts: 433 Member
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    What does your wife say about this guy? Does she get an opinion?
  • BattleRopes
    BattleRopes Posts: 128 Member
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    It's nonsensical to me that you're concerned of some guy, taking legal advantage of your daughter; all the while you yourself her own Father's committing actual crimes against her!
  • hillaryflicka92
    hillaryflicka92 Posts: 613 Member
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    Honesty, as an early twenties female, I try to look for men about 10 years older - just a preference.
    If he's a scumbag, he was probably one at 25 as well.
  • WendyLeigh1119
    WendyLeigh1119 Posts: 495 Member
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    abetterme9366 wrote: »
    You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.

    That doesn't make a mom stop worrying like every mom does and should. And the other poster is right. If it's under her roof, it's 100% her business. I had to stay with my parents for a brief stint of 6 months between houses and even though I was 28 and a mom with a kid... I followed their rules, their curfew, and paid them rent.

    This situation would fully concern me as well. Did you miss the part where her daughter is a VIRGIN at 22 years old?
  • JLynRN
    JLynRN Posts: 19 Member
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    My 23 yr old cousins married the 37yr old she worked with. 2 kids and 3 years later they're happy as clams.

    Not going to be the same happy story for everyone, but happy stories do exist.

    There's really nothing you can do about it. Just be supportive. Be there without the "I told you so" if it all falls apart.
  • HeliumIsNoble
    HeliumIsNoble Posts: 1,213 Member
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    WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »
    abetterme9366 wrote: »
    You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.

    That doesn't make a mom stop worrying like every mom does and should. And the other poster is right. If it's under her roof, it's 100% her business. I had to stay with my parents for a brief stint of 6 months between houses and even though I was 28 and a mom with a kid... I followed their rules, their curfew, and paid them rent.

    This situation would fully concern me as well. Did you miss the part where her daughter is a VIRGIN at 22 years old?
    If you were his daughter, would you have been sharing any personal details about activity with previous boyfriends?
  • Mr_Healthy_Habits
    Mr_Healthy_Habits Posts: 12,588 Member
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    hillaryflicka92 wrote: »
    Honesty, as an early twenties female, I try to look for men about 10 years older - just a preference.
    If he's a scumbag, he was probably one at 25 as well.

    That's a woman who ain't no fool right there!
  • LonniJay
    LonniJay Posts: 3,740 Member
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    lookat6 wrote: »
    PikaJoyJoy wrote: »
    lookat6 wrote: »
    schtump wrote: »
    lookat6 wrote: »
    abetterme9366 wrote: »
    You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.

    But as long as she's under my roof it's my business who comes to pick her up from my address

    Nope. You are allowed to be weary, you are allowed to have an adult conversation about the relationship with her, but you can't really stop her. No good will come from any other action. It will only create a divide. Your daughter has found someone with which to spend her time, even if nothing comes of it she is learning valuable tools in how to be in an adult relationship, and that deserves your respect.

    I'm 8 years older than my wife and the two of use met when we were a little older than your daughter is now. Sometimes the people that you want to spend time with aren't the same age as you.

    That said, good luck to you and to her.
    schtump wrote: »
    lookat6 wrote: »
    abetterme9366 wrote: »
    You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.

    But as long as she's under my roof it's my business who comes to pick her up from my address

    Nope. You are allowed to be weary, you are allowed to have an adult conversation about the relationship with her, but you can't really stop her. No good will come from any other action. It will only create a divide. Your daughter has found someone with which to spend her time, even if nothing comes of it she is learning valuable tools in how to be in an adult relationship, and that deserves your respect.

    I'm 8 years older than my wife and the two of use met when we were a little older than your daughter is now. Sometimes the people that you want to spend time with aren't the same age as you.

    That said, good luck to you and to her.

    That's the thing he's spending time with her for a reason and he's going to end up talking her into the bed room because he doesn't just want to be friends

    And as an ADULT, she has EVERY right to make that mistake. It could happen with this guy or a guy closer to her age and guess what? Doesn't make it ANY better or worse. Get over the age thing and come to grips that you're daughter is a grown woman and needs to be able to make her own decisions/mistakes.

    My point is I rather her go through things with a guy near her age who's going

    That may be what you want but it's not the reality of the situation. Things don't always work out how you want and even if she was with a guy closer to her age it guarantees absolutely nothing. Say she breaks up with this guy and dates someone you want her too and the guy beats her and treats her like crap. Is it automatically better because he's 22?

    You need to get over yourself and let your daughter do her thing. If things get serious you'll meet the guy.
  • Poisonedpawn78
    Poisonedpawn78 Posts: 1,145 Member
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    So daddy has over parented her entire life to the point that she made it to 22 with very little if any guy experience. And is now upset that he cannot control her life anymore and is still trying.

    That is a fast track to having your daughter marry the wrong guy and never talk to you again.

    Let her learn her own life lessons, if you are trying to control and live her life then you are even that much more in the wrong.
  • RastaLousGirl
    RastaLousGirl Posts: 2,119 Member
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  • Mr_Healthy_Habits
    Mr_Healthy_Habits Posts: 12,588 Member
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    I agree 22 is an adult and I don't have a daughter, but if God decides to bless me so...

    She's always going to be my little girl, and I'm always going to be Daddy, no matter how old she gets...
  • hillaryflicka92
    hillaryflicka92 Posts: 613 Member
    edited July 2017
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    abetterme9366 wrote: »
    I was a VIRGIN at 22 years old as far as my father was concerned. All the way up until I gave birth to my first born. Still nothing my dad could do.

    Amen.
    Ive never talked about my sexual relationships with guys to my dad - ew.
    For all he knows Im a virgin too.
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